His teeth grazed the side of her neck. “I never want to hurt you, sweetheart. I just want to own you as completely, as thoroughly as you’ll let me.”
The orgasm startled her, creeping up on her as his pelvis bumped against her clit with each stroke. “Yes,” she cried out, trying to rock her hips against him for more traction and unable to do so with his weight pinning her down to the bed.
“Good girl.” He slammed into her, hard and fast, fucking her, owning her, trying to catch up with her and come before the last echoes of her climax finished rebounding through her. Once he did, he lowered her legs but didn’t move, kissing her, caressing her face.
Then, he yawned, making them both laugh.
“Sorry,” he said. “Early morning.” He propped himself up on his arms. “Maybe we should go to sleep. I have a lot of plans for you for tomorrow.”
“Do you mean it?” she whispered.
His brow furrowed. “Mean what?”
“Did you mean it when you said you want to own me?”
His expression softened. He sat up and reached for the handcuff key, freeing her. Then he pulled her up into his arms. “Sweetheart, I want you in my life however you want to be here. Vanilla, kinky, any way. Do I want to own you? Absolutely. Because you already own me and you don’t seem to realize it.”
He kissed her, holding her tightly. “So yes, I want to own you, do dirty things to and with you, love you, and have you by my side. As long as it takes for you to be okay with that, I’m good with that, too.”
She held on to him tightly, never wanting to let him go. “Thank you, Sir.”
“Of course, sweetheart.”
* * * *
She fell asleep immediately, soundly, tightly snuggled up against him. The next morning, he started the day by holding her hair while she gave him a blow job.
He grinned as she whined after he told her she wouldn’t be allowed to come just yet.
After taking her out to breakfast, they went to the mall. She didn’t bother asking him why they were there, because she knew from failed attempts earlier to get it out of him that he wouldn’t spoil the surprise.
The first stop was a high-end department store, the lingerie section.
She didn’t own any, for starters. She had bras and panties, and that was it.
She’d never purchased dainty, frilly things when she had no one to wear them for.
He leaned in. “We’re here for a camisole. Black, thin. Something you can wear under different dresses or blouses.”
“Why?”
He made her face him and dropped his voice as he cupped her chin. “Because I want to play with you at the club, and I don’t mean just tying you up. I mean I want to tie you to a bench and go after you with a vibrator.” He smiled. “And want you to have something on so you will spend your time focused on me and what I’m doing to you, not what you’re worried people can see.”
He kissed her. “And I don’t care how much it costs. Find one you like that fits you, and I will buy you two of them. Either both black, or black and another color, if I like the other color.”
She nervously nodded.
He cocked his head.
“Yes, Sir,” she whispered.
He grinned and leaned in, kissing her. “Such a good girl.”
She balked at the next stop. He carried the shopping bag with not only the two camisoles, but several pairs of satin panties he’d liked and purchased for her after asking her what size she wore.
She didn’t even think about coding, despite the expense. The smile on his face, the way he said good girl to her, she would have done anything for that.
But this stop…
“What are we getting here?”
“I think Lil Lobo is lonely and needs a friend.”
Terror filled her. “I…I can’t.”
He turned to her. “Not a bear,” he said. “They have something else I have in mind.”
He led her inside the Build-A-Bear store and over to the bins of stuffed animals, stopping in front of a German shepherd. “That,” he said, whispering in her ear. “So when I’m not with you, you can hold him and remember how much I love you.”
There was that prickle of tears again. She brushed them away as she nodded.
“Good girl,” he whispered, waving to get the sales clerk’s attention.
Fortunately, since it was a weekday, they were the only customers in the store. He even selected a voice box that allowed him to record a custom message. The clerk took him into the back room, where it was quiet, and he emerged a few moments later with a playful smile.
He wouldn’t let Gabe play it yet.
Just a few minutes later, Gabe sat in front of a computer terminal, registering her new stuffed animal’s name and information.
He leaned in. “Put your name and my address,” he said. “And his name is Max.”
She looked up. “Max?”
He smiled. “Short for Maximum Overload.” He pressed his lips against her ear and whispered, “Because it’s what I can do to your brain when I get started, and I want you to get wet every time you look at him. I want you to think of me every time you look at him.”
Hell, she was getting wet right now. She had to backspace several times to correct typos as she filled out the form, because she couldn’t focus.
Bill had a way of short-circuiting her brain.
And she loved it.
When they finished that part, he started to look at accessories for the dog, but she put her hand out and touched his arm. “I don’t need anything for him, Sir,” she said. The voice of Maria threatened to make itself known, that it was wasteful to spend money on toys.
She didn’t know if she could hold it back much longer if she gave in now, on this point.
Today, at least.
He studied her for a moment. “Have I pushed you close to the edge, sweetheart?”
She nodded. “I appreciate it, but…really. I don’t need any. Please?”
He pulled her in for a hug, kissing her forehead. “Such a good girl. If you really don’t want any, we won’t get any.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
“I guess this means I shouldn’t take you by the Sanrio store on our way out of here and get you a Hello Kitty cover for your phone, huh?”
She laughed, realizing he was serious. “I think I need a little more time, Sir.”
He kissed her. “You realize I am going to get you to the point where I can buy my sweet girl whatever I think you should have, don’t you?”
She nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
“We’re going to build up to other things. Today, I’m very proud of you for letting me do this for you. Now let’s get checked out and go home.” He grinned, sending her a playful wink. “Time to get you tied up for a few hours.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
They were over four months into their relationship now. This weekend would be their first weekend together in two weeks. The weekend before, she’d gotten involved in an investigation that required working through the weekend, screwing their plans.
Not this weekend.
At least she’d had Max standing watch over her with Lil Lobo. She never would have imagined before how much emotional impact a stuffed animal would have on her, even after what she went through as a kid. Every time she looked at Max, or held him, she was instantly transported back to that day at the store, Bill standing behind her and whispering in her ear as she went through the process of having Max created before their eyes.
It wasn’t a substitute for Bill, but it meant more to her than she ever would have realized before.
And when she pressed Max’s paw, where the little voice box was located, Bill’s voice said, “You’re my good girl. I love you, sweetheart.”
Gabe left Miami later than she’d intended on Friday afternoon and managed to hit traffic on Alligator Alley, where it was backed up several miles for an accident. By the time she finally reached Port Charlotte, it was nearly nine at night and her nerves were shot.
>
Bill opened the front door and walked out to help bring her things inside. “You all right, sweetheart?”
She let him pull her in for a hug. “Exhausted,” she mumbled against his shoulder. “Traffic was terrible.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Inside. Give me your keys. I’ll get everything.”
“Thank you.”
She handed them over without complaint and headed into the house. She was too tired and frazzled to argue.
She didn’t want to argue. She would admit that, tonight, his help was more than welcomed.
She’d been looking forward to this time together from approximately the second he’d pulled out of the parking lot of her building after their last time together. Especially since he’d been teasing her via text and Skype for the past two weeks.
Once she was unloaded and settled, he pulled her into his arms, a playful grin on his face. “Ready for a good ravishing, I hope?” He gave her a kiss and headed toward the kitchen.
“Absolutely. What’s the plan?”
“I want to tie you up in bed.”
She stared at him. “That’s it?” Considering the way he’d been winding her up, she’d hoped for more than just that. Although, that was always good, and always fun, but it wasn’t anything different from what they usually did.
He smiled as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Well, then I’m hoping you’ll let me screw your brains out. I kind of thought that was a given at this point in our relationship, but we can clarify it, if you’d prefer.”
Her head spun. “What, exactly, are you proposing? You don’t need permission to do any of that. We’ve done it before.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Tying you up. Making love to you. Maybe some forced orgasm play mixed in with that. What I want is permission from you to totally do it my way. My rules. You can code at any time, of course. That never changes. But you don’t get toppy from the bottom. You don’t try to control the situation. You either code, or you let me do what I want, the way I want. What I’m asking is for you to trust me and not code for anything other than a problem like your arm’s going to sleep or something.”
She’d never had to code with him while playing. He was always careful when trying new things to constantly check in with her, to watch her reactions, to back off just before she thought she might have to.
She did trust him. Absolutely.
“No spanking or anything?” she asked.
“Not unless you want it and ask me for it.”
“Why?”
“Why no spanking?”
“No. I mean why do you want to do this now, asking like this? I kind of thought we were at this point already.”
He walked over and sat next to her on the couch, where he took her hands in his. “I don’t know what you’re feeling or thinking. I’m going to lay this all out on the table for you. All I know is I love being with you. I love making love to you. I enjoy playing around in bed with you. I love it when you let me take charge. I love tying you up. And I would really love mixing all of that together into one, knowing I have the go-ahead from you to do what I want until or unless you code. Knowing I have a conscious decision from you to completely take full and utter control of you for the weekend, however I want.”
She wasn’t sure what to say.
He kissed her hands, squeezing them. “It’s okay to say no.”
“Yes.” The word was out before she realized it.
He smiled. “Did you want spanking, too, or was that just a question before?”
“I…” She stared into his eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe. You get me so horny it gets hard to think. That’s a problem I’ve never had before I met you.”
“Getting that horny?”
“Well, yeah, that, too. I meant the not being able to think straight part.” She took a deep breath and let it out before softly admitting, “I like that. I like it when you make me feel like that because I know you’ll never try to pull anything. I’ve always been able to trust you. I don’t want to screw this up with you.”
His expression softened. He gathered her into his arms and kissed her. “Sweetheart, if you were to tell me right now all you wanted to be was friends, I think it might break my heart, but I’d do it just to still get to spend time with you. If you think I’m about to do anything that might screw up your trust in me, think again. I’d rather go way too slow and have you begging for more than to rush things. Slow is fun.”
“Slow’s sometimes a kind of torture.”
He laughed. “Very true.”
She looked up into his eyes again. “What are your rules? Doing stuff your way, what does that mean, exactly?”
Stroking her cheek, he looked like he was trying to figure out how to phrase it. “Well, for starters, I want to turn the lights on.”
She felt fear already building inside her when he spoke again. “You can have a blindfold, if you want. And I won’t turn the light on until after I have you tied up. But your body is beautiful, and it’s yours, and I love every square inch of you. I think we’re at the point where we need to work past this issue when it’s just the two of us. I don’t want you to be afraid of me seeing you, all of you, in the light.”
That wasn’t an unreasonable request. She suspected there was a lot more he was rapidly growing interested in as they played and watched others playing during their trips to the club and during private parties at their friends’ houses, all on the more sensual side of the scale. She didn’t fear for her physical safety with him. She trusted him, for starters. Knew he wouldn’t blow through a safeword.
And she knew with her military and law enforcement training, they were likely close to evenly matched in terms of physicality.
But could she allow herself to completely let go of the control she’d spent her entire life cultivating? She thought maybe, at some point, she might like to explore more with him. Barehanded, over-the-knee spanking—probably. The intimacy more than just discipline. The connection. The give and take.
Books were fiction, and she wasn’t an idiot. Some of the books she’d read… She’d never had that connection before, ever, with another human being. She wondered if that was bullshit, too, or if it was possible.
Shayla and Tony looked happy, like they had that kind of connection. Laura and Rob. Leah and Seth. All the others.
And she’d felt happy, too.
Maybe it wasn’t just fictional bullshit, that part of it. Maybe there were people in this life who really did have those kinds of fairy-tale relationships.
Maybe it wasn’t too much to dream about having one for herself.
With Bill.
Bill was the first person she’d ever allowed inside her defenses. The first person she genuinely believed wasn’t after anything other than what he said he was after. To have fun, to not blow her trust.
Sex was definitely way more than just fun with him. He’d glimpsed her scars, the physical and emotional ones, and hadn’t run from them or been repulsed by them or overcompensated by making a big deal about what a big deal they were not.
He’d just taken them as part of her, part of the whole. Part of her whole.
She took a deep breath as she stared into his eyes and nodded.
That smile, the one he gave her, the twinkle in his eyes, the way the lines creased the outsides of his eyes in a way she suspected hadn’t happened very often before they met, it twisted her insides completely.
He leaned in and kissed her again. “Thank you, sweetheart.”
“For what?”
“For trusting me.”
* * * *
He led her into the bedroom and pulled her into his arms again. The light from the master bathroom slipped into the room through the half-closed door. Enough he’d be able to see by to tie her.
Kissing her, he slipped his hands under her T-shirt and raised it over her head. She forced herself not to freeze up, not to draw away. She knew he’d stop if she did.
And she most definitely did no
t want him to stop. Now that she’d made the jump into the abyss, she wanted to fall all the way, knowing his love would catch her.
He took his shirt off and dropped it onto the floor, joining hers. Then he pulled her close again.
The feel of his warm flesh pressed against hers, it was something she savored every time.
Something so simple as human contact.
Loving human contact. Tender and gentle contact.
For the first time in her life, it didn’t come with her brain screaming things at her, warnings and recriminations.
Maria’s voice was nowhere to be heard.
Bill silenced the voices just by his presence, his patient ways, his kind and caring manner, his confident nature that didn’t stray into asshole territory. Protective without being overbearing. He’d stepped in and taken control and made her want that, want him, before she’d even realized what had happened.
Once they were both naked, he got a duffel bag and set it on the bed. When he unzipped it, she realized it was full of rope. “I’ve been shopping,” he said, removing several coils of rope just like what Seth and Leah had loaned them for class.
And a soft leather blindfold. He held it up. “Ready?”
She nodded. He buckled it around her head before guiding her to sit on the bed.
Then he got started. He took his time, caressing and teasing her with his fingers, slowing as she tensed when his attention was on her back, distracting her with playful tweaks to her nipples and fingers stroking her clit.
She didn’t know how long it took him to tie, her but by the time he was finished with the harness that also pinned her arms in place, she knew she was deep in subspace.
He turned the bedside lamp on. She heard it, felt the light even though the blindfold didn’t allow any to penetrate. Cringing, she ducked her head.
“Don’t do that,” he gently said, taking her chin and tipping her head up. “Don’t ever draw away from me like that. You’re beautiful. And when you’re not blindfolded, unless I’ve ordered you otherwise, you are always to look me in the eyes. Understand?”
She felt the tears threatening to build under her closed eyelids. “Yes, Sir,” she whispered.