She choked a little in her uneasy sleep, and both Edward and Rosalie moved in to hover over her. Her body jerked, and she whimpered. Rosalie smoothed her hand across Bellas forehead. Edwards body stiffenedhis back was to me, but his expression must have been something to see, because Emmett wrenched himself between them before there was time to blink. He held his hands up to Edward.
Not tonight, Edward. Weve got other things to worry about.
Edward turned away from them, and he was the burning man again. His eyes met mine for one moment, and then I dropped back to all fours.
I ran back into the dark forest, running to join Seth, running away from what was behind me.
Worse. Yes, she was worse.
12. SOME PEOPLE JUST DONT GRASP THE CONCEPT OF UNWELCOME
I was right on the edge of sleep.
The sun had risen behind the clouds an hour agothe forest was gray now instead of black. Sethd curled up and passed out around one, and Id woken him at dawn to trade off. Even after running all night, I was having a hard time making my brain shut up long enough to fall asleep, but Seths rhythmic run was helping. One, two-three, four, one, two-three, fourdum dum-dum dumdull paw thuds against the damp earth, over and over as he made the wide circuit surrounding the Cullens land. We were already wearing a trail into the ground. Seths thoughts were empty, just a blur of green and gray as the woods flew past him. It was restful. It helped to fill my head with what he saw rather than letting my own images take center stage.
And then Seths piercing howl broke the early morning quiet.
I lurched up from the ground, my front legs pulling toward a sprint before my hind legs were off the ground. I raced toward the place where Seth had frozen, listening with him to the tread of paws running in our direction.
Morning, boys.
A shocked whine broke through Seths teeth. And then we both snarled as we read deeper into the new thoughts.
Oh, man! Go away, Leah! Seth groaned.
I stopped when I got to Seth, head thrown back, ready to howl againthis time to complain.
Cut the noise, Seth.
Right. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! He whimpered and pawed at the ground, scratching deep furrows in the dirt.
Leah trotted into view, her small gray body weaving through the underbrush.
Stop whining, Seth. Youre such a baby.
I growled at her, my ears flattening against my skull. She skipped back a step automatically.
What do you think youre doing, Leah?
She huffed a heavy sigh. Its pretty obvious, isnt it? Im joining your crappy little renegade pack. The vampires guard dogs. She barked out a low, sarcastic laugh.
No, youre not. Turn around before I rip out one of your hamstrings.
Like you could catch me. She grinned and coiled her body for launch. Wanna race, O fearless leader?
I took a deep breath, filling my lungs until my sides bulged. Then, when I was sure I wasnt going to scream, I exhaled in a gust.
Seth, go let the Cullens know that its just your stupid sisterI thought the words as harshly as possible. Ill deal with this.
On it! Seth was only too happy to leave. He vanished toward the house.
Leah whined, and she leaned after him, the fur on her shoulders rising. Youre just going to let him run off to the vampires alone?
Im pretty sure hed rather they took him out than spend another minute with you.
Shut up, Jacob. Oops, Im sorryI meant, shut up, most high Alpha.
Why the hell are you here?
You think Im just going to sit home while my little brother volunteers as a vampire chew toy?
Seth doesnt want or need your protection. In fact, no one wants you here.
Oooh, ouch, thats gonna leave a huge mark. Ha, she barked. Tell me who does want me around, and Im outta here.
So this isnt about Seth at all, is it?
Of course it is. Im just pointing out that being unwanted is not a first for me. Not really a motivating factor, if you know what I mean.
I gritted my teeth and tried to get my head straight.
Did Sam send you?
If I was here on Sams errand, you wouldnt be able to hear me. My allegiance is no longer with him.
I listened carefully to the thoughts mixed in with the words. If this was a diversion or a ploy, I had to be alert enough to see through it. But there was nothing. Her declaration was nothing but the truth. Unwilling, almost despairing truth.
Youre loyal to me now? I asked with deep sarcasm. Uh-huh. Right.
My choices are limited. Im working with the options Ive got. Trust me, Im not enjoying this any more than you are.
That wasnt true. There was an edgy kind of excitement in her mind. She was unhappy about this, but she was also riding some weird high. I searched her mind, trying to understand.
She bristled, resenting the intrusion. I usually tried to tune Leah outId never tried to make sense of her before.
We were interrupted by Seth, thinking his explanation at Edward. Leah whined anxiously. Edwards face, framed in the same window as last night, showed no reaction to the news. It was a blank face, dead.
Wow, he looks bad, Seth muttered to himself. The vampire showed no reaction to that thought, either. He disappeared into the house. Seth pivoted and headed back out to us. Leah relaxed a little.
Whats going on? Leah asked. Catch me up to speed.
Theres no point. Youre not staying.
Actually, Mr. Alpha, I am. Because since apparently I have to belong to someoneand dont think I havent tried breaking off on my own, you know yourself how well that doesnt workI choose you.
Leah, you dont like me. I dont like you.
Thank you, Captain Obvious. That doesnt matter to me. Im staying with Seth.
You dont like vampires. Dont you think thats a little conflict of interest right there?
You dont like vampires either.
But I am committed to this alliance. You arent.
Ill keep my distance from them. I can run patrols out here, just like Seth.
And Im supposed to trust you with that?
She stretched her neck, leaning up on her toes, trying to be as tall as me as she stared into my eyes. I will not betray my pack.
I wanted to throw my head back and howl, like Seth had before. This isnt your pack! This isnt even a pack. This is just me, going off on my own! What is it with you Clearwaters? Why cant you leave me alone?
Seth, just coming up behind us now, whined; Id offended him. Great.
Ive been helpful, havent I, Jake?
You havent made too much a nuisance of yourself, kid, but if you and Leah are a package dealif the only way to get rid of her is for you to go home. Well, can you blame me for wanting you gone?
Ugh, Leah, you ruin everything!
Yeah, I know, she told him, and the thought was loaded with the heaviness of her despair.
I felt the pain in the three little words, and it was more than I wouldve guessed. I didnt want to feel that. I didnt want to feel bad for her. Sure, the pack was rough on her, but she brought it all on herself with the bitterness that tainted her every thought and made being in her head a nightmare.
Seth was feeling guilty, too. Jake Youre not really gonna send me away, are you? Leahs not so bad. Really. I mean, with her here, we can push the perimeter out farther. And this puts Sam down to seven. Theres no way hes going to mount an attack that outnumbered. Its probably a good thing.
You know I dont want to lead a pack, Seth.
So dont lead us, Leah offered.
I snorted. Sounds perfect to me. Run along home now.
Jake, Seth thought. I belong here. I do like vampires. Cullens, anyway. Theyre people to me, and Im going to protect them, cause thats what were supposed to do.
Maybe you belong, kid, but your sister doesnt. And shes going to go wherever you are
I stopped short, because I saw something when I said that. Something Leah had been trying not to think.
Leah wasnt going anywhere.
/>
Thought this was about Seth, I thought sourly.
She flinched. Of course Im here for Seth.
And to get away from Sam.
Her jaw clenched. I dont have to explain myself to you. I just have to do what Im told. I belong to your pack, Jacob. The end.
I paced away from her, growling.
Crap. I was never going to get rid of her. As much as she disliked me, as much as she loathed the Cullens, as happy as shed be to go kill all the vampires right now, as much as it pissed her off to have to protect them insteadnone of that was anything compared to what she felt being free of Sam.
Leah didnt like me, so it wasnt such a chore having me wish she would disappear.
She loved Sam. Still. And having him wish she would disappear was more pain than she was willing to live with, now that she had a choice. She would have taken any other option. Even if it meant moving in with the Cullens as their lapdog.
I dont know if Id go that far, she thought. She tried to make the words tough, aggressive, but there were big cracks in her show. Im sure Id give killing myself a few good tries first.
Look, Leah
No, you look, Jacob. Stop arguing with me, because its not going to do any good. Ill stay out of your way, okay? Ill do anything you want. Except go back to Sams pack and be the pathetic ex-girlfriend he cant get away from. If you want me to leaveshe sat back on her haunches and stared straight into my eyesyoure going to have to make me.
I snarled for a long, angry minute. I was beginning to feel some sympathy for Sam, despite what he had done to me, to Seth. No wonder he was always ordering the pack around. How else would you ever get anything done?
Seth, are you gonna get mad at me if I kill your sister?
He pretended to think about it for a minute. Well yeah, probably.
I sighed.
Okay, then, Ms. Do-Anything-I-Want. Why dont you make yourself useful by telling us what you know? What happened after we left last night?
Lots of howling. But you probably heard that part. It was so loud that it took us a while to figure out that we couldnt hear either of you anymore. Sam was Words failed her, but we could see it in our head. Both Seth and I cringed. After that, it was clear pretty quick that we were going to have to rethink things. Sam was planning to talk to the other Elders first thing this morning. We were supposed to meet up and figure out a game plan. I could tell he wasnt going to mount another attack right away, though. Suicide at this point, with you and Seth AWOL and the bloodsuckers forewarned. Im not sure what theyll do, but I wouldnt be wandering the forest alone if I was a leech. Its open season on vamps now.
You decided to skip the meeting this morning? I asked.
When we split up for patrols last night, I asked permission to go home, to tell my mother what had happened
Crap! You told Mom? Seth growled.
Seth, hold off on the sibling stuff for a sec. Go on, Leah.
So once I was human, I took a minute to think things through. Well, actually, I took all night. I bet the others think I fell asleep. But the whole two-separate-packs, two-separate-pack-minds thing gave me a lot to sift through. In the end, I weighed Seths safety and the, er, other benefits against the idea of turning traitor and sniffing vampire stink for who knows how long. You know what I decided. I left a note for my mom. I expect well hear it when Sam finds out.
Leah cocked an ear to the west.
Yeah, I expect we will, I agreed.
So thats everything. What do we do now? she asked.
She and Seth both looked at me expectantly.
This was exactly the kind of thing I didnt want to have to do.
I guess we just keep an eye out for now. Thats all we can do. You should probably take a nap, Leah.
Youve had as much sleep as I have.
Thought you were going to do what you were told?
Right. Thats going to get old, she grumbled, and then she yawned. Well, whatever. I dont care.
Ill run the border, Jake. Im not tired at all. Seth was so glad I hadnt forced them home, he was all but prancing with excitement.
Sure, sure. Im going to go check in with the Cullens.
Seth took off along the new path worn into the damp earth. Leah looked after him thoughtfully.
Maybe a round or two before I crash. Hey Seth, wanna see how many times I can lap you?
NO!
Barking out a low chuckle, Leah lunged into the woods after him.
I growled uselessly. So much for peace and quiet.
Leah was tryingfor Leah. She kept her jibes to a minimum as she raced around the circuit, but it was impossible not to be aware of her smug mood. I thought of the whole twos company saying. It didnt really apply, because one was plenty to my mind. But if there had to be three of us, it was hard to think of anyone that I wouldnt trade her for.
Paul? she suggested.
Maybe, I allowed.
She laughed to herself, too jittery and hyper to get offended. I wondered how long the buzz from dodging Sams pity would last.
That will be my goal, thento be less annoying than Paul.
Yeah, work on that.
I changed into my other form when I was a few yards from the lawn. I hadnt been planning to spend much time human here. But I hadnt been planning to have Leah in my head, either. I pulled on my ragged shorts and started across the lawn.
The door opened before I got to the steps, and I was surprised to see Carlisle rather than Edward step outside to meet mehis face looked exhausted and defeated. For a second, my heart froze. I faltered to a stop, unable to speak.
Are you all right, Jacob? Carlisle asked.
Is Bella? I choked out.
Shes much the same as last night. Did I startle you? Im sorry. Edward said you were coming in your human form, and I came out to greet you, as he didnt want to leave her. Shes awake.
And Edward didnt want to lose any time with her, because he didnt have much time left. Carlisle didnt say the words out loud, but he might as well have.
It had been a while since Id sleptsince before my last patrol. I could really feel that now. I took a step forward, sat down on the porch steps, and slumped against the railing.
Moving whisper-quiet as only a vampire could, Carlisle took a seat on the same step, against the other railing.
I didnt get a chance to thank you last night, Jacob. You dont know how much I appreciate your compassion. I know your goal was to protect Bella, but I owe you the safety of the rest of my family as well. Edward told me what you had to do. . . .
Dont mention it, I muttered.
If you prefer.
We sat in silence. I could hear the others in the house. Emmett, Alice, and Jasper, speaking in low, serious voices upstairs. Esme humming tunelessly in another room. Rosalie and Edward breathing close byI couldnt tell which was which, but I could hear the difference in Bellas labored panting. I could hear her heart, too. It seemed uneven.
It was like fate was out to make me do everything Id ever sworn I wouldnt in the course of twenty-four hours. Here I was, hanging around, waiting for her to die.
I didnt want to listen anymore. Talking was better than listening.
Shes family to you? I asked Carlisle. It had caught my notice before, when hed said Id helped the rest of his family, too.
Yes. Bella is already a daughter to me. A beloved daughter.
But youre going to let her die.
He was quiet long enough that I looked up. His face was very, very tired. I knew how he felt.
I can imagine what you think of me for that, he finally said. But I cant ignore her will. It wouldnt be right to make such a choice for her, to force her.
I wanted to be angry with him, but he was making it hard. It was like he was throwing my own words back at me, just scrambled up. Theyd sounded right before, but they couldnt be right now. Not with Bella dying. Still I remembered how it felt to be broken on the ground under Samto have no choice but be involved in the murder of someone I loved. It wasnt the same, th
ough. Sam was wrong. And Bella loved things she shouldnt.
Do you think theres any chance shell make it? I mean, as a vampire and all that. She told me about about Esme.
Id say theres an even chance at this point, he answered quietly. Ive seen vampire venom work miracles, but there are conditions that even venom cannot overcome. Her heart is working too hard now; if it should fail there wont be anything for me to do.
Bellas heartbeat throbbed and faltered, giving an agonizing emphasis to his words.
Maybe the planet had started turning backward. Maybe that would explain how everything was the opposite of what it had been yesterdayhow I could be hoping for what had once seemed like the very worst thing in the world.