“It’s all right,” Lauren assured him again. And then his big fingers slid into her pussy.
Lauren had expected him to thrust deep in her channel right away. Instead, he was gentle—almost tender as he stroked delicately over her wet folds.
“Like this?” he murmured in her ear, the pad of his index finger tracing the shape of her aching bud. “Gently but firmly, right?”
“That’s perfect,” she gasped as his finger continued to slip slowly over her clit. It felt amazing but it was slow, exquisite torture to lie back against him, her legs spread as he explored her pussy with his fingers. The pleasure which had begun building the moment he sucked her nipple into his mouth, blossomed within her. “God, Xairn,” she whispered. “Oh, God…”
“Do you like this?” he whispered roughly in her ear. “You like it when I pet your pussy, Lauren? When I stroke your soft little cunt?”
Dirty talk wasn’t what she’d expected of him but a quick glance up at his face showed that he was serious. He really wanted to know if she enjoyed the way he was touching her.
“Yes,” she whispered, daring to move her hips a little bit. “God, yes, it feels so good.”
“I want to make you come,” he growled, his finger moving a little faster. “And then I want to put my fingers all the way inside you and fuck you with them. I want to feel you clench around me.”
His deep voice in her ear was making her almost as hot as his fingers in her pussy. “I…I want that too,” she admitted softly.
“Then you like the way I touch you? It brings you pleasure and not pain?”
“Lots of pleasure,” Lauren assured him. “You…you’re doing great for your first time.”
“I am glad you enjoy my touch,” he murmured. “I love spreading you open and exploring your pussy. So hot and wet and soft…so utterly beautiful.”
Again Lauren felt like a wire was tightening in her belly, one that was about to snap at any moment. “I’m close,” she whispered. “God, Xairn, so close.”
“Then do it.” His fingers increased their tempo, sliding over her swollen clit even faster. “Come for me, Lauren. Let me feel you come.”
Lauren gripped handfuls of his black flight pants, hanging on for dear life as she felt herself peaking. “Xairn!” she gasped. “Oh God, Xairn!”
“That’s right—come for me.” He rubbed over he clit firmly once more and then his long, strong fingers slid lower and filled her.
Lauren cried out and arched her back, tilting her pelvis to give him better access to penetrate her. She could feel Xairn behind her. One long arm was locked around her, as though to hold her in place and his hot mouth was on her neck, kissing and sucking fiercely—marking her as his. She bucked against him, her hips moving in rhythm with his thrusting as he fucked deeply into her with his fingers.
“Mine,” he growled in her ear as she moaned and writhed against him. “You’re mine, Lauren. Mine forever.”
“Yes,” she promised breathlessly. “Yes. God, yes, Xairn. Yes.” This is it, she thought hazily as the pleasure poured over her, through her. He’s going to take me now. We’re going to make love. God, I want him inside me so badly…
“No!” Suddenly he withdrew his fingers and pushed her away from him.
“What…?” Lauren stared in surprise as he got off the bed and stalked stiffly to the bathroom.
“I’m sorry.” Xairn’s eyes blazed a steady red-on-black when he looked back at her. “But we can’t. I can’t.”
Then he went into the bathroom and Lauren heard a small clicking sound as he locked the door behind him.
* * * * *
Gods that was close. Too close! Xairn slumped against the bathroom door, one arm over his burning eyes. The feel of Lauren’s soft, naked body writhing against his own as she came in his arms had been almost too much to bear. He’d been right on the verge of snapping, of rolling her over on the bed, covering her slight, soft body with his own, and ramming his cock to the hilt in her pussy. He’d had no choice but to get away from her—to run before his urges overtook him.
Gods, he was dying for relief! He needed to release the tension inside him before he lost control and went back to the bedroom to finish what he’d started.
Xairn grimaced with mingled pain and pleasure as he rubbed a hand roughly over the hard ridge of his secondary shaft. It felt swollen and hot—throbbing for release. Because his sexual urges had been repressed for so long, he’d never had this problem before. Acting on instinct, he unfastened his pants and pushed them down, freeing his shaft.
Though the DNA alteration had changed his skin and eye color, it had left him physically intact. His secondary shaft was hard and long and his primary shaft—his bonding shaft—which forked from the top of its base, was short and inactive. Xairn was grateful that it remained unaffected by what had happened with Lauren. If his bonding shaft had been stimulated, he would have lost control completely. There was no way to deactivate it short of bonding his chosen female to him, and he had already promised himself that he would never do that to Lauren, no matter how much he wanted to.
But Gods, the way she trembled in my arms, the soft, helpless sounds she made, the way she called my name when I touched her. Her soft skin, her scent, her taste… Everything about her conspired to make him want her desperately. So much that he feared what might happen if he went back to her without releasing the burning tension inside him.
Trembling, Xairn took his secondary shaft in one hand. The first stroke was agony—his skin was too sensitized and his body needed a softer, female touch. Scourge didn’t typically relieve their own sexual needs in this way. As soon as they became sexually mature they either took a female, or died fighting to get one. But though Xairn had a willing female waiting for him in the next room, he didn’t dare to go to her. Didn’t dare to touch her until some of his sexual tension had been released.
Gritting his teeth, Xairn stroked again. His hips bucked involuntarily, his body protesting the rough pleasure he was giving himself. Every instinct inside him cried out that he needed a female’s touch—Lauren’s touch—but he forced himself to stay in the small bathroom and not go to her. Forced himself to keep stroking. Gods, it hurt! But not as much as forcing her would. Not as much as seeing the hurt, betrayed look in her eyes after he took her in the fashion of his people.
Lauren, Gods, I love you so much. Want you so much…too much. Xairn raised his other hand to his face—the hand he’d touched her with. Her warm, delicious scent filled his senses, somehow easing the pain of his self pleasuring. Xairn felt his heart fist in his chest—even when she wasn’t with him she helped him.
He pressed his fingers to his mouth, sucking away her sweet juices, taking comfort in her taste. She was so beautiful, so sweet and kind and good. Too good for one such as him. And yet Xairn knew he couldn’t let her go. No matter how wrong or dangerous it was for him to stay with her, he needed her. Needed her badly.
Picturing her in his arms, remembering how she had sobbed his name in pleasure, and tasting her sweet juices finally brought about his own painful climax. Xairn groaned her name and winced as the pearly white cum jetted from the tip of his secondary shaft, calming his need at last.
Panting, he slumped against the bathroom wall. He was grateful that the tension had been released, but touching himself rather than having a female touch him was an agonizing experience. Still, he realized, it was something he would probably have to repeat over and over if he wanted to stay with Lauren without hurting her.
Worth it, he told himself, cleaning up and refastening his flight pants. If it keeps me from taking her, from forcing her, then the pain is worth it a thousand times.
Taking a deep breath, he glanced at himself in the mirror. His eyes were normal—well, what was normal after having his DNA altered, anyway. They seemed to be a very peculiar shade of bluish green but Lauren thought them quite beautiful, which was all that mattered to him. It did bother him that they’d gotten so hot while he was touching her
—which was when Lauren had said they’d gone back to their original color, too. Slk had warned him that his Scourge DNA might resurface under circumstances of extreme emotional duress. Was that what was happening?
It must not happen, Xairn told himself almost desperately. He sensed that whatever tenuous control he had over his sexual urges was linked to the human DNA he had gotten from Lauren. If he reverted back to his Scourge form completely, he would lose the small edge that allowed him to hold himself back, that kept him from hurting her. Even with the human DNA he was having a difficult time restraining himself. Without it, he would have no chance at all.
He looked at his eyes more closely. They went back to normal after my tension was released, he thought, frowning at his reflection. Perhaps his eyes flickering back to their old color was just a side effect of doing anything sexual. Maybe he had nothing to fear. Xairn hoped so, anyway.
There was one other thing that bothered him, though—he’d been able to hear her thoughts several times as he touched her. That wasn’t right or normal. Though he had wished for it many times, he and Lauren had no mental connection like the Kindred had with their brides because they weren’t bonded. The only other person he knew who could read minds and pluck thoughts from the brains of others was his father—the AllFather.
No, Xairn told himself firmly. No, I’m not like him. I don’t have his abilities or his perversions. I refuse to believe it. I want nothing to do with him, ever again.
It was time to face Lauren and try to explain why he’d run from her. Pushing his father out of his mind and squaring his shoulders, he turned the doorknob and went back into the bedroom.
* * * * *
Lauren heard the bathroom door open and the light shut off but she didn’t turn around to look at him. She didn’t want him to see the disappointment and hurt in her eyes. Didn’t want him to know how painful it had been to lie there on the bed, abandoned, while he took care of himself rather than making love to her.
She lay on top of the covers but she’d put back on her t-shirt and panties, not because she was cold but because she felt exposed without them. It was one thing to let Xairn see her naked while they were being intimate but she still wasn’t comfortable enough in her skin to run around in her birthday suit 24-7. Even back on the Fathership when she’d had no choice about her nudity she had always tried to cover herself, at least until Xairn gave her his cloak.
She’d turned off the lights and she didn’t offer to turn them back on as he made his way to the bed. There was enough illumination coming from the long, high window that ran the entire length of the condo’s west wall for Xairn to see where he was going.
The bed creaked as he sat down beside her. Lauren shifted but didn’t turn over. “You okay?” she asked, trying to keep her voice neutral.
“Fine.” Xairn cleared his throat. “Much better now that…much better.”
“You mean you’re better since you took care of yourself?” Lauren rolled over to face him and propped a hand under her head.
“Well…” Xairn cleared his throat. “Yes,” he said at last. “That is what I mean.”
“You didn’t have to do that, you know.” Lauren touched him lightly on the arm and he twitched, as though he was trying not to pull away. It hurt her feelings but she made an effort not to show it. “I would have helped you at the very least,” she said softly. “I mean, even if you didn’t want to…to make love—”
“I didn’t want your help,” he said stiffly.
“I see.” Lauren withdrew, feeling like he’d slapped her. “Sorry for offering.”
“No, I didn’t mean it that way. I just…” Xairn ran a hand through his hair in obvious frustration. “I was afraid. I had to leave because—”
“Because you didn’t want to hurt me,” she said flatly. “I know. You’re so sure I’m going to break the minute you touch me you have to bolt out of the room as soon as things get a little intense.” She knew she wasn’t exactly being fair but she felt hurt—rejected.
“You don’t understand,” he said in a low voice.
“Yes, I do,” Lauren insisted. “But Xairn honey…” Sitting up, she reached out to caress his cheek. “I’m a big girl. I can handle a little rough sex.”
“A little rough sex?” He turned to her and in the dim lighting she could see that his eyes had gone red-on-black again. His red pupils were glowing like rings of fire, blazing in the darkness like a demon’s. “A little rough sex?” His voice was a low, threatening growl. “Is that all you think I want from you?”
“Well, I—”
Suddenly he was on top of her, his big body pinning her to the bed. “Do you have any idea of the things I want to do to you?” he demanded. “Of the urges I have? The desires I’m fighting every minute, every second I’m with you?”
“Xairn, please…” Lauren tried to struggle but it was useless. He was too big and heavy on top of her. She bit her lip as she felt the hard ridge of his cock dig into her thigh.
“Every time you touch me, I want you,” he growled, looking into her eyes. “I want you like this, Lauren. Under me. Helpless. Your legs spread, your arms tied above your head so you can’t move…can’t get away no matter what I do to you.”
He thrust against her and his shaft found the cleft of her sex. Lauren moaned as he parted her pussy lips through the thin cotton panties and rubbed relentlessly over her throbbing clit.
“Xairn, please…” she gasped breathlessly. The fear inside her was being overtaken by a perverse kind of pleasure now. He’d touched her so gently earlier, had stroked her clit so tenderly until she came, and Lauren had enjoyed it immensely—until he ran away, that was. Now, though she sensed he was still holding back greatly from using all of his immense strength, he was being rough. And strangely, it was turning her on.
“Please, what?” he demanded, grinding against her again. He forced her hands above her head and pinned both wrists to the mattress with one large hand. “I thought you didn’t mind this, Lauren. It’s just ‘a little rough sex.’ Isn’t that what you said?”
Fear and pleasure rolled through her in a confusing mixture of emotions. “I…I didn’t mean I wanted you to rape me!” she protested.
Xairn released her and rolled off immediately. “Yes, and that’s what it amounts to, doesn’t it? Rape.” He sat on the edge of the bed and buried his face in his hands, his broad shoulders hunched miserably. “An ugly word for an even uglier action. Gods, Lauren…”
“Xairn…” Lauren’s body still throbbed with the intimate contact but she had no time to think about that now. She tried to push aside the strange feelings she’d had while he was pinning her to the bed and just focus on him. “Xairn,” she said again, reaching out to touch him.
Xairn flinched but didn’t pull away. Lauren ignored the involuntary movement and wrapped both arms around him from behind. Pressing her cheek to his shoulder, she held him.
Xairn stiffened in her arms. “Let me go,” he said in a low voice. “Before I hurt you.”
“You’re not going to hurt me,” Lauren insisted. “And I’m not afraid of you—no matter how you try to scare me.”
“I wasn’t trying to scare you,” he said roughly. “I was just showing you a small part of the desires I keep locked inside. Letting the beast out of the cage for just a moment.”
“You’re not a beast.” Lauren hugged him tightly. “You’re my Xairn and I love you.”
“I love you too.” He sighed. “Which is why I ought to go now, before I hurt you. Before I do something we’ll both regret as long as we live.”
“Don’t you dare!” Lauren let go of him and scooted off the bed. Grabbing him by the hand she demanded, “Come with me!”
Xairn stood up and allowed himself to be dragged to the door. “If you want me to leave your living space, you have only to say so,” he protested. “I don’t blame you and I will go at once without being forcibly ejected.”
“I’m not ejecting you.” Lauren was torn between love an
d exasperation.
“Then where are we going?” Xairn gave her a confused look as she dragged him out of the condo and around back to where the Kindred ship/car was parked.
“You’re going to give me the keys.” Lauren stopped beside the small silver car and held out her hand.
He frowned. “Forgive me, Lauren, but you don’t know how to fly this vehicle.”
“I don’t want to fly it. I just want to make sure you don’t fly away in it. So give me the keys so I can be sure you won’t just up and leave and go someplace I can never find you.”
Xairn shook his head. “Kindred ships don’t work like that. There is no ‘key’ to start the ship.”
“Then give me a piece of the engine. Something small I can hold onto but you can’t get away without it. Like a sparkplug or something.” Lauren held out her hand insistently. “I mean it, Xairn. Now.”
He gave her a long look, then shrugged and lifted the hood of the engine compartment. After rummaging around for a moment, he produced a small silver ring and wiped it on his shirt. “Here.” He held it out to her. “The O-ring from the hydrogen scoop mechanism. The ship will be unable to start without it.”
“Perfect.” Lauren took the ring from him and examined it in the light from the sodium arc lamp overhead. It was very small and surprisingly elegant for an engine part. After a moment’s deliberation, she slid it onto her left ring finger where it fit perfectly. “There.” She looked up at Xairn. “That’s not exactly how I imagined it when I pictured getting a ring from the man I love, but oh well. The important thing is you’re not going anywhere.”
“I don’t think this is a wise idea, Lauren,” he protested as they walked back into the condo. “I think I should go before—”
She held up a hand. “Please don’t start that again. Come on.” She led him across the room and pushed him down to site on the side of the bed. Then she stood in front of him, hands on her hips.
He looked up at her, his eyes filled with dejection, his big shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry, Lauren,” he said in a low voice. “Sorry that I don’t know how to give you what you need without losing control.”