Part of me still stuck by my original decision to keep all this from him. But part of me had peeled away all that stubbornness and could see how unfair I had been. How selfish.
When he had been nothing but amazing to me.
“Tate,” she bemoaned.
“I know. I’m the worst.”
“Give me your reasons again,” she prompted.
At first, I thought she just wanted to rub them in my face for being such a moron. But I saw real compassion in her expression. And I knew she was ignoring other patients to hang out with me. She cared about me, which made this a little bit easier to share.
“I didn’t want him to stay with me just because I was sick. And he had been through so much, I didn’t want him to, I don’t know, feel like he always got the short straw. Basically, I didn’t want to be the short straw. You know? And he was so against the whole idea of us in the beginning. I honestly didn’t know if we would become anything. And then we did. We became a big something. But I was so deep in this lie, I didn’t know how to dig myself back out. I didn’t know how to bring up the truth, even when it was so obvious there was something wrong with me.”
She listened patiently with a comforting hand on my knee. “Those are great reasons to keep the truth from him. I mean it. You justified it to yourself enough ways, that you almost sound like you were doing him a favor.”
Her words added to the guilt and I could only nod. She seemed to know what she was doing and gave my knee another squeeze.
“Now give me a reason to tell him the truth.”
Her words hit me like a punch in the chest. The wind knocked out of me and I felt the burn of guilt and remorse start anew in my stomach and bubble up my throat to my mouth.
“I love him,” I whispered as tears stung my eyes and slipped down my cheeks.
She brushed them away and gave me a triumphant look. “You love him. And he loves you, right?” I nodded. “He doesn’t feel trapped anymore, Tate. He feels at home. Here” She used her pointer finger to tap her chest. “And believe me when I say, you are not the short straw. You are life and exuberance. You take this world and everything it gives you and ride it by the horns all the way through the gate. It is impossible to feel the short straw with you. Everybody knows that. He, especially, knows that. He still deserves the truth from you. Even if he thinks he knows it, he doesn’t know everything. He doesn’t know it from you. Will he listen to you, if you want to talk?”
“Yes,” I told her with a shaky voice. “He told me he’d be waiting for me whenever I called.”
“Then you better call him, girl. He’s too good of a man to push away because you’re stubborn.”
“I’m not stubborn,” I grumbled stubbornly.
She smiled at me again. “You, child, are the most stubborn of them all. And thank God for that. Otherwise, this evil disease would have taken you a long, long time ago.” She stood up and placed a kiss on my forehead.
The tears streaked down my cheeks in faster streams. How had I gotten lucky with all these people in my life? I might not have had a bunch of friends, but the people that I called friend were worthy and wonderful.
And knew exactly what to say to get my ass in gear.
“I got other patients to check on, Tate. But I’ll be back later.”
She moved to the door and I couldn’t help but call after her. “Are you going to make them all cry?”
She shot me a look over her shoulder. “What kind of professional would I be if I don’t get all my charges into hysterics before my shift ends in forty-five minutes?”
I laughed through my tears. “You really are an evil woman.”
She winked at me. “You love me anyway.”
After she had left the room and me to my thoughts, I lay there for a long time digesting our conversation. Bridger did deserve to hear my side of the story. He deserved all of the truth from me, about this and about anything else.
I’d been horrible to him. And being sick was not an excuse. In fact, I didn’t have any excuses to stand on. I’d messed up and I was just thankful he still wanted to put up with me.
Or I hoped he did anyway.
I should probably talk to him before I assumed that.
I didn’t call him right away though. I wanted to think everything through and come to terms with my side of it.
I knew Bridger had trust issues. And who could blame him? But I started to see that maybe I had trouble trusting him too.
I had to trust that he would pick me because of me and not because of the sickness. I had to trust that if we were bad for each other that he would see that and walk away before we got any more serious. Or that if we got into rough patches, he would stay and see it out. Especially after marriage.
This little upset of ours was just a sneak peek at the tough times that plagued all relationships. There was no such thing as perfect compatibility.
I knew that. My mama had hammered that into my head long before I’d ever gone on my first date. But it was different now that I was living it. That it was a real relationship and I could put all her wisdom into practice.
We weren’t going to do everything right. Hell, we’d probably do more wrong than we’d ever do right. But we had to stick to this. Stick to each other.
I had to stop worrying about him staying with me just because I was sick and start working to keep him with me long after I got healthy.
I loved this man. With all of me. With everything in me. And it was time to tell him that. And then show him that.
I didn’t want to lie anymore and I seriously didn’t want to pretend to have Celiacs any longer.
One frustrating illness was enough for me. At least let me eat gluten whenever I wanted. Yeesh!
I pulled my cell phone off the nightstand next to me and scrolled through my contacts. I hadn’t talked to Bridger since he left me in my room days ago.
I couldn’t wait to talk to him. I couldn’t wait to hear the low timber of his voice. I really couldn’t wait to see him.
I’d been deprived of him for way too long. I wanted to just stare at all his muscled frame with those sharp cheekbones and masculine lips. I wanted to stare into his forest green eyes and get lost there for hours.
But first, I needed to apologize.
I changed my mind at the last minute. I needed to enlist help with this. Especially because I didn’t want him to panic about my hospital stay or simply forgive me because I looked pathetic in a hospital gown and no makeup.
I pressed send for the one person I knew I could count on to help me with this. He would be the perfect person to bring Bridger to me.