“Because…” He stood up and started pacing. “You have to understand. We didn’t find Jessie’s body right away. She was missing for years before it was found. My parents…they went a little crazy. Jessie was always their favorite—I came along later so I was just an afterthought. But Jessie, well, she was so perfect and bright and beautiful you couldn’t help but love her.”
“What did they do?” Nadiah asked softly. “Your parents?”
Rast sighed. “After the case went cold and the police dropped out they hired private detectives—good ones too. Expensive. But my parents both had extremely successful careers—they could afford it.” He continued to pace, looking down at his shoes. “When that didn’t work, they went farther out into left field. My mom found a psychic who said she could feel Jessie’s energy. She told my mom Jessie was still alive, just waiting to be found.” He shrugged angrily. “It gave her hope—until we found the body, that was.”
“The woman was a fraud,” Nadiah said flatly.
“So were all the others my parents hired. They just wanted the money.” Rast sat beside her again, frowning. “And believe me, they got plenty of it. But the worst part was seeing how excited and hopeful my mom would get every time. She was so sure Jessie was out there, just waiting for us to find her.” He shook his head angrilly. “Fucking money grubbing liars, every one of them.”
“That’s why you didn’t want to believe me, to believe I was telling the truth,” Nadiah said. “Because of the people who took advantage of your family during your time of grief.”
“I’ve seen it happen to other people too, when they’re kids go missing.” He gave Nadiah a piercing look. “They’re frantic to find their child. They’d do anything, pay anything. So even though I could tell you were telling the truth, I thought you were just crazy. I could tell you believed what you were saying but I didn’t think anyone could actually see the things you were claiming to see. Not really.”
“But you rely on your own gift,” Nadiah pointed out. “You have to admit that’s out of the ordinary—outside the realm of what’s possible.”
He looked grim. “I didn’t rely on it enough to save Jessie. I knew that bastard Hains was trouble—I knew what he wanted to do to her but she wouldn’t listen.” He shook his head. “I should have kept her from leaving that night. Should have hidden the keys to her car, locked her in her room, something…”
“You were just a child.” Nadiah spoke gently, wanting to comfort him. “You couldn’t help what happened.”
“I should have made someone listen to me. If not Jessie, then my parents, or the police. I tried to tell them, tried to convince them to listen, to look for her right away. But they wouldn’t, you know?”
“Because they didn’t believe you?”
“That and because she was over eighteen—legally an adult. When a minor goes missing you start the case right away. With an adult, you always wait twenty-four hours first.”
“What? Why?” Nadiah demanded. “That’s stupid.”
“I think so too.” Rast nodded. “You know what the forensics guys said when they finally found Jessie’s body?”
“What?” Nadiah whispered, almost afraid to know.
“They said there was evidence of…of torture.” Rast looked fixedly down at his hands and his voice went low and tense. “They were pretty sure she’d been kept alive for at least a day after she was taken. Kept alive so he could have his sick fun with her. Then after he killed her, he dumped her far away.” He looked up at Nadiah, his truegreen eyes bright with unshed tears. “If I could have made someone listen to me—made them start looking for her earlier—they might have gotten to her in time. She might still be alive today.”
“Oh, Detective Rast…” Nadiah didn’t know what to say. She put a hand over his and squeezed.
“Rast.” He sighed. “ Just Rast. Nobody but my mother calls me Adam.”
“Rast, it wasn’t your fault.” Nadiah looked earnestly into his eyes. “You did everything you could. You tried to warn her—I saw it in my dream.”
He shook his head. “Thanks for playing therapist but I don’t think I’ll ever really forgive myself. Jessie’s murder is why I do what I do. I keep thinking if I can just find enough of them before they go missing forever, someday maybe I can make up for what happened.”
Nadiah was touched. “You take your job very seriously.”
“It’s life or death.” He sighed and straightened up. “Speaking of which, I need to try and find the girl who was taken last night.”
Nadiah shifted in her seat. “If she was taken by the AllFather then I’m afraid there isn’t much hope for her.”
Rast shook is head. “I’m still not sure he’s the one who snatched her.”
She raised any eyebrow at him. “Did they find her clothes in a heap, like the other one—Tabitha?”
“Well, yes. But don’t forget, Tabitha’s body was found,” he pointed out with an edge in his voice.
“What was her cause of death?” Nadiah asked. “How did he kill her?”
Rast frowned. “That’s the strange part. No cause of death that anyone could find. The coroner said her heart just stopped for no apparent reason.”
“Were there any marks on her?” Nadiah asked. “In my dream I saw wires being implanted under her skin—it’s a kind of torture the AllFather has. He hooks you up to this machine that projects your worst memories for everyone to see.” She shivered. “Baird had it done to him.”
“He did?” Rast asked in obvious surprise. “Actually, there were little wounds all over her skin but none of them were deep enough to kill anyone. The coroner couldn’t figure it out.” He frowned at Nadiah. “And I still don’t see why he would return the body.”
“Maybe to send a message?” Nadiah said. “The first girl he took looked a lot like Lauren—maybe he’s still searching for her. Does the second girl look anything like her?”
“Not really.” Rast reached into his jacket and pulled out a small holo cube. He flipped the bottom switch and the smiling, life-sized head of a girl with pale creamy skin and long black hair sudden popped into view. “See?” he said. “She’s white and Lauren is African American.”
“I see.” Nadiah studied the holo closely for a moment. There was something about it that bothered her but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. And there was no denying that the second girl who had been taken looked nothing like Lauren.
“So…” Rast clicked off the cube and put it back in his pocket. “I need to see if I can find her.”
“I hope you do,” Nadiah said quietly.
Rast gave her a sharp look. “But you doubt it.”
“If she’s the one I saw in my dream then yes, I’m afraid so.” Nadiah sighed. “Well, I guess I should go and let you work.”
“I have to do everything I can to find her,” Rast said seriously. “Even if…you’re right. I still have to do my job.”
“Of course you do.” She nodded. “Thank you for taking time to talk to me.”
“Anytime,” Rast murmured. Nadiah started to get up but he stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Nadiah, look at me.”
“What?” She searched his truegreen eyes with her own.
“I mean that. Anytime you have something to tell me, something you saw or you know or whatever—just call me,” Rast told her seriously. “Day or night, doesn’t matter.”
Nadiah’s heart jumped. “You mean it? You’ll listen to what I have to say now?”
Rast sighed. “Yes. From now on I’ll listen.” He looked down. “I’m sorry I treated you like you were crazy earlier. It’s just…it was hard to believe anyone could actually have a talent like your…”
“My gift,” she finished for him. “The Sight.”
“The Sight. Right.” He nodded. “Well, come on.” He rose and held out a hand to her.
Nadiah took it, feeling her heart start to pound as he drew her to her feet. “I’m sorry if I upset you, talking about your sister,” she said
softly, looking up at him. “But I needed you to believe me.”
“I understand.” He nodded. “You know I haven’t talked about her to anyone for years.”
“Really? Not even your parents?”
He shook his head. “Especially not them. It’s a forbidden subject in their house.”
“But how sad,” Nadiah protested. “She was such a beautiful girl—so vibrant and full of life. Someone like that shouldn’t be forgotten.”
Rast’s eyes flashed. “I’ve never forgotten her I just…never had anyone I could talk to about her before.”
“You can talk to me about Jessie—if you want, I mean.” Looking down, Nadiah realized her hand was still loosely cupped in his.
Rast seemed to realize it at the same time because he dropped her hand abruptly and cleared his throat. “Well, I’d better go. Call me if you have any more information.”
“I will.” Nadiah nodded, feeling like an idiot. Of course he didn’t want to talk about his dead sister! To dig up such an old and painful memory. Why had she offered such a thing? “Uh, thanks for listening,” she said, feeling foolish.
“You didn’t give me much choice, did you?” Rast said dryly. He sighed. “Well…goodbye.”
“Goodbye,” Nadiah echoed.
Rast nodded and walked out of the HKR building with a swift, businesslike stride. She watched him go, wondering why she wished she was going with him. He’s just a human, she reminded herself. And a cranky, irritating one at that. But she couldn’t get his look out of her mind—the bright sheen of unshed tears in his green eyes when he’d talked about his sister. There was tenderness in Detective Rast—buried somewhere beneath the hard outer shell, she was sure of it. But who or what would ever be able to draw it out?
Nadiah shook her head. “Only the Goddess knows. But not me, that’s for sure,” she murmured to herself. Then she sighed. It was time to be getting back to the Mother ship before anyone found out she was missing. By the time she got back it would be almost time to go to bed.
She shivered at the thought of another night of unrelenting nightmares. Still, at least now she knew that if she saw anything, Adam Rast would listen to her and take her seriously. With a last look at the detective’s broad, retreating back, Nadiah headed back for the shuttle which would return her to the Mothership.
Chapter Thirty
“I can’t believe it’s only been a week—it feels like we’ve had her forever.” Lauren smiled affectionately at the little bundle of black fur curled up on Xairn’s broad chest. He was reclining on the couch watching some sporting event on her battered flatscreen, and Little One was sleeping on him, as usual.
“She found her way into our hearts almost at once.” Xairn stroked the puppy which gave a sleepy yawn and flipped over so he could scratch her belly. Lauren watched as he caressed her glossy fur gently, careful as always with the tiny animal.
It did seem impossible to believe that Little One had been with them only a week. At first Lauren had been a little apprehensive about taking in a stray puppy, especially when it seemed her relationship with Xairn was crumbling apart. But now she could honestly admit that Little One couldn’t have come to them at a better time. Both of them had put aside their worries in order to concentrate on the puppy and as a consequence, their relationship had grown quietly almost without them realizing it.
Xairn’s no touching policy was still in effect but he didn’t flinch anymore when Lauren brushed against him by accident or casually touched his arm when she forgot. It was almost as though the puppy had brought out the best side of his nature and enabled him to find his self-control just by being there. Or maybe he had just buried the Scourge side of himself in order to care for the little canine with the gentleness and warmth he sensed she required.
Whatever the reason, the result had been much less tension between them and for that, Lauren was incredibly grateful. Having a happy and balanced man instead of a self-loathing, tormented one was more than worth a few puddles and “presents” on her tile floor from time to time as they tried to housebreak Little One. Although to Xairn’s credit, he was training her incredibly quickly. She could already sit and stay when told to and was even learning a few tricks. It’s like we had a baby, she thought, watching as Xairn tickled the puppy under her chin and let her gnaw on his finger with her tiny milk teeth. He’s gone from Scourge warrior-mode into daddy-mode. Now if only he could find a happy place somewhere in between…
But she sensed the warrior was still there, lurking just below the surface. Despite the lack of tension between them, she could still feel him watching her with hungry eyes. And she knew he was still relieving his own needs in the bathroom. She wished again that he would let her help, that they could find a way to be together without his instincts taking over and turning any sexual encounter between them into something out of a BDSM porno.
Do you really wish that? whispered a little voice in her head. Do you really? Lauren pushed the thought away uneasily and went to stand in front of the kitchen sink where there were still a few dishes from breakfast to be done. Absently, she stared out at the warm, late afternoon sunlight slanting down into the crystal blue waters of the pool. But though she was staring at the water, her mind was miles away.
The way it felt when he flipped me over, the press of his big body against mine, pinning me down. The sound of his voice when he growled in my ear, when he told me exactly what he was going to do, how he was going to take me…God!
She shivered. She’d been replaying the scene from the Sweet Spot over and over again in her head during the past week and it never failed to fill her with dark excitement. But it shouldn’t excite me, should it? It wouldn’t have been rape—no matter what Xairn thinks. You can’t rape the willing and I was plenty willing. But it would have been rough and I was frightened of him. He gets so scary when he goes all Dom like that. Scary but incredibly hot too.
Lauren was a feminist to the core but every time he started acting that way it seemed to do something, to flip some switch inside her that no one else had ever been able to flip. It made her so damn hot all she wanted to do was submit and let him do anything he wanted. But that wasn’t right—she shouldn’t want to be treated like that. Shouldn’t crave Xairn’s dominance or fantasize about sexual submission to him. Should she?
Unbidden, an image popped into her head. I’d be down on my knees in front of him, kneeling before my master to show my submission. His large hand, stroking my hair, guiding me toward him, toward his hot, hard cock. She could almost taste his warm, salty skin, could almost smell the delicious masculine musk of his big body as he fucked her mouth.
But maybe she wouldn’t suck him just right, the exact way he wanted her to suck him. Maybe he would have to punish her. Lauren imagined him putting her over his knee and pulling down her panties, baring her ass for his big hand. He would spank her, spank her until she writhed and begged for mercy.
Then he would tie her to the bed, her arms and legs spread wide so that she was helpless beneath him. Helpless and unresisting as he fucked her, fucked her so hard and long and deep she wouldn’t be able to help moaning his name, begging him to take her, to never stop, to make her come… Stop it, Lauren scolded herself. Stop thinking like that. You’re only making things hard on yourself.
But the forbidden fantasy had raised such a mixture of desire and shame inside her, she could hardly hold still. Uneasily, she shifted from foot to foot, feeling like her pussy was on fire. God, she had to stop thinking like this. But telling herself to stop was no good—it was all she’d been able to think of ever since their last physical encounter. Why was she so interested in this, anyway? She’d never fantasized about being punished before. Never wanted to let anyone tie her down or spank her.
Lauren bit her lip, frowning. It was frightening to discover this dark corner of her sexuality she had never even begun to explore before. Frightening and more than a little confusing. What the hell was wrong with her, anyway?
“Are you all
right?” Xairn’s deep voice broke her train of thought and Lauren whipped around guiltily to see him staring at her with narrowed eyes.
“Fine, I’m fine. Just thinking,” she said brightly, trying to smile.
“Thinking what, exactly?” He raised an eyebrow at her.
Lauren shifted nervously. “Nothing. Just that this is probably the last warm day we have before it starts getting cold. Well, cool, anyway. I think I want one more dip in the pool before it’s too late.” Once the words were out of her mouth she knew it was a good idea. Nothing like immersing herself neck deep in the chilly water to douse her unwanted desires.
Xairn frowned. “But you can’t swim—you told me so yourself.”
“I’m just going to splash around in the shallow end,” Laurens said briskly. “And then maybe drift around on one of the floats for awhile. You know, relax. What good is a day off work if we don’t spend it relaxing?” She knew she was babbling but by this point she didn’t care. She just had to get away from Xairn and the strange fantasies that had been tormenting her lately.
“Be careful, then,” he said but she was already on her way into the bathroom to change into her favorite white bikini. If a dip in the pool didn’t cool her down, she didn’t know what would.
* * * * *
Xairn frowned as she came out with a towel modestly draped around her curves and disappeared out the front door. He still didn’t understand the human preoccupation with immersing oneself in deep water. Especially here in Florida where Lauren lived, people seemed to swim constantly—if not in pools then in the ocean which surrounded them. He wished he could persuade Lauren to give it up but since she seemed to like it so much, he didn’t see how he could deny her one of her few pleasures. Especially since he gave her no pleasure himself—no sexual pleasure, anyway.
Gods, she smelled so hot just now. Unable to help himself, Xairn lifted his face and scented the air currents still swirling in the room. For some reason Lauren had been getting more and more aroused lately. Probably, he thought glumly, because he had denied her any kind of sexual satisfaction. He knew perfectly well that the asexual relationship they currently had couldn’t last but he didn’t know how to change that without going too far. Didn’t know how to make love to her without hurting her.