“You’ve just never been the guy to talk to about this kind of thing,” Drew said.
“How many times has something like this happened to you?”
“You have a point.”
“It must be weird seeing her again. You’re going to be a daddy. Are you happy?”
“Happy? I have no idea. I guess I’m happy about it. What bear in his right mind wouldn’t be happy to have a baby? I know that most of us want to settle down and start a family—well, except Corey, anyway. Corey is a special case. The rest of us, that’s all anybody’s been able to talk about since we settled on Fate Mountain.”
“You don’t sound very sure.”
“How would you feel if your mate ran off on you and then came back pregnant with your child nine months later?”
“Probably pretty shitty,” Zach said.
“That’s how I feel.”
“Are you going to try to get back together with Quinn?”
“Quinn and I were never together.”
“Of course you were. You marked her.”
“Just because I marked her doesn’t mean that we were ever together.”
“Bro, that’s exactly what it means.”
“Quinn is a human. These things mean something different to humans.”
“Not from what I’ve seen. All of the Rescue Bears’ mates have been human. Juliet, Poppy, Lily. From what I understand, they all feel connected to their bear mates.”
“That’s them. It’s not Quinn. Remember? Quinn is the woman who begged to be marked and then ran away.”
“But she’s back now, Drew. Aren’t you even going to try to fix things?”
“That’s what you don’t understand, Zach. There’s nothing to fix. There never was anything. It was a one-night stand gone wrong. Just because she’s my fated mate doesn’t make it any different.”
“Of course it does. What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that Quinn destroyed me. She ripped my heart out and stomped all over it. I’m not going to give that woman a chance to do that to me again.”
Drew felt anger rise inside him, heating his face and boiling his gut. He wanted to punch something, but instead turned away and ignored Zach to serve another party of humans.
When he was done pouring for the humans, he turned around and saw Zach staring at him out of the corner of his eye. He wished the polar bear would just leave. He was uncomfortable enough talking about this in the first place. Zach was being a real ass about the whole thing, and Drew wanted him to drop it.
“Why are you so interested in my love life, anyway?” Drew said, standing in front of Zach.
“I still haven’t found my fated mate. You have. She’s here. She’s carrying your baby. Do you have any idea how lucky you are?”
“You call living through what she did to me lucky? That woman dropped out of her entire life to avoid me. She quit her job. She shut down all her social media. She changed her phone number and moved to the coast. You have any idea how insulting that is?”
“She’s a confused human,” Zach countered. “Do you have any idea how weird it used to be in the old days before shifters came out to the public?”
“I’ve heard the stories. I was a kid back then. It’s not like I don’t remember.”
“I don’t think you do remember. Imagine your fated mate is a human woman who doesn’t even know that your race exists. Then she starts having all kinds of uncontrollable feelings that she can’t explain. And then you have to tell her that you belong to a race of super humans who she thought were fairytale creatures. Like falling in love with Santa Claus!”
“I see your point. But we aren’t living in the old days.”
“No, we’re not. We’re living in a time, the first time in history, when humans and shifters can mate and they don’t have to hide their love. Shifters don’t have to hide who they are. You don’t realize how lucky you are.”
“There you go again, using that word lucky.”
“Your mate is right here. Right now. I don’t understand why you are being like this about it. Why don’t you go over there right now and tell her that you want her?”
“Never going to happen.”
Zach made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat and slipped away from the bar with his pint glass in hand. He walked over to the jukebox and put a quarter into the machine. The song came on over the speakers, and Zach found the nearest hot human woman and asked her to dance. Zach was the kind of bear who could do that kind of thing without a second thought. Drew, on the other hand, had never been that kind of bear. In a lot of ways, he and Zach were exact opposites.
Drew liked to think about things deeply and mull them over in his mind. He wasn’t all intensity like Zach. Running the bar was the best way to share his craft with others; otherwise, Drew would not have spent all his time listening to loud music and the chatter of excited patrons. As it was, he already had several employees that ran the bar throughout the week.
He watched Zach and the human woman dancing, wondering if maybe the polar bear was right about Quinn. Maybe Drew just needed to man up and finally claim what was his.
11
Q uinn woke up the next morning still sleeping on the couch. The fire that Drew had built in the hearth had completely died down, but the central heating had kicked in and the room was still warm. She groaned as she sat up, feeling stiff and as tired as ever. Why had she let herself fall asleep on the rickety old futon?
The day before had been one of the most difficult of Quinn’s life. Confronting Drew with her pregnant belly was the last thing she wanted to do. She was embarrassed and ashamed. If she’d had any other options, she never would have come to Fate Mountain.
Quinn knew that she needed help. She was muddled, confused, and running out of time and cash. Drew had already helped her tremendously, buying her groceries and finding her a place to stay. He’d even said that he could try to help her sell her condo. At least things were turning up. Quinn told herself she should be grateful.
She waddled into the kitchen and found the coffee maker. She made herself a half-caff coffee and waited for it to brew as she wandered around the cabin. She really hadn’t seen the entire place the day before but soon realized there wasn’t much to see anyway. She went into the bathroom to relieve herself and found a tiny but serviceable room with a standup shower and no bathtub.
When she finally went into the bedroom for the first time, she found a queen-sized bed covered in another patchwork quilt. It looked a lot more comfortable than the futon. She laid down on the bed and waited for her coffee to finish brewing. The baby rumbled inside, active now that she was awake.
She rubbed her belly and felt his little feet kick against her hand. He would be here any day now. Quinn still didn’t have a name for the child. She had gone through so many different names but never settled on anything. She had realized about a month ago that she didn’t even know Drew’s last name.
Since returning to Fate Mountain, Quinn had found out that Drew’s last name was Bock. Her last name was Jacobs. They were two very different sounding words. Now she had to come up with the baby name that went with the last name Bock—if Drew wanted to claim the child when it was born, that is. She still hadn’t asked him specifically if he wanted to give the cub his name. With everything else that Drew had done for her, she assumed that he would want to.
Quinn went over her list of baby names in her head again, using Drew’s last name.
Noah Bock.
Ethan Bock.
William Bock.
James Bock.
Milo Bock.
Sebastian Bock.
Simon Bock.
She couldn’t decide. Just like everything else in her life, the decision seemed like too much for her to do alone. She wanted Drew’s input. She wanted to know that he would give his name to the child. As she lay there, she realized that she wanted Drew to give her child more than just his name. She wanted him to give the child himself
. She wanted Drew to give himself to her as well.
The realization welled up inside her and filtered out through her heart, filling every fiber of her being with awareness. Knowing that she had destroyed the chance of having him in her life cut her like a razor that sliced little nicks into her skin. It stung painfully. She curled up into the fetal position and began to sob quietly. A moment later, she heard her phone ping from the living room.
After pulling herself out of the bed, Quinn shuffled through the house and picked up her cellphone to read the text message on her screen. It was from Drew.
“Are you all right?”
She sighed deeply, wondering how to respond. How could she tell him that she was not all right. She was in excruciating pain knowing that they could never be together again. Her own pain filled her with regret, and the pain she felt through their mate bond made it even worse. If only they could somehow come together and find a way through all this mess, maybe things could be better for both of them.
Quinn stood there staring at the cellphone for long moments, considering what to say. She couldn’t tell him what she really felt, even though she knew he must feel it too. They both seemed to be in some kind of unspoken agreement that they wouldn’t address their true feelings for each other. Quinn realized that this agreement was somewhat insane and would end up driving them both crazy in the end.
She sat down on the futon and clicked away from Drew’s text message. She couldn’t deal with him right now, not even to tell him that she was okay. She needed to talk to someone else, someone she wasn’t in a totally fucked up mate bond with. She needed to talk to someone who could be somewhat impartial to the whole mess.
Her best friend Juliet was living on the mountain. As crappy as Quinn felt about running out on Juliet, it couldn’t even begin to compare with how crappy she felt about running out on Drew. If she could just talk to Juliet and explain to her, Quinn believed that Juliet would eventually forgive her. The two of them were both pregnant at the same time, and Quinn’s heart ached to share the experience with her friend.
From memory, Quinn typed in Juliet’s phone number and sent her a text message.
“Hi. This is Quinn. I want to talk to you.”
Quinn hit send, not knowing what else to say. She put the cellphone down on the coffee table and walked into the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee. She was only drinking half-caff since she was pregnant. But she hadn’t been able to kick her coffee habit altogether. She’d heard that a little bit of coffee wasn’t all that bad for the baby anyway. And with everything going on in her life, she needed that special comfort that only came from a rich brew first thing in the morning.
She sipped her coffee with sugar and cream just as her phone pinged in the living room. She went back to pick up the phone and saw that Juliet had sent her a reply already.
“I’ll be right over. Don’t argue.”
Well. That was that then. Quinn didn’t even bother responding. Juliet might be a sweetheart, but when she got an idea in her head, she didn’t back down, especially when it came to her friends. Among their group of women, Juliet had always been the diplomat. She had always been the girl you could go to when you had a personal problem or you needed a shoulder to cry on. Quinn had counted on Juliet for that more than once.
She sat down to finish her coffee and wait for Juliet, a feeling of relief washing over her. She didn’t realize until just then how very much she missed her. They’d been best friends since college, and Quinn had come to rely on Juliet’s warmth and kindness to get her through the trials of life. At this most difficult time, Quinn had been without her support system. She wanted more than anything to have Juliet back in her life.
When Quinn was pouring her second cup of coffee, she heard a car drive up in the driveway outside her cabin. Quinn went to the living room to look out the window and saw Juliet waddling up the front walk, at least six months pregnant. Excitement shot through Quinn’s belly at seeing her friend carrying a child just like she was. This should have been a time when the two women had created an even deeper bond of friendship. They should have been sharing their pregnancies together all this time.
The feelings of shame and regret swirled deep inside her, and she tried to push them aside. This was not a time for such feelings. It was a time for renewal. Quinn needed that more than anything. She couldn’t stay stuck in despair forever.
Juliet knocked on the door. Quinn flung it open, beaming at her friend. Juliet looked shocked and surprised for a moment, but immediately reached out to hug Quinn. The two women embraced over their large rounded bellies. Quinn began to cry. Of the two women, Quinn was the less sensitive. Juliet began to cry as well. They stood there sobbing, two overly emotional pregnant women embracing in the doorway.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Juliet said.
“I’ve missed you too,” Quinn said.
They were both sniffling and had tears rolling down their cheeks when they released each other from their embrace. Quinn invited Juliet into the small cabin, and they sat together on the rickety old futon.
“I can’t believe Levi has you staying in this place,” Juliet said, wiping away her tears and looking around the cabin.
“It isn’t exactly five-star living,” Quinn said.
“Why don’t you stay out at the lodge?” Juliet asked.
“I can’t stay at the lodge forever. I have a baby coming.”
“When are you due?”
“Just a few weeks from now.”
“Quinn, what happened to you?”
“I wish I could explain it, Juliet. You know that feeling you get when you’re with your fated mate, and you just can’t control yourself?”
“Oh yes. Believe me,” Juliet said suggestively.
“I’m sure that it’s amazing and awesome with a man you’ve chosen to be with. But it happened to me the first night I met Drew. It was like being on drugs. I did things I never would have consciously chosen to do.”
“You knew the effects of being around a fated mate. Everyone knows about it now. You can turn on almost any early morning talk show or celebrity gossip and you will hear about what it’s like to be mated with a shifter.”
“I know, but none of that prepared me for the reality of it. It’s stronger than even the talk shows make it out to be.”
“So you were freaked out. Did you really blame Drew for what happened?”
“It wasn’t that I blamed him. It was something else.”
“I know that your parents were seriously anti-shifter.”
“They weren’t just anti-shifter. They were the founders of one of the largest anti-shifter organizations in the country. I was raised on anti-shifter rhetoric. My parents held anti-shifter meetings in our house every Sunday. It was almost like a religion for them. I never really believed it. My parents weren’t the best people in general, so it wasn’t much of a stretch for me to not respect their ideas about shifters. But that doesn’t mean that those messages didn’t sink deep inside me and take root.”
“You were raised your whole life with serious shifter hate, and then you lost control with a shifter. I understand why you are so scared. It must have been very confusing for you.”
“It was confusing. I didn’t even know who I was for a few days. When I woke up that morning with Drew, I had the mating mark on my neck. The only thing I could think was that I had to get away as fast as possible. I was terrified by what I had allowed to happen to me. Drew hadn’t forced me to do it. I begged him to do it. That’s what scared me the most. I was so influenced by him that I begged him to mark me as his mate the first day I met him. It was insane.”
“Believe me, I get it. It took me a while to warm up to the idea of being mated to a shifter. And Levi and I took it really slow. I might have had the same reaction as you if Levi had given in to my desire for him.”
“Like Drew gave in to me.”
“So you hold him responsible for your lack of control?”
“How can I?
It’s not his fault, is it? But at the time, I couldn’t rationalize that. All I felt was fear of the unknown, of being manipulated by the mate bond. Even after I left, I couldn’t stop feeling him. I didn’t even understand what it was until yesterday. I thought I was just confused and depressed. But now I’m coming to realize that all of those crazy feelings I had over the last nine months was just me feeling what Drew felt after I’d left him.”
“You’re in quite the predicament, aren’t you?” Juliet said.
“I am.”
“How does Drew feel about all this now that you’re back?”
“He’s told me we’ll never be together.”
“Why?”
“He said he’s resolved to live his life without me. He’s not going to let me break his heart again,” Quinn said, beginning to sniffle.
Juliet put her arm around Quinn’s shoulder, and Quinn sank into Juliet’s embrace, resting her cheek on Juliet’s shoulder. It felt good to have this pure, clean affection from her friend. Juliet seem to forgive her almost immediately, and it was like she’d been partially released from the guilt of her sins. If only Drew could forgive her so easily.
Quinn made Juliet some lunch, and they caught up with each other over their shared meal. When they were done eating, Juliet told Quinn she had to get back to the lodge to take care of some things with Levi. They gave each other one last hug before Juliet got back in her car and drove away.
After Juliet left, Quinn felt less alone than she had in a long time. It was good to have someone in her life again. Juliet had forgiven her so easily, it made Quinn feel even worse in some ways. At the same time, she was just grateful that she had her friend back.
She finally picked up her cellphone and looked at Drew’s last text again. She was feeling better since Juliet had come over. But at the same time, she could still feel the deep heartache inside her that she knew was coming from Drew. Nothing would be right until Drew had forgiven her too. And it wasn’t just forgiveness that she wanted. She wanted his love. She wanted it all.
At this point, she was beginning to be able to synthetize everything more clearly. She knew that there would be part of her that always wanted her and Drew to be together. She had to at least try to make things right with him. If only for the child. She clicked on his text and brought up the keypad.