He made me wait an hour and keep down a big glass of water before he fried me some eggs. I felt perfectly normal, just a little tired from being up in the middle of the night. He put on CNNwed been so out of touch, world war three could have broken out and we wouldnt have knownand I lounged drowsily across his lap.
I got bored with the news and twisted around to kiss him. Just like this morning, a sharp pain hit my stomach when I moved. I lurched away from him, my hand tight over my mouth. I knew Id never make it to the bathroom this time, so I ran to the kitchen sink.
He held my hair again.
Maybe we should go back to Rio, see a doctor, he suggested anxiously when I was rinsing my mouth afterward.
I shook my head and edged toward the hallway. Doctors meant needles. Ill be fine right after I brush my teeth.
When my mouth tasted better, I searched through my suitcase for the little first-aid kit Alice had packed for me, full of human things like bandages and painkillers andmy object nowPepto-Bismol. Maybe I could settle my stomach and calm Edward down.
But before I found the Pepto, I happened across something else that Alice had packed for me. I picked up the small blue box and stared at it in my hand for a long moment, forgetting everything else.
Then I started counting in my head. Once. Twice. Again.
The knock startled me; the little box fell back into the suitcase.
Are you well? Edward asked through the door. Did you get sick again?
Yes and no, I said, but my voice sounded strangled.
Bella? Can I please come in? Worriedly now.
O kay?
He came in and appraised my position, sitting cross-legged on the floor by the suitcase, and my expression, blank and staring. He sat next to me, his hand going to my forehead at once.
Whats wrong?
How many days has it been since the wedding? I whispered.
Seventeen, he answered automatically. Bella, what is it?
I was counting again. I held up a finger, cautioning him to wait, and mouthed the numbers to myself. Id been wrong about the days before. Wed been here longer than Id thought. I started over again.
Bella! he whispered urgently. Im losing my mind over here.
I tried to swallow. It didnt work. So I reached into the suitcase and fumbled around until I found the little blue box of tampons again. I held them up silently.
He stared at me in confusion. What? Are you trying to pass this illness off as PMS?
No, I managed to choke out. No, Edward. Im trying to tell you that my period is five days late.
His facial expression didnt change. It was like I hadnt spoken.
I dont think I have food poisoning, I added.
He didnt respond. He had turned into a sculpture.
The dreams, I mumbled to myself in a flat voice. Sleeping so much. The crying. All that food. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Edwards stare seemed glassy, as if he couldnt see me anymore.
Reflexively, almost involuntarily, my hand dropped to my stomach.
Oh! I squeaked again.
I lurched to my feet, slipping out of Edwards unmoving hands. Id never changed out of the little silk shorts and camisole Id worn to bed. I yanked the blue fabric out of the way and stared at my stomach.
Impossible, I whispered.
I had absolutely no experience with pregnancy or babies or any part of that world, but I wasnt an idiot. Id seen enough movies and TV shows to know that this wasnt how it worked. I was only five days late. If I was pregnant, my body wouldnt even have registered that fact. I would not have morning sickness. I would not have changed my eating or sleeping habits.
And I most definitely would not have a small but defined bump sticking out between my hips.
I twisted my torso back and forth, examining it from every angle, as if it would disappear in exactly the right light. I ran my fingers over the subtle bulge, surprised by how rock hard it felt under my skin.
Impossible, I said again, because, bulge or no bulge, period or no period (and there was definitely no period, though Id never been late a day in my life), there was no way I could be pregnant. The only person Id ever had sex with was a vampire, for crying out loud.
A vampire who was still frozen on the floor with no sign of ever moving again.
So there had to be some other explanation, then. Something wrong with me. A strange South American disease with all the signs of pregnancy, only accelerated
And then I remembered somethinga morning of internet research that seemed a lifetime ago now. Sitting at the old desk in my room at Charlies house with gray light glowing dully through the window, staring at my ancient, wheezing computer, reading avidly through a website called Vampires AZ. It had been less than twenty-four hours since Jacob Black, trying to entertain me with the Quileute legends he didnt believe in yet, had told me that Edward was a vampire. Id scanned anxiously through the first entries on the site, which was dedicated to vampire myths around the world. The Filipino Danag, the Hebrew Estrie, the Romanian Varacolaci, the Italian Stregoni benefici (a legend actually based on my new father-in-laws early exploits with the Volturi, not that Id known anything about that at the time) Id paid less and less attention as the stories had grown more and more implausible. I only remembered vague bits of the later entries. They mostly seemed like excuses dreamed up to explain things like infant mortality ratesand infidelity. No, honey, Im not having an affair! That sexy woman you saw sneaking out of the house was an evil succubus. Im lucky I escaped with my life! (Of course, with what I knew now about Tanya and her sisters, I suspected that some of those excuses had been nothing but fact.) There had been one for the ladies, too. How can you accuse me of cheating on youjust because youve come home from a two-year sea voyage and Im pregnant? It was the incubus. He hypnotized me with his mystical vampire powers.
That had been part of the definition of the incubusthe ability to father children with his hapless prey.
I shook my head, dazed. But
I thought of Esme and especially Rosalie. Vampires couldnt have children. If it were possible, Rosalie would have found a way by now. The incubus myth was nothing but a fable.
Except that well, there was a difference. Of course Rosalie could not conceive a child, because she was frozen in the state in which she passed from human to inhuman. Totally unchanging. And human womens bodies had to change to bear children. The constant change of a monthly cycle for one thing, and then the bigger changes needed to accommodate a growing child. Rosalies body couldnt change.
But mine could. Mine did. I touched the bump on my stomach that had not been there yesterday.
And human menwell, they pretty much stayed the same from puberty to death. I remembered a random bit of trivia, gleaned from who knows where: Charlie Chaplin was in his seventies when he fathered his youngest child. Men had no such thing as child-bearing years or cycles of fertility.
Of course, how would anyone know if vampire men could father children, when their partners were not able? What vampire on earth would have the restraint necessary to test the theory with a human woman? Or the inclination?
I could think of only one.
Part of my head was sorting through fact and memory and speculation, while the other halfthe part that controlled the ability to move even the smallest muscleswas stunned beyond the capacity for normal operations. I couldnt move my lips to speak, though I wanted to ask Edward to please explain to me what was going on. I needed to go back to where he sat, to touch him, but my body wouldnt follow instructions. I could only stare at my shocked eyes in the mirror, my fingers gingerly pressed against the swelling on my torso.
And then, like in my vivid nightmare last night, the scene abruptly transformed. Everything I saw in the mirror looked completely different, though nothing actually was different.
What happened to change everything was that a soft little nudge bumped my handfrom inside my body.
In the same moment, Edwards phone rang, shrill and demanding. Neither of us moved. It ra
ng again and again. I tried to tune it out while I pressed my fingers to my stomach, waiting. In the mirror my expression was no longer bewilderedit was wondering now. I barely noticed when the strange, silent tears started streaming down my cheeks.
The phone kept ringing. I wished Edward would answer itI was having a moment. Possibly the biggest of my life.
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Finally, the annoyance broke through everything else. I got down on my knees next to EdwardI found myself moving more carefully, a thousand times more aware of the way each motion feltand patted his pockets until I found the phone. I half-expected him to thaw out and answer it himself, but he was perfectly still.
I recognized the number, and I could easily guess why she was calling.
Hi, Alice, I said. My voice wasnt much better than before. I cleared my throat.
Bella? Bella, are you okay?
Yeah. Um. Is Carlisle there?
He is. Whats the problem?
Im not one hundred percent sure. . . .
Is Edward all right? she asked warily. She called Carlisles name away from the phone and then demanded, Why didnt he pick up the phone? before I could answer her first question.
Im not sure.
Bella, whats going on? I just saw
What did you see?
There was a silence. Heres Carlisle, she finally said.
It felt like ice water had been injected in my veins. If Alice had seen a vision of me with a green-eyed, angel-faced child in my arms, she would have answered me, wouldnt she?
While I waited through the split second it took for Carlisle to speak, the vision Id imagined for Alice danced behind my lids. A tiny, beautiful little baby, even more beautiful than the boy in my dreama tiny Edward in my arms. Warmth shot through my veins, chasing the ice away.
Bella, its Carlisle. Whats going on?
I I wasnt sure how to answer. Would he laugh at my conclusions, tell me I was crazy? Was I just having another colorful dream? Im a little worried about Edward. Can vampires go into shock?
Has he been harmed? Carlisles voice was suddenly urgent.
No, no, I assured him. Just taken by surprise.
I dont understand, Bella.
I think well, I think that maybe I might be . . . I took a deep breath. Pregnant.
As if to back me up, there was another tiny nudge in my abdomen. My hand flew to my stomach.
After a long pause, Carlisles medical training kicked in.
When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?
Sixteen days before the wedding. Id done the mental math thoroughly enough just before to be able to answer with certainty.
How do you feel?
Weird, I told him, and my voice broke. Another trickle of tears dribbled down my cheeks. This is going to sound crazylook, I know its way too early for any of this. Maybe I am crazy. But Im having bizarre dreams and eating all the time and crying and throwing up and and I swear something moved inside me just now.
Edwards head snapped up.
I sighed in relief.
Edward held his hand out for the phone, his face white and hard.
Um, I think Edward wants to talk to you.
Put him on, Carlisle said in a strained voice.
Not entirely sure that Edward could talk, I put the phone in his outstretched hand.
He pressed it to his ear. Is it possible? he whispered.
He listened for a long time, staring blankly at nothing.
And Bella? he asked. His arm wrapped around me as he spoke, pulling me close into his side.
He listened for what seemed like a long time and then said, Yes. Yes, I will.
He pulled the phone away from his ear and pressed the end button. Right away, he dialed a new number.
What did Carlisle say? I asked impatiently.
Edward answered in a lifeless voice. He thinks youre pregnant.
The words sent a warm shiver down my spine. The little nudger fluttered inside me.
Who are you calling now? I asked as he put the phone back to his ear.
The airport. Were going home.
Edward was on the phone for more than an hour without a break. I guessed that he was arranging our flight home, but I couldnt be sure because he wasnt speaking English. It sounded like he was arguing; he spoke through his teeth a lot.
While he argued, he packed. He whirled around the room like an angry tornado, leaving order rather than destruction in his path. He threw a set of my clothes on the bed without looking at them, so I assumed it was time for me to get dressed. He continued with his argument while I changed, gesturing with sudden, agitated movements.
When I could no longer bear the violent energy radiating out of him, I quietly left the room. His manic concentration made me sick to my stomachnot like the morning sickness, just uncomfortable. I would wait somewhere else for his mood to pass. I couldnt talk to this icy, focused Edward who honestly frightened me a little.
Once again, I ended up in the kitchen. There was a bag of pretzels in the cupboard. I started chewing on them absently, staring out the window at the sand and rocks and trees and ocean, everything glittering in the sun.
Someone nudged me.
I know, I said. I dont want to go, either.
I stared out the window for a moment, but the nudger didnt respond.
I dont understand, I whispered. What is wrong here?
Surprising, absolutely. Astonishing, even. But wrong?
No.
So why was Edward so furious? He was the one who had actually wished out loud for a shotgun wedding.
I tried to reason through it.
Maybe it wasnt so confusing that Edward wanted us to go home right away. Hed want Carlisle to check me out, make sure my assumption was rightthough there was absolutely no doubt in my head at this point. Probably theyd want to figure out why I was already so pregnant, with the bump and the nudging and all of that. That wasnt normal.
Once I thought of this, I was sure I had it. He must be so worried about the baby. I hadnt gotten around to freaking out yet. My brain worked slower than hisit was still stuck marveling over the picture it had conjured up before: the tiny child with Edwards eyesgreen, as his had been when he was humanlying fair and beautiful in my arms. I hoped he would have Edwards face exactly, with no interference from mine.
It was funny how abruptly and entirely necessary this vision had become. From that first little touch, the whole world had shifted. Where before there was just one thing I could not live without, now there were two. There was no divisionmy love was not split between them now; it wasnt like that. It was more like my heart had grown, swollen up to twice its size in that moment. All that extra space, already filled. The increase was almost dizzying.
Id never really understood Rosalies pain and resentment before. Id never imagined myself a mother, never wanted that. It had been a piece of cake to promise Edward that I didnt care about giving up children for him, because I truly didnt. Children, in the abstract, had never appealed to me. They seemed to be loud creatures, often dripping some form of goo. Id never had much to do with them. When Id dreamed of Rene providing me with a brother, Id always imagined an older brother. Someone to take care of me, rather than the other way around.
This child, Edwards child, was a whole different story.
I wanted him like I wanted air to breathe. Not a choicea necessity.
Maybe I just had a really bad imagination. Maybe that was why Id been unable to imagine that I would like being married until after I already wasunable to see that I would want a baby until after one was already coming.
As I put my hand on my stomach, waiting for the next nudge, tears streaked down my cheeks again.
Bella?
I turned, made wary by the tone of his voice. It was too cold, too careful. His face matched his voice, empty and hard.
And then he saw that I was crying.
Bella! He crossed the room in a flash and put his hands on my face. Are you in pain?
No, no
He pulled me against his chest. Dont be afraid. Well be home in sixteen hours. Youll be fine. Carlisle will be ready when we get there. Well take care of this, and youll be fine, youll be fine.
Take care of this? What do you mean?
He leaned away and looked me in the eye. Were going to get that thing out before it can hurt any part of you. Dont be scared. I wont let it hurt you.
That thing? I gasped.
He looked sharply away from me, toward the front door. Dammit! I forgot Gustavo was due today. Ill get rid of him and be right back. He darted out of the room.
I clutched the counter for support. My knees were wobbly.
Edward had just called my little nudger a thing. He said Carlisle would get it out.