Lauren and Ava must have had a meltdown over that skit, since it captured their TV personas perfectly. Sky was brilliant as the notoriously paparazzi-obsessed Hayden, using hair flips to her full advantage. And while Kaitlin made a worthy Cobb, she sparkled even more in a skit where she played a 1950s B-movie queen heroine fleeing from an army of ants. The best parts of the show were when the pair were onscreen together, proving to this TV critic what so many of us already know--like each other or not, the two belong back on TV together. Television producers, hear my plea: cast Sky and Kaitlin on a sitcom before someone else snatches them up.
MEETING OF THE MINDS
SCENE 8:
School courtyard. Basketball court is in the background. A few park benches line the stage.
LEO:
Andie, wait!
ANDIE:
(crying) You don't need to follow me, Leo. It was a stupid idea to begin with. I never should have told you.
LEO:
(catching up to Andie) Hey. It wasn't stupid. Actually, it was probably the first honest thing someone has ever said to me at this school. I've spent four years here and so much of it was bull. We're all so busy being a type that we don't know who we really are. You know who you are, Andie. I like that. I may not have seen it before today, but I like that.
ANDIE:
You do?
LEO:
I do. And I want to try something. If you'll let me.
ANDIE:
What is it?
LEO:
This.
(Leo leans in very slowly and kisses Andie very softly at first. Andie responds by kissing Leo back and wrapping her arms around his neck.)
NINE: The Calm Before the Storm
"This is it, people!" Forest tells us. "I want to go over one last scene before we call it quits for the day. Kaitlin? Dylan? I think we need to give THE MOMENT one last go."
THE MOMENT is exactly what moment you think it is, and even after rehearsing it for weeks, I still can't help getting all jumpy beforehand. My hands get clammy, my forehead sweats, and I feel like I'm going to pass out from nerves. Dylan walks across the stage toward me.
"Peppermint?" he offers. We had a full dress rehearsal yesterday and today we can wear our street clothes. Dylan's wearing a cool green polo shirt that brings out the color of his eyes even more (if that's possible) and frayed khaki cargo shorts.
I cover my mouth and breathe into my hand "Does my breath smell?" I shuffle my feet uncomfortably. I have on cute plaid Coach ballet sneakers that go well with my hot pink Gap tee and my new super fit Lucky capri jeans.
He laughs. "Your breath is like roses, darling, relax. These are for me. You want?"
I shake my head. Someone is testing the lights and a bright one blinds me for a moment. Then the lights go dim--too dim--and I feel like I'm on a romantic date.
"Take it from the beginning of the scene, Kaitlin," Forest says, without looking up from his notes. He's sitting on a crate near the edge of the stage. Did it just get hot in here? All we need is for them to pipe in John Mayer, and I'm done for.
I nod. Dylan and I both exit stage left and then I run back onstage and Dylan runs after me.
"Andie, wait!" Dylan uses his American accent. He even sounds charming as an American. How does he do it?
I start to cry. "You don't need to follow me, Leo." I literally shake, my character is so upset. "It was a stupid idea to begin with. I never should have told you." I turn toward Dylan after he starts his little speech about honesty and then it's my turn again. I almost forget to say my line. I'm looking so deep into Dylan's eyes, trying to concentrate on Leo rather than think about how good Dylan looks, and I catch myself just in time to hear Dylan say "but I like that."
"You do?" I ask Leo. I start snapping my pink beaded bracelet absentmindedly. Remember, Kaitlin. This is Leo, not Dylan talking. I feel my heart begin to speed up. The kiss is seconds away.
"I do," Dylan says softly. LEO. I mean Leo says softly! "And I want to try something. If you'll let me."
My breath catches in my throat. "What is it?" I practically whisper.
"This," Dylan whispers back. He puts one hand on my back, pulls me forward and with the other hand on my chin he leans in and kisses me so lightly I barely feel it. I close my eyes and lean into the kiss, my lips melting into his. Dylan smells like peppermints, I think, and peppermints smell delicious. From far away, I hear "Excellent!"
"Amazing!" Forest says as I unwind my arms from Dylan's neck and step back. I feel sort of wobbly and Dylan actually grabs my arm to steady me. "You two are superb together. Such chemistry. Don't you think so, people?"
I didn't even realize the rest of the cast was watching us. I was in a total zone, but there they are. They're standing offstage and they walk out toward us. A few people mumble their agreement.
I can't look at Dylan. I feel guilty kissing him, which is weird because I never feel guilty kissing another actor. It's just work. And yet... there is something about kissing Dylan that doesn't feel like acting. What am I saying? I try to block the thought out of my mind and picture Austin.
Since Forest is here for today's final rehearsal with me before I open, I kind of figured he'd say something to all of us before we leave. And he does. "I want to thank all of you for putting in so much time and effort the past few weeks," he says, smiling like my dad does when I do something particularly wonderful, like win a Teen Choice Award or tell him he can produce my next film. "I know it was a lot of hard work--having you all come down here on different days and times to work on things you've already perfected, but this was a time to make your work gel with someone else's and I think the results, as you can see, have really paid off." Forest walks to my side and puts an arm around me, throwing me his famously dimpled smile. "Kaitlin, I think you're ready."
"You do?" I can't help but ask sort of nervously and sort of excitedly at the same time. Hearing Forest say that means a lot. I flush from embarrassment, knowing the others are looking at me. I pull down on my Gap V-neck nervously. "I mean, thank you. I owe it all to you guys." Dylan winks.
It's Wednesday afternoon and we've just finished a full rehearsal from start to finish. Usually we work on select scenes or sometimes Forest has me come alone and go over dialogue with him. It's been a grueling process. More practice than I've ever had on film. With a movie, the bulk of my rehearsal is done on my own, sitting in a trailer memorizing my lines. Then we do several takes and shoot the scene for real. I know my character's motivation and purpose and who she is, but I've never known a character as well as I've known Andie. Forest has pushed me to think about every aspect of Andie, from her walk to her facial expressions to the way she carries her school books. ("Everything you do on the stage brings another layer to your performance," he once told me. "Remember that.") It's amazing to think something I've worked so hard on will only be seen by a select group of people for the next eight weeks and after that it won't exist anymore. Well, at least not with me in it. Forest already said the next actress they hire will keep the part for at least a year.
"This is a big week for all of us," Forest tells the small group that includes the company, Dylan, and Riley. Her pink cardigan is a surprisingly good choice on her, and I love how it hangs long in the front and she has it knotted at her waist over an ivory tank top. She's pulled her hair back messily in a bun, held in place with a chewed pencil. I've always wondered how to do that, but I obviously can't ask her.
"I think we've gotten a lot of interest from the press and media outlets thanks to our new star," Forest continues, reading from a clipboard. "The articles some of you have been part of have helped ticket sales tremendously. And I think your work at the Broadway Cares event last week really said a lot about our family. I'd like to keep that momentum going."
"You want us to join the Broadway softball league?" Dylan jokes. He's sat down on the stage and is leaning back on his elbows, his body stretched out in front of him. He looks like he could fall asleep at any moment. "I'm no
t sure I'd be much help in that area. My expertise is in football--or, as Kaitlin calls it, soccer. Or maybe we could play cricket."
Forest laughs. "I have a better idea. We just found out this morning that The View wants us on the show to perform a select scene."
A murmur of excitement rises through the group. I've sat on the ladies' couch before and it can be both intimidating and fun at the same time, but I have a feeling I'm the only one here who has. Riley is talking a mile a minute to anyone who will listen about her love for Elizabeth, who coincidentally happens to be my least favorite. Figures.
"What scene?" someone asks.
Forest looks from us to one of the producers. "Andie's breakthrough--the scene with Andie and Leo."
Uh-oh. This won't go over well. I sneak a peek in Riley's direction. Riley's face is as pink as her sweater.
"That's a brilliant scene, Forest," Riley agrees, surprisingly. "But don't you think Kaitlin would fare better with more company onstage? Kaitlin works best when she has a group to support her."
That's a backhanded compliment if I ever heard one.
"The View wants Kaitlin." Forest is completely unapologetic. "She's a face America knows and she's giving our show a face. The scene I picked is Kaitlin's best moment." He looks at me. "It truly is. Your emotions are raw and your words run deep, and it's a valuable showcase for your work."
I can feel Riley watching me, but I don't look up. Instead, I examine my new sterling silver Tiffany necklace. I fell in love with the starfish pendant the other day when we strolled into the famous jeweler after practice and I bought Nadine and me matching ones on the spot.
I still don't know how to deal with Riley's veiled jabs. To get out my frustration I've started taking Zumba classes. Liz comes too. She couldn't find a kickboxing class that worked with her new schedule, so the two of us have been taking Zumba, a Latin dance and music cardio class that includes merengue, salsa, mambo, rumba, and calypso. I may not be really good at any of the moves, but it's a lot of fun for releasing steam.
"The good news is that the rest of you can take the next few days off from rehearsals," Forest says to obvious excitement. "Get out of here! Get some color!" People start to disband, not waiting around for Forest to change his mind. I wait to hear what Forest wants me to do next. I usually stay after all the others. "And Kaitlin, you can too, if you want. Friday is your big day and we want you well rested."
This Friday is D-Day. I stare at the empty chairs in the darkened area of the theater. Friday night I'll be standing here, on this stage, in front of over a thousand people. I think I might throw up.
"Maybe I should go over that scene for The View one or two more times," I tell Forest anxiously. "I'm not sure I have Andie's emotions just right."
"You have them," he insists with a smile. "And think of The View on Thursday as good practice." I open my mouth to say more, but he stops me. "No buts. Take a few days off. Think about Andie all you want--from home." He grabs his stuff and heads offstage. I start packing up too, throwing my Vitaminwater, a wrapper from a Fiber One bar, and my notebook in my bag. I don't even realize Riley is standing there till I turn around, which of course, causes me to jump.
"Congrats, Kaitlin, on The View," she manages. She fiddles with her sweater, pulling the cardigan tight around her small frame.
"Thanks." I swallow, bracing myself for what she's going to say next. She will say something, I'm sure.
"I've always wanted to be on one of those silly American talk shows. So mindless but fun," Riley adds. "Right up your alley, I suppose. Have fun." She grabs her bag and starts to head offstage, hesitates, then turns back. "Some advice: during your big scene on the telly try not to look so pained, okay? You still tend to look like you need to go to the loo every time you emote something serious. Have you noticed that?" I shake my head before I can stop myself. "I thought you would have sorted it out by now, but I guess not. Bye!"
"Don't let her get to you." I hear Dylan and I turn around. He runs a hand through his close-cropped hair and I watch the action almost as if it is in slow motion, then I turn away quickly. Austin. Think about Austin. "She fancies your gig on The View. Totally jealous."
"You think?" I'm afraid that slow-mo thing will happen again, so I don't dare look at him. "I don't think she's jealous of anyone. It's hard to be jealous when you think you're the finest theater actress alive."
Dylan chuckles. "True. So are you still having that nightmare where you're onstage naked?"
"I didn't have it last night, actually." Dylan knows all my fears about live theater. The naked acting gig is my latest nightmare. I think Dylan was actually amused by the idea. He gets a twinkle in his eye whenever I bring it up.
"Good." Dylan surveys me. "Forest is right. You were worried about bits and bobs, but it's all good. You're ready. We can get together before then if you really want to rehearse some more, but you don't need it. We should celebrate. Maybe over lunch tomorrow? There's this great restaurant near my flat."
I know I should say no, but I don't want to. Hanging out with Dylan is fun. "Lunch it is, then."
My phone is vibrating and I pray it's Austin. I missed our scheduled phone call last night. We decided to set up a time to talk since we've been so bad about spontaneous chatting. I was busy shopping last night at this cute little boutique Nadine and I found I didn't hear my phone. I look at the caller ID. It's not Austin. "It's Sky." I sigh. "I should really take it."
"Absolutely." Dylan's sympathetic face makes my heart flutter. "Don't want to leave her hanging. She's cheeky."
"See you tomorrow." I hurry out the side door to the theater where Rodney and Nadine are waiting with the driver and answer the phone. "Guess what? I'm going to be on The View on Thursday!"
"K, I have no time for chitchat," Sky snaps, whispering. Her voice is echoing slightly and it sounds like she's hiding in a closet (it wouldn't be the first time), although I can hear faint music in the background. "This is important! I need you to listen instead of going on and ON and on about mindless details that I could care less about."
Ah, I'm talking to that Sky today. "Fine. What's going on?" I ask, and wave to Nadine and Rodney as I slide inside the air-conditioned car, which is a sharp contrast to the humidity outside. New York really is sticky. Thankfully all the tall buildings cast big shadows so the sun doesn't beat down on you. Still, my choice of denim capris doesn't seem like such a good idea all of a sudden. It's a good thing I texted Nadine earlier and asked her to bring my T-Bags teal floral batwing-sleeved dress to change into. "And why are you whispering?"
"I'm in the bathroom at Geisha," she explains. I hear a toilet flush. "My agent is waiting for me at the table to give him a decision. I told him to come prepared with three offers."
"Didn't you make that demand last night?" I feel a huge rush of panic. She's got options already? "I told you, the offers are going to come flying in after Saturday's show. Laney and Amanda told us that."
"I can't take that chance," Sky huffs. I hear a door slam and heels click clacking across a floor. "I want an offer today! And of course, my agent said the same thing as yours. Give it a week, but I don't want to. I want a new job now. So I'm thinking--how do you feel about Dancing with the Stars? Or Celebrity Apprentice? I have offers from both. Hold on, K!" Her voice drops and I assume she's talking to a bathroom attendant. "Do you have any Aveda hairspray instead of this Suave garbage? My hair only responds to natural oils."
"Sky, have you eaten a bad spicy tuna roll?" I'm completely flabbergasted. "You would never take an offer from either of those shows in a million years!"
"Yeah, but I could start working like tomorrow on their new seasons." Sky sounds a bit crazy. "Back on a set! Tomorrow! K, I need to get back on a set."
"Calm down," I tell her sternly. "And listen: You are not taking either of those shows. Do you hear yourself? Dancing with the Stars?"
Nadine looks up from her BlackBerry, which her short, stubby pink nails are typing away on, and looks at me oddly. "S
ky?" she mouths. "Has she lost her mind?"
"Stay calm and wait a few days, do you hear me?"
Nadine butts in, waving her freckled arms wildly. I love that coral scalloped flutter-sleeve top she's wearing. It looks like Juicy Couture, but that's impossible because Nadine would never--oh, that's mine! I think I remember her asking to borrow it. She's meeting a friend for lunch later. "Tell her to think of the other offers you two have that are bringing in exposure," Nadine's voice tumbles out in my ear. "That Fun nyordie.com clip you were asked to do sounds like a riot."
"It's decent money, K!" Sky sounds desperate.
HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER NINE: Just because you're a star doesn't mean you make money on a reality show. There are some where you can make an okay paycheck. Like--I can't believe I'm going to say this--Dancing with the Stars. Seth told me he had a client who got an initial payout of $125,000 to appear and then between $10,000 and $50,000 for every week he survived elimination. But there are shows like Celebrity Apprentice where stars get paid next to nothing. Same with The Bachelor, which I hear only covers housing while a person is off doing the show. Too bad there isn't a celebrity Bachelorette yet. Sky would love that gig. Maybe Ava and Lauren need reality shows, but Sky does not. I remind her of this and she starts to decompress.
"Okay, I'll wait." I hear another door open and then much more noise. She must feel safe enough to go back to her table. "I don't know what I was thinking. If you're not taking an offer like that, then I certainly shouldn't."
"Mmm-hmm." I roll my eyes. Nadine can't hear what Sky is saying, but she laughs anyway. From my expression she can tell it's something quintessentially Sky. As soon as I hang up this phone, I am pulling my hair into a loose side ponytail to help beat the late June heat.
When that's done, I sit back and let the air-conditioning continue to cool me down. Thank God Sky didn't ask where I was going. If I had told her I was meeting Liz, she would have wanted to come too--just to torture Liz. That's what the two of them seem to like to do best. Get on each other's nerves. But my loyalty still lies with Liz, and today is a best-friend outing.