“You are a vampire. Hurt is what you do best, isn’t it?” For some reason, I felt it necessary to remind my errant body that this man was not for me.
“I am as you see me. And you are—”
“I am quite well aware of my handicap, thank you,” I interrupted, looking down, trying to control my breathing. Being pressed up against him was proving to be an overwhelming experience, one my body wanted to explore more fully.
“Handicap?” His heavy dark honey brows pulled together. “You consider having a double soul a handicap?”
“We are not here to discuss me,” I said sternly, trying my best to ignore the bizarre attraction. It had been too long since I had been married, that’s all. My hormones were simply kicking in and focusing on the nearest male body they could find.
“On the contrary, at this moment I can think of nothing more I wish to discuss.” His gaze flickered over to the clock on the mantel. He sighed. “But I do not have time to indulge myself. Very well, since you are not aware of what has transpired in the last hour, I will give you a summary. You are a tattu, bearer of a double soul, and my Beloved, the one woman who can redeem my soul and save me from millenia of anguished existence. I knew that the moment we exchanged blood.”
“Exchanged blood?” I asked, my head whirling. “When did we exchange blood? I kissed you, that’s all! And, for the record, you started it by licking my lip!”
“Your lip was cut when you landed on me. I bit my tongue when I was knocked backward. We exchanged blood when we kissed. And now we must complete the other seven steps of Joining for you to be safe from the demon that will be pounding on the door at any moment. Once that is completed, I will be able to protect you. Until that time, you are vulnerable.”
I touched my lip. It was sensitive, still tingling from Sebastian’s kiss, and in one spot, slightly tender from our collision. I shook my head again, unable to digest it all. “Even assuming that I am your soul-saving person, why do you think that demon will be coming to Adrian’s house?”
“He will follow your scent just as I did,” he answered matter-of-factly.
I wanted to bristle at the idea that I smelled so strongly people could track me all over London, but the heated look in his eyes generated an answering heat that pooled deep within me, and left no doubt in my mind that whatever it was I smelled like, he did not find it offensive.
“You are tattu, a great prize for the demon’s master. Do you believe it will not do everything it can to find you and take you to Abaddon?”
I shivered, leaning into him for a moment. I had just met this man, this vampire, but already I felt safe with him. It was as if an empty part of me was suddenly filled with life. “I…I don’t know what to believe. This is all going too fast for me.”
“I am sorry,” he said, his eyes filled with regret. “I would do this differently if I could, but, Beloved, we have no time. We must Join now so I can protect you. It is my duty. I do not wish to frighten you, or force you into something you are not ready for, but you must believe me. We have no time for wooing.”
His lips brushed mine, gently teasing the edges of my mouth until I sighed and started kissing him back. The world had gone mad, everything I knew was being turned on its head, but damn if I didn’t care.
“We have completed several of the steps,” he murmured into my mouth, his tongue flicking against my lips. I moaned and sucked his bottom lip, shamelessly pressing myself against him. “But we must exchange fluids once again for the Joining to be complete.”
“I’m not going to make love to you,” I whispered just before I deepened the kiss, tasting his mouth, twining my tongue around his.
“You must,” he groaned, pulling my hips tight against his. I had no doubt that he was as aroused as I was, but even though I was giving in to this unexplained attraction, I wasn’t stupid.
I pulled my mouth from his. “I have been married five times, Sebastian. I’m no stranger to either men or lovemaking. But I do not indulge in casual sex, no matter how…metaphysical the relationship is. There seems to be something between us that I wouldn’t mind exploring further, but I am not sleeping with you.”
Your souls are at risk, he said, nibbling my lower lip. My knees buckled, leaving me swooning in his arms, my head spinning with the scent and taste and feel of him against me.
Do you think they have never been so in the past? I slid my hands under his shirt and let my fingers dance across his back. I wanted to touch him, all of him, but I knew one of us had to keep some control, and clearly Sebastian was not going to be that person. I confined myself to stroking the planes of his back as he kissed me, allowing him to explore my mouth.
This is Salvaticus, he reminded me, his tongue dancing against mine. For a week, all will be chaos, but even when Salvaticus is over and Vexamen upon us, the demon will not forget you. You will be in danger from here to the end of your days if you do not Join with me.
“I can take care of myself,” I mumbled against his mouth as we came up for air. “I always have.”
“That was before you were marked by a demon. No, Beloved, the only answer is for us to Join. Now.” Hot kisses burned my neck as he found a spot that sent shivers of absolute pleasure down my back.
“Can you explain…oh, dear God, yes, right there…can you explain just how this Joining is going to save my souls? As far as I can tell, it’s just some sort of emotional commitment. I don’t see how that will help protect me from a demon or its lord.”
Unbidden, my hands skimmed around to his sides, sculpting the long, sweeping lines of his torso. He nipped my neck when I found a pert nipple that was all but begging for attention. “A Beloved is the woman who redeems a Dark One’s soul. In return, he is bound to her, and protects her at all costs.”
“You don’t have a soul?” I pulled back enough to peer into his eyes. They glittered hot with desire, but I didn’t see anything in them to indicate he was soulless. There was no sick feeling of dread emanating from him, as was common in a creature of the dark. The only feelings I got from him were desire, need, want, and an overwhelming sadness that pulled at my heart. “You don’t look like a demon.”
“I am not a demon. Dark Ones are cursed to remain soulless until their Beloveds regain it for them, but we are not demonic.”
His eyes, dark navy-gray, regarded me as I tried to sort through what he’d told me. “You seriously believe I can regain your soul for you?”
“I know you can. It follows the Joining.”
A little burst of pain zinged through me at the realization that I was means to an end for him. I was certain that the whole business with him protecting me from a demon was simply a little sugar-coating over the more important issue of his soul. Regardless of all that, I was shaking my head even before he finished the sentence. “I can’t be your Beloved.”
“You are.”
“No.” I pushed back on his chest. To my surprise, he released me. My breath came hard and rough, my heart beating wildly as I tried to regain composure. “I’m sorry, Sebastian. I realize that I look like a get your soul back free card, but there’s a big point you are missing.”
He watched me for a moment. “That is not an issue. You are my Beloved. I feel it. I tasted it in your blood. I know it in my heart.”
I said nothing for a few minutes while I tried to sort through my tangled thoughts. If what he said was true, then I had very little time to make a decision that would change the path of my life. I hated feeling pressured into doing anything, and here I was being asked to commit myself body and soul to a man—a vampire—I’d just met. Could I do it? Did I even want to try? He said my handicap made no matter in the issue of Belovedness, but did he truly know that? What if we tried and it failed? What if he were just using me, manipulating me into giving him what he wanted without regards to the future? Did I really have any alternatives? Salvaticus would be over soon… but somehow, I knew that he spoke the truth. The demon had seen me for what I was, and it would move heaven and eart
h to return to its master with me as a prize. The man before me held the key to my salvation, just as I did for him.
Sebastian said nothing as I wrestled with my thoughts, simply holding me in a loose embrace, his eyes flashing bluish gray lights that mesmerized me.
“Very well, I will Join with you,” I said finally. He needed a soul, and I could redeem it for him. I would do it his way because the alternative was unthinkable.
I didn’t want to die. Not again.
Chapter Four
“What…er…do we have to say something?” I asked, more than a little nervous now that I’d agreed to bind myself to the man whose mere physical presence filled me with a strange excited happiness. “Is there something I need to swear to? Or is it like a ceremony?”
“There are seven steps to Joining,” he said solemly “The first two are marking and protection from afar.”
“The demon and the mind-talking,” I said, recalling his soft voice in my head urging me down the alley. I hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, but I recognized it now for what it was.
“Yes. The third and fourth steps involve the first exchange of bodily fluids, and entrusting the Beloved with the truth.”
“That would be the kiss and…well, I guess telling me who you are.”
He nodded. “The fifth step is the second exchange.”
“I assume that”—I waved a hand to indicate the necking session in which we’d just indulged—“qualifies?”
“It does. The sixth step is for the Beloved to overcome the darkness within the Dark One.”
“Oh.” I thought for a few seconds, frowning as I ran over our conversation. “I’m afraid I don’t quite see where we’ve done that.”
“That’s because you haven’t promised yet to assist me in bringing down the Betrayer.”
“Who?”
“Adrian the Betrayer. The man who sold me to Asmodeus.”
I gawked at him for a second or two. “He sold you to a demon lord?”
“Yes.” Sebastian’s eyes grew as pale as a foggy dawn. “That is why I seek revenge against him and his family. I swore my vengeance as Asmodeus drained my blood away. Nothing but death will satisfy such a betrayal.”
The urge to take him in my arms and comfort him, to lighten the darkness visible in his eyes, was almost overwhelming, but before I could act upon it, the door opened.
“Sally told me to make sure Sebastian doesn’t try to do something bad to you,” Damian said, marching into the room with a pugnacious set to his jaw.
Sebastian’s entire body tensed. I put a warning hand on his arm. “Damian, we’re having a bit of an adult conversation. Sebastian isn’t going to do anything bad, so you can go back and tell Sally—”
“She also said to tell you that there’s a demon outside the house demanding to see you. And a bunch of imps. She said she’s called Noelle already, too.”
I closed my eyes for a moment and wished for the sane, normal life I had when I woke up that morning.
“There are also five zombies outside with big signs, saying they need to talk to you about being kicked out of Hyde Park.”
All right, maybe my life wasn’t so normal. Still, it had been better earlier in the day…
“To delay any longer is folly,” Sebastian said, turning to me. “The demon is here. He will fight to gain control over you. We must Join now.”
Damian wrinkled up his nose at us. “Ew. Joining. That means you’re going to kiss her. That’s gross.”
I sighed at the boy. “Would you please tell Sally that we’ll be right out, and tell Tim and his fellow sit-in revenants that I will be happy to talk to them as soon as I can. When did Sally say Noelle will be here?”
“She said she caught her on the tube, and it would only take a couple of minutes. Who’s Noelle?” he asked as I gave him a gentle push toward the door.
“Our roommate who is also a Guardian.”
Sebastian jerked, as if he was startled by something. I shot him a curious glance, but his face was blank.
“Oh. That’s good?”
“Yes, very good. If there is a demon to control, Noelle is the best person to have around. Go on now. We’ll be right out.”
Sebastian ground his teeth as he watched the boy slowly walk to the door, his body tense and poised to strike. “We must leave now, Beloved. We must Join and leave this house.”
I touched his cheek, wondering how he could live through such atrocities and still show so much control. “How did you survive?”
His eyes flickered toward me. “Christian, more of a blood brother than a friend, helped me track down the Betrayer.” Sebastian’s expression darkened until his beautiful face was a vision of stark vengeance. The sight of it chilled me with frozen dread. I had seen such a look once before…and now to see it on the face of the man to whom I had just promised to bind myself was unbearable. “He later turned on me, throwing in his lot with the Betrayer.”
“Papa isn’t a betrayer,” Damian said abruptly, standing at the door. His scowl was almost as fierce as Sebastian’s. “He had to do what he did. Nell said he’s a brave man because he let everyone think he was bad so he could save people.”
“The charmer is deluded,” Sebastian snapped, turning back to me. “Christian claimed the Betrayer was saving others by sacrificing me, but I know it was not so. Christian forswore me to distract me from my plan.”
“Uncle Christian would never do that,” Damian muttered, glowering at us both. “He knows Papa wouldn’t do anything bad like you say he would.”
“No? The Betrayer skewered me to the wall with a knife in the neck, nearly severing my head. But perhaps you do not call a near decaptitation ‘bad.’” Sebastian took a step toward Damian, pulling down the neckline of his black sweater to expose a faint, ragged white line. I tightened my grip on his arm and gently touched the scar.
“No,” I said simply.
Sebastian misunderstood me. “I will not ask you to participate in the actual killing of the Betrayer—that act is one I must do myself. But you understand now why I must seek justice for the crimes committed against me. We have delayed too long; we must leave now. We will go to Paris first—”
“No,” I repeated, rubbing my arms against the chill that seemed to leech out from within me. “I understand what you’ve gone through. But I will not help you if you insist on this path of revenge.”
Disbelief filled his eyes. “You will not—”
“No,” I said again, lifting my chin so he could better see my determination. “If you wish for me to Join with you, you must first swear to me that you will release your oath of vengeance against Adrian and his family. I will not lift one finger to help you otherwise.”
He swore softly to himself. “Why would you deny me what is mine? Do you not think I have every right to exact revenge for the betrayal?”
“I think you have a right to be hurt, yes. Angry, absolutely. Changed by your experience—without a doubt. But I have seen firsthand what revenge against another can do, and I will have no part in it. So make your choice, Sebastian—either you have a soul and a Beloved, or you can have revenge against someone who is probably just as much a victim as you were.”
“Papa was cursed by Asmodeus,” Damian chipped in. “He didn’t have a choice. He had to do what Asmodeus told him to do because his papa gave him away.”
Sebastian growled something rude in French. I gave Damian a narrow-eyed look of warning and made a shooing gesture. With head held high, he nodded, and reluctantly left the room.
I knew the second the door closed Sebastian would start in on me about my demand that he give up his plans of vengeance, but I haven’t survived as long as I have without learning how to deal with men.
“I think you’re incredibly brave,” I told him as he turned toward me, clearly about to lecture me.
“Ysabelle—” He stopped, frowning. “You do?”
I smiled to myself. Nothing distracts a man like a bit of flattery, especially when it
’s sincere. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. You had to be incredibly brave to survive being in the control of a demon lord and an attack that could have severed your head. I also think you’re intelligent, charming, and…well…sexy as hell, to be honest.”
He stood in front of me, his toes touching mine. I held his piercing gaze, happy to let him see in my eyes that I meant exactly what I said.
That puzzled him. His frown deepened. “Then why did you just threaten to leave me unless I did what you wanted?”
“I told you why—I’ve seen the effect of the sort of vengeance that you plan, and frankly—”
“Belle!” Sally swept through the door, her hands on her hips. “Le demon est à la front door! And he wants to parler with you!”
“Yes, I know. Damian told me.”
“Ysabelle?” A man’s voice sounded muffled on the other side of the door. “Tim McMann here. I’m sorry to bother you here, but you did say to come to you with problems. Might I have a word about the sit-in? We seem to have a spot of trouble with one of the participants.”
“What sort of trouble?” I asked, momentarily distracted from the grave decision Sebastian was demanding of me.
“It seems William here inadvertantly ate two squirrels and a small ferret en route. He’s fully willing to participate in the sit-in, but the others were wondering if that’s quite proper since we are espousing the nonflesh lifestyle.”
“They were very small squirrels,” another man said with obvious distress, clearly the William in question. “Tasty, but not much meat on them. I’m still hungry, in fact. Anyone want to pop into the McDonald’s for a quick bite?”
I sighed and hung my head for the count of five, wishing once again that I could rewind the day and start it all over.
“Ysabelle?” Tim shouted.
“I’ll be right there. Don’t let him eat any more meat.”
“I can stop any time I want,” William yelled through the door. “I’m just a bit peckish right now. Here, Jack, you doing anything with that arm?”
A squawk followed, presumably from the man named Jack. I rubbed my forehead and wondered how hard it would be to fall into a little coma.