Lauren felt herself freeze inside. Oh God, the marks of possession. What had Xairn said they were? A collar and a brand? Not to mention the various piercings. And she had none of them.
“I only bonded her last night,” Xairn said, frowning. “I have not had time for such things. She wears my scent on her skin—that is enough for the time being.”
“A brand, at the very least, is necessary to prove possession.” Blix crossed his arms over his chest. “A collar and piercings may be removed but a brand is permanent. If the female does not display your brand then I contend she is not bonded to you.” He looked at the Quinlow. “Your ruling, your Eminence?”
The Judge frowned at Xairn. “Blix speaks the truth—your female will need to be branded in order for your claim to be validated.” It held up one long twig-like finger, tipped with blue flame. “If you wish, I can brand her for you myself. But she must be marked before I can allow the two of you to leave.”
“I think that is an excellent idea, your Eminence.” Blix nodded.
“You sadistic bastard.” Xairn glared at him. “You just want to see her pain.”
Blix shrugged and gave him a nasty grin. “Why not? If I can’t have your sweet Lauren, I might as well get some fun out of your farewell.”
Lauren’s heart, which had already been racing, began to beat so fast she thought she might faint. God, she didn’t want the tree thing to touch her, to burn her! But if it was the only way they could get out of here alive, what choice did she have?
“All right,” she whispered, having trouble making the words come out. “If…if you have to.” She started to step forward but Xairn pushed her back.
“With respect, your Eminence,” he grated. “That is not how things are done among Lauren’s people. I have said that I was bonded to her but not that I owned her. In point of fact, it is Lauren who owns me.”
The Judge frowned. “This is highly irregular. The Scourge always own their females.”
“Not in this case,” Xairn insisted. “In fact, if either of us should wear a brand, it should be me.” Pulling his shirt open, he knelt suddenly before the tree-like being. “I submit to your ruling, your Eminence, and ask that you brand me now with my female’s name.”
“Xairn.” Lauren whispered his name through numb lips. “Xairn, please…”
He glanced back at her. “It is my wish, Mistress. And you would have branded me anyway, once we reached your home planet. This simply saves time.”
The Quinlow frowned. “I am willing to make the substitution but for the brand to be meaningful, I must know what to write.”
“Her name.” Xairn lifted his chin. “Write it in the language of her people, here, across my chest.”
“Then I must have knowledge of this language.” The Judge held out one burning hand to Lauren who was still standing beside the kneeling Xairn. Its creaking voice softened slightly. “Come, child, I can read your thoughts, but in order to make your mark properly I need a direct transference.”
Lauren looked at the flame-tipped fingers. “You want me to…to touch you?”
“Not the hand,” Xairn said sharply. “Brush your fingertips over its arm—that should be sufficient.”
Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves, Lauren reached out to do as he said. The Judge leaned forward obligingly, reminding her of a tree bending in the wind. Careful to avoid its burning hands, she let her fingertips brush lightly over the knotted, branch-like arm. Her whole arm went instantly numb and she gasped as she felt something pass between them—like a burst of electricity. Then it was over and she pulled back her hand and tried to massage some life back into her tingling fingers.
“That is well.” The Quinlow nodded at her. “I have what I need. Scourge, are you prepared? I warn you that my brand will not be light or painless. Many have died at my hands. I have no easy touch to give.”
Xairn’s face was like stone. “I understand, your Eminence. I am ready.” He looked briefly at Lauren. “Step back. I don’t want you hurt by the energy transfer, Mistress.”
Feeling numb, Lauren did as he asked. Me, he’s doing this for me. So I won’t be hurt, she thought as the Quinlow bent to press its burning fingertip to Xairn’s broad, bare chest. There was a hissing sound like burning flesh, but he didn’t even flinch as the moving finger began to write.
Lauren watched in mingled parts horror and fascination as her name slowly appeared in two-inch high letters across Xairn’s muscular chest. It was terrible to see because she knew he must be in agony—her name was being literally burned into his body, after all.
But though the whole scenario was surreal, the strangest thing was that the Quinlow was writing in her handwriting. The same loopy scrawl she used when signing letters and checks was what came out of the burning blue fingertip. It made her feel like she herself was doing the branding, as though she was disfiguring Xairn’s body like a vandal would mark a priceless piece of art. Her hands clenched into fists and tears sprang to her eyes again as she watched helplessly.
Xairn bore the agonizing operation in silence and when the Judge was finished, her entire first name was there, in raised black lines on his flesh. The pain must have been almost unbearable but he only nodded his head and said, “My thanks, your Eminence. I will wear my mistress’s name with pride.”
“Go and do not return.” The Quinlow frowned and stepped back. “Your welcome in O’ah has expired.”
“We’re going.” Rising stiffly, Xairn took Lauren by the hand and pulled her away, through the milling crowd of seed clones.
Lauren had to run to keep up with him but she didn’t care. All she knew was that they were finally getting out of this strange and dangerous place. But as relieved as she was, she was still horrified by the price Xairn had paid for their freedom. God, how could he do that for me—let my name be burned into his flesh and never even flinch? He must hate me now!
In the time he’d know her he had lost his father, his race, and his entire way of life. He’d even had to alter his entire appearance. And now this.
Was it any wonder he wanted to leave her on Earth and never come back?
Chapter Sixteen
The burning pain of the Quinlow’s touch still lingered on his chest, setting his nerve endings afire, but Xairn didn’t care. The agony he had endured to be branded with Lauren’s name was nothing compared to the fierce ache around his heart. Gods, to think that I almost lost her again, and for good this time! If the DNA alteration hadn’t changed her scent—no, he couldn’t allow himself to consider it. Not now.
They reached the ship and he pushed Lauren inside as quickly as possible, wanting to get her to safe territory. The Judge had made what he considered to be a fair ruling but it was based on a lie—he had not bonded Lauren to him. And I never will, he vowed to himself. There would be too much chance of losing control. But bonded or not, she was still his. Or rather, he was hers. Xairn knew that now and there was no going back from that knowledge, no matter how it pierced his heart.
Just as he was about to enter the ship himself, he felt a light tap on his shoulder. “What?” he snarled. He turned to see Blix standing there, smirking.
“I simply wanted to remind you to return the slippers. Unless you wish me to make a short visit to your lady love’s home planet someday soon?”
Xairn’s hands curled into fists and he felt his eyes growing hot—almost as though some other part of him was trying to get out. He wanted to rip the calmly smiling bastard into a thousand tiny pieces and listen to each one scream but there was no time. “If you come within a hundred light years of her again I’ll fucking kill you,” he grated. “That’s a promise, Spider.”
“One I’ll remember.” Blix nodded, still smirking. “You’re a worthy opponent, Scourge—you countered every trick I had. I can’t remember the last time anyone was able to do that. And now, the slippers if you please?”
Xairn turned to get them but Lauren was suddenly standing at the doorway of the ship. “Here they are!” W
ith surprising speed and accuracy, she flung both of the crimson-soled slippers in quick succession. Both hit Blix in the face and the second one knocked his nose completely off. It lay twitching on the ground beside him like a slug.
“Why, you—She’s not really bonded to you!” he shouted at Xairn. “No female truly subdued by a Scourge would act like that!” He started to surge forward but Xairn put a hand on his chest and pushed him back. The thought thief stumbled and fell on his ass, an almost comical look of surprise on his noseless face.
“Thanks for the shoes,” Lauren told him, her eyes flashing. “But I’ve never been into designer footwear. Especially if it costs me my freaking life.” She looked at Xairn. “Come on, let’s get out of this crazy place!”
Xairn gave her a look of admiration and then glanced back at Blix. “Forgive me, Spider but I have to go. My mistress calls.”
“Come back!” Blix stormed, spitting into two and then three and four other Blixs in his fury. “I am calling for a re-judgment on this case. I want that female thoroughly examined. I’ll—”
“You’ll rot in the seven hells,” Xairn growled over his shoulder. “Now get the fuck out of way or I’ll fry you with the ship’s engines.” Not waiting to see if the thought thief complied, he slapped the door switch closed and turned toward the pilot’s chair. “Strap in,” he told Lauren who was already sitting in the passenger seat. “We need to get out of here quickly. The Spider wants to reopen proceedings with the Judge.”
She shivered as she pulled the safety harness in place. “I can’t believe he got so upset that I pegged him with a couple of overpriced slippers. I mean, I bit his fingers off earlier and he didn’t care about that.”
“The slippers he gave you had crimson soles—they were footwear reserved exclusively for whores,” Xairn explained as he started the ship. “Hitting him in the face with them was a grave insult.” He gave her a quick smile. “It made him angrier than anything else you could have done—you hurt his pride.”
She tried to smile back but her lovely face looked uneasy. “Good for me, I guess.”
“Hold on.” Xairn gunned the engines and the ship went racing down the long stone corridor. Both of them were thrown back against their seats. The pressure eased as the ship lifted up into the purple haze of the O’ah sky. “We’re leaving now before things get ugly.”
“Seriously, like they weren’t ugly before?” Lauren laughed but the sound ended in a sob.
“Are you all right?” He spared her a quick glance before looking back at the controls. He had to get a good distance from the planet to make sure they weren’t followed.
“I’m fine.” She lifted her chin but her voice trembled. “Is…is it safe now? Will we be okay?”
“We should be all right. It might take me a little while to find the right worm hole but I think I can promise to have you home in a fairly short time,” Xairn said.
“I see.” Lauren nodded stiffly. “Then…can I…is it safe to go to the restroom?”
He nodded. “You can unstrap your harness.”
“Thank you.” She was already fumbling with the straps and as soon as she had gotten lose, she almost ran to the back of the ship. Xairn frowned and cast a glance over his shoulder to watch her retreat. Was she really all right? Should he go to her?
He felt a surge of frustration at his uncertainty. What would a normal male—one who had been raised around females and knew how to treat them—do? Many of Lauren’s emotional responses still confused him. He could tell she was upset and hurt and he wanted to fix that somehow—to assuage her pain. But he didn’t know how. And he didn’t know if he would ever be able to learn.
Forgive me, Lauren, he thought, staring blankly into the black reaches of space displayed on the viewscreen. For my ignorance and uncertainty. For not knowing how to ease your pain. I am no fit mate for you. He looked down at the burning letters of her name branded on his chest. And yet I don’t know how to be anything else.
* * * * *
Lauren slapped the bathroom door shut and clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob. It felt like she’d been crying off and on all morning but what a hellish morning it had been! She honestly couldn’t remember a worse one. Even waking up naked on the cold metal floor of the Fathership didn’t compare.
She sank to the floor and wrapped her arms around herself, trembling. She didn’t want to be weak but just for this one moment, she couldn’t help it. She had to give in to the tears.
Over and over she relieved the terrifying sensation of being grabbed and then watching as the clones tried to take her place. The fear that Xairn wouldn’t know the difference, that she would be left behind on a strange planet trapped in a life of prostitution until she died. And then watching as he endured agony for her—as he allowed himself to be branded with her name without saying a word.
It should have been me! I should have been the one who was marked! I shouldn’t have let him do it. Though she wasn’t sure how she could have stopped him. Now, even though he was going to leave her, he would have a permanent reminder of her stamped forever on his chest. Lauren wanted to go to him, to treat the burns with some of the cooling gel she’d found in the Kindred first aid kit earlier, but she couldn’t bring herself to face him again. Not yet. For now she could only try to deal with what she’d been through…and try not to think about how she was going to feel in a few hours when he left her on Earth and went away for good.
She cried quietly for awhile, muffling the sobs with her hand so as not to disturb Xairn. Letting out the terror and pain of what she’d just gone through seemed to help and at last, she began to feel calmer. It’s all right, Lauren, everything is going to be all right, she told herself fiercely, blotting her eyes on the sleeve of her muumuu. You got through being kidnapped, held prisoner by the AllFather, having your DNA altered, and being cloned. You’ll make it through this too. You’ll make it through him leaving…But she didn’t know how she could.
Out of everything that had happened to her since she’d been plucked her from her normal life on Earth and sent on a dizzying, out of control rollercoaster ride of adventure and fear, knowing she would never see Xairn again hurt the worst. The idea of never being held in his arms, of never looking into his eyes—whether they were red-on-black or blue-green, she didn’t care—was so painful it hurt to breathe when she thought of it. She didn’t blame him a bit for wanting to go but God, how was she going to—
A soft knocking on the other side of the bathroom door broke her train of thought abruptly. “Lauren?” Xairn sounded concerned. “Are you all right? Can I see you?”
“Just a minute.” She jumped up and turned to the sink to splash some cool water on her face. Blotting her cheeks with a towel, she studied her reflection in the mirror. Red eyes? Check. Puffy face? Check. Great, just great. Well, there was no way to hide from him that she’d been crying but at least she could be calm and collected now. Xairn had been through enough having her name freaking burned into his flesh. He didn’t need to deal with her crazy emotions too.
“Lauren?” he asked again.
“Coming.” Take a deep breath, she opened the door.
Xairn was leaning against the frame, his wide shoulders filling the doorway completely. His shirt was still hanging open and he was so tall that Lauren found she was just about at eye level with the brand.
“Hi,” she said brightly. “I was just looking for some burn gel for you. So I could treat your—you know…” She gestured to the raised black lines on his chest. They were an angry red around the margins and had to be hurting him terribly.
“You were crying,” he said, studying her face intently. “I could hear it though I’m sure you were trying to keep quiet.” Hesitantly, he reached out to brush her cheek with the back of his hand. “Don’t hide your pain from me, Lauren. Please.”
Lauren bit her lip. “I…I didn’t want to bother you. You’ve been through so much already.”
“We both have.” He studied her with those ne
w, piercing sea colored eyes. “But we went through it together, at least.”
“Yes, I guess so.”
Xairn looked troubled. “I…I want to make you feel better but I don’t know how,” he confessed. “I don’t know the correct response or how to ease your suffering.”
“Make me feel better?” Lauren looked at him in disbelief. “What about you?” She gestured at his chest. “What about that? Why did you let them? The Judge wanted to brand me—it should have been me.”
“Are you saying I should have stepped back and allowed you to be hurt—to be burned—without trying to protect you?” His eyes flashed briefly red-on-black. “What kind of male do you think I am? I may not know how to comfort you properly but I would never willingly allow you to come to harm!”
“But look what they did to you!” Lauren protested. “It must hurt horribly! And how will you ever get it off?”
“What makes you think I would wish to remove it?” Xairn asked quietly. “Did I not say I was proud to wear your name on my body?”
“How can you say that? How can you be so calm about this whole thing?” Lauren heard the tremble in her own voice but she couldn’t seem to stop it. “I mean now even after…after you leave, you’ll always have my name on you like…like a stain you can’t get off.”
“It’s not a stain,” he said softly. “It is a brand—a mark of possession. It denotes ownership.”
Lauren shook her head. “I don’t understand. Whatever point you’re trying to make—I don’t get it.”
Xairn looked at her steadily. “I spoke the truth when I told the Judge of the Market that you owned me.”
“What are you talking about?” Lauren protested. “How could I own you?”
“Because I am yours—body and soul.” To her surprise, he sank slowly to his knees and looked up at her earnestly. “I realized something when I nearly lost you the second time to the Spider, Lauren—I cannot leave you.” His deep voice was hoarse with emotion. “It is wrong and selfish and I still fear hurting you—fear it desperately—but I simply don’t have the strength to leave you on Earth and go.” He bowed his head. “You have mastered me without raising a finger—I am yours.”