“No, but I know you’re not crazy about hanging out with Tristan. I thought Senia might keep him preoccupied while I make you squirm under the table.”
“Don’t you have something we can eat here?”
“Not unless you want to feast on Capri-Sun for breakfast.”
“So predictable.”
Grabbing her face, I pull her toward me so I can kiss her. Her breath is hot in my mouth as her hand slides down and finds my erection. I suck in a sharp breath as she curls her fingers around me to get a firm grip.
“Is that a yes?” I whisper into her mouth.
She strokes me slowly, which only gets me hotter and more frustrated. Grabbing her by the sides of her waist, I lift her on top of me so she’s straddling my stomach. She sits up and I hold my breath as I take in the beauty of her figure. She’s different, softer than when we were together. Having Abigail changed her inside and out; it made her a woman. A woman who makes me want to be a better man.
I lay my hand on her abdomen and she smiles. “You’re so fucking beautiful. I want to worship this body day and night.”
I trace the tip of my finger over the small scar above her belly button where she used to have a piercing. She got the belly button piercing the same night I got her name tattooed on my right shoulder blade, because she was too afraid to get a tattoo. The piercing ended up coming out accidentally while we were wrestling and she never put it back in.
She grabs my hand and plants a soft kiss on my palm before she pulls my hand against her chest. Her skin is like silk under my fingertips. I grab the back of her neck to pull her lips to mine and kiss her slowly, savoring the taste of her lips and the soft warmth of her breasts against my chest. Her breathing quickens as she grinds against me.
I pull her head back so I can look her in the eye. “I have to tell you something.” I wait a moment for her to get her bearings before I continue. “I got your name covered up.”
At first, she looks confused, then she sits up and tilts her head. “The tattoo of my name? On your back?”
I nod. “Everyone kept telling me to get it covered up. I was really drunk and convinced you’d moved on with someone else.”
She looks heartbroken as she dismounts my stomach and sits cross-legged on the bed next to me. “I know I should have expected this, and you do have that new tattoo on your chest for me and Abigail, but this makes me sad.”
I sit up and turn my back to her so she can see the tattoo that covers her name. It’s a blonde pinup girl in a red bikini. The girl is winking as she sits backwards on a blue motorcycle.
“I kind of hate myself for this,” I say as I turn around to face her. “But I covered your name with one of my favorite memories of you. It was my secret way of not really covering it up at all.”
I think back to the last time I took Claire stargazing on the anniversary of her mother’s death, just one month before we broke up. We rode out on my motorcycle to Poplar Point in Jordan Lake and camped out for the night. The next day, after a long swim in the lake, we found our backpacks, and all our clothes, had been stolen from the campsite. As soon as we got on the bike, Claire in her red bikini and me in my swim trunks, our skin still wet and our bodies pressed against each other…. We had sex right there on top of my bike in the shade of the trees surrounding our campsite.
Claire still looks disappointed. “I don’t like to think about what happened while we were apart.”
“Neither do I. It was the worst year of my life.” I take her hand and kiss her ring finger. “If I could do it over, I never would’ve left. I would’ve proposed to you at Jordan Lake. I would’ve done anything to keep you by my side.”
Sometimes the cost of success is more than we can afford. I can’t afford to lose Claire again.
She looks me in the eye and shakes her head as she smiles. “It’s just a tattoo. Next time, you can get my name tattooed on your forehead.”
“I knew you’d understand.”
I grab her face and lick her forehead.
“Ew!” she squeals and I laugh as I jump off the bed before she can retaliate. A shooting pain slices through my knee as she shrieks, “You’re disgusting!”
“And you love it. Hurry up and get dressed so we can go eat.” She hops off the bed and pushes me. I grab her hand before she can make her way to the bathroom. “I’m not finished with you, so don’t drag out this breakfast.”
She turns around and smiles at me. “I’m going to take my time and you’re going to like it.”
I laugh as I let go of her hand and slap her ass. “Get out of here.”
It takes thirty minutes of convincing to get Senia to go to breakfast with us, but we finally get her into the car and make our way to the pancake house. When we pull into the parking lot, I’m not surprised to see Tristan leaning against his motorcycle. Tristan’s usually late, but he’s acting completely out of character lately with Senia. I asked him if his goal was to fuck her or get her to be his date to Rachel’s wedding and he claimed neither.
“He must be really trying to impress you,” I say as I pull into an empty parking space and kill the engine.
“Hmph. It’s gonna take a lot more than showing up early to a fucking pancake house,” Senia replies as she gets out of the car.
Claire turns to me and smiles. “Don’t encourage this, Chris. I don’t want her to get hurt.”
“I’m not encouraging it. I’ve never seen him act like this. I want to know what he’s up to.”
“So you’re willing to throw Senia under the bus to satisfy your curiosity?”
“I think I have more faith in Senia than you do.”
She rolls her eyes as she gets out of the car and slams the door shut. I get out of the car as quick as my leg will allow and hurry to her side so I can whisper in her ear.
“Senia’s a big girl, but I’ll break him in half if he hurts her. Okay?”
She smiles then grabs my hand. Up ahead, Tristan holds the door open for Senia to enter the restaurant.
“Good morning, sunshine,” he says with a smile and Senia ignores him.
I nod at him as he holds the door open for Claire and me. “Thank you, kind sir.”
“Anything for my Knight in shining armor,” Tristan says as he follows us inside.
“Hey, bitch, I didn’t see you curtsy.”
“You can curtsy on my dick,” he mutters, just low enough for Claire and Senia not to hear.
The hostess seats us in a semi-circular booth and Claire and Senia scoot in first so they’re sandwiched between Tristan and me. We grab our menus and Senia and Claire look at their menu together.
“Why are you looking at that menu? You know what you’re getting,” I say as I slide the plastic menu away from me.
Claire looks up from her menu. “Are you saying I’m predictable?”
“I’m saying I know you and you’re getting a damn waffle.”
She looks at me as if she’s not at all impressed. “Waffles happen to be extremely delicious, Mr. Denver Omelet.”
“Hey, I’ll bet I can guess what you’re ordering,” Tristan says to Senia. “The stuffed French toast.”
She looks up from the menu slowly and turns to Claire. “Do you hear someone talking to me?”
“You heard me loud and clear last night,” Tristan remarks.
Claire looks up from the menu again, but this time she turns to Senia. “What is he talking about?”
Senia finally looks at Tristan and her lip curls up in disgust at the devious grin he’s wearing. They’re keeping secrets from us.
The waitress arrives, providing a nice distraction for Claire’s ire. After we order our food, I grab Claire’s hand and pull her a little closer to me so I can kiss her temple.
“Did you think about what I asked you last night?” I whisper in her ear.
She lays her hand on my thigh as she looks at me. “I did.”
“And? Do you need more time?”
“Chris, I’ve already lived with you… for ma
ny years,” she begins, and I brace myself for the inevitable rejection. “Of course, I want to live with you, but are you sure you want to live with me?”
“Wait a minute,” Senia interjects. “Are you moving out?”
I gaze into Claire’s crystal blue eyes and I swear I feel my soul unravel and settle down inside me. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.”
Claire smiles as she turns to Senia. “I guess I’m moving out, but not until the end of the semester.”
“That’s eleven days away,” Senia replies. “I have eleven days to find another roomie?”
“I’ll pay your housing for the next semester,” I offer immediately. “Not just Claire’s half. I’ll pay it all.”
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll pay it,” Tristan says, his eyes locked on Senia, though she’s still refusing to look at him.
Her lips don’t move, but I swear her eyes are smiling. “It’s not the money; my dad will cover Claire’s half.”
Claire looks torn and I can already feel the guilt of leaving her best friend alone working against me. “I don’t want to leave you alone.”
Senia lets out a deep sigh before she finally drops the bomb. “I’m pregnant.”
Chapter Sixteen
Claire
My whole body feels numb. Senia’s brown eyes are locked on me, awaiting my response, as Chris’s hand reaches for mine. I push Chris’s hand away as I try to collect my thoughts. I’m not angry or sad. I’m confused.
I want to ask her how the hell Tristan knows about this before I do, but I’m afraid to know the answer to that question. I want to slide out of this booth, go to the car, and fall asleep, curled up in the passenger seat. But I can’t shut down again. I can’t do that to Senia.
Still, I feel so betrayed.
I glance at Tristan before I speak. “How? You and Eddie have been broken up for three months.”
She scrunches up her eyebrows, as if she’s ashamed with herself. “It’s not Eddie’s.”
She appears to be bracing herself for my wrath, but all I can do is shake my head because I still don’t understand. Finally, she nods toward Tristan and my heart beats painfully in my chest.
“When? What the hell’s going on?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you because of everything going on with Abigail. It was just a one-night thing a few weeks ago and, we were careful, but I didn’t get my period last week.”
“Wait a minute. A few weeks ago? Thanksgiving was two weeks ago. I thought you were going to tell him to stop texting you.”
“We ran into each other at Yogurtland and it just sort of happened. I didn’t give him my number. I mean, I’m not stupid.”
“Hey!” Tristan says. “How about a little gratitude for the guy whose seed is sprouting inside of you?”
“Ew,” Senia remarks before she continues. “ That’s why I was wondering how he got my number and texted me on Thanksgiving. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it, but I was ashamed of myself for giving in. I was feeling so shitty because Eddie kept texting and calling. I just wanted to do something to take my mind off of him.”
Tristan scoots closer to her and lays his hand on the back of her neck. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart.”
She quickly shoves his arm away. “Stop it.”
He smiles as he leans back, but his smile disappears when he looks at Chris. Turning to Chris, I’m surprised to find he looks as upset as I feel. His jaw is clenched and I don’t know if he’s going to explode with anger or cry. Finally, he stands from the table and makes his way toward the exit.
I don’t hesitate as I slide out of the booth to go after him. Tristan stands to come with me, but I hold my hand up to stop him. “Not now.”
I catch up with Chris outside just as he sits down on a brick planter in front of the restaurant. The dark December clouds above us only punctuate this moment. I almost wish it would rain to cleanse the aching from our souls. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he buries his face in his hands.
“I don’t really want to talk right now.”
“You don’t have to talk,” I say as I take a seat next to him. “But do you mind if I talk?”
He takes a deep breath and shakes his head.
“I think I may need to give you a little space to figure out whether you can forgive me before I move in with you.”
His head snaps up to look at me. “What?”
“You’re obviously upset about this because of Abigail, and that’s my fault.”
“Don’t do this, Claire. This is not the right way to handle this.” He sits up and looks me in the eye. “Yeah, I’m really fucking upset right now, but giving up is not the way to solve our problems. You should know that by now.”
“I know. I just hate seeing you like this. I hate knowing that I’ve hurt you.”
“Babe, you’re going to hurt me many more times in our lives. Just because I forgive you, doesn’t mean the pain goes away instantly. I just need some time… and you. I need you to not leave me again. Okay?”
I nod as I reach for his hand and squeeze. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he stares at the concrete. I hate seeing Chris in pain, but knowing that I’m the cause is unbearable.
“Are you going to stay out here?”
“Go ahead inside. I’ll just be a minute.”
As I begin to stand, he pulls me toward him so he can kiss me. It’s just a soft peck on the lips, but he lingers for a moment. And in this simple gesture, it’s as if he’s reminding me that we can get through anything. Even this.
I kiss the tip of his nose before I set off into the restaurant again. Senia and Tristan are deep in conversation as I approach, but the silence returns as soon as I take my seat.
“Is everything okay?” Tristan asks, and he looks genuinely concerned.
“He’s fine. He just needs a minute.” I turn to Senia and she bites her lip. Reaching out, I beckon her into my arms. “Congratulations, bestie.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you right away,” she whispers into my hair as she holds me tightly. “I didn’t know what I was going to do. And I knew if I told you how unsure I was, that it would just upset you.”
I let her go and try to keep my voice steady as I reply. “So you know what you’re going to do?”
“I can’t get an abortion. That’s just…. After everything I’ve watched you go through this past year, the love I see you struggle with…. I can’t give that up. I could never do that to myself… or you. I want you to be there for me.”
“Oh,” I whisper because these might be the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard. She wants me to be there for her. “Of course, I’ll be there for you. So, does that mean you want me to stay in the dorm?”
Tristan and her look at each other before he replies. “She’s going to move in with me.”
“Wait, so are you guys together now?”
“No,” Senia replies quickly and Tristan actually looks a little annoyed. “This was not planned and we’re just taking it one day at a time. I can’t tell my parents yet or they’ll freak. I need to figure out what I’m going to do with school and everything.”
“You’re not quitting, are you?”
“Fuck no!”
The waitress arrives with our plates of food and I feel a pang of guilt as she places Chris’s omelet on the table next to my waffle. It kills me to think that Chris is in pain. And it terrifies me to consider the possibility, even for a second, that we may not make it through this. Seeing Tristan and Senia get the very thing that I stole from him, without sharing the love that we shared, must be killing him.
“That’s good. I don’t want you to fuck up like me.”
“You didn’t fuck up, Claire.”
Chris arrives and slides in next to me. He makes no attempt to eat his food, and I don’t blame him. I’ve completely lost my appetite.
I force Senia to eat her omelet then we leave the restaurant, all four of
us in a haze of silence. Tristan reaches for Senia’s hand as she attempts to get in the car and I can’t help but feel that something has changed in him. She looks over her shoulder at him and he doesn’t say anything. He just smiles. She rolls her eyes as she lets go of his hand and climbs into the backseat of the Porsche.
I stare at him for a moment before I get into the car, utterly perplexed by this non-douche-like behavior. “If you hurt her, I’ll tell the world you got herpes from a gay cowboy.”
“I would never do something like that to her or my child,” he says as he turns around and walks toward his bike.
I don’t know if it’s the way he said it or my own guilt painting his words dark, but I swear that was a dig at me for what I did to Chris.
“Claire, you coming in?”
A chill passes through me as the weight of being judged returns like a vulture perched on my shoulders. I have yet to atone for my sins. Can I even accept Chris’s forgiveness if I haven’t paid for my transgressions?
Transgressions.
It seems I have something in common with my father after all.
I slide into the passenger seat and Chris can tell I’m upset. “I want to go get my stuff right now.” I turn around to look at Senia. “Is that okay with you?”
She looks a little disappointed at first, then she smiles. “I think it’s great. I’ll help you pack.”
I don’t have much stuff in the dorm. Moving from the dorm, to Senia’s, to Wrightsville, then back to the dorm taught me to pare down my belongings to the bare minimum. There are very few possessions that have any meaning to me. Most of those have been destroyed, lost, or given away. What’s left is just two suitcases and two boxes of books and mementos. Four containers like the four chambers of a heart, pushing my blood, my life, from one place to another.
I have to threaten to back out on Chris in order to get him to stay in the car. Not only is his leg too messed up to be carrying boxes, but I don’t want any of the girls in the dorm to recognize him and get any funny ideas.
I sigh as Senia and I roll my two suitcases out to the Porsche and Chris throws them in the backseat. When I turn to Senia, she’s already crying.
“Pregnancy hormones?” I say, though saying the words aloud makes my stomach turn.
She throws her arms around me and squeezes me so hard I can hardly breathe, but I don’t attempt to loosen her grip. Instead, I squeeze her just as tightly. I know it’s stupid. We’ll probably see each other on Monday when we meet for coffee between classes. Still, I can’t help but feel like this is a step away from my youth. This is a step toward my future with Chris, as adults.
Senia lets go and I pull her hands away from her face. “I’ll see you at the café on Monday. Heck, you’ll probably see me tomorrow when I realize I’ve forgotten my hairbrush or something. You’re a block away.”
“I know. Go ahead and move in with your sexy rock star. I’ll move in with mine next weekend.”
I laugh as I kiss her cheek. “We’re livin’ the dream.”
She smacks my ass as I climb into the car. “Don’t forget to study!”
Chris grins at this comment as I reach for the door handle. “I won’t forget,” I say, then I blow her a kiss and shut the door.
When we arrive at Chris’s apartment, there are three boxes stacked on top of each other in the entryway.
“Whose are those?” I ask as I set my purse and backpack down on a table near the front door.
“It’s some stuff from your room at the house. I had my mom pack it up a few days ago. I had it delivered while you were packing.”