CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I quietly explained to Alex what had happened prior to his sudden arrival as he drove us back home. I was tempted to lie down on the seat but knew if I did I was likely to fall asleep. So instead I propped myself against the door, letting my forehead rest against the frigid window.
“I can’t believe it,” Alex said softly as he stared at the dark road before us. “I don’t know Sal very well but I just can’t believe she did this.”
I could only nod my head slightly. I was trying to push the whole incident from my mind. It was too much to think about.
“Emily must have left some lights on when she left,” Alex observed as he pulled into the garage. I barely even glimpsed to see if my car was returned to the garage, which it was. He offered a hand and helped me climb out into the dark. My legs felt shaky and wobbly and I was glad that Alex held on for a few moments longer than necessary, maybe for more than just that simple reason.
Alex held the door open for me as we went in through the garage door that led into the side of the kitchen. I nearly jumped a foot in the air when I saw a figure rise from the dining table and take a few steps forward.
“Cole?” I nearly screamed, my pulse hammering in my ears.
“Jessica, I’m so…” his buttery voice trailed away when he saw Alex enter behind me.
A rather tense moment passed as Cole’s expression turned strangely hard. I wasn’t sure what to expect if I were to turn around and look at Alex’s face. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable standing between them.
“Uh, Alex, this is Cole Emerson. He bought the house next to Sal’s a few days ago,” I stammered. “Cole, this is Alex Wright, the one I told you about.”
I heard Alex’s breathing relax slightly behind me but Cole’s expression stayed tense and hard, his dark eyes seeming to turn flat black. I felt a cold shiver run down my spine.
Alex stepped around me, his hand extended toward Cole. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Emerson.”
After a moment’s hesitation Cole’s face relaxed just slightly as he shook Alex’s hand. “Please, just Cole.”
Alex only nodded before he motioned toward the couches next to the fireplace. They each took a seat on a different couch. I chose to stand.
By now Cole seemed to have regained some of his composure, his face now looking more relaxed but concern now filled it instead. “I got home just as Emily was leaving. She told me what happened. I’m so sorry, Jessica. That must have been a terrible ordeal for you.”
I could only nod my head as I hugged my sides. I really didn’t want to talk about it anymore tonight. It was all just too overwhelming.
“You know you can call me anytime if you need to talk,” he continued, his eyes were intense, still that chilling black color. “Or come over. Anytime.”
“Thank you,” I managed to get out, my voice sounding terribly hoarse.
Cole continued his intense gaze for just a moment longer. Different emotions seemed to be rolling in his eyes as if he were struggling with some internal debate. Finally he nodded once before he stood. He took the four steps toward me before wrapping his arms around me in an embrace which I returned stiffly. I fought off a shiver as he stepped away.
“I’ll see you later then,” he said as he quickly crossed the room and left without another word or backward glance.
As soon as the door closed I collapsed onto the couch, knowing my legs wouldn’t support me much longer. I leaned my head on the back of the couch and let my eyes slide closed.
“I’m sorry about that,” I murmured, not really wanting to talk about it but knowing there was need for some sort of explanation. “That must have been really awkward for you, coming home and finding someone who wasn’t supposed to be there in your house.”
“Well, it wasn’t the first time,” Alex replied, his voice just a little too serious for the joke I knew he was making. I opened one eye and peeked over at him just to make sure he really was joking. He was looking back at me, a small tired smile on his lips.
“You should get some sleep,” I said. “I’m sure it’s been a long day for you.”
“Longer for you,” he said matter-of-factly.
“I’m used to long days,” I replied feeling slightly uncomfortable.
Alex looked into my face for a moment, his expression soft and nonjudgmental. “Jessica, you should get some sleep if you need. Don’t worry about me being here. Really.”
I tried to manage a small smile and hoped the tears that suddenly sprang to my eyes didn’t show. “Thank you. I still haven’t decided if it’s worth it or not tonight.”
He gave another small smile before getting to his feet. He extended a hand to me and helped me to my own.
“Whatever you decide is just fine. I do think I need to get some rest though.”
I simply nodded as I followed him down the stairs. We didn’t say any good-nights as we each went into our separate rooms.
I changed into the new pajamas I had bought earlier. They were surprisingly comfortable, silky slick blue bottoms and a tank. It felt surprisingly wonderful as I brushed my teeth furiously and scrubbed my face till it felt raw. It felt as if the events of the past few days and weeks were covering me in grime and filth that would never come off.
My bedroom felt suddenly incredibly empty and cold as I perched on the edge of my bed. While I knew I should take time to think about everything that was happening I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Unreality was calling to me and I knew I couldn’t think straight through it. The brand on the back of my neck prickled, reminding me of the ever constant human need for sleep.
I was knocking on the door before I had even allowed myself to make the decision to walk out of my own. I opened the door when I heard a muffled invitation from within.
My eyes swept the darkened room as I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. Alex was already in his bed, watching me where I stood.
It was a strange moment as we both simply stared at each other through the dark. I saw the same emotions playing across his face that ran though my own head; uncertainty, nervousness, longing, confusion, hope.
“Would I be terribly out of place if I didn’t want to be alone tonight? If I asked if I could stay with you?” I finally whispered, not entirely ready to break that strange silence.
“Not at all,” he whispered back as he slid over under the covers.
Surprisingly I didn’t shake with nervousness as I crossed the room. I knew I was being very uncharacteristically presumptuous here. A very big part of me knew exactly what I wanted and needed in this moment though.
He pulled the covers down for me and I slid in beside him, not sure if I was glad or not he had a bigger bed than I did, if I was being honest with myself. He extended an arm and I snuggled myself into it without hesitation. My heart gave a strange little sputter as I couldn’t help but notice he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Even in the darkness it was easy to make out the chiseled chest muscles and perfectly shaped abs.
I felt myself relax more than I had since he left, as the scent of him flooded through me. It felt like I had finally found home.
“I have to warn you,” I whispered. “I will probably fall asleep. You really can tell me to leave. I won’t blame you.”
He said nothing as he nuzzled his face into my hair, his hand coming up to stroke the side of my face, trailing across my eyelids. “Please don’t leave.”
I took a deep breath again, letting his comforting scent fill my senses. He continued to stroke the side of my face for a moment but soon his hand came to rest on the side of my neck, his fingers dangerously close to my scar, and his breathing turned slow and even.
As I fought off sleep, a few deeply important thoughts occurred to me, perhaps life changing realizations. Cole’s feelings were becoming quite clear over the last few days and he obviously wasn’t going to waste any time
in trying to get what he wanted. I couldn’t deny the attraction I felt to him but that was something I was quite sure every woman who laid eyes on him felt. I also couldn’t ignore the warning bells that went off in my body every time he was near me. Cole was something I was going to have to address quickly. He wasn’t the one I wanted.
If I ever were to believe that angels were as books and movies depicted, I knew that I lay in the arms of one now. He may not be perfect; he was a bit presumptuous and knew basically no boundaries. His face may not have been as flawless as Cole’s but in my eyes that made him all the more wonderful. He was so human and real. And the most wonderful fact of all: he seemed to be able to handle the bizarreness that was my reality. I hadn’t scared him away and while he hadn’t exactly come out and said it, he didn’t seem to think I was completely crazy.
The third, final, and most important realization: I wasn’t falling in love with Alex Wright. I was already there.
I bolted upright as the screams erupted from my lips. Confusion immediately flooded my thoughts when I realized I wasn’t in my room. The emotion deepened when I realized it was getting light outside. I never woke from my nightmares as it was getting light unless I fell asleep during the day. My bleary eyes found a clock and I was stunned to see that it was nearly seven. As I remembered where I was and what had happened the night before I was shocked to realize I had slept for nearly five hours. I couldn’t remember the last time I slept that long.
All these thoughts raced through my head with a dull throb that didn’t recede as I stifled the screams. But of course I had woken Alex. His eyes looked wide and alarmed as he jerked awake. As soon as he looked upon my shamed face his expression calmed and became soft.
I couldn’t hold his gaze for long as I sat with my legs hanging off the edge of the bed. I felt so ashamed of who I was. I was so abnormal. Normal people didn’t have such tormenting dreams. Normal people didn’t wake every time screaming.
I heard him shifting in the bed and a moment later felt his fingers trace softly up my arm. They drifted across my shoulder, brushing my hair slowly over my other shoulder.
My heart pounded and every nerve screamed at me to make him stop. It was natural for me to never, ever let anyone see my scars. But there was such a deep part of me what wanted him to see them, for him to know every part and detail of me. I wanted him to know the true and whole me.
I listened intently for his reaction as the branded X came into full view. There was no sharp intake of breath, no hiss of disgust, nothing to indicate that it revolted or disgusted him. His fingers traced the pattern slowly, leaving it feeling pleasantly warm and tingly. Goosebumps rushed to cover my skin.
After lingering on the X for a while, his fingers slowly drifted down toward the tip of the raised wings, just barely visible under the top I wore.
Heat rushed to my cheeks as I brought my hands to the hem of my tank top; though I was overwhelmingly grateful I had left my bra on last night, and pulled it over my head. Alex could now see every detail of the wings imprinted there and I knew with the light that was coming through the window now he would be able to catch glimpses of that strange metallic glint in them.
Again his fingers traced over the feathered patterns, slowly trailing from the tops to the very tips of the wings at the bottom. I suppressed a shiver of pleasure, nervous anticipation, and uncertainty.
“They are beautiful,” he breathed.
I rested my chin on my shoulder, not quite fully looking at his face. “They don’t disgust you?” I whispered, my voice shaking obviously.
He rested one hand on my other shoulder and the other on my arm and leaned forward, gently pressing his lips into the center of the brand.
“Nothing about you could disgust me,” he whispered against my neck.
I finally turned around and faced him, getting the first full look of his face. His impossibly blue eyes burned with an intensity and sincerity that sent my heart fluttering in an almost painful way.
“Alex, I…” I hesitated as I looked down for a moment at my hands where they sat in my lap. “I want you to know everything about me, about the truth of my life but I’m afraid. I’m afraid it will scare you and make you run from me.”
Alex placed his hand under my chin, lifting it until I had to look him back in the eye again. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the moment I first saw you in the stair well with that bat. I just about went crazy those few days I was gone. And it drove me nearly mad when I kept missing you on the phone. All of these intense feelings got so much worse after you told me the truth about what was going on. I’m not going anywhere and I plan on being around as long as you can stand me.”
As he spoke these last words I couldn’t hold myself back any longer. I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around his neck as my lips found his. Alex’s arms wrapped tightly around my waist as he half pulled me back and half fell back onto the bed.
My pulse raced and my breathing became ragged as the kiss deepened and our lips parted. His hands again traced the raised skin on my back, caressing and touching in a way that was almost overwhelming with its acceptance and need.
I felt as if a match had been lit and held to my blood that had suddenly turned into lighter fluid. Even as I breathed in his already familiar scent I felt as if I could not get close enough. As if I could never get enough of him to satisfy my need and burning desire. And yet at the same time it felt like the most natural thing in the world, as if his lips and body had been made to fit against mine and mine to his.
After a few heated minutes Alex pulled away, his eyes holding mine in a wonderfully burning gaze, as if there was so much more he wanted to do, yet he knew he couldn’t. He wasn’t alone in those thoughts.
We lay on our sides, Alex lightly trailing his fingers along my arm. Our breathing slowly returned to normal and the heat rush that filled my body slowly ebbed back toward normal.
“How is it possible to have such strong feelings,” I whispered as I stared softly into his content looking face. “When I’ve only known you for such a short time?”
“I always used to think love at first sight was such a ridiculous idea,” he breathed. “And while I can’t say that I totally believe in it now, I realize love can develop much, much more quickly than I ever thought possible.”
I couldn’t suppress the smile that spread on my lips as I leaned toward him just slightly and pressed my lips lightly to his. When I pulled away the same smile was reflected on his face but his eyes held a new emotion. Was that curiosity now?
“Tell me more about it,” he asked softly as he played with the bracelet he had given me. I still had yet to take it off for longer than it took me to shower. “I want to understand better what it is that happens. You didn’t tell me much detail before.”
I bit my lip as I stared hard into his face, hesitating for too long. “Are you sure? It is going to sound completely crazy.”
“Please,” he whispered, his eyes sincere. “I want to understand.”
I hesitated for a long moment again. I reminded myself though that I had basically declared my feelings to him. Wasn’t he worth the risk of telling the truth?
Yes. Yes he was.
It was difficult to decide where exactly to start, what aspect of this messed up life to try and explain. I decided to start with what seemed the most simple to explain, just exactly what happened in my dreams. I told him of how Adam, with those strange grey eyes, would take me to the narrow catwalk. I explained how each of the council members was devastatingly beautiful yet I could never seem to remember the details of their faces when I woke. It was difficult to describe the terror I felt as I stood there, listening to the demented laughter as sentencing would be given and how my blood pounded painfully through my system as the brand was raised to be pressed into the back of my neck. I finally ende
d with how I was always graciously saved as I would fall off the catwalk and slip back into the darkness. I decided it was best to leave out the details of how everything seemed to be changing concerning the nightmares.
There was silence for a few moments after I finished. I knew I couldn’t tell him any more this morning, it was too overwhelming. It had been difficult enough to say what I already had. It went against the nature I had built up in myself my entire life.
I caught a glimpse of the clock sitting on his nightstand and jumped to my feet.
“Oh crap,” I hissed as I grabbed my tank from off the floor. “I have to go.”
“Where?” Alex questioned as he sat up in the bed, his voice hinting just a fraction of alarm.
“I’ve started this class this week. That’s where I met Emily,” I said as I raced into my bedroom, Alex following me. I went into my closet, pulling on the first comfortable looking clothes I found. Alex graciously kept where he couldn’t see me. “Under normal circumstances I would probably skip it today, considering what happened last night, but I really need to talk to her.”
I stepped out of the closet and started pulling on some socks. “She knows something about my nightmares. She has the same scars I do.”
“What?” Alex gaped. “How?”
“I don’t know,” I said as I stood, heading out back into my tiny kitchen. “We were supposed to talk last night and then I found Sal. So I really need to talk to her today.”
Alex didn’t seem to know what to say as he nodded his head.
I grabbed my purse and headed out the door and up the stairs, Alex still trailing behind me. I found my keys on the kitchen table, just where Emily said she would leave them.
“I’m going to see how Sal is doing when I’m done,” I said as I rested my hand on the door knob leading out into the garage. “I’ll call you from the hospital.”
“If you can let me know when you’re done with Emily, I’ll go to the hospital with you if you want.”
A small smile spread on my lips again. “Thanks,” I said as I leaned toward him and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. He smiled back. He covered my hand with his and opened the door for me. I smiled back again before going down the stairs to my car.
I stopped in my tracks, just two steps from what I thought was my car. But surely the glossy, very tough and fast looking beast before me couldn’t be my rusty GTO.
“I thought it would be a shame if it never got restored to its full glory.” I could hear the smile on his face as Alex came to stand beside me.
“Alex,” I breathed as I continued to stare at the flawless new black paint job. “It looks amazing. I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome,” he said as he pressed a quick kiss to my cheek. “Now, I believe you were running late?”
“Right,” I said as I snapped out of my shock. “I’ll call you when I’m done with Emily,” I called as I slid into the driver’s seat. He waved once as I pulled out, and I could clearly see the goose bumps that were spread across his arms and still gloriously bare chest.
It baffled my mind and I still couldn’t allow myself to fully comprehend that this nearly perfect man could be mine.