She’d never had a man go down on her like this before, with this level of intensity and need. It was as though Xairn was dying of thirst and she was the only source of water for a hundred miles. He lapped and sucked, working her hard, rasping his tongue over her sensitive clit and giving her exactly what she needed. In fact, it was almost frightening the way he tasted her, the single minded ferocity he showed in laving her sensitive folds. But she pushed away her sense of unease and gripped his hair tighter, bucking her hips in time to his rhythm, giving herself completely to his silent demands.
“Yes! Oh God, yes, Xairn. Yes,” she heard herself chanting. She was close…so damn close. “God, please, more! More.”
“I’ll give you more.” His voice was a low, menacing growl. Suddenly she was flipped over and held down, her bare breasts pressed against the hard top of the kitchen island.
She gasped in surprise and scrabbled at the cold steel, uncertain of what was going on. The bowl of homemade butter cream frosting went spinning off the island to crash on the tile floor.
“Down,” Xairn growled when she tried to lift her head and look back at him. A large, cruel hand was suddenly pinning the back of her neck, making it impossible to move.
“Xairn,” she whispered fearfully but he wouldn’t let her go.
“You don’t understand.” He was on her now, as heavy as a mattress, his big, muscular body covering hers as he pressed her painfully into the unyielding stainless steel. “You think what I want, what I need is your love. Your devotion and caring. But that isn’t enough. Not for a Scourge.”
“What…what is it you need, then?” Lauren could hear the fear in her own voice and she tried to control it but she couldn’t—not quite. This was all happening so fast, changing from an incredibly charged erotic moment to a scene out of a nightmare at the speed of light.
“Your submission,” Xairn growled in her ear. “Your complete and unconditional submission. Spread your legs for me—now.”
When she was slow to comply, he kicked her ankles apart, forcing her thighs open, putting her pussy on display.
“Xairn, please!” Lauren struggled but it was like struggling against stone—he wouldn’t let her up, wouldn’t let her budge so much as an inch.
“Beautiful.” He ran one hot, heavy hand down the groove of her spine and then cupped her buttocks. Suddenly he gave her a stinging slap.
Lauren gasped and bucked against his hand. “Xairn!”
“So fucking beautiful,” he repeated. “Now spread your legs wider and arch your back. Let me get a good look at that sweet little cunt. Do it now unless want more punishment.”
Panic had begun to build inside her but now, somehow, it was overtaken by a different emotion. Lauren didn’t know why but that low, purring voice and the hot, possessive way he touched her was doing something strange to her insides. It was as though he owned her—as though he could do anything to her and she was helpless to stop him. A moment ago she’d been fearful. Now…now she didn’t know. She only knew that her nipples had grown hard again and her pussy felt wet and hot and open. He was holding her down, touching her—owning her. And why did that make her feel so strange inside? So hot? Slowly she did as he commanded, arching her back and spreading her legs, opening herself even wider for his inspection.
“Good, very good.” His voice was a low growl of approval. “Gods, you look hot from behind. I love the way your sweet little cunt opens for me this way.”
“Xairn,” she whispered as his big hand traveled down to cup her open pussy. “What…what are you doing?”
“Taking what’s mine.” He was behind her, on top of her again, his breath hot in her ear. Suddenly two thick fingers pierced her folds. Lauren gave a startled cry as he thrust deeply into her, filling her slippery channel. “I’m going to fuck you, Lauren,” he growled, pumping roughly into her, making her moan and writhe helplessly against his invading fingers. “Going to fill you with my cock right here and fuck you long and hard. Isn’t that what you want? What you need?”
“Yes but please…I…I…” She didn’t know what to say. How to explain the conflicting emotions that were filling her. On one hand she was both frightened and outraged—how dare he do this to her? Treat her this way? But another part of her, a newly awakened part, was deeply and undeniably turned on at the feeling of being helpless beneath his big body. “Xairn,” she panted, writhing against his thick fingers. “Please, I don’t know what to say.”
“You’re not required to speak.” She heard a low purring sound and knew that his zipper was coming down. Then something hot and hard and menacingly huge was brushing over her inner folds. Lauren cried out when she felt the blunt tip of his cock slide over her sensitive clit.
“Wait!” she gasped but Xairn had already found her entrance and was beginning to press inside her.
“I’ve waited long enough to fuck your hot little cunt,” he growled, pressing deeper. “Not gonna wait any longer. Hold still.”
Lauren writhed under him, moaning breathlessly as she felt the broad head of his cock breach her channel, stretching her to the limit. God, he was really going to do it, was really going to hold her down and fuck her, whether she wanted him to or not! Her body was responding to his rough treatment but she couldn’t help feeling shocked and appalled that he wouldn’t stop or even pause when she asked him to. What was wrong with him? Where was the sweet, caring man she’d come to love and who was this animal that had taken his place? This beast rutting on top of her wasn’t the real Xairn—it couldn’t be!
“Yes, it is.” Suddenly he stopped, with his shaft only halfway inside her. “This animal—this beast is me, Lauren. The real me.” The cruel hand released her and suddenly he pulled out, leaving her feeling empty inside.
“What?” Lauren turned to face him but he was already tucking himself away and fastening his jeans. When he looked up from his task, his face was a mask of misery.
“I tried to tell you. Tried to warn you.” He pressed a hand to his eyes briefly and spoke in a low, choked voice. “I am Scourge, Lauren. It doesn’t matter how human I look, I’ll never be anything else. And I’ll never be able to love you without hurting you.”
“Xairn honey, wait,” she protested but he was already gone, rushing out of the shop before she could say another word.
Chapter Twenty-seven
The AllFather let out a hissing curse and pounded his clenched fist on the arm of his throne. So close! Xairn had been so close to taking the little human female. He’d been scanning the emotional vibrations coming from the area that she called home—the place he was certain Xairn had taken her—and he had felt it clearly. The build-up of rage and lust, the desire to possess which was the hallmark of a Scourge male coming into his own. If only Xairn had followed though his mind would be open now, able to receive the AllFather’s messages. The images he wanted to send.
“But he cannot ssstop himself forever.” The AllFather spoke aloud. Standing, he swept back the hood of his shadowy cloak to reveal his burning eyes and the grinning skull of his face. “He mussst take her sssoon. And when he doesss, I ssshall be ready.”
He already had the trap prepared—the bait he planned to use would bring Xairn running back to him without delay. As soon as he took the little human fully, his mind would be vulnerable to attack and the AllFather would not hesitate to press his advantage.
In the mean time, he might as well cast a little more doubt and satiate his hunger at the same time.
“Alpha,” he called to the huge guard at his right. “Prepare the beam. It isss time to harvessst another.”
Chapter Twenty-eight
Xairn wandered the streets for hours, hating himself. Gods, what was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he love Lauren normally, treat her gently the way she deserved? Why was it that he turned into a monster the moment his sexual urges overtook him?
Because you’re Scourge. And you’re never going to be anything else, anything better. You’re never going to be the male she deser
ves, whispered the voice of self-hatred in his head. It was true and he knew it.
I should leave, he thought for the hundredth time. Leave her while I still can. Tonight was too close, I almost lost control.
Only the human DNA grafted to his own had saved him—it had allowed him to stop before it was too late. That and Lauren’s thoughts. Xairn knew they had no mental link, knew he shouldn’t have been able to hear what she was thinking. But it had happened again, just as it had the first time they were intimate. Her thoughts came to him clearly, almost as though she was speaking them aloud. And what she had been thinking nearly broke his heart.
She couldn’t believe that I would take her that way. That I would hurt her. She saw me as an animal—as a beast. But even as I was about to force myself inside her she still wanted to believe that I was good, that I wouldn’t do such a thing.
Xairn stopped for a moment, leaning his head against the side of a brick building. What was happening to him? Why was he able to hear Lauren’s thoughts? And why had he been able to command the stupid male who had been her assistant with his words? Only one other being that he knew of could do such things—the AllFather.
No, I am not like him! I refuse to become like him! But if the way he had treated Lauren was any indication, it was already too late—he was becoming like his father. More like him every day. His Scourge impulses were growing stronger—the human DNA he’d gotten from Lauren was holding him back but just barely. And its influence over him couldn’t last forever. Which was all the more reason to get away from Lauren before it was too late.
Xairn shook his head. What had happened today had been too close—he’d almost gone too far. It was time to admit that this was a mistake, that his attempt to love her and have a relationship with her was futile. It was time to ask for the O-ring back, get into the little Kindred ship and leave, never to return.
Just the thought of that, of never seeing her again, made him feel like a cruel fist was squeezing his heart. But if there was no other way to stop himself from hurting her—from forcing her—then it was what he had to do.
“I have to talk to her,” he whispered and his voice sounded low and broken in his own ears. “Tell her I love her but I can’t…can’t stay. Gods…” There was nothing he would rather do less and therefore he needed to get it over with before he lost his nerve.
Sighing, Xairn lifted his head and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. Then he dropped his hands and looked around. Where was he? He had been walking for hours and the streets had grown dark. There were occasional lamps high above to light the way but he was still on unfamiliar territory. Or was he?
Lifting his head, he scented the air. The faint, sweet smells of vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry wafted to him on the warm evening breeze. They were barely there and he was sure a human couldn’t have smelled them. But his heightened Scourge senses detected them at once. He had been wandering in circles—Lauren’s shop was somewhere very near.
He turned down an alley between two buildings, following his nose, when a sudden soft cry of distress caught his attention. Xairn stopped, frowning, and looked around. There it was again—a sound like an animal in pain. But he had seen no animals in the immediate vicinity of Lauren’s shop. None but the mangy black canine that had begged at their table during lunch.
I don’t have time for this. I need to speak to Lauren. But he turned toward the sound anyway, following the cries that seemed to be getting weaker and weaker even as he listened.
He found the animal not far from the place they’d had lunch. He couldn’t remember the name of the restaurant but it didn’t matter anyway. There was a large, green metal trash receptacle around back of the building and the black dog was crouched behind it.
Xairn knelt on the grimy pavement, oblivious to the dirt staining the knees of his trousers and the rank odors assaulting his nose. The female dog was crouched in a ball, wedged as far back as she could go behind the trash receptacle. She was curled up around something he couldn’t see and panting harshly, as though in pain. Every time she shifted the high, painful cry he had followed was drawn from her.
“Here girl. It’s all right, I won’t hurt you,” Xairn murmured in a low, coaxing voice. Kneeling lower, he reached for her, trying to draw her out from behind the dirty bin. The dog snapped at him weakly and gave a warning growl. Clearly she didn’t trust him and Xairn didn’t blame her. She was obviously wounded—probably she’d been struck by a passing vehicle—and he was a stranger.
He supposed he could shift the trash receptacle—it looked quite large and heavy but he was much stronger than a human. It would be the work of a moment to get it out of the way. But she was injured and it would be cruel to make her run from her position of safety. Still, he couldn’t just leave her to die—could he?
That’s exactly what I should do, he thought darkly, sitting back on his haunches as he stared at the wounded dog. What am I doing, trying to save an injured animal when I ought to be on my way out of here, away from Lauren forever?
Suddenly the dog let out another cry—a long, liquid howl of pain that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Forgetting his resolve to leave, Xairn put his shoulder to the far side of the green receptacle and pushed. He was careful not to move too quickly—he didn’t want the wounded canine to feel cornered, he just needed a little more room to get to her.
But he needn’t have worried about the dog trying to run. As he exposed her hiding place she gave one last painful whimper and went still. Xairn reached for her anyway but her still-warm body was limp under his hand. He was too late—she was dead.
He sat back again, surprised at the rush of emotion that overcame him. The moment when Sanja had died came back with a painful clarity that took his breath away. The way the light in her beautiful brown eyes had been extinguished, the dead weight of her body in his arms as she obeyed his final command…it was all so fresh and painful. Again he felt his eye stinging, though no tears came. He had none left. Not after that horrible day.
Well, there was nothing more he could do here. He was about to stand up and leave the filthy place when a new movement caught his eye. Was the dog still alive after all? Crouching down, he watched as a small bundle of black fur detached itself from the animal’s side and struggled out onto the pavement.
A tiny black puppy no bigger than the palm of his hand came into view, and Xairn understood. This was the reason the female had snapped at him and also why she’d been curled into a protective ball. She’d been shielding her young, trying to protect her little one from what she perceived as a threat. She had died trying to keep her baby safe—protecting it to the last.
The puppy fell over then staggered to its feet unsteadily. Its eyes were open but it still looked very young to Xairn. It turned and nudged the limp body of its mother, crying pitifully. When the black dog didn’t move, the puppy pawed at it anxiously. The helpless, hopeless gesture seemed to do something to Xairn’s heart.
“She’s gone, little one,” he said roughly. “Gone where you cannot follow. I’m sorry I couldn’t help her.”
The puppy turned to the sound of his voice and wobbled over to him unsteadily. Xairn started to put out a hand to it…and then withdrew. What business did he have with such a tiny, weak thing? He was Scourge through and through—he had proved it himself this afternoon with Lauren. His urges pushed him towards violence, not compassion. Inside his head he seemed to hear the voice of his father hissing, “Only the ssstrong deserve to sssurvive.” He should go now and leave the tiny thing to its fate—that was the Scourge way, was it not?
Then the puppy nudged his knee with its nose and gave a small yip. When Xairn looked down, he saw it staring up at him hopefully with big brown eyes just like Sanja’s. It pawed at him gently and yipped again as if to say, “Well? Aren’t you going to pick me up?”
Somewhere inside his heart a knot that had been tightening suddenly loosened. Reaching down, he scooped up the puppy and held it to his chest.
/> “It’s all right, little one,” he murmured into the silky black fur as the puppy reached up to nuzzle against his neck. “Your mother is gone but I’ll take care of you.”
* * * * *
Lauren looked up the moment the door to her condo opened. Xairn was standing there with a haggard look on his face and something cradled in his arms.
“It was my fault,” she said, jumping up and running over to him. “All mine. I shouldn’t have pushed you that way, shouldn’t have tempted you. I’m so sorry—”
He took a step backward, his eyes widening with surprise. “You’re not angry with me?”
“No, if anything I’m angry with myself.” Lauren put a hand to her head. “You asked me not to push you but I did it anyway. I’m so sorry, Xairn I just wanted…just wanted to be close to you. But I didn’t mean to make you, uh, lose control.”
“The fault was not yours.” He shook his head, frowning. “It was all mine. I can’t control my Scourge nature, my urges are too dominant even with the human DNA I got from you. I…I came to tell you that, Lauren. That I can’t trust myself with you so I need to go.”
“No, don’t go!” she exclaimed, grabbing his arm. The thing he was holding, which had looked at first like a scrap of black fabric in the dim light, shook itself and made a sleepy, inquiring sound. “What’s that?” Lauren asked, almost surprised enough to forget her anxiety.
“A puppy.” He sighed. “I know I’m no good for it—any more than I am for you. But its mother—the black dog you fed at lunch—died after being struck by a car. I’m sorry but I had to take it. I…was unable to leave it behind.”
“Of course you couldn’t leave it!” Lauren tried to take the puppy from his arms but it growled and snapped at her finger with tiny white milk teeth. Then it nuzzled closer to Xairn and leaned up to lick at his cheek. “Oh my.” She laughed. “Looks like this is a one person puppy and I’m not the one. He’s bonded with you already, Xairn.”