Too soon, Caleb took them in for a landing in the open field they used for night drops, lights illuminating the ground from fence posts.
And something happened with the feel of ground again beneath his feet. A whirlwind of turbulence unleashed inside him. He cut them free of the canopy, unhooked them and tossed aside his glasses. He turned Shay over and yanked off her glasses.
He framed her body, the hard ground trapping her beneath him. Instant desire burned hot in his limbs, and Caleb forgot Ryan and George were somewhere nearby. His mouth came a breath from hers and lingered, not touching. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted all of her. But she wasn’t ready or willing to give him that, and he wasn’t sure she ever would be.
That thought brought a splash of cold reality, and he rolled off her and lay on his back, arm over his face. “You jumped for him,” he said. “Because you would do anything for your patients. But me—you wouldn’t jump for me.”
“That’s not fair,” she said. “I had to jump for him. To get him off that ledge.”
“I know,” he said.
“You know?” she asked. “You keep saying that. What does that even mean?”
He moved his arm and found her leaning on her elbow, staring at him. “It means I know you had to jump for him. Because you’d do anything for your patients.”
“You said that already!” She shook her head. “Wait. You mean I won’t do anything for you, don’t you?”
He jumped to his feet. “I’m not sure. I just want…” he broke off, looked away a moment.
She followed him to her feet, faced him, touched his chest and drew his gaze to hers. “Since when did me jumping out of a plane become the way you judge my dedication to you and to us?”
“It’s not about jumping out of a plane, Shay,” he said. “And I don’t know why that felt so important to me. Actually, I do.” Emotion threaded through his words as he continued. “This isn’t about the plane and the jump at all. At least, not that kind of jump. I pushed you to jump, to do something that scared you, for me, because I wanted a reason to ignore what my gut told me—that you aren’t willing to jump into life with me like I want to jump into life with you. If you were, you wouldn’t turn every obstacle into a mountain.” George and Ryan were down now, a few feet away. “Your patient needs you.” He turned away.
She grabbed his hand and then wrapped her arms around him. Her chin lifted and she stared up at him. Seconds passed and she finally said, “I can’t fix this, can I?”
His lips thinned. “I guess not.” Because not only was he an all-or-nothing guy, but he was also a realist. If she didn’t think she could fix it, she wasn’t trying hard enough. Which meant, she didn’t really want to.
19
FRIDAY NIGHT, more than a week after talking George off the ledge, Caleb and Kent crowded around the television in the trailer’s tiny living room. Kent cursed at a replay of a Texas Rangers game on ESPN when, like Caleb, he wasn’t even much of baseball guy. They were both football guys. But they were both looking for a distraction anywhere they could get it—Kent from his upcoming rehab the next day, and Caleb from the silence between him and Shay.
Kent had taken Shay and Lori home that night, and George had gone out drinking with him and Ryan. Go figure. The guy was all right—a bit odd, but wasn’t everyone in their own way? And ironically, Caleb had talked to George this week, but not to Shay.
George was coming out Saturday to jump again. He was out of the house and teaching a class on campus instead of from his home as of Monday. At least something good had come out of the day that had apparently been the kiss of death for he and Shay.
Frustrated that he was once again thinking of Shay, Caleb shoved to his feet, walked to the kitchen and tugged open the fridge. And stared. He had no idea what he wanted. Oh, yeah. Shay. Who seemed to think if he was near Kent, he couldn’t be near her. He was starting to believe he’d really been her “forbidden fruit” that wasn’t so interesting once it wasn’t forbidden.
His cell phone rang. He snagged it too quickly, and cursed when he realized he’d actually hoped it was Shay calling. He grimaced and looked at caller ID. Ryan.
“We’re at BJ’s,” Ryan said, not bothering with a hello. BJ’s was the country bar the Aces had started frequenting on Friday nights. “Where are you?”
Caleb opened his mouth to say he wasn’t in the mood and shut it again, when he thought of how pathetically he’d reached for his phone, hoping it was Shay. “I’ll see you there in half an hour.”
“Tell Kent Lori is here,” Ryan said and hung up.
That should be interesting. Kent had avoided Lori since the first night he’d met her, and Caleb was pretty sure it was about his rehab. He was embarrassed. Caleb decided he’d leave the part about Lori being at BJ’s as a surprise.
Caleb set his phone down on the counter, refusing to be held captive by a phone call that wasn’t going to come. “Get up, Kent. We’re going out.”
“Don’t tell me—someone wants to midnight jump and you said yes.”
“Nope,” Caleb said. “We’re going dancing, and I’m getting drunk while you’re still around to be my designated driver.”
AFTER A WEEK OF soul-searching and missing Caleb terribly, Shay was desperate. She knew she loved Caleb and she couldn’t bear the idea of losing him. So she went to the place she always went when she needed to truly soul-search. The place she’d been avoiding—she went home, to her mother.
The sweet scent of something yummy baking touched Shay’s nose and told her where to find her mother. Sure enough, Sharon White stood behind the kitchen counter, icing a freshly baked cake.
“Hi, Mom,” Shay said, trying to sound cheerful when she was aching inside.
Sharon’s eyes lit. “Hi, honey. You’re just in time to help me finish up my tiramisu. I met this amazing Italian baker on the trip who gave me his secret recipe. I can’t wait to see how it turns out. Oh, and guess what? I enrolled in cooking classes down at Central Market. I start next week. I think I might try and open a little bakery someday soon.”
“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Shay said, so glad her mother had found something she enjoyed. “But actually,” she began, swallowing her nerves, “can I talk to you about something?”
Sharon set the knife down and studied Shay more closely. “What’s wrong, honey?”
“I just… Can we sit down?”
“Sure, sweetie,” she said, wiping her hands on a towel. She headed to the kitchen table and sat at the end, Shay to her left. Sharon touched Shay’s hand where it rested on the table. “Oh, dear,” she said. “I can see now how upset you are. What’s troubling you so fiercely?”
Shay drew a breath and just said it. “I’m in love with Caleb.”
Sharon stared at her a moment and then sat back in her chair and chuckled. “You’ve had a thing for Caleb since you were a teenager.”
“No, Mom. I am in love with him. Not a teenage crush. Love. I love him.”
“I know,” Sharon said, as if this were yesterday’s news. “Does he?”
“I…well…” She frowned, baffled. “You knew?”
“Of course, I knew. And if I have any inkling of a clue, and I usually do, he’s in love with you, too. Is he?”
“He says he is.”
“Wonderful,” she exclaimed. “So why do you look like someone just took away your dessert?”
“I can’t believe you don’t see why this is a problem.”
“Caleb is a wonderful man, good-hearted. Protective, too. And such a gentleman.” She wiggled an eyebrow. “And quite the looker, I might add. Why in the world would this be a problem?”
“If anything were to go wrong between us, I don’t want him excluded from the family. He has no one else.”
Understanding seeped into her mother’s face. “Shay, honey. You don’t think much of your family if you believe we would do that to Caleb. We brought him into our family, and he’s staying. And people who are family, are family—good, bad a
nd ugly. Finding a person in this lifetime who you really connect with and love is a blessing. Don’t let your obsession with ‘what if’ drive him away.” She narrowed her gaze. “Are you sure your hesitation is really about Caleb and the family? Or is there something else?”
“No!” she said, exasperated. “Caleb asked me the same thing. I was worried about him. I told him that.”
“And?”
“And nothing. He doesn’t believe me. We went from being in love to not speaking. Mom, I’m miserable. I miss him.”
“I believe you,” she said. “But if you want to fix this, you have to figure out what it is you’re fixing. He obviously doesn’t feel this is about telling us you two are in love. And something tells me deep down you don’t, either, or you wouldn’t be here right now. What is it that’s really bothering you?”
“Now who’s the therapist?” Shay asked, an uncomfortable fluttering in her chest—the truth trying to find a voice. Demanding she admit her fear. Fear. She’d told Caleb she was scared, but it wasn’t about jumping from a plane, and he’d known that. She’d been admitting something deeper, even if she wasn’t willing to yet fully face what it was. Nor was it really about telling her parents about her relationship with Caleb. That was there—a part of all of this—but it was really about why she hadn’t been ready to tell her parents.
Shay stared at the table, and forced herself to give that fear a voice. “On my eighteenth birthday, I kissed him. The next day—”
“He enlisted,” her mother supplied.
Shay looked up, her throat constricted. “Yes. He left. And every time he came home and we connected, he stayed away longer the next time.”
“And you’re afraid he’ll leave again.”
She nodded. “Yes.” Then stronger, she repeated, “Yes. I didn’t want to upset the family, that’s true. I wanted to be sure he was here to stay, that we were a sure thing, before I told everyone.”
“But you say you love each other,” she said. “Why wouldn’t he stay?”
“Even though I was pretty certain you’d be happy for us, Caleb certainly was,” she said, “part of me can’t get over him leaving with barely a goodbye when he enlisted. Or the times he came home and we connected and then he left again. What if we have a fight, and he feels the family is affected? Will he leave again? Will I wake up to find out he’s gone, already in some distant country, and I have no idea when I will hear from him again? He says he won’t leave again, and I want to believe him. I just…I love him so much. If I let myself really experience what that means, if I count on him, and he leaves again, I don’t know if I can bear it. Not this time. Not after all that has happened between us.”
Sharon touched her hand. “Tell him that.”
“I have. I’ve told him.”
“You told him?” she said. “Just like you told me?”
Shay hesitated. “I feel I’ve expressed my feelings, but that doesn’t change the fact that my gut tells me that he’ll leave if things go wrong. I feel it. I know him, and that’s the problem. I know I’m right. So of course, I didn’t want to tell you guys about us. Why would I shake things up if I feel he could be gone tomorrow?”
Her mother’s eyes narrowed keenly. “You just pointed out that Caleb has only us, only our family. He lost his. That kind of thing leaves a mark on a person.” Her expression turned thoughtful. “He knows we love him, but I’m sure it’s hard to feel he has a real place where he belongs. Maybe, Shay, you sense he’s willing to leave because you haven’t convinced him you’re that place.”
Shay squeezed her eyes shut against a sudden pinching sensation. Her mother was right. Shay had been so afraid of being hurt, she hadn’t truly given herself to Caleb. If this was their time, as Caleb had said, if she really wanted it to be their time, she was going to have to put herself out there. She was going to have to risk getting hurt.
Shay pushed to her feet. “You’re right. You’re so right.” She hugged her mother. “Thank you so much. I have to go, Mom.” She was already walking. She’d been so blind. So worried about being hurt that she’d hurt Caleb. And in the process, she might have lost him.
Shay had her cell phone out and dialed Caleb before she even made it to the car. No answer. She dialed again. Still no answer. “Caleb,” she told his voice mail, “please call me. I’m coming over.”
Thirty minutes later, she pulled up to the trailer. Caleb’s truck was there, but Caleb wasn’t. Shay pounded the steering wheel. He wasn’t here. Caleb wasn’t here. Still, she got out of the car and ran to the door. She knocked. And knocked. No answer.
She started to dial Kent’s number but thought better of it. She didn’t want to explain herself to Kent right now. Not until she had explained herself to Caleb. She leaned against the door and used her last resource. She called Sabrina.
Sabrina answered on the second ring, the sound of country music in the background.
“Sabrina,” Shay said.
“You’re looking for Caleb?” she asked.
“Yes,” she said. “Yes. I’m looking for Caleb.”
“He was as miserable as you, and we talked him into coming out to the country bar we all go to every Friday night.” She named the bar and the address, and then added, “He’ll be glad to see you, Shay.” She hung up.
Shay stood there, shaking inside, but clinging to Sabrina’s assurances that Caleb would be glad to see her. Still, she was scared to death of being rejected—and in public made it worse. But she was more afraid of losing Caleb. She couldn’t wait. She had to go see him tonight.
CALEB STOOD AT A TABLE near the crowded dance floor, not far from the DJ booth, as a Tim McGraw tune wailed from the jukebox about a real bad boy trying to be a real good man. Bobby and Ryan were out there, too, trying to prove they were real good men to their wives. Kent was doing the proving to Lori. It was going to be interesting for sure to see where those two went. Maybe a one-night stand. Maybe more.
Lord only knew, Caleb had tried his share of one-night stands in the early days of the Army, trying to bury himself and the horrors of war and loneliness in a woman. Never worked. Anyone that wasn’t Shay had never worked.
Caleb finished off his first beer, the bitter bite adding to his bad mood. He needed another one. He was dead serious about getting drunk. Every heartbroken man deserved one good night of getting legless before they got up the next morning and moved on.
A beer appeared in front of him, brought by a blonde named Heather something—he wasn’t sure she’d ever told him—who’d been hitting on him for two months. Every weekend, she’d buy him a beer and he’d turn it down.
“You can take that one,” she said, leaning in close so he could hear her. “That’s to soothe your broken heart, and don’t tell me you don’t have one. It’s written all over you. So drink the beer. I’m not into being a rebound chick. You’re safe.”
“If I’m that pathetically obvious,” he said, “I’ll take the beer.” He took a sip. “Thank you.”
She leaned on the table. “Who is she?”
“A woman destined for a very long time to break my heart,” he said. “I knew, but it didn’t matter.”
“Because you love her.”
“Because I love her.”
“Lucky girl,” she said. “Maybe I should have a talk with her.” She touched his arm. “Hang in there. She’ll come around. She’d be a fool not to.”
At that moment, Caleb’s skin tingled with awareness. His gaze lifted, searched and connected. With Shay’s. With the hurt in her eyes at the sight of the other woman next to him. “Shay!” he yelled, but she was already turning and cutting through the crowd. He was not going to get to her.
Caleb’s mind raced and he turned to Heather. “Don’t go anywhere.” He dug in his pocket and rushed to the DJ booth, holding up a big bill. That and the fact that he and the Aces were well known around here would buy him favors. The DJ leaned down, and Caleb made his request.
He grabbed Heather’s hand. “Come with me.??
? They rushed through the crowd right about the time the DJ made an announcement.
“Shay White—Caleb Martin requests you wait for him at the door. I repeat, Shay White, meet Caleb Martin at the door.”
Caleb was almost to the door, Shay in view, when she grabbed the microphone at the front desk, and made her own announcement. “Caleb Martin, go to hell.”
The crowd roared with laughter and cheers, but the announcement had told the doorman, an ex-Army Ranger and friend, Caleb wanted Shay stopped. She was arguing with the guy when Caleb came up behind her.
“Shay,” he said.
She whirled and took one look at Heather and turned back around. “Shay, she’s not with me.” He gave Heather a look of appeal.
“This is her?” Heather asked.
Shay whirled. “Yes, this is her.”
“He’s telling the truth,” Heather said. “He was just telling me about the woman he’s in love with, and it wasn’t me. It was you. I swear to you there was nothing going on.” She glanced at Caleb, and said, “I’m so sorry.” And then faded into the crowd.
Caleb walked toward Shay, and she backed away. “Damn it, Shay,” he said. “That woman is nothing. But if you need another reason not to be with me, then I guess you can use her. I’m not the problem here. I love you. I’m ready to announce it to the world.” He grabbed the microphone on the counter. “I love Shay White.” He faced Shay again. “Your brother is here. I don’t give a damn anymore.”
Frustration overcame him, and he walked to the door and headed outside. He was done. He had no idea why she was here, but it clearly wasn’t for the right reason.
“Caleb,” she called from behind him.
He kept walking and then realized he didn’t even have his truck. Shit. He stopped. The minute he did, she was there, in front of him, hugging him—warm and soft and smelling that special way only she smelled.
“I love you,” she said, her cheeks tear-streaked. “I love you so much, Caleb, and I don’t care who knows. I told my parents.”
His arm wrapped around her waist. “What? When?”