Did she even give that night a second thought, or did she just blow out the candles, toss the sheets in the washing machine and pretend like it had never happened? And if she did do all of that shit, why the hell couldn’t I do the same? Why couldn’t I just forget the sound of her voice shouting my name? She shouted MY fucking name, not Dax’s. She stared at ME the entire time I made her come, not him. He was just another piece of furniture in the room and I feel like a piece of shit for letting it get to me. He was a place for her to rest her head while I licked her pussy and gave her multiple screaming orgasms. That was one of her rules that I actually didn’t even question. That night wasn’t about crazy, DP porn. She only wanted ME to give her pleasure and Dax to watch.
Fucking Dax.
I hate that he got to see the look on her face when she came, the way her skin flushed after each orgasm and the way her thighs started shaking right before she let go. I clench my sore fists and have to fight the urge to get my ass up off the floor and do some more damage to the fucking heavy bag.
“I feel like it’s necessary that I give you a little piece of advice,” Collin tells me, pulling my gaze away from the heavy bag calling my name. “Finnley will kick my ass AND your ass if you piss Phina off again. So, just be careful.”
I scoff and shake my head. “I have no intentions of going anywhere near Phina again, so tell the little missus she can retract her claws.”
The lie easily rolls off my tongue. Who the fuck am I kidding? One taste of Phina only made the craving worse. I thought I could get her out of my system once and for all. The girl I had a crush on in high school, the one who starred in every fantasy I beat off to during my teenage years, had turned into the hottest woman I have ever seen. Nothing like running into your high school crush years later, only to find out time had made her more beautiful than I ever remembered. Absence makes the dick grow fonder, isn’t that what they say? She wanted nothing to do with me until I got a few drinks into her and she dropped her guard a little. I wanted to know why she had such an attitude, why she looked at me like she hated me, even though we’d barely said two words to each other in high school and hadn’t seen each other in over fifteen years. What better way to break the ice than to play a drinking game called What’s Your Biggest Fantasy? I was more than a little surprised that the sweet Seraphina Giordano from high school had turned into a kinky little shit who wanted one man to pleasure her while the other watched. Every man’s fucking fantasy. Well, aside from having two chicks at once, but I’ve been there, done that and it’s not as much fun as everyone thinks. One pussy at a time is more than enough, thank you very much. It took me a few months to get everything in order after the bullshit that happened between Collin, Finnley and her fucked up ex, Jordan, but I still made it happen and now she wants to ignore it.
The only thing keeping my pride from withering away and dying right now is that she treated Dax with the same indifference once it was all said and done. She told us to see ourselves out and then locked herself in the bathroom. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling so on edge. I’m the one who gave her all those fucking orgasms. I’m the one who made her fantasy come true. Is a simple thank you too much to ask? Jesus Christ…
“How’s it going being back on the job?” I ask, changing the subject.
Collin raises an eyebrow and stares me down. I’m a little afraid he’s not going to let this shit go, but thankfully he realizes I’m in no mood to hash it out right now.
“Good. Busy as fuck. You did a great job taking over as Captain while I was on medical leave, so at least I don’t have a mess to clean up. You sure you don’t want to come back? I don’t know if the new guy filling in for you has what it takes. He threw up in the bushes yesterday after he carried that kid out of the house with the grease fire,” he explains with a roll of his eyes.
As a paramedic, I responded to the same call and was there when Eric came out of the house with the girl in his arms. I guess I missed the puking excitement while I was busy giving her oxygen and calming her crying mother down.
“Sorry, dude, you’re on your own with that guy. I’m sure he’ll get the hang of things with you training him. At least he didn’t puke in his own fucking helmet like the transfer I had to deal with while you were out,” I tell him with a laugh.
“Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with these newbies? They’re going to give me an ulcer,” Collin complains. “Still, you know your job is always waiting for you when you’re ready.”
I nod, reaching into my bag to grab the first-aid kit I always carry with me. Grabbing some disinfectant wipes from the small box, I head over to the heavy bag and start cleaning up the bloody mess I made while I talk to Collin.
“I know, and thanks for that. I just need to do something different for a while. I can’t always be there to rescue your ass when you’re falling out of a building.”
I smile, trying to lighten the conversation, even though just thinking about it makes me want to throw up like one of the newbies. Whenever I close my eyes, I can still see Collin falling to the ground after I yanked him out of that burning house. Even though pulling him out of that second story window saved his life, I was scared as fuck that he’d never walk again after the way he landed. It’s better for everyone around me right now if I take some time away from the fire station and stick with the county ambulance squad for a while. I still get to hang with Collin and the rest of the guys from my squad since our buildings are connected and we usually go out on the same calls together, depending on their seriousness. I got the best of both worlds without having a panic attack every fucking time I threw on my turnout gear.
The calls I respond to are mainly routine stuff like shortness of breath, back or leg pain, lift assists and seizures. We also get the crazies, like drunks going through withdrawal who think you’ll drive them to a bar or cracked-out drug addicts who think they see a dead baby hidden under their couch cushions. You just can’t make this shit up. Maybe someday I’ll go back to being a fireman, but for right now, this is about all I can handle.
“All right, well I need to get the boys outside for a few training drills. Sure you don’t want to join us?” Collin asks.
Tossing the dirty wipes into the trashcan, I shake my head at him. “No fucking way. I can honestly say that’s one thing I don’t miss about the department. You have fun carrying a hundred and fifty pound test dummy up and down a few flights of stairs. I’m going home and passing out.”
We make our way out into the hallway, Collin heading for the fire truck bay and me heading for the parking lot in the back. My hand is on the door when Collin yells to me.
“Don’t forget, the annual FD versus PD Fight Club is next Saturday night. From the way you were beating the shit out of that heavy bag, I’d say we’re going to kick the PD’s ass this year.”
I shake my head as I open the door. “I told you, I’m not fighting in that thing. Let the newbies get their asses kicked. I’ve done my duty.”
Every year, our department puts on a charity event to raise money for the local children’s hospital. The city’s fire department puts up their best men to go head to head in a few boxing rounds with some of the city’s police department guys. Since Collin and I just moved back to this area a few months ago, it will be our first year attending the event. According to the guys at the station, the police department has kicked the shit out of the fire department every year since they started the event about ten years ago. They are certain we’re going to take the title this year and even set up a little side wager with some of the cops. If we win, they have to wash all of the fire trucks. If they win, we have to do the same with their cruisers. People from the community place bets on the matches and all the money collected at the end of the night goes to the charity. It’s bound to be a good time, and I was looking forward to going as a spectator, not a contender, which I’ve told Collin multiple times.
“Whatever. You’re going to change your mind!” Collin shouts as I exit through the door and head towa
rds my car.
There’s no way I’m changing my mind. The only ass I want to beat right now belongs to Dax. Since he’s some hotshot detective with the department, I’m sure it’s beneath him to get his hands dirty in the boxing ring.
Once I’m home, I grab a cold pack from the freezer and kick back on the couch, resting the ice on my aching knuckles. I stare at my cell phone on the coffee table and contemplate calling Phina and apologizing for what I said to her at the gallery the other night. After a few minutes, I decide against it. The workout did nothing to take the edge off of my jealousy and anger at her attitude. If I call her now, I’ll either say some other stupid shit that will piss her off even more, or I’ll become the biggest pussy in the world and beg her to come over so I can finally fuck her.
It’s best for my sanity if I stay as far away from Seraphina Giordano as possible right now, even if my dick disagrees.
“Don’t give me that look, Phina,” Dax warns as he leans back against the wall in his office and crosses his arms over his chest.
For a moment, I wonder why I feel absolutely nothing when I look at this man, aside from a twinge of irritation. He’s a six foot five, well-muscled, gorgeous specimen with his perfectly styled, short black hair, hazel eyes and clean-shaven face. He looks like a goddamn GQ model in his Brooks Brothers charcoal suit and matching striped tie.
Shouldn’t I feel, I don’t know, some embarrassment that this man has seen me partially naked and watched me have more orgasms than I can count? I take a moment to reach deep down in my subconscious and try to feel something other than a weird sort of brotherly kinship with him. That thought immediately makes me feel dirty and slightly nauseous, but there it is. He feels more like a brother to me than a potential lover. I first met Dax in high school and we hung out a few times at parties and such. Being from the same town, we ran into each other every once in a while and shared small talk. I was actually a little relieved to see DJ bring him to my house that night. I felt safer having another man I knew in the room instead of a stranger who would judge me. Even so, I barely said two words to him that night and after no contact for almost a week, here I am in his office at the police station, wondering why I’m not attracted to him. Even though he’s getting on my last nerve with his flippant attitude about my problem, I can see us becoming real friends instead of just acquaintances. You know, friends who’ve seen each other partially naked.
Dax sighs, dropping his arms from his chest and shoving his hands in his pockets. The cheap florescent lighting in the room catches the detective badge attached to his belt and I stare at it for a moment before moving my eyes to the stacks of case files on his desk and the boxes on the floor filled with more files and a few knickknacks.
“Did you get fired, is that why you won’t look into this?” I ask petulantly, gesturing to the boxes on the floor.
He shakes his head at me and sighs, pushing himself away from the wall. I watch as he stalks around to the front of his desk and stands a foot away from me. Why don’t I feel any butterflies having him this close to me? I can smell his cologne and it’s pretty nice, a little more powerful than the subtle, earthy scent DJ wears…
Dammit! Stop thinking about DJ!
“For the last time, Phina, I didn’t say I won’t look into this. I said I can’t right now.”
I roll my eyes, digging the fingers of my right hand a little deeper into the fresh burn on my hip, letting the sting of pain calm my racing heart. I stand toe-to-toe with Dax with my hands on my hips, studying his eyes to see if I can sense that he’s lying.
“I was just assigned as lead detective on a very high profile case in the next county over. I still need to go over all of my current case files with the guy taking my place AND get up to speed on the new case before I hit the ground running tomorrow. I understand why you’re upset, but really, this could be about anything,” he states, reaching behind him to grab the note I threw on his desk when walked into his office.
He brings the notecard in front of him and flips it open, scanning the words one more time before extending it for me to take.
I take a step back, shaking my head from side-to-side. “I am not touching that thing again. And don’t tell me that note could be about anything. You know damn well it’s not.”
Three’s a crowd, don’t you think?
Whores always get what’s coming to them.
I can see the bold words printed on the card like they’re flashing in neon lights, still riddled with the anxiety that’s plagued me since I found it taped to my door last night. Dax was a little offended when I first walked in here and threw the note at him. I might have implied that he had something to do with it, even though I didn’t really believe it. I wanted to believe it, because the alternative didn’t leave me feeling warm and fuzzy.
“Look, I think you just need to take a breath and calm down.”
My face heats with anger and I rethink the notion that I could be friends with him. Has man really not evolved enough over the years to learn that you never, ever tell a woman to calm down?
“Don’t tell me to calm down, Dax. Someone left a note on my door talking about a threesome that only you, me and one other person had any knowledge of. You don’t find that the least bit concerning?” I argue.
“Answer me this,” Dax speaks softly, cocking his head to the side. “Did you go charging into DJ’s place of employment with the same accusations?”
My mouth opens and closes and I stutter a few unintelligible words. I told myself on the way over here that going to Dax was the obvious solution because he’s a detective. It’s his job to find answers to things.
When I’m unable to come up with a satisfactory response to Dax’s question, I realize the real reason I didn’t go to DJ first is because I fear what will happen when we’re in the same room together. After the other night at the gallery, it’s clear what DJ thinks of me. It’s exactly what I wanted him to believe…and I hate it. I hate myself even more because of it. I’m not a confused person by nature. I know what I want and I go for it. If things don’t turn out exactly how I planned, fuck it, there’s always another day to plot and plan. Thoughts of DJ and the way my body responds to his touch and the craving I feel deep down in the pit of my stomach have turned me into a bigger bitch than normal. I want to see him again. I want to touch him again. And I fucking hate that I want all of these things that I have no business craving.
This is the conundrum my life has become in the span of a few weeks, and it’s seriously pissing me off.
“That’s what I thought,” Dax responds to my non-answer with a chuckle.
He moves back around behind his desk and flops down in his chair, clasping his hands behind his head casually. “Did you ever think it might have just been a neighbor’s kid playing a prank?”
I roll my eyes. “My neighbor’s son is six. I highly doubt they’ve covered the word ‘whore’ in his weekly spelling tests just yet.”
There’s a knock on the door and I glance over my shoulder to see the dispatch officer who showed me to Dax’s office stick her head inside.
“Captain wanted me to make sure you’re still coming to McCallahan’s tonight, Dax.”
She says his name all soft and breathy and I watch her lick her lips as she blatantly stares wide-eyed at the man behind me.
“Dollar drafts and he’s already started a pool that he’s going to kick your ass at darts,” she says with a giggle.
Dax laughs right along with her and I turn back around to watch him lean forward to rest his elbows on his desk, giving her a wink. “Wouldn’t miss it, Marcie. Seven o’clock?”
Her cheeks blush a deep shade of red, and it takes everything in me not to roll my eyes at what’s happening right in front of me. A strong, confident woman in uniform who probably had to bust her ass twice as hard as every guy around her turned into a tittering twit the moment Dax showed her a little attention.
“Yep, seven. First round is on me,” she states with a smile and another p
athetic giggle before pulling her head back through the opening and closing the door behind her.
I turn back to face Dax and raise an irritated eyebrow at him. “Drafts and darts, huh? Yes, you sound completely SWAMPED with the new job. Also, if you keep banging the women you work with, one of these days you’re going to get your balls shot off.”
Dax just laughs.
“First of all, the department is throwing a going-away party for me. It’s not like the guest of honor can just be a no-show. And second, I’ll have you know Marcie was very understanding about our one night together after I explained I was just under too much pressure at work to concentrate seriously on a wonderful woman such as herself. The same with Stacey, Amber, Johanna and Diane,” he counts on his fingers, naming all of the women I passed as I made my way through the department to his office.
“Jesus, maybe that note isn’t about me. It’s someone from your harem come to collect some payback,” I mutter.
“Hey, I make my intentions perfectly clear before any clothing is shed and orgasms are exchanged. You might want to try doing that sometime,” he chastises.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I scoff.
“Riiiight and DJ, a pretty good friend of mine, or so I thought, didn’t threaten to rip off all of my appendages one by one if I so much as looked at you again while he and I walked out to our cars the other night. Someone in this situation doesn’t seem to be on the same page, and it sure as hell isn’t me.”
The fact that DJ actually said something to Dax when they left my house comes as a surprise. I mean, I could see a touch of jealousy in his eyes and in some of his mannerisms the other night, but I just chalked it up to being a new experience for everyone. I thought maybe he wasn’t as comfortable with the situation as he initially indicated, but DJ does strike me as someone who doesn’t share his toys very well. It should bolster my spirits that he didn’t like what happened between us. He didn’t appreciate being made to feel like he wasn’t special and it was a shot to his ego that he couldn’t have me all to himself. I should be on cloud nine right now, gleeful that he got the payback he so richly deserved after leaving my heart shattered in a thousand pieces in high school.