I’m grateful when he changes the subject to more innocuous topics such as the weather and the self-defense class. I do my best to engage, but the word murder floats around in my brain like a wispy bit of fog that refuses to clear.
Later, when he walks me back to my car parked in front of the gym, it’s completely dark out. Night has fallen, but the weather is oddly mild for the time of year. I sense the tension building between us again and I know he’s about to make a move before he actually does. Just as we approach my car, I step ahead, but his hand slips into mine and pulls me around so that I’m facing him. My heart races but I’m not afraid. I’m not fighting it. I’m just going to let it happen.
His palm is warm and I like the way it envelopes mine. I tilt my chin up. Watching. Waiting. His eyes search mine. He’s giving me that extra moment to pull away. I wait patiently. Anticipating the next few moments.
He reaches up with the other hand and gently runs his fingers through the short hair at the nape of my neck. A shiver runs down my spine. My stomach quivers.
He moves his hand down my neck and along my jaw until his thumb caresses my cheek. This touch is so gentle, so inviting. Unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I want to lean into it and purr from enjoyment, but I hold very still and allow it to happen ever so slowly, almost painfully. I’ve felt a lot of new feelings lately. I want to cherish this one.
My lips part slightly as he leans in. Breathe in, breathe out. He smells delicious. I close my eyes moments before his lips graze mine. It’s a soft touch, barely there. I open my mouth and invite him in. A growl rumbles in his chest and he pulls me against his body, drinking me in. My arms slide up around his neck, while my body presses into his warmth. His hands are in my hair, then cupping my face. We are hungry for each other and it’s so much more than I would have anticipated.
When he pulls away I feel lost. I stare up at him, wanting more. He holds my face in both hands and gazes down at me as if he’s as surprised and lost as I am. “Are you okay?”
I blink. “Yeah, I’m okay. That’s a weird question to ask right now.”
He chuckles softly. “I just don’t want to frighten you off. You’ve been through a lot, and you’re so hard to read. I just don’t know where you stand most of the time. Like I said before, you’re a mystery to me.”
I stretch up on my tiptoes and pull him down so I can lay another soft kiss on his lips. Very quick, very gentle, then pull away. “I’m fine. It was nice. But I’m going to go home now.” I step back and let his arms fall away. A sudden sense of loneliness fills my core and I realize that I crave his presence. Which is why I must go home now.
I dig my keys out of my pocket as I turn toward the car. Hit the unlock button and open the door. Turn and offer a nonchalant smile. He stands with his arms dropped to his side, a baffled expression haunting his features.
“I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”
He nods. “Okay. See you tomorrow. Can I call you later?”
I shake my head. “Still don’t have a phone. I promised my best friend I’d get a new one this weekend.” Without another word I slip into the driver’s seat and start the car. I don’t look back as I drive away. Who was that woman back there kissing Tobin? Who is that woman who killed a man as he lay in a hospital bed?
Who is this woman I’m becoming? She intrigues me. She frightens me.
Later in the evening, I lie awake in bed replaying our kiss on a city street in Everett. Not the most romantic of places, but it didn’t detract from the way he swept me away in that brief moment. A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth and I suddenly wish I had my cell phone so he could have called tonight like he wanted.
The thought of my cell phone piques my interest. I sit upright in bed and swing my legs over the edge, processing an idea. I stand and pad over to where my laptop sits on my dresser by the window. Standing in the dark, I open it and wait for the screen to come alive, then type in my password. I don’t know why I never thought of this before. I log into my Verizon account and scroll through my settings. There it is. The tracker. I’d forgotten that I’d had the feature activated. I should be able to see exactly where my phone is, even if it’s dead.
I click on the link and wait for it to load. With another couple of clicks, I’m on the page where it loads the map. A red dot sits in the center of the screen. A wave of dizziness passes over me. I know that part of town. It’s where Tom lives. Why in the hell did he lie and say he didn’t have it?
I close the laptop and walk to my bed. I don’t know what this means, but I need to decide what I’m going to do about it. Go get my phone or forget about it and move on?
***
The next day, on my way to class, I’m more eager than usual to see Tobin. I want to see how he will react to me since our kiss. I anticipate how it will feel when we spar now during training. It makes my skin tingle. I feel alive again.
Because traffic is a nightmare so close to the Christmas holiday, parking is worse, so I park a block and a half away from the gym. The sky is dark, but so far there is no sign of rain. It’s only a matter of time, so I quickly gather my things and reach for the handle. Just before I open the door, I spot Tobin another half a block down. He’s descending the concrete steps of a restaurant and lounge. I grin with excitement. Another man steps out right behind Tobin.
Tom.
Tobin turns with a grin and shakes Tom’s hand. Mortified, I hunch down in my seat and hope that I’m not seen. What are they doing together? Tobin promised he wouldn’t talk with Tom. I feel the blood drain from my face. I should have never trusted him. Trust no one. Seems like I would have learned that lesson by now.
Filled with dread and disappointment, I start the car. My hands white knuckle the steering wheel as I glance over my shoulder before pulling into traffic. NO. I whip my head forward and slam the car into park again. No. I’m not doing this. I’m not running away. I’m fucking sick of running. Instead, I wait and watch.
My pulse throbs through my fingers, reminding me to loosen my grip on the steering wheel. I take in a deep breath, watching Tom’s cocky stride saunter down the sidewalk to his car. Hold the breath. Hold it. Breathe.
Tobin stands at the curb watching Tom’s departure, as well. His body language is stiff, as if he’s uncomfortable. Maybe it’s the chill in the air today. Maybe it’s the deception. My heart races faster as anger mixes with shock over the situation. Take in another deep breath. Gaze shifts toward Tom. He slides into the driver’s seat. Hold the breath. He pulls away. Switch to Tobin. He’s turning away and walking my direction. Knowing I need to act, I swing open my door and step out. Less than half a block away, Tobin glances up as I round the front of the car. Our gazes lock. He stutter steps. I paste a smile onto my wind-stricken face and march forward. I need him to believe that I haven’t seen a thing.
His expression is stern, his features strong against the bitter cold. But I know it’s a response to seeing me here, now, rather than to the weather.
I wave. “Tobin! Hi. What are you doing here?”
He gives a thin, practiced smile. “Hey, Tess. I’m just on my way to class, of course. Though it’s early yet. I should ask you the same thing.”
We’re face to face now. He stares down at me and a puff of air escapes his lips, proving it’s much too cold out today. I shrug. “Eh, just wanted to put in a little extra time at the gym before class started. That okay?”
He nods and glances over his shoulder nervously, as if making sure Tom’s nowhere in sight. I’ve been wracking my brain in the last few moments on how to handle this precarious situation. “Well, I’m glad I ran into you because I have something I want to show you. Can I borrow your cell phone?” He pauses, offering a suspicious sideways glance.
“Uh, sure.” He reaches into his back jeans pocket, types in the passcode, and hands it over. “What’s this all about?”
I start dialing, not even sure what I’m doing with this half thought out idea, but sure I’m about to prove to Tobi
n that Tom is a jerk and a liar. I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he finds out his friend has my phone. “Well, I got to thinking about how you said I should get a new phone and then it suddenly dawned on me. Why don’t I just call it? Maybe someone found it and will answer?” Knowing no one will answer because the phone is dead at Tom’s house, I stare up into his face with a look of guile forcefully plastered to my face, and hold it to my ear waiting for it to ring. After my call attempt I’ll log into my account and show him the tracker, as if seeing it for the first time. Then he’ll see that Tom has it. “Let’s give it a shot.” My hands tremble. I’m just flying by the seat of my pants.
“Tess, no!” He reaches for me, but I sidestep and twist my body away and out of his reach.
My lips part in eager anticipation as the first ring echoes in my ear. Before the first ring ends, another ring coincides, matching the sound in an eerie echo. But this ring is close, and in real time. I falter, saliva pooling in the sides of my cheeks as my mind wraps around the two mirroring sounds. Tobin’s skin color pales to a yellow pallor. Another ring clangs in my ear, followed by its shadow ring. I glance down, following the trail of sound. Tobin closes his eyes and reaches into his pocket. My arm drops to my side. He holds up my phone. It rings again, louder now that it’s out in the open. Singing its truth song.
“My phone.” The words fall out in a breathless gasp.
“It’s not what you think.”
It feels as if time has slowed to an unmanageable pace. It’s thick and dreamy. I’m drowning. “Then what is it? Because it looks like you have my phone.”
He sighs. “Yes, it’s your phone…”
“I saw you. Just now. I saw you with Tom. You lied. You said you wouldn’t talk with him.” My words tumble out in a frenzy, one run-on sentence.
His jaw twitches. “I know that’s what I said. And I meant it when I said it, but…”
“But what? You decided you didn’t mean it after all?”
“I decided that you only asked because you were scared, and as an investigator who takes his job and protecting you very seriously, I knew I had to do what was right, which was retrieve your phone. He met me today and handed it over without a problem. He was more than willing to hand it over. And as promised, I limited my questioning.”
“As promised? No. That’s not at all what was promised. You said you wouldn’t talk to him at all about us. You never said anything about questioning him and it being okay as long as it was, quote unquote limited. And you sure as hell didn’t say anything about retrieving my phone and not telling me about it.”
He rolls his eyes. “I didn’t have the chance. I was going to give it to you before class. I wanted to surprise you. That’s why I was early.”
“Surprise me? Well, good job. I’m surprised. You and my ex-lover just met in a pub and swapped stories.”
He shakes his head. “No, that’s not what happened. Yesterday I called him. Told him I happened to be the detective on the case and through questioning of witnesses to your case that night, found out that you and he had left the club together. At that point, I asked if he knew where your phone was and he willingly gave it up. No fuss, no muss. It really wasn’t a big deal.” He steps forward and takes my hand. “I wasn’t trying to deceive you, Tessa. You’re important to me. I…I care about you.”
A whirlwind of toxic thoughts swirl through my mind. Is Tobin really just trying to do something kind for me, a romantic gesture? Is Tom really so innocent that he’d give up my phone so easily? Then why did he keep it for so long? Was he just trying to maintain anonymity in the case? Was he afraid? Confusion fogs my brain and I find myself staring up at Tobin, speechless. His admission of feelings only confuses the matter further.
I take two steps back. My hand leaving his. He takes one forward. I shake my head. “I can’t do this right now.” I spin on the ball of my left foot and run toward my car. Cold wind assaults the skin on my face. Tobin calls out after me but I know he’s not following by the way the sound falls away as distance grows between us. He knows better. I need to be alone right now.
***
I sit straight up in bed, the hairs on my arms standing up. I’m not sure what startled me. A dream, a sound? All I know is that I’m suddenly wide awake with the stench of fear strong in my nostrils. My back is sweaty and my heart races in my eardrums. I sit quietly, straining to hear any sounds that don’t belong.
A stifled bump reaches my ears but it sounds like any other bump in the night in city apartment life. I’m okay. Breathe. There’s nothing to fear. Tears well up. It frustrates me how easily I become frightened even after my recent transformation. I worry the fear will never really leave. The memory of earlier today flashes into the forefront of my mind. Tobin. Tom. My phone. I’m dreaming. Paranoid.
Another sound floats over the air. This time it’s more of a shuffle. A shiver runs down my spine. Maybe I’m not hearing things. I slowly pull back the covers and swing both feet over the side of the bed. I’m careful to set my weight down slowly, so as to not make any sound. Holding my breath, I tiptoe in my own bedroom to the door. I wait and listen, my ear perched next to the small gap between the door and the wall, where it’s open a few inches.
Movement catches my eye. I peer and look closer. Down the hall, I can see half of the living room. In the corner, I see a tall figure hovering. Someone is in my home. My mouth goes dry and I pull back before whoever it is sees me. My chest is tight and I fear they will hear my breathing. I have no idea what to do. I have no phone. How stupid of me to have left it behind before running off. Stupid girl. No way to call for help other than screaming but I don’t want to bring attention to myself.
What is this man doing in my home? Rage fills my chest as a sense of violation visits me, overriding the terror. I’ve killed men. I will not allow fear to enter my home. I turn to my closet and reach for the one thing I know will be my best bet for a weapon. Power surges through me as my hand clasps around one of the bedposts of my four poster bed. Quickly, I unscrew it from the frame, then turn, clasping it like a sword.
Every step is cautious, every sensation alive and heightened in my feet and legs as I move to the door. I cringe when the door makes a small but noticeable creak. A scuffle follows. Then footsteps. A blurred image rushes to the front door.
I lunge down the hall, yielding my weapon, determined not to let him get away. He knocks over the table in the foyer, then bolts out the front door. I leap over the hurdle, but my foot catches the edge as I misjudge its height in the dark and stumble to the ground. Swearing under my breath, I scramble to my feet and out the door. I see only the back of the man just as he darts out of the building. But I recognize him immediately.
I know that hair, that jacket.
Goddamn Gerald.
***
An hour later, Tobin sits at my kitchen table while I sip on hot tea. His body language and demeanor have been nothing but professional, and even a bit closed off since I ran to the neighbors and called him to report the break in. Despite his betrayal, he was the first person I thought to call. Even though I’m not sure I can trust him now, I still know what to expect with him. I know he’ll do his damn job.
Other police officers mill around the apartment, gathering fingerprints and any other evidence they can find.
“We arrested him based on your description,” Tobin says. “It won’t take long to match his prints and confirm it was for sure him here tonight.”
The tea scalds the tip of my tongue as I take another sip. I welcome it. I’m cold to the bone. “It was him. I’m sure of it.”
Tobin’s demeanor has been purely professional throughout the process but I sense his underlying concern for my well-being. “Has he ever done anything like this before? Come over unannounced or done anything suspicious in the past?”
“Once, no twice. A few months ago, right before I was kidnapped, he came by. Then again, not long after I got out of the hospital, I came home and he was at my door. At the t
ime, I thought it seemed suspicious because it looked like he was messing with my lock, but I was also having a mental breakdown right about that time in my life, so I chalked it up to that. He dropped off flowers and let me be. I haven’t really heard from him since. I figured he finally got the hint.”
Tobin’s brow furrows. “I don’t like the sound of that. It sounds like he has some stalker qualities. Now, we haven’t found anything significant on his record, but that doesn’t mean anything.”
I lean back in my chair. “What were you doing with Tom yesterday?”
Tobin frowns, visibly jolted by the way I’ve hijacked the conversation. “I told you.”
“I know that, but what else were you doing?”
He leans back, sizing me up. “I’m not sure what you want me to say. I told you already. I made the decision to retrieve your phone. I called him. Let him know through questioning of suspects that he was seen with you, so I asked about your phone. He quickly said that he did have it because you and he had talked in his car. You must have dropped it there. He and I agreed to meet so I could pick it up. While he and I talked, I asked him about that night and if he saw anything suspicious. He didn’t. That was that. Afterward, we chatted briefly about old times before he had to run. Your relationship with him or how you two know one another didn’t even come up.”
“I doubt that.”
“Are you saying I’m lying?”
His direct, bold stare has doubt rising inside my center. “I didn’t say that. I…I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m confused and don’t know who to trust. How do I know I can trust you?”
My voice has risen with my growing anxiety and two officers stop to watch our interaction. Tobin gives them a stark glance and they turn away.
He leans forward, lowering his voice. “Listen, Tessa. You’ve been through the damn wringer lately. The kidnapping. Thinking you’re being followed. And now this guy breaking into your apartment. I’m not surprised you’re second-guessing yourself about who to trust and not to trust. But have I ever given you any reason not to trust me?”