Part of me secretly hoped he’d run away. No shame in that, after all. No one should be friendly with death. It’s not natural. Instead, he chose me, which is wrong on so many levels, yet exactly what I wanted.
The honorable, right thing to do is to flush his head of all memory of me, to go back to the day he walked into my English class, and simply erase myself. I can do it right now while he sleeps so that the only question he’ll be left with is why he’s in the car with me, and a simple lie will take care of that. Flushing him would also return my life to its more comfortable and predictable routine. I could go back to being the cold, heartless bitch that everyone expects me to be and eliminate the nosy intrusions of my family.
By the time I pull into his driveway, I’ve talked myself into it. Doing the right thing sucks, but it’s the right thing for a reason. Alex stirs when I cut the ignition. Damn. It’s easier if he stays asleep.
“You’re home,” I say, not looking at him. I’m gripping the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles are white.
While he fully wakes, I close my eyes and enter the mental state necessary for a memory flush. It’s like meditation but deeper, a loss of awareness of everything except my mind and his. If done correctly, he won’t even know I’m in his brain.
I see his memories, little sparks of light shining on his neural pathways. Newer memories glow brighter, while older ones are duller. I look for the bright ones and I filter through them, looking for his first awareness of me. I flip through today’s memories, and then go back further. I see the day he received the Kindle, and then our conversation in the cafeteria. Finally, I find that first English class.
Just as I’m about to start rearranging and removing memories, I feel his lips on mine. For a moment, I think I’m experiencing his memory of our first kiss and I wonder how I made such a mistake, but then I realize this kiss is happening in real time.
My eyes pop open and I pull away, severing the mental connection.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “Was that not okay?”
“No, it’s fine,” I say, raising my fingers to my lips. “I was just surprised.”
“Well, you looked like you were deep in thought. I just wanted to say I had a great time today.”
I shake my head, trying to get back into reality.
“No, seriously,” he says, taking my head shake for disbelief. “That was the most fun I think I’ve ever had.
“You’ve got a strange sense of fun,” I say.
“When you’re dying, everything but death is pretty fun.”
He kisses me again and climbs out of the car.
“Alex,” I call after him.
He turns back. “Yeah?”
I swear, I intend to do it. I mean to flush his memory right there on the driveway. Instead, all I say is, “Good night, Alex.”
“Good night,” he says, slamming the car door and heading for his house.
I watch until he’s inside, and then I bang my head on the steering wheel three times. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” I mutter in time with each head bang.
Backing out of his driveway, I turn for home, already dreading the rest of this night. I didn’t tell Alex there would be repercussions for my actions today. He didn’t need that guilt on top of everything else. But the list of what I’ve done wrong today is long. I didn’t flush his memory, I jeopardized a human life, and I exposed the gods to a human. There’s no way I can cover it up… and no way Zeus will ignore it. All I can do now is wait and see how long it will take Zeus to punish me.