CHAPTER 32. HEARTS BREAK
Chill winds still blew, and yesterday’s sunshine had given way to a high layer of gray clouds. Above the eastern horizon, a narrow strip of blue accented the gray like the painted trim on an old house. The cold, dim day mirrored Leesa’s mood as she limped along the dirt road toward Balin’s cabin—“road” being a kind description, she thought, of the rutted pathway. The musty odor of damp, dead leaves filled the air, and the farther she got from the lightly traveled highway where she’d parked her aunt’s car, the quieter it became. Eventually, only the strident, irregular call of some kind of bird that hadn’t headed south for the winter broke the silence, and she wasn’t happy with the quiet. The last song she’d heard on the radio before leaving the car had been “Meet Me on the Equinox” by Death Cab for Cutie, and its plaintive, drawn out chorus—“everything, everything ends…everything, everything ends”—kept replaying in her head. She tried to shoo it from her mind, but the refrain refused to leave.
She had finally settled on her decision, and the weight of it hung upon her like a backpack full of textbooks. Telling Rave was not going to be easy. She’d thought about going ahead and meeting Stefan without telling him, but he deserved to know. Besides, she needed a favor from him. A very big favor.
She hadn’t noticed it when Rave carried her here a few weeks earlier—probably because of how swiftly he moved—but the air seemed to be growing steadily warmer the closer she got to the volkaane settlement. She wondered if it had something to do with the volkaanes themselves, or perhaps resulted from whatever was going on underground that produced the famous Moodus Noises. Or maybe it was just the long walk warming her blood.
She was hoping to find Rave at Balin’s, since he seemed to spend a lot of time with the old volkaane, but even if she didn’t, Balin would probably know where he was. He’d be around somewhere, because she had asked him to stay close to home so she could find him in case she needed him.
Rounding a bend in the road, she spotted Balin’s old cabin. A thin stream of white smoke drifted up from the chimney and disappeared into the gray sky. The charcoal smell of burning wood reminded Leesa of the fireplace in her aunt’s house. She had limped a few steps onto the path leading to the cabin when the door swung open and Rave stepped out, dressed in a simple dark gray T-shirt and jeans. His face bore a broad smile and showed no sign of surprise, as if he’d expected to see her when he opened the door.
She smiled back. He was so handsome, and so clearly overjoyed to see her it almost hurt to look at him—especially given the news she was bringing. Almost before she could finish the thought, Rave was in front of her. She still hadn’t gotten used to how swiftly he could move. He swept her into his arms, lifting her feet completely off the ground.
“How’d you know I was here?” she asked.
“I’m not sure.” Leesa felt his mouth stretch into a grin against her hair. “Maybe I smelled that vampire blood of yours.”
Her mouth tightened. He shouldn’t be joking about vampire blood. Not now. But he didn’t know what she’d come to tell him, she reminded herself. She pressed her cheek against his soft hair and squeezed him even more tightly. How she wished this moment would never end, that time could be frozen right here, right now. But that was not to be. She forced a smile onto her face and gently disengaged from his embrace.
“Very funny,” she said.
Rave hooked his arm around her waist and led her back toward the cabin.
“Anyhow, I’m glad you’re here,” he said. “I’ve got something to tell you.”
“I need to talk to you, too,” she said just before they crossed through the doorway.
Inside, Balin greeted her warmly and ushered her to a chair in front of the fire. The heat felt good, and Leesa took her jacket off and draped it over the back of the chair before sitting. A black iron pot hung over the fire, and she smelled the savory aroma of some kind of soup or stew. She could hear it bubbling inside the uncovered pot.
“Smells good,” she said as Rave sat beside her.
“It should,” Balin said, smiling. “I’ve had a couple hundred years to perfect the recipe.” He grabbed a wooden spoon from a hook beside the fireplace and stirred the contents of the pot. When he finished, he ran his finger over the end of spoon and put his finger to his mouth. “Should be ready in an hour or so. There’s plenty for three if you two want to join me. Can I get you something to drink, Leesa?”
She saw two pewter mugs on a shelf above the fireplace and guessed that Rave and Balin had probably been drinking mead when she arrived. She was tempted to ask for some of the tasty brew, but decided she’d better keep a clear head, so she asked for water instead. A moment later, Balin handed her a heavy mug.
“I figured you could handle a full glass of this stuff,” he said, grinning.
Leesa smiled back and took the mug in both hands. Her hike to the cabin had built her thirst, so she took several long swallows. The cool water tasted delicious. Looking around the cabin, she saw no evidence of any plumbing. She guessed that Balin must get his water straight from a nearby stream or spring.
“What did you want to talk about?” Rave asked when she finally lowered the mug, now only half full, from her lips.
She rested the mug on her thigh and twisted around to face him. “No, you go first,” she insisted, knowing that once she told him her decision, there was little chance they’d be talking about anything else.
“Okay.” Rave reached out and held her hand. “Feel this.”
Leesa looked at him quizzically and saw deep concentration on his face. His hand felt warm, as usual. What was she supposed to be feeling?
Rave recognized her puzzlement and smiled. “Just wait.”
She squeezed his hand a bit more tightly and watched him closely. He seemed to be doing something with his breathing, slowing the rhythm, inhaling more deeply. His eyelids drifted closed. She noticed Balin hovering above them, watching Rave intently. A minute ticked by, then another. She looked down at Rave’s hand. At first she thought she was imagining it, but in another moment knew she was not. The heat from his hand was slowly diminishing. She watched him, wide-eyed, as his hand continued to cool, until it was only a little warmer than her own.
Balin placed his fingers against Rave’s cheek. “That’s enough, young Rave. Bring it back.”
Rave opened his eyes and began breathing normally. Leesa felt the heat returning to his hand.
“Rammugul,” Rave said. “I’ve got pretty good control of my fire now. But Balin won’t let me extinguish it completely. He’s still afraid I won’t be able to restart it.”
“It’s too risky,” Balin said.
Rave took Leesa’s hand between both of his and squeezed gently. “I think I can do it.” His eyes locked onto hers. “I’m willing to chance it, Leesa.”
Leesa stared deep into his beautiful dark eyes and saw the unmistakable love glowing there. This was everything she’d been hoping for, longing for. For him to have complete control of his fire, so they could be together fully, without danger, without worry. But not now. Especially not now. Everything, everything ends. The words echoed in her head again. She couldn’t let this sway her from her decision, a decision she’d spent days agonizing over. And she was going to need his fire. More than she’d ever needed anything. And then, in a way, they would be together forever.
Her eyes began to tear, but she made no move to wipe the tears away. Soon she felt them running down her cheeks.
Rave tenderly wiped the tears from her face with his thumb. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Even if I lost my fire—and I won’t, I promise you—we’d still be together.”
Leesa felt the heat from his thumb dry her cheek almost instantly. But though her tears might be drying, her heart was still breaking. She moved onto his lap and snuggled against him, burying her face against his neck. Everything ends.
“It’s not that, Rave,” she said when she regained control. “It’s not that at all.” She pulled her head back and loo
ked at him intently. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
She hated the look of pained concern that crossed Rave’s face, and hated what she knew she was doing to him. And it was only going to get worse. She hoped he loved her enough to go along with what she would be asking.
“Is there somewhere nearby that’s special to you?” she asked. “Some place you love to go, to sit or walk, that you could take me to right now?”
Rave stood up, lifting her effortlessly from his lap and holding her in his arms. He kissed her forehead. “There is, yes.”
“Then take me there. Please.”
Balin watched as Rave carried Leesa out the door. The old volkaane was not sure what was going on, but his heart ached for them both.
Cradled in Rave’s arms, Leesa kept her cheek pressed against his warm chest as he whisked her along the roadway, deeper into the volkaane settlement. The orchard she’d seen her first day here flew by in a blur, as did a few cabins and several small houses more visible from the road now that the trees had discarded their leaves. After a few minutes, Rave turned off into the woods, following an almost invisible trail up a sloping hillside and down the other side. He carried her along the bottom of a small ravine, then back up another ridge, steeper than the first. But no matter what the terrain, his footing was sure, his gait effortless. Even with her in his arms, he made no sound. She felt almost as if she were floating.
She wished she could remain like this forever, her body held tight against his, speeding through the countryside, across the state, across the country, around the world, even. She was certain Rave could do it. She sighed. If only.
If only it wasn’t for her mom, and Bradley, and Stefan.
Finally, Rave stopped and put her down on a stone outcropping halfway up the slope of a tall ridge. Stringy weeds and tall grasses, brown now as autumn edged toward winter, sprouted from small cracks in the gray shale, but the expanse of rock held the surrounding woods at bay. She heard water splashing behind her, and turned to see a wide stream cascading over the uneven rocks into a slow-moving river far below. From where they stood, she could follow the river almost a quarter of a mile downstream before it curved out of sight. Even with the trees mostly bare of leaves, the place was beautiful. And very peaceful. The only sound was the gurgling of the stream as it tumbled down the rocky slope.
Rave took her hand. “Over here,” he said, leading her closer to the stream, to a rock shelf that thrust out from the outcropping and formed a natural bench just above the water.
They sat side by side. Snuggled against him, Leesa could see why he liked this place so much. The view was starkly beautiful, mostly shades of gray and brown, especially with the overcast sky. Only a few hints of color broke the desolation—some stubborn red and yellow leaves still clinging tenuously to their perches and scattered mountain laurels with their perpetually green leaves. She knew it would be even more beautiful at other times of the year.
The recent storm had swollen the stream. In some places it bounced furiously down the rock, sending small splashes of white into the air; in others it gathered into clear pools, where the eddying currents carried dead leaves and other detritus around in spiraling dances. It should have been cold sitting here exposed to the chill breeze, but not with Rave beside her. His heat seemed to seep into the rock, warming her seat almost as if she’d been sitting on a heated pad.
“That’s the Moodus River down there,” Rave said. “A mile or so downstream, it flows into the Salmon River. We’re not too far from the infamous noises that had your friends so worried about me.”
Leesa smiled. “Well, you have to admit, Cali was right about the danger of kissing a Maston.”
“Yeah, she was. But I’m working on that. I’ve almost got it figured out.”
A week ago, those words would have sent waves of joy surging through her, but now they brought sadness, longing and regret. She threw her arms around Rave and buried her face against his chest one more time. Rave stroked her hair. His fingers felt like warm streams of water flowing down her head.
“I think you’d better tell me what’s bothering you,” Rave said. “What you came to talk about.”
Leesa kept her face pressed against him. How was she supposed to begin? What could she say? There was no way to tell him without breaking both their hearts. Was she sure about what she was doing? Why couldn’t she just remain here, happy and safe with Rave? Nothing could ever hurt her as long as she was with him. But she knew the answer before the question was even fully formed in her brain: because Bradley needed her. And because she was her big brother’s only hope.
She lifted her head and eased her arms from around him. She couldn’t put this off any longer. It wasn’t fair to either of them. “I saw Stefan again the other day,” she began.
The pained expression on his face mirrored the pain she felt in her heart.
“He told me Bradley is being kept as a feeder. Stefan said he can free him.”
For a long moment, Rave didn’t say anything. “Vampires don’t do anything for nothing,” he said finally, struggling to keep his tone neutral. “And they don’t usually meddle in the affairs of their fellows. What does Stefan want from you in return?”
Leesa drew in a deep breath. Rave had just made it easy for her to get right to the point. Silently, she both thanked him and cursed him for doing so.
“He wants to make me his consort.” She saw the fear flash in his eyes, but forced herself to continue. “I’m going to tell him yes.”
Leesa knew she would never see anything more horrible than the look that twisted Rave’s beautiful face. She would have given anything not to tell him, to spare both of them this terrible pain, but that would have been cowardly. He loved her. He deserved to know what she was going to do. And she needed something from him, too.
Rave stood up, taking a few steps away and staring out over the water before turning and coming back. His expression was still filled with pain. “You can’t do this, Leesa. You don’t know what you’re saying. You have no idea what you will become, no idea how horrible it will be.”
Leesa stood up and took his hands in hers. “I have to save my brother. I have to.” Her voice was soft, her speech broken. “He did everything for me…while I was growing up. I can’t leave him…not the way he is now…knowing what he’s going through. I just can’t. I wish there was some other way, but you told me yourself there isn’t.”
Rave drew her into his embrace. For several long moments they just stood there, hugging and saying nothing. Tears streamed down both their faces.
“I’ve never been as close to anyone as you are to your brother,” Rave said at last. “Not until now, at least. It’s not how we volkaanes are. Balin is the closest thing to family I have, so it’s hard for me to understand how you could make such a sacrifice, how you could do what you’re planning to do.” He looked down at Leesa, his pained expression softening. “But I think I do understand. Because I know I would do anything for you, Leesa. Anything.”
Leesa squeezed him even more tightly. She knew he meant it, and she was glad to hear him say it, because it would make it easier to ask what she still had to ask.
Rave gently disengaged from their embrace and guided her back to the rock bench. “Before you do this, let me try to get your brother out.”
She looked at him longingly. If only there was some way he could. But she knew he was grasping at straws.
“How?” she asked. “You told me there’s nothing you can do.”
Rave sighed. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Maybe I can sneak into their lair and get your brother. At least let me try.”
Leesa shook her head. “You’ll just get yourself killed. And I’ll still have to do what Stefan wants to save Bradley.”
Unless I manage to destroy Stefan before I die, Rave thought. At least then Leesa would be safe. But he knew that wouldn’t be fair, to ruin her only chance to save her brother. And he knew Leesa wouldn’t give up even if Stefan were gone.
“Perhaps I will die trying,” he said. “But I’d rather try and die than lose you forever.”
Leesa took his hand and squeezed it. “No, Rave, I can’t let you do that. Because there’s something I’ll still need from you.”
Rave’s brow furrowed. “What could you need from me, once you become…?” His voice trailed off, unable to complete the question.
She stared hard into his eyes. “I’ll need you to kiss me, Rave. With the full force of your volkaane fire.” She hated the agonized comprehension she saw in his eyes.
“You mean…?”
“Yes,” she said. “I want you to destroy me. I don’t want to spend eternity as a vampire, hunting humans for their blood. If I can, I’ll come to you—make it easy for you. But if I can’t get away, I want you to promise you’ll never stop hunting me. Until you find me and destroy me.”
“Oh, Leesa,” Rave moaned. He pulled his hand free and stood up, walking in tight, aimless circles in front of her. “How can I do that?” he said. “How can I kill the girl I love?”
“I won’t be the girl you loved, Rave. I’ll be something much different. You said you’d do anything for me. So do this, please, for the girl I know you do love. Let me at least know that the last thing I’ll ever feel will be the heat of your burning kiss.”
Rave leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead, letting his lips linger against her skin. “I promise,” he whispered. “I’ll do as you ask.”
Leesa hugged him with all her strength, her cheek pressed against his chest. “Thank you,” she said. “At least then, in some small way, we’ll be together forever.”