Chapter 17
Tatiana hadn't seen Tristan for a week. She kept telling herself that she was glad it was over. Who needed the instability of a relationship? Who needed a man who was turning your whole life upside down?
He’s probably making up with his wife right at this very moment, and I’m very, very far from his thoughts, Tatiana reasoned. I’ll shut him out too.
Tatiana had to admit, though, that it wasn’t easy to do and that she thought about Tristan often. Sometimes Tatiana found herself crying for no reason.
“Call him,” Nydia implored.
“No.”
“You're a stubborn ass.”
“I can always count on my friends for a kind word,” Tatiana retorted.
“Don't expect me to coddle you when you're screwing up your life.”
“I'm not messing up my life. It's in perfect order.”
“Life isn't meant to be in perfect order,” Nydia declared. “There are too many variables. You've got to risk so you can move forward. You can't stay in place.”
“Why can't I stay in place? It's safer than moving around, isn't it?”
“No, it's not. Nothing is ever safe. Life is unpredictable. Stop being afraid.”
“I’m not afraid,” asserted Tatiana.
“Stop giving up on love for an illusion of safety.”
“What are you talking about? I'm not in love with Tristan,” Tatiana asserted stubbornly.
“Stop bullshitting me.”
“I'm not bullshitting you.”
“Then stop bullshitting yourself,” announced Nydia. “Wake up and smell the coffee. I'm going to tell you again. Don't let Tristan go. Call him.”
“I can't. He's in San Antonio.”
“Give me a break. His cell phone works there too.”
“I don't know what to say to him,” Tatiana declared.
“Say, I'm sorry. Say, I'm a fool. Say, let's make this work.”
“I'm not going to beg.”
“It's not begging, Tatiana.”
“It sounds like begging to me.”
Nydia energetically shook her head. “Well, it’s not.”
“Besides, he’s probably with his wife—back together again.” The words sliced the most tend areas in her heart.
Nydia sighed with exasperation. “Don’t be ridiculous. He doesn’t love her anymore.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“You have to be blind not to see that the woman he wants to be with is you, that the woman he loves is you.”
This time it was Tatiana who energetically shook her head. “Then why does he insist on meeting with his ex?”
Nydia shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. It could be a number of reasons. You’ve got to give him the chance to explain in detail.”
Tatiana continued shaking her head. “I won’t give him a chance to humiliate me by telling me he’s dumping me to run off with another woman.”
“You're hopeless.”
Nydia abruptly left Tatiana's office. Tatiana didn't know why her friend was taking the break up with Tristan so hard. It seemed to her that Nydia should've been more concerned with what was happening at work than with Tatiana's botched relationship. Augusta was becoming more and more sour. She had been heard telling Lorna that her husband was going through a midlife crisis. Tatiana wished she was vicious enough to tell her he was going through something all right—through Lorna's Victoria Secret underwear. Lorna had no qualms saying she shopped there often.
Yes, Augusta, your husband takes her in those sexy outfits you said he didn't like. How do you like them apples? He gives it to her while you're busy at home ironing his underwear. While you're cooking his favorite dinner, congratulating yourself for being such a superior woman, he's getting it on with her. While you're piously at church thinking of how God loves you best, he's doing what he loves best.
Tatiana tried to banish those ugly thoughts from her head. Of course, Tatiana would never tell Augusta such things. Wishing someone, even someone like Augusta, cruelty like that made her feel bad about herself, and she worked at cleansing her basest instincts. It was strange how cruelty created more cruelty.
Tatiana also tried to keep Tristan out of her mind. When her mother went into the office to take her to lunch, she was hugely relieved. Saved by the bell. Tatiana didn't have to go with Judith and Nydia. Going with them would only cause a crack in their friendship if they kept pounding her about Tristan. In order not to run into them, Tatiana avoided their usual eatery.
“Why aren't we eating at El Rancho?” Candida asked Tatiana suspiciously while parking at the Hamburger Gourmet restaurant.
“I thought a change would be good. I felt like eating hamburgers.”
“Why are you hiding from your friends?”
How does she do it? Tatiana questioned. “Where did you get that idea?” Tatiana asked nervously.
“You were avoiding them in the office.”
“You were only there a few minutes. How did you know?”
“I'm a mother. I know my child. What's going on, Tati?”
Tatiana let out an exasperated breath. “They're on my back.”
“About what?”
“Tristan.”
“What about Tristan?”
“I broke up with him,” stated Tatiana.
“Why?”
“Because men are mierda. Utter and total shit.”
“What kind of excuse is that?” Candida asked, her eyebrows scrunched together.
Tatiana rolled her eyes. “What do you mean? You're the one who taught me that.”
“But Tristan doesn't seem like shit to me. Is there something about him you're not telling me?” questioned Candida. “Does he cut you down?”
“No.”
“Does he talk down to you?”
“No.”
“Is he a pathological liar?” Candida asked.
“No.”
“A plain liar?”
“No.”
“Is he secretly married,” questioned Candida.
“No, he’s divorced.”
“Is he stubborn about his own needs without considering your own?”
“No.”
“Do you have a friendship with him?”
“Yes.”
“Do you like being around him?” Candida questioned. “Is he a good companion?
“Yes.”
“Does he give you respect?”
“Yes.”
“Is he a person of his word?” Candida inquired.
“Yes.”
“Is he supportive of you?”
“Yes.”
“Does he bring out your romantic feelings?” Candida asked. “Does he set fire to your emotions?”
“Yes,” sighed Tatiana.
“Does he like us, like women? I don’t mean of love us or lust after us. I mean authentically like us.”
Tatiana grew pensive for a few seconds. “Even though his mom and wife had left him, I think he really does like us.”
“Does he sparkle when he sees you?”
“I think so.”
“Does he salivate when other women walk into the room?” Candida inquired.
“No.”
“So, what's the problem, Tati?” Candida questioned, baffled.
“It's complicated.”
“What is it that I'm not getting? What is it that your friends are not getting either?”
Tatiana sighed. “I told you, Mama, it's complicated.”
“Is it complicated, or are you making it complicated?” Candida blurted.
“Don't ask me that.”
Candida’s eyes narrowed as if suspicion had taken over them. “Is he cheating on you with someone else?!”
“Well, maybe.”
“Maybe?!” Candida snapped.
Tatiana sighed. “His ex-wife asked to speak to him, and he’s obliging her.”
“He is?”
“I think he still loves her, t
hat he never forgot her. I don’t want to be caught in between them.”
Candida slowly nodded. “Now I understand,” she murmured.
“Mama, can we drop this? I’m tired of having to deal with my breakup with Tristan over and over again.”
“You can run away from everybody, but you can't run away from yourself,” declared Candida.
Tatiana groaned. “Yes, I know. I’m living it.”
“Okay, my Tati. Let me just say one thing—he's the only man you've brought me that I've liked, and I don’t know if him meeting with his ex-wife means a reconciliation, but I love you so whatever you decide, I'll be supportive.”
“Thank you, Mama."
Back at the agency, Tatiana was trying to keep her concentration on the new slogan she needed to come up with for Furniture Super Mart. She had already torn up two sheets of mediocre work. Finally, she decided to get out of her office to make copies and change the scenery. She couldn't avoid her friends forever. Maybe stepping out would loosen her creativity.
Judith smiled at her. “Had a good lunch with your mother?”
“Yes. How was your and Nydia's lunch?”
“Good.”
Lorna breezed in with paperwork in her hands. “Hi.”
“I'm almost through with the copy machine,” Tatiana told her.
“No problem,” Lorna expressed.
What does she see in King Kenneth? He's a sexist and stupid to boot, thought Tatiana.
“Can I have some more fax cover sheets?” Lorna asked Judith. “I don't want to go through Augusta's desk when she's not here.”
“She's not here?” Tatiana questioned, hoping she was gone for the day.
“She left early, so she could cook her husband a special dinner,” Lorna stated, a touch of sarcasm in her voice.
“Oh,” Tatiana said. She’s cooking special dinners while Lorna laughs at her, echoed in her head.
“She does way too much for him,” Lorna guffawed.
“Yes,” agreed Judith. “But she’ll never see that.”
“In my experience, men don’t respect a doormat,” Lorna affirmed.
Tatiana nodded. “No, I suppose not.”
The front glass door abruptly swung open and in strode a tearful Augusta clutching a homemade DVD in her hand. She looked so out of sorts that Tatiana almost reached out to her. Almost.
Augusta furiously pointed at Lorna with the DVD. “How could you?! How could you do this?! I thought we were friends!!!”
Augusta yelled with such force that people started gathering. Nydia stepped out of her office and mouthed, “What's happening?” to Tatiana. Tatiana shrugged her shoulders.
“This is the filthiest thing I've ever seen!” Augusta continued. “Absolutely filthy! What did you do to my husband to get him to betray his family?!”
“Maybe you should be asking yourself what you aren't giving him that he has to come to me,” Lorna retorted nonchalantly, her long platinum-blonde hair gleaming and her cornflower blue eyes sparkling.
This woman is as cool as a cucumber, Tatiana said to herself.
“You're writhing naked all over this DVD!” Augusta exclaimed with anguished fury. “You're filthy! You're going to hell for this, taking a family man and making him do this.”
“As you saw, your husband is writhing naked right along with me,” declared Lorna. “Does he seem forced into it? Does he seem not to be enjoying himself?”
Suzanne and Bill rushed in from Suzanne's office. “What's all the commotion? What's going on here?” asked Bill, glaring at Judith.
Augusta cried, “You skank!”
“Is that what Ken's first wife called you when you slept with him?” Lorna questioned nonchalantly.
“You back stabber!” exclaimed Augusta, spitting fire.
Lorna pointed her index finger at Augusta. “You should look in the mirror when you call me a back stabber. You're the queen of betrayal. I can't touch you on that one.”
“You're the one who betrayed me! How could you go do this to me?! I thought we were friends?!”
Bill tried desperately to rein it in. “Let's calm down and—”
“In order to have a friend, you have to be one,” declared Lorna. “You have no friends, Augusta. As soon as people see your true colors, it's over.”
“What about your true colors?” Augusta sneered. “Everybody now knows what you are, you disgraceful slut! You'll burn in hell for this! God will never forgive you!”
“It's not my fault you can't keep your man happy,” smirked Lorna.
“Stop!” yelled Bill.
“Please tell me what's happening, Augusta?” asked Suzanne, putting her hand on Augusta’s shoulder.
“Her husband chose me over her,” declared Lorna.
“She's having an affair with Kenneth!” sobbed Augusta while sliding to the floor.
Suzanne slouched to the floor with Augusta. “How could you do this to her, Lorna?”
“Augusta knows the why better than anybody. If your man is cheating on you, it's because of something he's not getting at home,” asserted Lorna.
“What a thing to say. I think it would be best if you left,” Suzanne snapped.
“Clean out your desk,” stated Bill.
“Thank you for saving me from having to give you a two-weeks-notice. I was going to quit anyway. I hate it here, “Lorna declared. “I'll have someone pick up my things tomorrow.” Lorna stepped into her office for her purse. A few seconds later, she rushed out the front door.
Everybody looked at each other not knowing what to do or what to say. Meanwhile Augusta was keening like a hurt animal with Suzanne trying to soothe her.
It occurred to Tatiana that Augusta was as broken as any dropped watermelon she'd ever seen. She was as exposed as she could be. Tatiana could see the frantic heart beating inside of her, and she felt bad for her.
Suzanne turned to Bill. “This has been too much. We need to close for the day.”
Bill nodded. “Listen, people, we're going to give you the rest of the day off, so you can shake off this horrible episode and regroup. Tomorrow, we'll be back, ready to get at it.”
When Tatiana arrived at her car, Nydia rushed to her. “Don't,” she said.
“Don't what?” Tatiana asked.
“Don't let Augusta's desperation move you to let your guard down with her. Keep the barricade up, no matter what.”
“But she was so hurt,” Tatiana stated.
“Remember the story of the snake.”
“The snake?”
“A snake asked a frog to carry him across a river. The frog refused saying the snake would bite him. The snake swore up and down he wouldn’t do it, so the frog agreed to help him. When they got to the other side, the snake bit the frog. When the frog asked him how he could do it being they had an agreement and the frog was only doing him a favor. The snake said, 'You knew I was a snake’.”
“And Augusta is a snake,” Tatiana murmured.
“She'll bite especially when she's hurt.”
Tatiana nodded. “I'll keep that in mind.”
“Remember what Judith told Beatrice. She'll use your kindness against you.”