Apparently not only was she going to do this she felt ready to ruin their entire evening. She was this close to telling him to take her home and fuck the tiramisu. Could she be any more ridiculous?
“Serenity,” he said, opening his door.
“What?”
“Serenity,” he said again, stepping out of the Jeep. “That was her name.” He leaned in before opening the door. “Don’t get out yet. I wanna help you.”
Regina opened the door and started getting out as he came around with a frown. “Serenity?” she asked, her words dripping with disgust. “What is she a stripper?”
Holding on to her elbow so she wouldn’t come down too hard on her ankle as she stepped out of the Jeep, Brandon seemed more concerned with her ankle than he did her line of questioning.
“I don’t know,” he said simply.
Stupidly, Regina refused to let it go. “What do you mean you don’t know? She went home with you, didn’t she? Did you not—” She stopped cold, knowing what a no to her next question would confirm, and even though she’d automatically assumed so that night, the thought now sickened her. Still she had to ask. “Did you not talk at all that night?”
“Nope.”
They’d started walking. Brandon had slipped his hand in hers, and Regina stopped suddenly, attempting to take her hand back, but he held it tight. Was she really going to get this upset over that now? Yes! He’d harped so much about his no-attachment rules, yet he kissed that bitch the way he had in front of the entire world. Did he expect her to believe now that he hadn’t even talked to her? He’d been chatty and all smiles with the girl that night. That is until he’d seen Regina.
“Do you always kiss these girls you want no attachments with the way you kissed her that night?”
Another couple walked by them, noticeably avoiding eye contact with them. Only then did Regina realize she’d gotten loud, so she started walking again. But she wasn’t letting him off with his short answers. Brandon had asked about Antonio, someone she merely worked with and happened to speak to a little too sweetly for his liking. He, on the other hand, had slept with this girl not more than a few weeks ago.
“No, I don’t,” he said, looking straight ahead. “But why does that even matter now?”
Regina wasn’t sure why it mattered, but it did. It hadn’t dawned on her until today, when seeing the restaurant brought back the blinding reminder of how recently he’d been with someone else. Suddenly, she needed to know more about Serenity. They’d both looked a little too smitten with each other that night. Given that one kiss Regina had been witness to, it turned her stomach to think of the night they must’ve had. She wasn’t so sure anymore if she’d been stupidly naïve or not to buy into his no-return-visits’ rule. Who behaved that way in public the very first time they met? Neither of them appeared to be drunk. And who did Regina think she was to believe she was so damn special she’d been the only one he’d ever returned to?
“No?” She glared at him. “So she was special, then?”
If they weren’t already on the crowded sidewalk of the strip, she might yank her hand away from him like a child having a fit. She felt completely duped. Had he made that girl with the stripper name feel as special as he had Regina all week?
They walked up to the young lady standing at the hostess bar just outside the Italian restaurant. Still seething, Regina hadn’t even heard what the hostess asked them until Brandon tugged at her hand gently.
“You like to people watch, right?” he asked. “So outside?”
Regina barely acknowledged him. She was in no mood to do any people watching or even be there anymore. A part of her told her she was being ridiculous getting so worked up over something like this, but then clarity kept winning out. The little naïve bubble she’d lived in so blissfully this entire last week had just burst. She should’ve known this was too good to be true. He was too good to be true.
The moment the hostess took their drink orders and walked away Brandon reached across the table and took her hand before she could pull it away.
“That kiss you saw . . .”
He squeezed her hand when she tried to pull it away. Okay, maybe she didn’t want to know more about that damn kiss anymore. Hearing him address it made her sick to her stomach, and a knot was already beginning to form at her throat. Why hadn’t she just let it go?
“It was the only time I kissed her that entire night.”
Regina laughed; although, she felt more like crying now than laughing. Had she really been so blinded by his charm and trying to figure out his inscrutable personality all week that he now thought he could pull this bullshit on her too? She was only glad they were outside and the buzz of the people and cars going up and down the strip was so loud because her exaggerated scoff had been pretty loud.
“Really?” she asked, lowering her voice. Her heart felt completely smothered now because she knew how much kissing went hand in hand with his lovemaking. “So when you took her home and fucked her, you never once kissed her?”
That did it. She’d officially ruined their evening. She’d taken this from a fairly calm and still-salvageable argument and made it nasty. They could’ve been sitting there enjoying a delectable dessert and then gone home to make beautiful love again. Instead, she wouldn’t even be able to eat now, and she’d probably be spending the night alone for the first time since he’d first spent the night at her place. Worse yet, she felt on the verge of crossing over to that other side, that side she’d crossed over one too many times and was the reason why she’d been on meds for months. She picked up her glass of water, hoping Brandon didn’t notice her shaking hand.
Brandon squeezed her other hand a little harder, closing his eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath. “This really is not the time or place for this, baby—”
“Don’t call me that,” she snapped, tugging her hand out of his grip. “But you’re right. I don’t think I wanna be here anymore.”
“That kiss was for you, Regina,” he said, very determined. “I kissed her out of desperation. I panicked, okay?”
“What?” Regina peered at him.
Desperation? He looked anything but desperate that night. Regina crossed her arms in front of her, not sure if she was more annoyed or curious now.
“I supposed you took her home out of desperation too?”
“Look,” he said, glancing around, and lowered his voice a bit. “You said it yourself the other day.” He glanced down at her still noticeably unstable hand. “Obviously, there is still a lot that you and I don’t know about each other. But trust me on this one. Please. That girl that night meant as much to me as any of the other girls I’ve never seen again.”
Sitting up a little straighter, Regina tried desperately to regain some of the composure she felt slipping away so quickly. “What exactly did you panic about, Brandon?”
This time Brandon took a sip of his own water, and that made her nervous. Her heart ached to think maybe she really was on to him and he knew it.
“Give me your hand,” he said, gently but firmly reaching his out for her.
If she weren’t in such need to feel instant comfort, she might’ve protested. Instead, she glanced down at his hand, tempted to give in.
“Please,” he added.
She did, trying her damnedest to keep it from shaking, and prayed whatever he said next would make everything better. She wasn’t ready to give this up just yet.
“I told you,” he began as reached for her other hand and squeezed both in his. “I fought my attraction to you from the very beginning. That morning when you confronted me, I already knew I was losing that battle. As much as I was still determined to continue fighting it, I knew the one thing that would make it impossible was the remote possibility that you were attracted to me too. Because of the way I had treated you up until then, I didn’t think you could be. Yet I saw something in your eyes, even through your anger, that morning. Then, when you showed up at that restaurant looking at me like you did, I panicked.”
He shook his head with a frown. “It was a last-ditch effort to walk away with my rules still safely intact and my world not being turned upside down.”
Regina stared at him, relieved by everything he’d just told her, except that last part. Before she could ask, the waitress dropped off their coffee and tea, and Brandon put in the order for her slice of tiramisu and a crème brûlée.
Hating that she couldn’t bring herself to even look away from him for even a moment, she chastised herself for the instant heat she felt as he smiled at the waitress sweetly. She’d never been this insecure. Ryan used to flirt with their waitresses openly, and she’d laugh. Brandon was just being polite here. As serious as he was, until that night she saw him with that girl, she’d been certain he never smiled, much less had a flirtatious side.
The waitress had just walked away when Regina asked, “I turned your life upside down?”
To her surprise, he nodded, still very serious. “Yes. Yes, you did.” He lifted one of her hands to his mouth and kissed it. “But in a good way. As fast as this happened, I already can’t imagine my life without you. I just wish I could make you understand the reasons behind my rules. Kissing like I love kissing you was another major no-no. It’s why that kiss you saw me give Serenity was the only time I kissed her that entire night. And it was only because I panicked.”
Regina peered at him, still finding that hard to believe.
Taking a deep breath, he suddenly looked very determined. “I’ve always been a loner, Regina, my whole life. My home life wasn’t anything I wanted to share with anyone. It wasn’t pretty.” His jaw went taut as she’d seen it before when his expressions would go so icy all of a sudden, so she squeezed his hand. “My father was abusive, mostly to my mom but also with me sometimes if I ever tried to defend her, which happened more and more as I go older. Then, the only time I ever allowed myself to get close to anyone and open up even just a little bit was with the girl I told you about.” He shook his head. “It’s a long story, babe.”
“You said she wasn’t a girlfriend.”
“She wasn’t, and she’s not the whole reason for my fear of attachments.”
Fear? He’d called it a rule. Never once had he mentioned a fear, and this girl was part of the reason? Swallowing back her sudden anxiety, Regina reminded herself this was a long time ago. Obviously, he’d seen the unease on her face because he reached for her other hand.
“It’s complicated, Regina, not the part about her but—”
“Then tell me the part about her. You said she wasn’t your girlfriend but it’s a long story. I’m curious now.”
Brandon’s head fell back for a moment; then he inhaled deeply and began. He went all the way back to when he was a kid. Her name was Sofie. He’d grown up down the street from her and what he referred to her junkyard dog brothers. No one dared mess with her unless they had a death wish.
“I lived in that house in the neighborhood,” he said then took a bitter drink of his tea. “You know the one. There’s one in every neighborhood—the one where the cops have to be called out at least once a week because of some domestic disturbance. My family was the only trouble in the otherwise peaceful upscale neighborhood. I was known as a loner and a loser, and, yeah, when I was a lot younger, my way of dealing with being called a loser or looked down on was to act out. So I pissed her brothers off a lot. Even got my ass kicked a few times, so, of course, there was no way I was allowed anywhere near her where her brothers were concerned.”
Regina listened intently as he fast forwarded to his senior year in high school. Sofie was all grown up and really turning heads, including Brandon’s. He said he really thought he’d made a connection with her because she was in his Geometry class and they sat together. Sofie had told him she’d come to realize over the years he was misunderstood, not bad like everyone made him out to be.
“We talked a lot, and I thought we’d gotten pretty close.” He shrugged. “Closer than I’d ever been to anyone in my life. And then I left to join the Marines. Long story short is during a leave when I came back she was all grown up and in a relationship. But that didn’t stop us from having a moment.” For the first time since he’d begun talking, he broke their eye contact, looking down at his glass. “I kissed her, and not only did she let me but she kissed me back. Up until then, it was the only time I’d kissed someone, and it didn’t feel meaningless. I thought she felt it too.” Finally, he looked up and met Regina’s eyes again. “I was wrong. End of story.”
“What do you mean you were wrong? Did she tell you or you just assumed?”
“Nope, she told me.” He shook his head. “I was nothing more than a curiosity to her, a chance to be with the forbidden bad boy, to kiss someone other than the only other guy she’d ever kissed—her boyfriend. But she called it a mistake. I was probably the biggest mistake a good girl like her ever made.”
“How good could she be?” Regina asked, trying not to sound as bitchy as thinking about this girl made her feel. “She let you kiss her when she had a boyfriend.”
“Yeah, well, like I said, she took it back real fast and sent me packing. She didn’t want anything to do with me after that. Of course, when her brothers found out about our moment, they made me out to be the villain who’d taken advantage of their innocent little sister. One of them even made it a point to come down to my place and warn me of what would happen if I ever came around her again. So that was that.” He squeezed her hand but sat back when the waitress arrived with their desserts.
Regina had just about lost her appetite. Brandon thanked the waitress and motioned for her to eat as the waitress walked away.
“She’s not the reason I swore off attachments of any kind, okay? She’s just been the closest thing I ever had to one. I’d been so far off the mark it confirmed I didn’t do them—I was no good at them. My dad was cold and heartless with no desire to connect with anyone. It wasn’t a surprise. I didn’t even cry at his funeral, but then when my mom was killed less than two weeks later, I went completely numb. I didn’t feel anything. I never cried. I didn’t take time off work. Hell, I didn’t even give her a proper good-bye. No services, no nothing. Just took her ashes and dumped them out in the lake the way we discussed at my father’s funeral just weeks earlier. She didn’t want services, but as her only son, I should’ve given her a proper good-bye. That’s when I became convinced that I’d turned into my dad, and I wasn’t about to put another woman through the hell he put my mom through.”
Regina had only taken a few bites of her cake, but now she was sick to her stomach. She stared at him, speechless.
“That’s why I swore off attachments of any kind.”
“You said you feared them,” Regina reminded him, but he said nothing. “Do you still?”
To her relief, he shook his head. “I know now that, unlike my dad, I am capable of feeling very deeply for someone, but I’m not gonna lie. It makes me nervous to think maybe this won’t work out. I made the exception to take a chance this one time. If something goes wrong, I know I never will again.”
Suddenly, that knot she’d felt earlier was back, but this time it was for a different reason. She reached for his hand and kissed it as he so often did to her. “Nothing’s gonna go wrong,” she assured him. “As long you promise me you’ll always be this honest with me, we’ll make this work.”
Regina had thought it before, but now she was sure of it. Brandon was different from any guy she’d ever met. Now that she had a better understanding of his heartbreaking past, she understood why. They weren’t so different from each other. She too had gone through some very dark times. Now she and Brandon could look forward to the brighter times ahead of them. Together.
And those kisses. Dear God those kisses that melted her into a puddle were something he’d saved exclusively for her—the only girl he’d made an exception for. Her heart felt swollen to twice its size.
“What’s past is prologue,” she whispered.
His eyes brightened, making her sm
ile. “That’s right,” he said. “That’s why I’m here with you now.”
Chapter Seventeen
Brandon
The following two Sundays, Brandon had made sure to mention before Regina even brought up the brunches that he had plans. She had already told him these brunches would be a weekly thing and unless she had good reason to not make them she’d likely be there every time.
Brandon knew it was just a matter of time before he’d have to suck it up and meet her family. He just needed a little more time. This whole relationship thing was a huge change for him. While everything seemed to be going smoothly and telling her about his past and his dad had been less painless than he’d anticipated, he was still trying to get it right. What he had agreed to was to meet her friend Janecia for what had started out as their girls’ night out on Fridays but had now turned into date night.
This, of course, was another first for him. Fortunately, Janecia’s boyfriend, Clay, was a cool dude. He was a little on the foul-mouthed side but otherwise easy to hang with and talk to while the girls caught up on their girl talk. It helped that he seemed just as crazy about Janecia as Brandon was about Regina, because at this point, there was no hiding how he could barely keep his hands and lips off her. It should have been embarrassing, but Clay’s behaving pretty much the same way with Janecia made Brandon’s behavior seem less offensive.
This was the third Friday they’d done this, and Brandon was feeling way better about it than the first time. Just like the first two times, the girls laughed a lot, but this time there was a lot more talking between the couples, not just the girls having their own girl conversation while Brandon and Clay talked motorcycles, their careers, and sports.
Everything had been going fine until the girls came back from their third trip to the restroom. They were both very quiet compared to how they’d been before they left, and Regina was noticeably upset. Brandon had noticed they were gone a bit longer this time, and he wondered if something may’ve happened to them on their way back.