Chapter Fourteen
Deeta
You know, nothing in his manner or words caused me a moment’s unease. I wonder if that’s what’s making it hurt so much; that it seems so unexplainable. Somehow I feel as though Tom lied to me. Every action, every word, told me that things would be fine, that I had no need to worry.
Well guess what, Tom; this isn’t alright! There are no circumstances in which I would term this fine. Do you have any idea how mad I am at you? How angry, and hurt, and frustrated I am?
Why?
Would it have been so hard to tell me?
How could you?
Why was it possible for you to just walk away without a word or an explanation; you didn’t even leave a note! It needn’t have been for me; it could have been a message to the tribe in general, I’m not picky. But no, you sneak off into the night with Uncle Jep and the children like some sort of thief.
Jan is standing beside me in the rations queue, strangely silent, and I can tell from the sidelong looks she keeps giving me that she’s worried.
“Go on, Jan; say it.”
She jumps, I don’t think that she’d known that I was aware of her scrutiny.
“I was just thinking; he probably had a good reason for what he did, Deeta.” Her voice is carefully modulated to be as inoffensive as possible.
“I know that, Janny, it just doesn’t seem to make me feel any better.”
Jan’s hand slides into mine, her warm clasp immeasurably comforting.
“Hello?” The voice is warm and softly accented. “You are Deeta, no?”
I turn to find myself looking into a pair of chocolate brown eyes.
“I am, but…”
“But who am I?” She smiles at me and Jan.
“My name is Catalina.” She seems to expect some sort of reaction, and on receiving none she looks a little perplexed. “Oh, but you will probably know me as Kate?”
“You’re Robin’s —” I begin.
“Friend!” Catalina jumps in quickly, looking over her shoulder. “Yes, that’s me. Robin asked me to make sure you were alright, so amigas, are you okay?”
“Yes, we’re fine.”
“Good.” She smiles again. “This must be very strange to you, no?” Her hands make a gesture that encompasses the queue, the desk, and several people in charge of meting out our rations.
“A little.” I admit. “Catalina, Robin said you prepared our quarters for us?”
She nods.
“Was there something wrong?”
“No, not at all; I just wanted to say thank you.”
Catalina’s face takes on a rosy hue, and she mumbles something in Spanish.
“It was so little a thing, I wish there had been time to do more. Robin says that the place looks good now, he said he found you scrubbing.”
“I don’t know why but cleaning and arranging… it just makes you feel like you belong more, doesn’t it?”
There is an awkward silence, and I begin to wish that I hadn’t put that thought into words. Catalina reaches out and rests her hand on my arm; her eyes are warm and understanding.
“At first it is hard, but it will be better. Believe me; it was strange for me too.”
“You’re not a Marshall?” asks Jan.
Catalina raises her hand to her lips in a gesture of silence, and shoots a hasty look around the surrounding people.
“It is best, mi querida, that you do not say these things. We are all Marshalls here.” Her anxious face breaks into a smile. “I am sorry, queridas; it’s new for you, but some things are best to leave unspoken.” She leans forwards as if to conspire. “The name of my tribe is Rodriguez; it was founded by my family. What is yours?”
“Clark, but our family name is Richards.”
“For the time being anyway,” states Jan dryly. “It could get a whole lot more interesting in the future.”
“Jan!”
The embarrassment in my voice serves only to make Jan smile and Catalina curious.
“You are promised, Deeta?” Her voice is teasing. “But you must tell me who he is?”
I feel a fiery blush crawling up my neck.
“Jan is speaking generally, I’m promised to no one.”
“Do you know anything about Tom’s leaving?” asks Jan suddenly.
“Tom? Who is Tom?”
“A friend of ours; he and his family left last night,” answers Jan.
Catalina’s eyes light up eagerly.
“Ah, yes: El Hombre de secretos… but he was not meant to stay.”
“What do you mean he wasn’t meant to stay?”
Catalina still looks bemused.
“Catalina, what is it?” I ask.
“No.” She takes my hand and pulls me out of the queue. “No es possible habar aqui, hay que ir tranquilo donde algunos, but not here, we must find Robhino.”
She pulls me across the square towards one of the other buildings, the door is heavily guarded.
“Is Robin inside, Jay?”
There are five men stationed around the door, but none of them reacts, so I can’t tell which of them she is talking to.
“Jay? Jay!”
A young man with brown hair and freckles prizes his eyes from Jan, and turns to Catalina.
“What?”
“Robin… is he inside?” Catalina’s voice is terse.
“No, he’s not.” Jay turns back to Jan. “Hi.”
“Where is he, do you know?” Catalina continues.
“What’s your name?” Jay’s eyes are firmly fixed on Jan’s face in an intense way that makes him appear as though he’s in the grip of indigestion.
“Jay, could you please try to concentrate; do you know where Robin has gone?”
Jay turns back to her, blinking as though his eyes have been blinded by some dazzling sight.
“Yeah sure, he went to the Johnsons; they’ve been threatening to break the trade agreement. Robin’s gone to sort them out.”
“When will he be back?”
“I don’t know, Kate.”
“Great, he would be away now, just because I need him,” Catalina mumbles. “Come, Deeta, Jan; we must talk, but not here… I’ll take you to my apartments.”
She turns briefly to thank Jay, and then we move off in the direction of the south building.
“Hey wait, you never did tell me your name, blondie!” calls Jay.
“Didn’t I? How rude of me.” Smiles Jan, as she walks away.
Catalina’s house is in the south building, and I notice as we enter that it has a more lived in feel. The hall is full of playing children, and as we climb the stairs they call out to her. On the landing there is a group of women talking together, they hail Catalina affectionately as she passes them, but I find their eyes upon me to be too curious to be comfortable.
Finally we reach Kate’s apartment. She closes the door behind us and leans against it, her eyes closed, expelling a long slow breath before opening them again.
“Now, queridas, it is safe to talk.” She smiles. “You look confused, but things are different here. Although we are all Marshalls we still live segregated in our own tribes, and of course the different tribes gossip about each other. Sometimes there are… differences… between the different factions. You will find that my tribe is particularly troublesome; my father sits on the Marshall board, and there is nothing he likes better than making trouble for Peter Marshall.”
She gestures that we should sit down.
“Who is Peter Marshall?” asks Jan.
“He is Robin’s father, querida.”
“I see that we’ll have to be careful.”
“Yes, Deeta, you will have to be very careful. We have an easier life than most, more time. I am afraid that, for the most part, that time is spent for bad and not for good.”
“The problem between your fathers must be hard on you and Robin?”
Catalina looks up, startled, and I see her lips tremble.
?
??More than hard, querida; impossible. If Robin and I made our feelings public, our fathers would rip this tribe apart with their bitterness.”
“I’m sorry, I thought… I mean Robin said…” Tongue tied I stammer to an abrupt halt.
“I know. Robhino is stubborn, he says; one day. I keep telling him that we will both be old and grey before ‘one day’, but he only says, so? and becomes more obstinate.”
Her smile is tender and her eyes filled with glistening tears.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t—”
“Don’t worry, querida.” She pats my hand. “But this was not why you came; you have a question, no?”
“No. I means yes! You see; one of the families in our tribe left last night, and we don’t know why. We wondered if perhaps…”
My voice trails off. What was it that I wanted her to say?
“But of course I know of this; it was all decided before you even came here.”
“What do you mean?” My voice is a sharper than I had meant it to be, and Kate looks uncertain.
“It is best that you speak to Robin of this—”
“Please, Catalina, tell me; why did Tom go?”
“I’m not sure… I only know what Robhino told me. Apparently your friend said that the trouble that had come to your tribe was following him, and that he would not bring it also upon us.”
I feel the breath catch dryly in my throat.
All the time he knew they would follow him; would they never stop? I realise that Tom has answered this question by his departure. No, they’ll never give up, not until they’ve found him.
“He made sure we would be safe first.”
The action of protecting us even as he knew that he would have to leave us is so very like him, full of the belief that somehow he is responsible for us all. Janny reaches across and takes my hand in hers.
“The boy’s a gent, you have to give him that.”
A heavy knock at the door startles us all, and after a moment’s hesitation Catalina moves forward to open it.
“Jay? What do you want?” Her obvious surprise makes the question more direct than friendly.
“Robin’s back; he sent me over to fetch you to headquarters.”
“I see.” Kate takes her coat from the peg by the door, and motions to us to join her.
For the second time that day we stand before the guard in front of the Marshall building, and are led by Jay to a suite of rooms on the fifth floor.
“Sorry to keep you waiting, girls.” Robin’s greeting is perfunctory, and his smile saved for Kate. “Jay said you wanted to speak to me?”
“Deeta and Jan are curious about the man who left last night; they wondered why he went.”
“Tom? Surely he told you, or at least the Elders of your tribe?”
“He just disappeared without a word to any of us, but Catalina said he told you why he left?” I answer.
“Sure he did, he made it very clear from the beginning that he wouldn’t stay.” Robin hesitates uncomfortably. “Look I don’t want upset either of you, but he explained that there were people after him.”
“He told you?” My voice is incredulous.
“Yes, I thought it was very brave and honest of him at the time; he needn’t have said a word.”
“But… don’t you mind? Don’t you hold it against him at all?”
“Why would I? It isn’t any of my business,” replies Robin defensively.
“It wasn’t any of our tribe’s business either, but when they found out Tom was Andak they didn’t display your understanding!” I retort.
There is a few moments silence, the sort that you can hear just as loud as any tumult. Robin’s brown eyes focus sharply on my face.
“Tom is Andak?” The lips which frame his question are bloodlessly white.
I think even as I finished my sentence I knew that Robin had not been told.
Sixteen years Tom has kept his secret.
I only managed a few days.
I stand frozen, and stare into Robin’s eyes in dismay, trying to see the feelings and thoughts running through his mind.
“Answer me!” His voice is impatient and harsh. “Is Tomasz Jepsjon, Andak?”
Fear closes my throat so that I can only stare at him with wild, frightened eyes. He stands abruptly, and I realise that although he is only average in height, he looks very strong. Slowly I back away from him. Some of his anger seems to fade and he lifts his hand, blanching as I flinch away from him.
“No, Deeta! Don’t do that!” He holds both hands up in front of him in entreaty. “Don’t look at me like I was going to hurt you.”
“Perhaps if you hadn’t looked fit to murder her, she wouldn’t have the wrong idea.” Jan’s voice is cold.
“But I never even thought of it; you must know that!” exclaims Robin, shocked.
“Robin, we know nothing about you,” replies Jan tartly. “You make it sound as though we have known each other for years instead of days.”
“It wasn’t you, I wasn’t angry at you… but him!” His hands clench into fists. “If I ever see him again I’ll…”
“Get the enthusiasm for a fight soundly beaten out of you?” interjects Jan, observing the twitching of his fingers. “I would think twice before you submit yourself quite willingly to the… experience… that Tom would no doubt put you through. Or are you under the impression that you have a chance of mastering Tom? How very quaint of you, but you are grossly mistaken.”
Jan’s voice is slightly amused and vaguely mocking, for a second Robin’s face is suffused by a rosy glow.
“He had no right to put us in such danger.”
“Tom brought us here so that we would be safe!” I assure him.
“You might be safer, but we are in a lot of trouble!” Robin chafes.
Suddenly I’m very cold. It’s happening again; we have suddenly become ‘them’ and ‘us’, two completely different groups of people.
“What sort of trouble?”
“Deeta, have you any idea what sort of people the Andak are? They have weaponry and technology that we can’t even imagine. If Tom is running from them, woe betide anyone who stands in their way! And just in case you still don’t understand, Deeta; the Marshalls are slap bang in their way.”
“They’re going to come for us you mean?”
“Yes, Deeta, they are most assuredly coming for us.”
“But we can hold them off… with your…”
“Haven’t you been listening to a word I’ve said? We haven’t a chance; no hope at all!” His voice is loud, causing me to shrink away from him a little.
“Tom wouldn’t leave us here to die.”
“Wake up, Deeta; he’s Andak. There’s a reason why his name is a byword for everything that’s vile!”
The sound is like a gunshot, and the full force of my arm behind my hand forces his head sideways. In the silence that follows I watch Robin’s cheek turn an angry red.
“Nice one, Deet.” Jan comes to stand beside me. “If I’d been closer I’d have had a go myself.”
Robin is tense and angry, but with control that I find admirable, he speaks again.
“I appreciate that Tom was a friend…”
“Is a friend,” interjects Jan.
“I appreciate that Tom is your friend, but you have to face facts!”
“Tom didn’t bring us here to die.”
“Deeta, please…” Robin’s tone is beseeching.
“He didn’t!” I maintain.
“Deeta, you have to trust me on this.”
“Trust you?” Violently I pull my arm from his seeking hand. “Why would I trust you, a man I know nothing about and who I met just a few short days ago, above Tom, a man I have known and called a friend for sixteen years? I have less reason to believe you than you have reason to believe me!”
Robin is quiet for a moment, turning my words over in his head. I can see him weighing pros and cons, truth and lies. Suddenly his eyes snap into focus, and befo
re he speaks I know what he is going to say.
“Now, Deeta…” He begins gently, sympathy and understanding oozing from every pore. “I know...”
“I don’t fancy Tom.” My voice is blunt. “We are not an item, we do not have an arrangement or an understanding; he’s just a friend who happens to be male.”
On hearing the irritation in my voice I see an element of doubt creep into his eyes. It was never very strong, and one look at Catalina banishes it completely.
“But there is an understanding; he is the one of whom you were talking, no?” Her eyes flick over Jan before turning to rest on Robin. “Jan was teasing her; she said that in the future Deeta’s last name would be very interesting.”
The room pretty much turns into bedlam at this point as we all try to speak at once. I don’t know how the interview would have ended if Jan hadn’t interrupted when she did.
“You’re missing the point!” Her voice somehow has the effect of silencing us all. “We could argue all day about Deeta’s romantic issues, but the truth of the matter is that whether or not Tom and Deeta are involved has no bearing on the situation. It doesn’t account for my firm and unshakable belief that Tom is doing what he thinks is best for us. Maybe Deeta could, out of affection, be blinded to Tom’s true nature. I could not. Whatever Tom has done he has done for our sakes.”
Robin is silent again. He stares through Jan, as though he is here in body, but not in spirit.
“He’s Andak.” The statement is flat.
“It happens,” answers Jan, smiling softly. “You can choose your friends, not your relatives.”
Something glints in Robin’s eyes, harsh, fierce, and bitter.
“You can’t at that!”
“Please, Robin, don’t judge him by his family’s name. Tom isn’t like that. Surely you must see that people view your tribe as treacherous, and yet you want us to believe and trust you.”
Robin’s smile is reluctant.
“Okay girls, we’ll say you’re right and that Tom’s a good guy. It changes nothing; we’re still in a hideous amount of trouble. No matter what you say or think the Andak will come.”
Jan and I are silent, looking at each other.
“What will happen?”
“I don’t know, but we’d better be ready for them.” Robin sighs and rubs his eyes. “I’d better gather the council. You girls go back to your quarters, I’ll try to let you know what’s happening later on. Until then it would probably be best if you didn’t mention this conversation to anyone.”
“Wait, Robin!” I bar the door. “What will you tell them?”
“What do you mean?”
“Please don’t tell them about Tom. Please, Robin, you have to keep it a secret!”
“Are you out of your mind? What do you expect me to say? How can I go in before the council and tell them that we are to expect an imminent Andak attack, and when they ask how I know, what am I going to say? That it’s just a feeling I have?”
“But, Robin…”
“Hiding who and what Tom is won’t change the fact that he’s Andak.”
“But…”
“Enough! This conversation is over, Deeta.”
I watch as he leaves the room, slamming the door behind him. An awful sensation lodges deep in my stomach. Jan slides her arm around my waist, trying to give me some comfort. Yet the fear still trembles through me.
What have I done?