CHAPTER NINETEEN
A bright flash of color caught my attention as we drove up to the house, though through the downpour of rain I couldn’t tell what it was. As I ran back out from the garage to the front step, I stopped in momentary stunned silence.
“Wow,” I heard Alex say as he came up behind me, just barely standing in the rain.
“Yeah,” I said, sounding confused as I made the last few steps to the porch.
There were dozens of flowers set there, different bouquets made into beautiful and colorful arrangements. I could not even identify the majority of them.
After searching for a moment, I found an elegant and rather expensive looking card set in the middle of the largest arrangement.
When the day seems darkest,
Remember there is always a friend nearby,
A shoulder to cry on,
A warm hand to wipe away the tears.
Hope to see you tonight.
Yours always,
Cole
I had to read the note twice to finally deduce that the words must have in fact been Cole’s actual handwriting and not a generic card or something he’d printed off. It seemed like it was from another century, very strange for a guy of the modern day.
After a moment I realized Alex had not said a word since I found the card. I could only imagine what he must have been thinking. I could feel my happiness from earlier come crashing down around me.
“This is, um…nice,” I managed to squeak out. “Totally unnecessary, but nice.”
I managed to look Alex in the eye. He tried to give that little half smile I loved but it didn’t reach his eyes. I could tell this bothered him and I wasn’t sure how to reassure him that despite whatever Cole might have been thinking was forming between us, I didn’t want anyone other than Alex.
“I’ll help you carry them in,” Alex finally said after a few heavy moments.
Still not knowing what to say, I could only nod and grab one of the elegant looking vases.
After we ate our lunch, Alex seemed to return to his lighthearted self, though I didn’t fail to notice that he kept his distance. His warm touches and looks of longing and understanding were limited to almost none the rest of the day. I tried to keep my face light and unworried but I couldn’t help but feel a slight sense of panic. I had to let him know just how important he was to me, but I felt at a loss to know how to do so.
As evening blanketed the earth, I took the phone in my room for a moment of privacy and hoped Alex would not wander too close by to hear. I called Cole, telling him that I was not feeling very well and that I had to decline his offer from that morning. I had been almost afraid of what his reaction might be when I first started dialing but he seemed perfectly calm and at ease as I told him the partial truth. My head was throbbing but it wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t have gone out if I truly wanted to.
Alex pulled me into a brief embrace and pressed his lips to my forehead for a short moment and said goodnight just before ten o’clock. I shuffled my feet into my apartment feeling confused and slightly frustrated.
I closed the door behind me as quietly as I could, knowing it was for no reason, and sank to the floor right there. I felt conflicted as I thought of Alex’s reaction to the flowers Cole gave me. I could see why he would worry. Anything could have happened last week while he was away and in truth he didn’t know me well enough to know if I was the type of girl that went from guy to guy. I hoped he wouldn’t think that of me.
Yet after the things I had told him that morning, after spending the night with him and being so open and honest with him about myself, I would hope he would realize exactly how I felt and know that there was room for no one else in my heart.
I could tell if I sat and thought about this for too long I was going to work myself up and possibly say something I shouldn’t. So instead I raised myself from off the floor and determined that I just wasn’t going to think about it. Alex was under a lot of stress, with coming home from a week of meetings with lawyers to a disaster at home. If he was still acting so strange in the morning I would talk to him and explain things. I would be more rational and balanced in the morning.
The wind howled and screeched as it tore through the trees that night, rain pounded on the windows, begging to be let in. In a strange way, I was grateful for the elemental disturbance outside. I was oddly tired for having slept less than twenty-four hours ago but there would have been no way I could have slept during that storm. I couldn’t understand how Alex did it.
With little to pass the time, I pulled out my computer and pulled up the internet browser. I typed in the name from my last trial and hit search.
The man I stood trial for last night had not been branded and was granted blue irises. He had led a very good life it seemed and touched many people throughout it. As I scanned through hits, I was surprised to see his name pop up all over the place. He’d had a lot of money and was one of the few who spent it the way a person in that position should. There was already a death announcement available, quite beautifully written by his youngest daughter; it stated her name as well at the end.
I pulled out my leather volume and carefully printed his name on the page.
The morning started in a deep grey tone, reflective of the beating the Earth had gotten the night before. Branches were strewn everywhere, pine needles piled in every corner that stopped them from being blown away by the wind. Pieces of garbage that had not been secured properly in their bins were lodged in odd places. The sky was an angry sea, seemingly just waiting to unleash it’s wrath upon us all again. I simply stared up at it as I stood before the window, feeling somehow enthralled and enchanted.
A pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist, cocooning me in the blanket I had wrapped around me. I normally would have been startled but the warmth that immediately spread though me left no doubt who my entrapper was.
Alex rested his chin on my shoulder and pressed his cheek to mine. He gave me a tight squeeze followed by a slight sigh.
“I’m sorry for how I reacted last night,” he murmured. “I was being really immature and rude. I overreacted. I hope you can forgive me.”
I turned to face him, maneuvering so as to not break his embrace. His expression was so sorrowful and so sincere it was almost funny. I couldn’t help but crack a slight smile. As soon as I did this, that little half smile broke onto his face, though it remained slightly sheepish.
“I think I can manage to do that,” I said as I stared into those perfectly clear blue eyes. “It’ll cost you though.”
“Name your price,” he said as that smile played on his face. “If it takes an entire life of servitude, I’ll gladly pay it.”
“I think that might be a little extreme but it will cost you this,” I said as I closed that small gap between his lips and my own.
Neither of us seemed to be in a rush to part, though there was not the mindless sense of well, senselessness, as we stood before the window wrapped in each other’s arms. I could have died there a happy woman.
But like all moments that seem too perfect, this one was broken by the sound of Alex’s phone ringing. With a soft chuckle he stepped back.
“Sorry,” he said, and really did sound so. He pulled the phone out of his pocket and looked at the ID.
“I’d better take this,” he said with that sheepish grin.
I only nodded and watched him walk out of my apartment and into the main family room.
My head spun violently as I tried to make my breathing more even and as I leaned my forehead against the cool glass, I realized I suddenly felt as if my skin were on fire. The feeling seemed strange considering the fact that I had thought I had kept my head fairly well.
Slowly, the spinning sensation ebbed, though it never went away. It was, however, replaced by a queasy feeling in the pit o
f my stomach.
“That was my lawyer again,” Alex said solemnly as he walked back in the room. I quickly straightened, hoping I didn’t look as terrible as I suddenly felt. It must have worked because he continued. “It seems there are just a few more things that need to get taken care of. He said they’re urgent though and that I need to come in now. Unfortunately he’s down at his office in Everett.”
I calculated the time it would take him to get from here to Everett. It was roughly an hour drive one way.
“How long do you think you’ll be gone?” I asked, not just because I would obviously miss him for any length of time but it would be nice to not have to be alone if I was going to get as sick as I felt I was going to be in just a short time.
“Hopefully not more than two or three hours once I get there but my lawyer is never exactly quick with anything once he gets me into his office. I think money might have something to do with that,” he said this last part with that playful smile on his lips.
I hoped my expression did not match my sudden fallen spirits as I nodded my head. I could already tell it was going to be a long day and it was only just after eight.
“You’re welcome to come with me if you want,” he said, though I could tell he sensed what the answer to that was going to be.
Against my rolling stomach, I tried to pin a smile on my face. “I think I’ll pass,” I said as I shook my head slightly.
“’K,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me in a quick embrace. He pressed a quick kiss to my lips and started for the door. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
I wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to rush back on my account but a part of me did want him to hurry back. Another part was worried I might vomit if I opened my mouth. I was getting worse by the second.
Alex closed the door with a soft click and I hurtled for the bathroom, barely managing to get my face over the toilet bowl before a small amount of acidic tasting bile came up my throat. I wasn’t sure if I was glad I hadn’t eaten anything yet that day or not.
As soon as my stomach stopped heaving, I sat with my cheek pressed against the cool side of the tub ledge, trying to slow my breathing and praying the lurching was finished. I sensed it wasn’t.
Great beads of sweat formed on my forehead and I went quickly from feeling like my skin was on fire to feeling as if I had been dumped in the frigid lake in front of the house. My muscles started a series of violent spasms and within a few minutes my entire body ached as the muscles cried at me.
With a moan, I rotated just enough so I could reach the faucet in the tub, turn the hot water on, and stop the drain. It was nearly full before I could will my body to move enough to strip down and drop myself into the scalding water. I still wasn’t sure if hot or cold water sounded better. My temperature seemed to be changing too rapidly to make a comfortable decision.
I continued to shake violently in the steaming tub, though the water did feel good against my skin. Light started to shine through the tiny window above the walls of the tub, irritating my eyes and making my head throb all the worse. I was glad I had been in too much of a rush to get to the toilet to turn the bathroom light on. I didn’t think I could stand more than the natural light that managed to find its way in.
Again I was faced with the dilemma of moving when the water slowly changed from hot, to lukewarm, to freezing cold. I even pulled the plug out with my toes and let the water drain from around me before I managed to get up. My muscles ached and groaned as I pulled a towel around myself and shuffled very slowly into my bedroom and pulled on my warmest pair of sweats and a sweater. I was glad I hadn’t gotten my hair wet. I would have been ten times more miserable trying to brush my tangled birds nest and laying back down with wet hair.
It was only a slight relief when I crawled into my bed and totally collapsed. Every one of my muscles was screaming at me, I doubted I could move again, even if I had the will to do so. For once, sleeping seemed almost tempting if I knew it wouldn’t bring further pain from the nightmare into reality when I woke up. My body already felt like it was on fire every other minute; I didn’t need more burning sensations.
After lying on my bed for what felt like hours, suffering in agony, I realized how thirsty I was becoming. My lips felt ready to crack and bleed and my throat felt as if it were sticking together on the inside, making it almost hard to breathe. I also realized that if I could only get a big glass of water and some Tylenol, my condition should improve. I had never taken it before, as I couldn’t recall ever needing it, but I knew that was what it was supposed to do.
I made two attempts to get myself up. They both resulted in immediate dry heaving followed quickly by even more violent tremors ripping through my body.
I knew then that there was no chance I was going to get myself off this bed, into the kitchen for the water and then upstairs into the medicine cabinet where I knew the Wright’s had kept a small supply of the basics. It seemed like hundreds of miles and straight up a mountain.
While I wasn’t used to being taken care of, my first thought was, of course, to call Alex. After only a fraction of a second of that thought, I knew this was impossible. He had probably just gotten down to Everett and what he needed to do was urgent. And besides, even if I convinced him to come home now, which I knew I could probably do, it would be at least another hour before he would be home.
My next thought was Sal. This thought was even more ridiculous than the first. Even if Sal hadn’t just tried to commit suicide and was committed into a mental institution, she never left her house.
I next thought of Emily, but considering she had literally run away from me the last time I had seen her, that didn’t seem like the best option.
With a slightly sinking feeling I realized the only person left for me to call was two doors down. Cole.
An internal battle raged inside as I fought this final option. Things were already strange and unpredictable with Cole. I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea further by calling him to help me out when I was sick. I knew of the whole cliché of the doctor/nurse patient thing. I didn’t even want to go there.
But what other choice did I have? Call an ambulance? I didn’t think so. I had to do something though.
Though my body screamed against me, I rolled onto my side and grabbed the phone from the bedside table. It took me only a moment to recall the number Cole had written down for me last night and though my fingers were shaking violently, I managed to dial the number.
It only rang once.
“Hello?” his perfect, smooth voice answered.
“Hi Cole,” I croaked, my dry throat protesting against use.
“Are you alright?” he questioned, though for some reason there was no surprise in his voice one might normally use when asking that kind of question.
“Not exactly,” I said. “Um… I was kind of wondering if you could come over and help me out for a minute.” I might as well not beat around the bush and get this humiliating and agonizing request over with.
“Where is Alex?” he questioned. I thought I detected a strange hint of, was that…smugness?
“He had to go down to Everett,” I explained simply, trying to ignore the irritation that burned just under my skin, totally separate from the burn of the fever.
Cole was silent for just a second and I felt as if I could almost sense his satisfied smile through the phone. I hoped I was just being overly judgmental.
“I’ll be over in just a minute,” his smooth reply finally came.
“Thanks,” I said and hung up without saying a formal good-bye.
I put the phone back on the dock and I rolled back onto my back with a huff. My head spun at the motion and I immediately regretted moving so quickly. I squeezed my eyes shut, though it didn’t stop the spinning sensation.
When Cole said he would be over in just a minute I didn’t expect him to mean that so lite
rally. I wondered if it had even been that long when I heard the door that led out onto the deck open and quietly close.
My heart did a strange quiver as Cole’s lean frame appeared in the door. I couldn’t understand it and I had a hard time sorting out the emotions. Of course there was a sense of relief at my rescue, but there were other odd emotions. Hesitancy, fear, attraction, it was difficult to tell which emotion was strongest, but the most confusing one- an odd sense of trust washed over me. I had been so wary of him, but why? There had been no question in his reply when he agreed to come and help me. It was all so confusing…
“Thanks for coming over,” I found myself saying before I could really take a second to clear my head.
“Of course,” he said as he took a few hesitant steps forward. As my eyes took him in I noticed that while he was dressed casually, he wore all white. A white turtleneck disappeared into his long, almost black hair and he wore a pair of rather expensive looking slacks. The entire look, while undeniably attractive, was also intimidating in a strange way.
“I hate to say it but you look just inches away from death,” he said, though a smile was starting to crack on his lips.
“I feel like it,” I croaked as I rubbed my eyes. The toll this sickness was taking on my body was draining and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I had to sleep. If I could work it right, I could get rid of Cole and wake up before Alex got home. He didn’t need to witness that experience any more than necessary.
Cole crossed the room and was soon standing at my bedside, looking down on me with those intensely dark eyes. He raised a hand and softly stroked my brow, pushing a few locks of stray hair away. “What can I get you?” he said softly, for which I was grateful for. Every sound sent another throbbing shot of pain through my brain.
“Some water would be wonderful,” I said, suddenly finding my head much more clear as he touched me. I nearly violently wished he wouldn’t. “And there is some Tylenol upstairs, in the master bathroom. Hopefully that will help.”
“Okay,” he said softly as he turned for the doorway and left. He was only gone for a few short moments before he returned with a towering glass and two pills in his hand. I accepted these greedily and downed them much faster than I should have, considering there was someone watching.
“Have you eaten anything today?” he asked as he watched me contently, perched on the side of my bed like some sort of mythical god.
I shook my head as I finished the last drops of my water. “I threw up a few times this morning, even though there wasn’t anything in my stomach.” I thought for a moment though and realized that my stomach was suddenly feeling much better. “Actually, I’m kind of hungry now,” I blurted before I realized saying so was an invitation to have Cole cook something for me.
“Just give me a few minutes. I’ll find something to make for you,” he said with a hesitant smile and I suddenly wondered if Cole really knew how to cook. From the look on his face the answer was no.
“You don’t have to,” I tried to quickly recover. Cole just shook his head with that slightly arrogant smile. “I could try to make something for myself. Just give me a minute.”
“I’ll give you the whole day,” Cole said as he reached the door. “Just relax. I’ll take care of you.”
“That’s the problem,” I muttered when I was sure he was out of earshot.
I listened intently for any sounds coming from my tiny kitchen but they were very minimal for which I was grateful, only the occasional note that fluttered in from a tune Cole was humming. I tried to place it but was unable.
As I waited to see what Cole could come up with, I thought of the dilemma that now faced me. What was I going to tell Alex when he got back tonight? The thought of how he might react to the fact that Cole had taken care of me when I was sick made my stomach clench up. Despite how he reacted earlier to Cole’s flowers, it hadn’t exactly seemed like possessiveness or jealousy. I wasn’t sure what exactly the emotion was. Perhaps he was just feeling insecure, or maybe even hurt? It was difficult to say. Either way, it was absolutely unnecessary.
I’d had my eyes closed and feeling rather lost in thought when the bed jostled just slightly. My eyes flew open and I saw Cole sitting on the edge of it. In his hands he bore a silver platter with a bowl of something steamy, several saltine crackers, and a large glass of orange juice.
“I really hope it tastes okay,” he said, his face looking genuinely concerned that it might not. “I have to admit, I’m not much of a cook.”
“No,” I crooned as I strained to pull myself up into a sitting position. “I’m sure it will be fine.”
Once I was sat up, Cole carefully placed the tray on my lap. I took one small spoonful of the soup, seriously hoping my stomach was going to cooperate.
It was about the blandest soup I had ever had in my life and probably had fewer than four ingredients. It was also in desperate need of some salt. But I shoveled it into my mouth and kept a gracious expression. It was probably better that it tasted bland. My stomach should be able to handle bland.
“How is it?” Cole questioned, his face looking slightly pained.
“It’s great,” I lied as I shoved more into my mouth. It was at least helping to fill my empty stomach.
I quickly downed the crackers and the orange juice and Cole cleared the dirty dishes away. When he came back into my room he did not go back to his seat on my bed, for which I was grateful, but sat on the floor by the door, his back resting against the wall.
“Thank you,” I sighed as I lay back into my comfortable bed. “I’m starting to feel a little better.”
“You should probably try to get some sleep,” he suggested casually.
Even though my mind protested the idea, my eyelids slid closed. “Maybe,” I said as I tried to stifle a yawn. “Later.”
I heard slight movement, like maybe Cole had shrugged his shoulders. I didn’t bother to open my eyes and check.
“You’ve seemed a little distant recently,” Cole said, his voice clear and while not sharp, very to the point. “I hope it has only been because of Sal’s accident.”
I didn’t miss the implication behind his words. My stomach suddenly clenched up again. I squeezed my eyes closed tightly, already regretting my decision to call Cole over.
“Yeah,” I tried to think quickly and avoid an uncomfortable conversation. “Things have been really busy and stressful since that.”
“You seem to be rather happy that Alex is back,” he stated. I could feel his intense, almost accusing stare burning through my eyelids.
“It’s nice to have him back,” I said honestly. I really didn’t want to expound beyond that. I shouldn’t have to explain anything to Cole. As grateful as I was for his help, he had no claim on me.
It was silent for a moment, each passing second growing unbearably uncomfortable.
“I hope I feel better this afternoon,” I finally blurted, knowing I was babbling. “I really should go see Sal again. I wanted to ask her doctor when she is going to be moved.”
“Moved?” Cole questioned.
I then realized Cole hadn’t heard anything about Sal’s condition. I wished I hadn’t said anything suddenly. It seemed like an invasion of Sal’s privacy to have told him.
“To a more permanent facility. It’s supposed to just be temporary though. Just for some observation,” I scrambled.
“Hum,” he said simply, as if considering my hurried explanation. After a moment he spoke again. “You worry too much about other people. You should worry about yourself a little more often. Maybe then you would have seen this sickness coming up.”
“Sal needs my help,” I replied simply, still refusing to open my eyes. “If I don’t help her, who will?”
He didn’t seem to have an answer to this and remained silent.
An odd sense of triumph settled o
n me as the silence grew. He knew I was right and he had nothing else to say about it.
“You’re a good person, Jessica,” he finally said, and I heard him climb to his feet. I finally opened my eyes to see if he was going to approach me. He didn’t. He placed his hand on the door knob. “Is there anything else you need?”
I felt momentarily panicked when I realized he intended to leave. He may have been irritating me and being far too presumptuous but it was comforting to know he was just a few steps away if I needed him.
I finally shook my head.
Cole seemed to sense my sudden distress. “If you need me again just call. I’ll be at home all day.”
I nodded my head. “Thanks,” I managed to croak out, letting my eyes slide close again.
I didn’t hear the door close but there was no more sound after that.
Frustration at myself flooded through me as silence settled back on my familiar room. That had been a very stupid move to call Cole. It could only give the wrong impressions, no matter what we had talked about. And now, what was I going to tell Alex? I should have just suffered through it all. I was feeling much better now; maybe it had nothing to do with the food and water that was in my stomach and the pills to calm my fever.
Just as these thoughts passed through my head, I lurched to my feet and bounded across the room in three steps. I barely made it to the toilet before Cole’s bland lunch made a second appearance.
Strangely, after emptying my stomach, I felt slightly better. The throbbing in my head subsided some and the chills eased a bit. I was just left feeling incredibly drained.
Grateful for the good timing, if becoming sick ever had such, I climbed back into bed. I glanced at my clock next to my bed, noting it was just after one o’clock. That should give me plenty of time to sleep and wake up before Alex got home. Hopefully I would be feeling better by then. At least I knew if I wasn’t, Alex would be a whole lot more pleasant to deal with should I need him to care for me. I sincerely hoped that wouldn’t be necessary.
A light rain began to fall outside and I found soothing comfort in it. A lot of tension had built up in my system for how early in the day it still was and the sound of the drops on the roof helped to ease some of it away. Slowly, I felt my muscles begin to relax and soften.
A new fear began though. I knew I was exhausted and as nice as it was to relax a bit, too much relaxation would lead to sleep. I had been able to face the nightmares with Alex by my side before, he somehow made them seem almost bearable but I felt the all too familiar panic and fear seeping into my system. The sound of twisted laughter echoed through my memory.
Fourteen…fifteen…sixteen… I couldn’t help it as the numbers rattled off in my head. It was the first time I could recall counting in a few days. Perhaps that had something to do with the amazing man that was now in my life. Despite all the terrifying changes that had happened with my impossible reality, Alex made me feel incredibly safe. I had always supposed that counting just made me feel safe. Numbers made sense and there was always a certain order they could be arranged in. I hadn’t needed them as much lately. But Alex wasn’t here right now.
With this last wistful thought of longing, I closed my eyes and allowed unconsciousness to claim me.