She gasps when my fingers pass under her panties. “You choose. You always—” she pauses and her throat hums. Damn, that sound. It makes me want to worship her and ravage her at the same time. Her head drops back and her eyes flutter closed and she continues, “—have the best ideas.”
I smooth her wild hair away from her neck. With her collarbone exposed like that, I have to taste it. It’s so good that I continue.
She lets me.
Our blissful connection is gentler and slower than times before, but mutual satisfaction doesn’t take long to achieve.
Neither one of us is ready to get back to studying. Katie suggests that we get dressed and visit her dorm.
It’s 11:45pm, but during finals week, everyone pulls all-nighters.
I drive us in her car, because Dunc has the Green Machine down at Shel’s.
The dorms are busy. Most of the doors in the hallway are propped open and there’s music drifting out into the hallway from several of them. People are loitering in the hall, shuffling around with mugs of coffee. From the looks of it, a lot of people have hit the wall like we have and are taking a break from studying.
We hit up Clayton and Peters’ room first. Clayton’s a cool guy. He’s friendly and always says the funniest things. He and Katie play off each other well. Peter’s serious as a heart attack, but he’s nice enough. And Katie really likes him. Better than that, he totally, one hundred percent cares about and respects Katie. And for that I appreciate the guy. He knows a good person when he meets one.
Next, we stop at her room. Her roommate is here. I’m not a big fan of Sugar. To be honest, she’s a conceited twat. The few times I’ve been here with Katie, Sugar’s acted like a spoiled brat, like she’s too good for Katie. She tries to talk down to her, but because Katie’s so feisty she puts Sugar in her place. She doesn’t let people fuck with her. It’s actually unbelievably sexy. Just thinking about Katie, I’m getting ready for round two of our “study break.” We need to get out of here. Stat.
“You ready, babe? Because I am.” When she catches my eye, I wink.
She smiles at the come on. “Oh, I think I could be ready if you just give me another couple of minutes to talk to Sugar.”
Goddamn. Now I’m definitely ready.
She’s talking quietly to Sugar. I can’t quite hear what they’re talking about, but Katie’s voice sounds concerned. I think it’s best if I wait out in the hall and give them some privacy.
I’m walking back down the hall from the drinking fountain when I hear a door close and look behind me. I see Katie walking the other way, heading toward the stairs with Clayton. I’m about to call out her name, when that bastard, Ben Thompson, stumbles out into the hall from a room a few down from Katie’s. What the hell is he doing here? He’s a junior and lives in a frat house on the other side of campus. I’ve never liked the prick. He’s an arrogant asshole and dumber than a box of rocks. That aside, the real reason I can’t stand him is because of something that happened freshman year. We both lived in this very dorm, and a girl who lived across the hall from me, Gina, accused him of rape. She recanted her claims the following day, packed up her stuff, and her parents picked her up and took her away. I know the bastard did it. He should be in jail, but instead the sicko’s still here. Rumor has it Gina’s not the only one, there have been others. The guy’s a shithead.
He’s drunk off his ass and he’s following Katie down the hall. I’m not taking my fucking eyes off her, because I swear I will rip his arm out of its socket if he even thinks of touching her.
Katie stops and turns to face him. He must’ve said something to her. I can just make out the murderous look on her face.
The next thing I know, Ben grips Clayton’s shirt in his hand and shoves him into the wall. “Get out of my way, I’m trying to talk to the cock-tease. I’ll kick your ass in a minute, faggot.”
Clayton raises his voice. “You can’t threaten me anymore.”
I start to run down the hall, pushing people out of my way.
About six steps away, I hear Katie’s voice. “Get away from me, asshole.” It’s forceful, loud. She doesn’t sound scared. Little does she know what this guy is capable of.
Four steps away. I see his hand is on her ass as she’s turning to walk away. That’s it; the motherfucker is dead now.
Two steps away. I launch myself and tackle him from behind. Katie screams and jumps out of the way. We miss her by inches when I hit the floor on top of Ben. Without even thinking, I start pummeling the guy’s face. I hit him again and again. My knuckles turn red with blood, his or mine I don’t know. I don’t care. Then someone’s pulling me off of him.
Ben starts crawling to his feet. His nose is draining blood down his face and onto the front of his shirt.
“What the hell?” He spits blood at my feet.
I try to lunge at him again, but can’t break the grip of three guys holding me back. “You fucking piece of shit. Don’t you ever touch her again, do you hear me? If I even see you fucking look at her, I swear I will rip your goddamn eyes out of their sockets.”
He holds up his hands like he’s completely innocent. “Sorry, chief. No harm, no foul.” He turns to leave like he didn’t just get his ass beat.
He stops to blow a kiss at Katie when he walks by her. He did not just fucking taunt her right in front of me.
I’m about to pull away and tear this guy to pieces when Katie grabs Ben by the shoulders and knees him square in the balls. It drops him to the floor. It was so fucking brilliant, I have to laugh.
She leans down to his ear. “Karma is a bitch, dude. I hope your pathetic youth has been worth it, because trust me, for a piece of shit like you, your future is going to be hell. Enjoy it, motherfucker, because you’ve earned every miserable second.”
Jesus, my tiny, one hundred pound girlfriend is the bravest, most badass person I’ve ever met.
Ben is up and stumbling down the hall again, nuts in hand.
Then Katie’s delicate little hands are on my face, and she’s frantically searching my eyes. “Are you hurt?”
I shake my head and I can’t stop smiling at her. I’m damn near giddy, which is absurd given the fact that I just beat the shit out of someone … and I’ve never laid a hand on anyone before in my life. Maybe it’s all the adrenaline.
Or maybe it’s just Katie.
She smiles that damn gorgeous smile of hers. “You’ve got a pretty good right hook, baby. Let’s go home so we can get you in the shower and clean you up.”
I raise an eyebrow. “We? You helping?”
She tugs on the corner of her bottom lip with her teeth. God, I love it when she does that. She shrugs. “I like to help. What can I say?”
Then someone’s tapping me on the shoulder and asking, “Excuse me? Are you okay?”
I turn and the dorm RA, John, is standing before me in pajama bottoms and a Grant T-shirt that looks like it’s been washed a million times. He was the RA when I was in this dorm freshman year. I know he doesn’t remember me, but by the looks of him he’s as grouchy as ever. I’ve never seen the guy crack a smile.
He repeats, “Are you okay?”
I nod, despite the pain pulsing through my knuckles.
He jabs his thumb in the air over his shoulder. “Good. Go clean up in the bathroom and then get out of here. I don’t want to see you in here again.” It’s a big show. I forgot how much this guy gets off on up-holding authority.
I reach for Katie’s hand. “Come on.”
John shakes his head. “I need to talk to Kate and Clayton first. Kate will meet you outside.”
Katie raises her eyebrows and looks at Clayton, who’s been backed up against the wall trying to stay out of the bedlam this whole time, before she agrees, “Okay. I’ll meet you out front in a minute, Keller.”
After scrubbing the blood off my hands, I’m angry all over again. How dare John kick me out? He didn’t say a word to Ben and I’m pretty sure he saw everything. I throw the front door open
and pound my way down the stairs. Katie is standing with Clayton and John on the sidewalk.
I point an accusatory finger at John. “You—“
Katie pushes me back with both hands on my chest. “Whoa. One MMA fight is enough for tonight, tiger.”
Then I see something on John’s face that I’ve never seen before: a smile. Well, it’s not so much a smile as it is the small, misshapen, beginning of a grin. But on him it’s the equivalent of an ear-to-ear, face splitting smile that shows off every tooth. He’s looking down at Katie. She has her back to him. He looks up at me and the smile vanishes. He clears his throat. “I apologize for making a scene in there, but I have a job to do.” He looks me in the eye. “As far as I’m concerned, this never happened.”
I’m confused and all the adrenaline in my system isn’t helping. “What didn’t happen?”
“Exactly. You were never here.” He’s letting me off the hook.
“You’re not reporting this to campus security?”
“No. I’ve been waiting for any opportunity to get Ben Thompson thrown out of Grant. And it seems he decided to verbally and physically assault two of my residents before picking a fight with an unknown person tonight.”
“Unknown?” I press.
He shrugs. “It all happened so fast, I didn’t get a good look at the guy he was fighting with. Come to think of it, Ben was so drunk the fight probably happened after he left here on his way home.”
Katie’s nodding. “Strange,” she muses.
“Strange,” Clayton adds. He’s wearing an odd little smile.
“Strange,” John agrees. “Besides, the assault on Kate and Clayton alone is enough to get him kicked out. I heard and saw it all. He was vile. I won’t even have to bring up the fight. Ben’s list of violations is as long as my arm, this will be the final nail in the coffin. And it will be my pleasure. I’ve been waiting three years to see this guy pay.”
I nod. Maybe this guy isn’t half bad. “Gina?”
He nods and sadness flashes across his face. “Yeah.”
Katie chimes in. “Clayton’s agreed to file a report, too.” She smiles at Clayton like she’s proud of him. “We need to go with John to the campus security office.”
I don’t hesitate. “I’ll drive you guys.”
She looks down at my scraped knuckles and the blood on my shirt.
I look down at my shirt. “I’ll, uh ... I’ll wait in the car when we get there.”
She smiles. “Good idea.”
John’s already motioning us toward the parking lot. He’s back to his usual curt, bossy self. “Ben Thompson will be gone before the sun comes up. I’d bet my MBA on it.”
Monday, December 12
(Kate)
John was right. The buzz and gossip around campus this morning was unavoidable. Word has it that Ben Thompson was escorted out of his frat house early this morning before classes started. They even boxed up all of his belongings. I look at this as a victory for Clayton over The Assholes of the world.
Karma is a bitch, Ben Thompson.
I only had one final this morning, so I’m heading back to the dorms to check on Sugar again before I go to Keller’s. I’m worried about her. The pregnancy and the aftermath are really messing with her head. She seems to genuinely want to make some changes in her life, but she lacks a few key elements to make that happen. Firstly, resolve. Peer pressure is her ultimate downfall. It kills her sense of self. Secondly, being proactive. She’s floated through life. Everything’s been done for her. The girl doesn’t know how to make a plan let alone act on it. And finally, self-esteem. Girls like Sugar do things for attention. The wrong kind of attention. And that leads to self-loathing. It’s a vicious cycle.
Deep down, I don’t think she’s a bad person. I think she lacks a support system and strong role models. She’s got balls, I’ll give her that. She’s proven it over and over, even if she was being a total bitch half the time. If she could just channel that gutsy approach into changing herself she’d be a fucking rock star.
So, Sugar and I are friends. It feels weird. But it’s a good weird. And I’m weird, what can I say.
Thursday, December 15
(Kate)
Today was the last day of finals, and Keller and I decided to make a big meal for all our friends. We invited Shelly, Duncan, Clay, and Pete to join us. We shared a big dish of vegetable lasagna, a crisp Caesar salad, and salty, buttery garlic bread. The food was excellent and the conversation was better than the food. When you put six completely different people at a table entertaining things happen.
Of course, all good things come to an end. At least that’s what they say. And I’m beginning to believe that it’s sage advice. After dinner, I dropped the bombshell. I hated it. It made me feel like I was vying for attention or something when all I wanted to do was inform my friends here at Grant. Keller wanted me to tell them weeks ago, but I didn’t want them worrying, especially when they all had finals coming up. I tried to stay positive when I delivered the news, but as I watched each of them either implode or explode, I aimed for composure instead. Witnessing people I care about experience sadness as a direct result of … me? It sucks.
Shelly flinched several times, her whole body convulsed like it was trying to reject the news. She just kept shaking her head and biting her bottom lip like she was trying not to cry. As soon as Duncan pulled her into his arms, she began to sob in loud, angry bursts into his shoulder.
Pete’s eyes were so wide I could see the whites all the way around. I don’t think he blinked for ten minutes. He didn’t speak a word.
And Clayton? His precious little face contorted into absolute anguish as soon as the word cancer was out of my mouth. The transformation was instantaneous and so were the tears. He kept saying, “This can’t happen to you, Katherine. It just can’t.”
There was a lot of hugging after the shock wore off, which helped me immensely. I hope it helped them too.
I’m mostly just glad it’s over so we can all go back to just being friends.
Sunday, December 18
(Keller)
We’re at the studio early this morning. I brought Dunc, Shel, and Clayton with me. Katie stayed with Gus last night at his hotel, in a suite with the band. I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t sleep. Every time I shut my eyes and didn’t feel her next to me in bed I started to panic. It felt like she was already gone.
I’m tired. She looks tired, too, but then again she always looks tired these days. Still, her tired eyes are happy. They almost always are. I don’t know how she does it. Her eyes are twinkling and she’s as entertaining as ever as she jokes around with the band. They’re actually all pretty cool guys. They’re all so at ease with each other. They’re all professionals, Katie included, but they have fun while they’re working. The laughter I’ve heard over the past two days out of this group is probably more than most people hear in a lifetime. And they all adore Katie. Especially Franco, who taunts her mercilessly. I can’t feel too sorry for her though, because she dishes it right back. That’s my Katie. She’s so damn feisty.
Tom enters, extra-large coffee in hand, and nods to the group. He’s not really a morning person so everyone nods a response, avoiding verbal greetings. The band and Katie call him MFDM. I’m not sure what that’s about. I’ll have to ask her. After Tom takes his seat next to the sound guy behind the soundboard, he clears his throat. “Everyone better be ready to make history today, because I didn’t come all the way to Minneapolis this weekend to be let down now. Yesterday was unbelievable, but you guys,” he’s looking directly at Gus, “are going to have to really step up today to even compete with what you laid down yesterday. This needs to be tight.” Tom likes Gus; he’s just setting the tone for the day. This recording needs to be perfect if they’re going to finish up today.
Gus clears his throat. “Understood.” The larger than life rock star looks nervous.
Tom nods curtly and then his face softens slightly. “Then get your ass in there and let’
s get this done.”
“I want Bright Side in the other booth. You need to record us at the same time. There are too many harmonies; I can’t get it perfect unless I can hear her.” Katie sings back-up harmony on almost every line of every verse and they sing the chorus together.
“I thought we decided everyone was going to be recorded separately and then layered on top of each other when it gets mixed.”
Gus shrugs, but I can see his eyebrows lift slightly. He licks his bottom lip. Suddenly the easygoing guy I’ve seen for two days is gone. He looks like he’s going to fall apart, and my guess is it has nothing to do with the recording. This is about Katie and it’s just become too real for him. “I need her,” he says quietly.
Tom exhales, but his expression softens. He’s knows the circumstances surrounding this weekend and he’s not going to fight Gus on this. He’s going to give him whatever he needs to get through. “Okay.” I don’t think anyone could deny the guy right now. Not even me.
Tom and the sound guy converse briefly and a microphone is set up in the booth facing the booth Gus will be in.
The sound booth is quiet, which is a little uncomfortable because there hasn’t been a moment of silence for almost 48 hours in here. Shel is sitting on Dunc’s lap in a big chair in the corner. Clayton, Jamie, and Robbie are sitting on a big sofa behind the soundboard. Franco and I are standing off to the side looking through the glass out at the recording booths.
Katie and Gus are directly on the other side of the glass from us. They’re chatting quietly, waiting to take their places in their respective separate booths. Katie looks relaxed and happy, like she’s done this a million times. She’s trying to put Gus at ease. The guy looks so tense. I can’t imagine what’s going through his head. I’ve heard the lyrics. They ran through them a few times Friday night. The song is emotional. It’s about the pain and struggle of losing someone, trying and failing to come to grips with it and in the end, just giving up. I know he wrote it from his perspective, but it could just as easily have been written by Katie. It’s sad any way you look at it. Not knowing the story behind the song it could be interpreted on many different levels: a death, a break-up, a loss in general. The lyrics are a no-holds-barred mix of anger and total despair. It’s poetic and deep and personal, a three-minute rampage. Getting through this is going to be tough. Katie has taken it in stride. She’s owning it because she’s not personalizing it. She hates pity, so it’s not sad to her. It’s almost like she’s been given the gift to tell her story. And her story, in her eyes at least, isn’t sad. Even if as the song says, she’s giving up, in her bizarrely positive mind, giving up is okay in this case. Dying is okay. It will all be okay.