CHAPTER NINE
That night passed blissfully for me. When your nights are never pleasant you learn to appreciate the ones that are so perfect you never want them to end. It did not take long for Alex to drift off into sleep, but he never let me go, never released that strong arm from around me. It was easy to imagine that the horrid truths I had just revealed to him did not exist and to pretend that this was the way my life was. It was easy to imagine that I loved and was loved. That life was normal.
I had never been so sad to see morning dawn in all my life but I rose as the sun started to appear over the tops of the mountains, taking care not to wake Alex.
Unsure of how the day was going to unfold or what it might bring, I tried to go about a normal routine. I took a quick shower, dressed warmly, and checked my empty email. Afterwards I sat on my tiny couch and looked out the window. The sun shown brilliantly, all the wind had ceased. I’d heard the power come back on sometime around five. It sounded almost as if there was a downpour outside as the snow melted and rolled off the roof in torrents. The snow never lasted long here, for which I was grateful. I hated the snow, except when it involved Alex.
I heard the phone ring but let Alex answer it. He had started to stir about a half hour ago but he remained painfully quiet and aloof. Even though it was unbearable to think what it might mean, I could not put any blame on him. He had a right to think about what I had told him and to make his own decisions as to what to do with that information.
Unable to take just sitting there and torturing myself with thoughts and possibilities any longer, I decided to go check on Sal. I walked out the lower door that led from my apartment, trying to be careful not to cross paths with Alex by accident. I didn’t feel ready to face him yet.
When I let myself into Sal’s house I was glad to find it was warm. In my panic last night I had not even considered Sal’s need for heat. I was grateful her heater had kicked back on with no problems.
Everything was quiet in the house, though still in disorganized chaos as it had been the night before. After a quick search I found her sleeping soundly in her bed, still dressed in the clothes she had worn the night before.
Knowing full well I was simply avoiding going back, I set to cleaning up after the mess she had made. I had only gotten about halfway through when the house cleaner showed up and feeling stupid, knowing there was no need for me to be there, I left.
I came back in through my door, trying to close it very quietly behind me. I jumped violently when Alex suddenly strolled out of my bedroom.
“There you are,” he said with that half grin. “I was looking for you.”
I stood with my back pressed against the door, feeling a strange need to keep some distance between us. My heart pounded in my chest and I hoped and prayed he could not hear it.
“You want to come upstairs for a minute?” he asked, his voice cautious.
Here we go, I thought. Get ready to pack.
Despite the panic that was rising in my blood and the sharp ringing that sounded in my ears, I nodded my head and followed him silently up the stairs. I noted he had cleaned up the bedding from last night and had moved the couches back to their normal place. I took a hesitant and terrified seat on one of them.
Alex walked casually to the dining room table and started to shuffle through some papers.
“I got a call yesterday and then again this morning. I guess there are some discrepancies with my grandparents’ will and I need to go meet with a few lawyers in California. My flight leaves tonight, the last one out. I’m not really sure how long I’ll be gone but I would guess about a week or so.”
It took me a moment before I could make my brain process what he had just said. He wasn’t making me leave. He was leaving. I wanted to protest, to tell him he didn’t need to make excuses. This was his home now; I would leave if he didn’t want me around anymore. But I sat frozen and unable to say anything. I could feel that brick of ice forming around my heart again.
He shoved all the papers in his hand into a folder and then into a backpack. I then noticed the suitcase at his feet. A heavy stone settled itself into the pit of my stomach.
He was leaving.
Knowing I only had about a minute or so before a meltdown was going to consume me, I stood and was about to go.
“Wait, Jessica,” he said and I was surprised at the strain and eagerness in his voice. I turned slowly back toward him, hoping my eyes hadn’t turned red yet. “I want to leave my truck here for you, just in case the weather decides to go ballistic on us again. If you or Sal need to get out sometime I want to make sure you can. I was wondering if I could take your car down to the airport?”
It took me a moment before I fully understood his request. If he was leaving me his truck and taking my car then surely he wasn’t leaving permanently.
“You’ll bring it back in a week?” I asked stupidly, wanting him to give me some kind of reassurance.
“Of course I’ll bring it back,” he said with a little chuckle. “Your GTO may be a cool old muscle car but I’ve grown kind of attached to that truck since I got it. I’m going to want it back.”
I couldn’t help it as a slightly relieved chuckle escaped my lips. “Yeah, I guess that would be fine.”
That dazzling smile spread across his face. “Okay, good. Come on.”
Feeling a little dazed and a bit like my head was spinning, I followed him out to the garage. I realized then that I had never seen what kind of vehicle Alex drove. When we had gone shopping before we had taken my car. The shiny black truck before me was a little more than intimidating. I didn’t know too much about cars but I could tell it had a lift on it and there were monstrous tires attached to it. And it looked brand new.
“You expect me to drive that?” the intimidation was obvious in my voice.
“It’s not any harder to drive than your car is. And this is an automatic so it should be even easier,” Alex said as he gestured for me to join him. Hesitantly, I did.
“Call it a little indulgence,” he said with a grin as he opened the driver’s door. “I’ve always wanted a truck like this but never had the money, so when a lot of it was suddenly dumped on me, I couldn’t resist.” The smile on his face looked like it was almost painful. “Hop in.”
I hesitantly accepted the hand he held out to help me and mounted the enormous beast. The interior smelled strongly of new-car and leather.
“It’s a diesel so should you have to put gas in it, please, please remember that,” I could see the terror on his face at that possibility. “You shouldn’t have to put anything in it though. It’s full right now. Just push that if you need the four-wheel drive,” he said, pointing to a button on the dash.
“Trust me,” I said as I held my hands up. “If there is a need for four-wheel I will not be going out.”
He just chuckled and nodded his head. “Really, it’s not that hard to drive. You just have to remember you’re a lot bigger than you would be in the GTO.”
“Don’t think I could forget that,” I said as I slipped out and closed the door.
“Anything I should know about your car? Tricks or secrets?”
“It runs great. Don’t try anything too wild in it. As long as you know how to drive a stick you should be ok.”
Alex rolled his eyes. “I know how to drive a stick.”
We both laughed for a moment as we headed back inside.
We passed the afternoon quietly but with much less tension than the morning had brought. I found myself back in the apartment when Alex popped his head in.
“Well, I’d better head down to the airport now,” he said as he walked through the door.
I nodded my head, a bit unsure of what to say. He looked at me expectantly and after a moment I realized what he must have been waiting for. I grabbed my purse off the card table and dug my
keys out. Slipping the one for my car off, I tossed it to him. He caught it easily with a grin. He tucked it in his pocket and when he pulled his hand back out, a piece of paper was clutched in it.
“This is my cell phone number,” he said as he handed it to me, along with a set of keys. I hoped I wasn’t imagining that his hand lingered on mine for just a moment longer than necessary. “Call me if you need anything.”
“It would be hard for you to do anything for me when you’re fourteen hundred miles away,” I said with a chuckle.
That half grin spread on his face. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Still,” he said as he took both my hands in his. My heart suddenly started hammering. “You can call me anytime.”
How could those piercing blue eyes strike such terror and longing in my heart at the same time? It was a confusing and complex emotion.
His eyes never broke from mine as he slowly raised one of my hands in his and gently pressed his lips to my knuckles.
“Take care of yourself,” he whispered as he lowered it and let go.
“I will,” my voice was barely audible.
That half smile played in the corners of his lips before he tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. And a moment later he walked out the door.