She shook her head, feeling a little stupid. “Art?”
“Yeah, who’d you think it was?”
Not wanting to get into it with him and in a hurry to get to Brandon, she played it off. “A friend of mine. I was just being silly. What’s up?”
“Bad news, babe. Dad’s back in the hospital.” Her heart tanked, and she gripped the wheel. “It’s not looking good. They want us all down there ASAP. I’d just gotten home when I got the call. I could swing by and get you.”
“No!” she said, the lump in her throat nearly unbearable, and her voice gave. “Not looking good?” she cried as she pulled out of the parking space. “What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. They just told me to get there as soon as I could and to get you on the way. Gina, you shouldn’t drive like this.”
“Too late. I’m already on my way. I’ll just meet you there.”
As soon as she hung up, she let out a sob, banging her steering wheel. “Daddy, wait for me, please!”
~~~
The moment she arrived at the hospital, she knew she was too late. Bell tore herself away from Romero, whose chest she was latched on to, and ran to Gina.
“Sissy, he’s gone! Daddy’s gone!” she sobbed, wrapping her arms around her.
Regina nearly collapsed, but she held onto Bell with a shuddering bawl. She allowed herself to fall apart for just a few minutes as she and Bell clung to each other. When she walked into her father’s room where her mom was sitting holding his lifeless hand praying, it took everything in her, but she held it together. Pat stood next to her mom, crying softly, and Gina hugged her then leaned over and kissed her mom on the head.
“How are you feeling, Mom?”
Her mom didn’t answer. She didn’t even look up. She just kept praying and brought her husband’s hand to her cheek.
Instantly, Regina was all business. “Have they checked her blood pressure?” Bell and Pat exchanged blank glances. “They need to,” she said, heading out.
Just as she’d been afraid of, her mom’s blood pressure had spiked. Regina’s grief turned into utter dread. She’d just lost one parent. The last thing she wanted was to have to worry about her mom making herself sick over this. Not surprising, her mom hadn’t remembered to take her medicine lately as she should. Her mom took it and was taken out of the room so she could sit somewhere and relax away from the sight of her dead husband until her blood pressure went down. Regina sat with her and her siblings, and they spoke calmly about the good times with her dad, remembering only things that made her mom smile even if both her sisters were a mess.
Bell held onto Romero, burying her face in his neck. Art held Pat, comforting her as Regina continued to speak to her mother soothingly. After about an hour, they were allowed back in her father’s room for a final good-bye. Both Pat and Bell said they’d stay the night with her mom. Regina needed to leave—needed the luxury of falling apart like she really wanted to. She took the long numbing drive home where she’d now spend her first night without Brandon, grieving alone.
~~~
Afraid of giving into the temptation of calling Brandon, Regina dropped her cell phone on the floor and then proceeded to bang on it with the bat she’d pulled out of the closet. When she was satisfied it was completely non-functional, she proceeded to smash the mirror on the wall and then the lamp on the table next to it. Little by little as she obliterated everything in her sight she fell on the floor, taking another big swig straight from the wine bottle, and sobbed.
This was exactly why she didn’t want to be tempted to call him. She didn’t want anyone, but especially Brandon, to see her this way. The excruciating pain of losing her father manifested itself and was quickly becoming too overwhelming. It was making her feel as if she was losing her mind—she could barely breathe, and she no longer had the will to fight the temptation to pull the gun out of that trunk. If Brandon caught her this way, this may be the last time he ever saw her, and she’d be damned if she wanted him to remember her this way.
She hated feeling so weak, but she was. Any strength she needed to try and get through this subsided with every second that passed. “Why!” she screamed, agonized.
It was a question that just poured out. She didn’t even know what exactly she was asking, or maybe she did. Why was she so weak? Why the fuck couldn’t she deal with pain like normal people? What was wrong with her!
The vision of her father lying lifeless in his hospital bed with her mother sitting by his side hit her suddenly. It felt as if someone had taken her bat and pummeled her with it.
“No!” she screamed, shaking her head as if the louder she screamed the more she could will the vision and the reality that her father was gone. “No!”
Scrambling onto her knees, she scurried toward the wooden chest, spilling the near empty bottle of wine on the floor in the process. Flinging the chest open, she grabbed at things—old pictures, Ryan’s baseball glove, everything she hadn’t wanted to look at in over a year—and flung them all aside until she saw it: the gun.
Her heart pounded against her chest, and she began shaking, but she reached for it. She reached for the box with the ammunition too and took it in her other hand. Holding the cold gun in her hand brought back all those memories of that dreadful day, the day she’d been interrupted. “Not today,” she said with conviction and stood up shakily.
She made her way up the stairs to her bedroom, nearly tripping along the way. Thoughts of Brandon and how her fall had brought them together came to her, and she nearly smiled. Then reality slammed into her mercilessly, and she felt her face crumble again.
Rushing now, she opened the door to her bathroom and walked in, locking it behind her. She’d do it this time, and the world would be rid of her pathetic ass once and for all.
She sat on the cold floor for a moment, silently, as the tears continued to roll down her cheek with one thought: Brandon. How naïve she’d been to think his love could make her better—his presence in her life could somehow make her stronger. She was hopeless. Even her beautiful Brandon hadn’t been enough to give her the strength to fight through this suffocating pain.
Setting the gun on the floor, her hands nearly shook out of control as she reached for the box of ammo and took a single bullet out. It was all she needed.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Brandon
Glad that it was Friday, Brandon had arrived at work that morning, somewhat dreading to see Regina. He’d been both surprised and disappointed she never showed up or even called him back last night. Twice he’d almost given into the temptation of calling her. Even arguing with her would be better than going the whole night not seeing or speaking to her.
Mainly he’d dreaded seeing her today because he knew how badly it would hurt if she did or said nothing to try and rectify the situation. Clearly, she didn’t care enough to call him back last night, and he knew telling her to go to hell had a lot to do with it. He’d actually been disappointed when he realized she hadn’t come in to work today.
He thought of her anxiety issues. The possibility that maybe this fight and his telling her it was over could have made her lose it, had him calling her by noon. He’d put it off, telling himself she was fine and that she was probably just being melodramatic by not showing up today. Even he had considered staying put today—calling in sick—something he’d so rarely done in all his years in the Marines. He’d seriously considered it today, not to be melodramatic but because after tossing and turning nearly the entire night he’d been tired as shit this morning. He knew he’d be a zombie all day. The only thing that got him out of bed and to work was the possibility of seeing her.
Regina had ignored all his calls, but he left no messages. Even though a small part of him worried that she might not be well, an even bigger part was still pissed—pissed that she’d gone as far as calling Sofie to get the whole truth. It still burned him up that it’d taken one conversation with the sweet and fair Alex Moreno to trigger enough doubt or suspi
cion that she’d be acting like she did when she got home. One fucking conversation. She’d even flinched at his touch! It’d been such a huge blow—such a huge disappointment—he still couldn’t get over it, and he doubted he would any time soon.
He’d actually driven around his block twice after work, talking himself out of driving down to her place, because he could hardly stand going another minute without seeing or hearing from her.
Deciding he’d call her again, he frowned when the line beeped just as her line rang. He glanced at the screen on the off chance it might be her, but he didn’t recognize the number. He waited for her line to ring again, but it didn’t. Like all the other times, it went to voicemail. Then suddenly it hit him. The phone number on the screen was familiar, and he remembered Pat had his number. He glanced at the number on the screen and cursed himself for not saving her number that day.
Remembering why Pat had called him last time, he hit the answer button, dreading why she might be calling him again if this was her. “Hello?”
“Is Gina with you?” Pat asked a little too quickly—too panicked.
“No why?” he asked, turning left towards Regina’s place as his heart sped up.
“I’ve been calling her all day. So has Bell. She hasn’t returned our calls. None of us remember her saying if she was going into work today or not. She was fine last night when she left the hospital, but—”
“The hospital?” he asked, punching the numbers into the keyboard at the entrance of the closed gate of Regina’s community gate. “Is your dad sick again?”
Pat went quiet. “She didn’t tell you?”
“No,” he said, speeding towards her condo, the sheer panic spreading like fire “What happened?”
“Daddy had another heart attack last night,” she said, her trembling voice breaking. “Only this time he didn’t make it.”
It wasn’t until he was at Regina’s door that he realized he’d dropped the phone without so much as telling Pat he was sorry or even good-bye. To his enormous relief, the door wasn’t locked, but the relief was short lived. Her front room was ransacked. The sight of everything in it smashed including the mirror nearly stopped his heart.
He went cold when his eyes zeroed in on the empty wine bottle on the floor next to the big open chest in the corner. It looked as if it’d been rifled through.
I never got rid of the gun. It’s buried in there somewhere.
The instant it hit him he shot upstairs like a madman. “Regina!” he yelled out. Seeing how she’d trashed her room as well only panicked him further as he searched around frantically for her. “Baby, where are you?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Regina
Hearing Brandon’s voice made her shaky hands move faster and she began to whimper. The sudden bang against the door made her flinch. The door knob rattled, and Regina’s head jerked up to make sure she’d locked it. “Regina baby, open the door!”
Her whimpering got louder until she couldn’t hold it in anymore. What little calm she’d managed so she could load the damn gun was gone. Brandon’s voice alone was enough to make her even more emotional. “He’s gone, Brandon!” Her words were a bit slurred to her own ears. “My daddy’s gone! I didn’t even get to say good-bye to him!”
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he assured her, rattling the door knob again. “Just open the door and let me in, please.”
She sobbed louder now, the cruel reality once again slapping her in the face and squeezing her heart. “Oh my God, he’s gone! He’s really gone. I can’t take this, Brandon. I can’t. It hurts so bad. I just wanna die.”
“No, you don’t!” he yelled as she felt him push against the door. “Your dad wouldn’t want that either. Listen to me, baby. It’s gonna be fine. You’re gonna be fine. Just open the door, okay?”
“I just want this pain to go away. I finished all my wine—”
“I’ll get you more!” he yelled, continuing to push against the door. “Just promise me you won’t do anything crazy.”
Suddenly, his voice was level with her, coming in from crack in the door very close to her ear. “Baby, please, let me in. I wanna hold you. I wanna make you feel better.”
She touched her fingers to the door where she knew his face was just on the other side. “I don’t wanna feel anything anymore.” She sobbed.
“No! No, don’t say that!” The nearness of his voice against the door was gone, and she imagined he was back on his feet. “Regina.” His panicked voice broke in a way she’d never heard it as he rattled the knob in vain. “Please don’t do anything right now. You’re not well. You’re upset and you’ve been drinking!” He went silent for a moment, and then he spoke again in a near whisper. “Do you have the gun in there?”
“Yes!” she screamed. “Because I’m a fucking coward and this is the only way I’ll be able to deal with this! I’m not strong like you.”
“Yes, you are!” he yelled. “You can do this. Let me help you.”
“No, I can’t. I can’t!” she cried. “I’m sorry, Brandon. Tell my family I’m sorry, but I just can’t do this.”
She was sobbing uncontrollably, but she could still make out what he was yelling. “I’m not telling them, Regina, because you’re not gonna do this. You’re gonna be fine. Stay with me, babe.”
She pressed her lips together in an effort to not scream out anymore because she hated to hear him so panicked. She managed to speak again without sobbing.
“I love you, Brandon. Never forget that.”
She felt him lunge at the door again and heard it crack. “No, baby, please! Please, I’m begging you,” he cried. Cried. Brandon was crying. Hearing how tortured he sounded did something to her. “I’m not strong. I need you. I need you, baby. I can’t live without you, Regina,” he wailed through the crack of the door, banging against it some more.
Something snapped in her head, hearing how tormented Brandon sounded all because of her. She struggled to get up, still holding the gun in her hand. She thought of Ryan and what his loss had done to her. How could she be so selfish? He loved her as much as she loved him, and she loved him more than anything. If he did this to her, she’d be instantly destroyed. How could she even think of doing it to him? She was a complete idiot! With clarity setting in, it felt as if the heavens had opened up and she’d finally seen the light. Fumbling with the ridiculously big gun, she nearly fell as the room moved sideways and her head spun a little. “Brandon, I’m so sorry!”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Brandon
“No! Don’t do this to me, please. I love you so much. I’m sorry about yesterday. I’m sorry about everything. I’d do anything for you—”
The sudden and unforgiving earsplitting sound of the gun going off and then the thud of her body hitting the floor took his breath away, and he stood there, shaking. His mouth fell open as he felt his heart shatter. The tears continued to flow down his face, and when he was finally able to speak, he cried out. “Regina?”
There was complete silence on the other side of the door, and the next sound he heard was out of his own mouth as he let out an agonized wail. “Noooo!” He fell on his knees against the door, sobbing and refusing to believe it. “No!”
The pain was like something he’d never felt in his life. He knew now why she’d be so desperate to make it go away. It was ruthless, and part of him, the child in him, still wanted to believe this hadn’t happened. This was just a nightmare he’d wake from.
Moving his head numbly, he looked down, expecting to see blood dripping out from under the door, but there was none. He blinked, still not able to believe what just happened, and then his insides began to warm. This wasn’t like when his parents had passed. He wouldn’t just get over it this time and move on with his emotionless life. He knew now he did feel. He felt a lot, damn it, and what he was feeling right now would never pass.
He hadn’t lied when he told her he couldn’t live without her. Remembering the gun on the other side of the door, he spru
ng to his feet. With the adrenaline blazing through him now, he cursed God as he kicked the door.
“This is the life you handed me!” he yelled as he slammed his body into the door and heard it crack again. “Are you fucking mocking me?” He kicked it even harder, and this time it finally cracked open. “Well, I don’t want it! You hear me? I don’t want this fucked-up life anymore! I won’t live without her!”
Pushing the door open, his anger subsided as he saw her body on the floor, blocking the door, and he was inundated with pain again. He struggled to get the door open with her lifeless body blocking it, but he finally managed, and he dropped to his knees next to her and sobbed.
At first, he was so consumed with grief all he could think of was looking for the gun because he couldn’t take another agonizing moment of seeing his beautiful princess like that. He could hardly see straight as he continued to sob like a child, taking her body in his arms.
~~~
It was first time since the day of the burial Brandon visited the cemetery. He’d been so bitter back then he swore he’d never return. He’d told himself there was nothing here for him, no reason to come back ever, but now it was time and he had to.
Kneeling down in front of the small tombstone, he laid the single daisy over the grave. It was time to say good-bye once and for all to the belief that he didn’t need love—that he didn’t need friends and family—that he was strong because he didn’t cry, didn’t show emotion, and didn’t beg. He knew now just how much he needed all those things that for years he’d said he could happily do without. He’d never be that man again.
Feeling the gentle touch on his shoulder, Brandon looked up at his beautiful Regina. He was thankful now and would be every single day of his life that he had her in it, because he needed her. He couldn’t live without her, and he told her as often as she’d let him. He touched her hand then brought it to his lips and kissed it. She leaned over and kissed his head. “I’ll give you a moment to be alone with your dad, okay? I’m gonna be over at that bench.” She pointed.