He caught her hand and gave it a squeeze to regain her attention. This succeeded and her eyes came back to his.
“We will give him his time, poppy,” he told her. “Clearly, he wishes to try to sort through his emotions on his own. We must allow him to do that. We will, however, keep an eye on him, and if that time is too lengthy, I will have another word. Yes?”
Her brows drew together and she queried, “Are you asking me or telling me?”
He moved a bit away from her, confused as to her question, but answering, “I’m asking.”
Something shifted through her features but she merely mumbled, “All right.”
“Maddie,” he started. “Why do you ask such a question?”
“Hmm?” she inquired in return, clearly evading his query with a vague one of her own.
“Is ‘hmm’ the answer to my question, dove?”
“Well…” she said but trailed off and said no more.
“Madeleine,” he said her name as a warning and he watched her draw in breath through her nose before she straightened her shoulders and looked into his eyes.
“I’m not his mother,” she stated, her voice strange, quiet, and something else he’d never heard from her.
Something that sounded like pain.
“No, my poppy, you aren’t,” he replied gently. “But even so, I don’t understand why you’ve mentioned it.”
“Well, you asked what we should do with Chris, who has an issue he needs to sort out. And that’s, well…it’s not really any of my business how you deal with Chris. You’re his father. I’m nothing to him.”
At this, Apollo blinked and again felt fire in his chest. This time, it wasn’t the fire of feeling the remembrance of the grief he’d not too long ago shirked, grief his son re-experienced just the night before.
This time, it was the fire of anger. Anger he controlled due to the subject and Maddie’s sensitivity to it, but anger he felt nonetheless.
“You’re nothing to him?” he asked, his tone soft with disbelief but tense with ire.
“I mean, not nothing nothing,” she said quickly, reading his tone and undoubtedly the look in his eyes. “But I’ve no say in how—”
“Cease speaking,” Apollo ordered and she clamped her mouth shut. “It’s my understanding that we’re building a life together,” he noted. “Am I mistaken in that?”
“No,” she whispered.
He was pleased with her answer.
That said, he was still not pleased.
“And as you are in my life, my children are in my life, you are an adult who is close to them and will grow closer, do you not think we should confer as to how we deal with the varying matters that will arise as they mature?”
“I didn’t think I—”
“Think it,” he interrupted her. “It’s preposterous to consider that you would be in my life, will be my wife, we’ll live out our days together, days we will share with my children for years to come, and you will not help me to raise them.”
She held his gaze, something working in hers. He again had not seen it before but this time it was not pain.
Far from it.
He felt the burn release his chest when he saw that this time, it was hope.
He watched her eyes get bright before he saw her swallow and then she whispered, “Okay, then I think it’s a good idea to give Chris some time and then approach him if it doesn’t seem like he’s working it out on his own.”
His voice was again gentle when he said, “Then we’re agreed.”
She nodded.
Apollo lifted her hand to his mouth and brushed his lips against her knuckles. She watched him do this and he watched her eyes get soft when she did.
She lifted her gaze back to his and remarked, “You keep giving me things.”
He liked very much that she thought of him wishing her to be a part in his children’s lives in that way as him “giving her things.”
It was arguable, but he could have liked it more, the look of contentment and gratitude in her eyes at receiving it.
“I would endeavor to become accustomed to that, Madeleine, for I intend to continue doing it.”
Her eyes already warm, the skin around her mouth softened and she moved. Leaning in, she touched her lips to his and asked, “And what can I give you that you’d like to become accustomed to?”
He knew he had all of her that he could have. What he didn’t have, night by night, day by day, she was giving to him. He asked questions, she answered, giving him her life, the vile people in it and the knowledge of the fractures they’d made to her soul. And he hoped this knowledge would provide him with the information he needed to heal what was broken inside her.
But what he wanted most was her heart.
He knew she “pretty much” cherished him.
He wanted more.
With Maddie, he always wanted more.
But he had to win that before she gifted it to him.
And he would.
He released her hand, moved his to her neck and slid his fingers back and up into her hair before he bared his teeth and nipped her lower lip.
He felt her breath rush against his mouth with her excited sigh before he murmured, “What I’d like to become accustomed to is you giving me whatever you wish…just as long as you keep finding things to give for I never will lose interest in what you have to offer.”
He watched her eyes warm further as she placed her hands light on his chest before she slid them down in order to curl her fingers into his sweater.
“This would mean I’ll have to get creative so I don’t run out of things to give,” she replied.
“Are you capable of that?” he teased.
She held his eyes as she slid her nose along his and answered, “We’ll see.”
After she said her words, she pulled up his sweater.
He lifted his arms in order that she could yank it free.
She did, tossing it to the side and putting her hands to his chest to push him back to the bed.
He allowed this.
Then he allowed her to do other things.
And much later, he had proof that she was very capable.
Or additional proof as she’d proved it before.
Repeatedly.
* * * * *
“I like Finnie,” she whispered into his neck much later, after she’d cleaned herself of him, pulled on her nightgown and slid back into bed to curl into his side.
“I’m glad.”
“It’s nice having someone from home here.”
He squeezed her with the arm he had around her. “You are home, poppy.”
“You know what I mean,” she said sleepily, snuggling closer.
He did.
He still did not like her referring to the other world as home.
Home was a warm, safe place where you were always welcome. Where there was love and memories of laughter and happy times.
Home had never been that to her.
And her next words would strengthen this conclusion.
“I didn’t have any friends at home,” she told him, still drowsy, her body getting heavier against his side. “It feels good, finally having friends again.”
Apollo closed his eyes.
As much as he wished her secrets, as determined as he was to mine the depth in her eyes, to lighten the darkness she held there, the years of mistreatment at the hands of everyone close to her tore at his heart.
“She’s a bit crazy, though,” she murmured, now sounding half-asleep.
This made Apollo open his eyes and smile into the dark.
“That she is.”
“Crazy in a good way,” she explained, but he could barely hear her, her voice was so sleepy.
This earned her another squeeze. “Go to sleep, my dove.”
“Okay,” she mumbled and seconds later, he had all of her weighing into his side.
He tightened his arm, gathering her closer while he pulled the covers higher up her shoulder.
<
br /> Apollo stared at the ceiling not thinking of dragons and conspirators, witches and prisoners, Derrik and what he might be up to, or what may be assailing his son’s thoughts.
No, he thought nothing of that and all about Maddie now having friends. Now understanding she had a say in the way he raised his children and how she clearly treasured that. Now having protection and kindness and care.
Now having a home.
And Apollo giving all of that to her.
Thus it did not take long before Apollo followed her into a deep, restful, dreamless sleep as if all was right with the world.
Even when it was not.
* * * * *
Maddie
Three days later, I sat in the warm dining room at the inn where we’d stopped for the night. I had Viktor curled in my arms. His eyelids were drooping, a long day out in the snow having taken its toll.
My thoughts were on the precious bundle of toddler in my arms but my eyes were on Chris all the way across the room.
I was thinking thoughts of Viktor in an effort not to think thoughts of Chris.
It had been days and he was still avoiding me.
In doing so, he was avoiding his sister which she didn’t understand. This proved true what I’d guessed and that was they weren’t just siblings, they were companions. Apollo had a young servant in his house, I saw him. But Chris and Élan spent a great deal of time together out of necessity, necessity that was familial, warm, and if not overtly loving, the love was there all the same.
So, regardless of their different ages and genders, they were close.
Élan wishing to be near me meant her brother was not around her.
This, of course, made the little girl cross because any time she tried to get his attention, he continued to evade it. She didn’t understand why and further didn’t know how to communicate that.
I’d noticed that Apollo was giving this situation a wide berth. I could see he was watchful but he wasn’t intervening.
I had agreed with him that night days before that Christophe should be given some time. He was a boy but he was keen to learn how to be a good man and I figured this was one of Apollo’s ways of teaching him how to be this.
But four days seemed long enough to me.
Apollo said I had a say in raising his kids and that was perhaps the most beautiful gift anyone had ever given me. And considering Apollo had given me a vast amount of beauty that was saying something.
But his assessing if I agreed with his course of action and me bringing it up that I no longer agreed with his course of action were two different things.
“He remembers his mother.”
This came from Finnie who was sitting at my side.
I looked her way.
She really was very pretty, all that white blonde hair, those fascinating ice blue eyes.
Though she didn’t look much like a princess and this mostly had to do with the fact she dressed like men from this world, in breeches, boots, sweaters and cloaks.
It also had to do with the fact that if she was not in the sleigh with me or with her husband and/or son, she was practicing knife fighting with one of Frey’s men or bows and arrows with Chris (and Frey and Apollo’s men).
Frey had joined our party a couple of days before and I enjoyed watching them together even as it kind of broke my heart (I didn’t think on this too much, if I did, the “kind of” part of that would be gone).
I loved how he called her “my wee Finnie.” I loved how she addressed him as “husband” and he returned that by calling her “wife.” I loved how they bantered and teased. I loved how his men were with her. I loved how they looked at each other. How they both clearly adored their son and equally clearly adored that the other adored their son.
It was so cool watching a man like Frey, in other words, a man just like Apollo in the macho department, who was entirely unconcerned with communicating to anybody who paid attention that his heart rested in the hands of his wife and the child she gave him.
No, it wasn’t cool.
It was beautiful.
Finnie wasn’t secretive about doting on her husband and son either. And I knew it wasn’t hard to do, considering Frey was as he was and Viktor was an immensely active child (in other words, the sleigh ride was akin to toddler torture), but a sweet one.
In another way Frey was like Apollo, Viktor looked nothing like Finnie. He had inherited his father’s dark hair and green/brown eyes (or, they could also be brown/green, I hadn’t yet decided).
I wondered if given another shot and they had a girl, if she’d get Finnie’s hair and eyes.
And I wondered, if given a shot with Apollo, if we’d make a girl (or a boy) who had my red hair and freckles.
“Maddie?” Finnie called.
I blinked and focused on her.
“Sorry, I was on another planet.”
She grinned. “That happens.”
At her response to my unintentional pun, I grinned back.
Her grin faded and her eyes grew assessing. “Would you like to share?”
I would.
In fact, I needed to share.
This, I found, happened when you actually had someone you could trust to share with. Then again, it happened when you didn’t have someone too. It was just good that these days I had people to talk to.
Yet something more Apollo had given me.
Since I needed to share, I did it.
“Yes, he remembers his mother,” I responded to her earlier comment. “We were doing okay. I’ve been on this world for months now but I’ve only known the kids a few weeks. He was fine until recently when Apollo and I went to the gale, something he saw his parents do often. I don’t think before that he put the two of me being around and the two of me being around together. That night, seeing me with his father the way I was, he put it together.”
“I’ll bet,” she replied.
“He’s been detached since then,” I shared. “He’s told his father things are fine. And even though Apollo knows they aren’t, he’s letting him work through it on his own.”
“That’s a big thing to work through,” she noted.
She was so totally right about that.
But I said nothing.
“Have you approached?” Finnie asked.
“I think I should follow his dad’s lead,” I answered. “And seeing as it’s me he has a problem with, I’m not certain that’s the way to go.”
She screwed up her mouth as her gaze slid to Chris and she murmured, “I suppose you’re right.”
I supposed I was right too.
But only supposed.
“I’m happy for him,” she said, her eyes still aimed in Christophe’s direction, so I was confused.
“Chris?” I asked.
She turned and my breath caught at the look in her eyes.
“Apollo,” she whispered.
“Oh,” I whispered back.
“I…he is…” She shook her head. “He went through a dark time with me. In his way, he helped me through it, actually.” Cautiously, eyeing me closely, she finished, “He understood.”
I nodded.
“You know?” she asked.
“That you thought you lost Frey and that he lost Ilsa?”
It was her turn to nod.
“Yes. I know about Ilsa and Apollo’s told me the stories of all the other women of our world and their men. Or, what he knows to tell.”
“Then you would understand how Apollo means a great deal to me.”
“I do,” I said quietly.
“So I’m happy. Watching you two. Seeing the way he looks at you. Watching him smile and laugh. Honestly, Maddie, I’ve known him now for over two years, and although I’d seen him smile, I don’t know if I’ve ever heard him laugh. It makes me happy he has that. It makes me happy to see he’s happy you give it to him.”
I loved that.
I absolutely loved it.
I just wished I could give him more.
Not jus
t smiles and laughter.
Things like what he gave me. Big things. Important things. Precious things.
Everything.
“It’s not my place to thank you.” She grinned. “But I’m going to do it anyway.”
I grinned back, it was a tad forced, but it was mostly genuine. “Pleased to be of service, especially that kind.”
“I appreciate you giving my wee wife a rest, Maddie, but I’ll take him now.”
I jumped slightly when Frey’s rich deep voice sounded at my other side. I had just enough time to turn my head and look up to see him already bending to me. Without delay, he whisked his son out of my arms.
He curled the tot to his broad chest, Viktor’s legs dangling over his dad’s forearm, his head resting on his shoulder, bringing to life the vision of one of those pictures with a hot guy and a kid that I used to see on calendars and such. Taking it in, I wondered if it would be hotter if Frey held a kitten instead of a kid.
Probably not.
Though, seeing him cradle his son, I’d like to see him cuddle a kitty.
Frey’s eyes went to his wife.
“I’ll put him down, my love.”
“All right, honey,” Finnie replied.
I felt something hollow out in my insides as I watched this exchange but I made certain my lips were smiling when Frey’s eyes came to my face before he dipped his chin and took off with Viktor.
I watched him go and when I turned back to Finnie, I saw she was also watching her husband go with a look on her face that I understood.
I felt that look. I felt it for Apollo. Maybe not that strong. Maybe without years and adventures and a baby making it stronger.
But I felt it.
Finnie gave her husband smiles and laughter. She also shared his adventures since they were both just that. Adventurers. She challenged his mind with her wit. She’d done brave things for a country that wasn’t even hers (though, now it was), going so far as killing a man.
She had much to give.
That empty feeling inside me grew.
When Finnie finally caught my eyes, she blinked and I knew by her expression she’d read my thoughts on my face.
Quickly, so she wouldn’t ask about it, I declared, “Frey and Apollo are a lot alike.”
“Cousins,” Finnie said.
“They are?” I asked and she nodded.
“Yep. Frey’s grandmother Eugenie was an Ulfr.” Her lips were quirking when she remarked, “You’ve met the Drakkars.”