She didn’t look it.
She started searching the dance floor. “A lot of my friends come here. It’s an underground club.”
I had gathered.
She kept going, “I’m a big band junkie and these guys are one of my favorites.”
“What’s their name?”
“Do Cocktails.”
“Nice name.”
“Yeah.” She flashed me a grin. Her eyes were glazed over and the smile was sloppy. I wondered if she’d been doing more than drinking, but I didn’t ask. It wasn’t my business and it wasn’t my place to judge. A yawn came over her and she fought it off before leaning closer. “Listen, you want to leave? I’ll call a cab for us.”
“What about your cousin?”
She shrugged. “She’s with that guy. Don’t worry. She’s been with him before.”
With him before? Duly noted. I nodded. “Okay. Sure.”
She pulled out her phone. After she called for the cab, she yelled again, “It’ll be about twenty minutes.”
“They know this place?”
“Oh yeah. All the cab companies do. Sometimes they don’t even charge, but we’ll get charged tonight.”
“Why’s that?”
She gestured to me. “Because of you.”
Me? I looked down. Why me?
“You look rich.”
“I do?” I only wore jeans and a gray shirt. There wasn’t anything special about my outfit and I never wore make-up.
“Yep. You might think you’re being simple, but I can tell you’ve got money.” When she saw that I was dumbfounded, she waved it away. “Don’t worry. Kara and Tiffany are like that too. They try to look like that, though. You just exude it or whatever.”
I wasn’t sure how to take that. I didn’t want to be like either of them.
Beth’s phone lit up and she hopped off the stool. “Come on, cab’s here. That was a lot quicker than I thought.”
She led the way, weaving through the crowd. When we neared the door, I saw her cousin not far. She was being pressed against the wall by a different guy. His tongue was inside her mouth and his hand was underneath her bra.
I tapped Beth on the shoulder and pointed. “It’s a new guy and your cousin lost her shirt.”
She grinned, not the reaction I was expecting. We both watched as the guy started to undo her jeans and slide them down.
My eyes bulged out. They were going to have sex, right there, in front of everyone. My hand wrapped around Beth’s arm. “Stop them.”
“Why?” She shrugged. “That’s why she came.”
From a different tone in her voice, I edged back a step and gave her another more measuring look. “Is that why you came here?”
She could’ve gotten mad. She didn’t. Another jerk of the shoulder as she mused, sounding bored, “I don’t do it in public. Hannah doesn’t give a shit. She will in a few months, but she doesn’t care right now.”
Trips to Club T took on a whole other feel to me now. Why did Kara want me to be friends with them again?
“Come on.” Beth tugged me out the door.
A cab was waiting for us and she darted into the back door as another group started towards it as well. They stopped, but moved closer again when she left the door open. Her head popped out and she shouted at me, “I’m sharing with her.” She pointed at me. “Not you guys.”
“Oh,” one of the guys groaned, but their entire group stopped.
As I hurried past them and climbed inside, the cab started forward. It was cold in contrast to the club that had been overheated with human bodies. Beth started to shiver and the cab filled with the smell of sweat quickly dissipating. I looked at the sweater in my bag, but I didn’t offer it to her.
As her teeth began chattering, she looked at me. “Don’t start doing that.”
I looked over, but I didn’t ask what she meant. I knew what she meant.
“Don’t start judging us.” She said it for me. Wrapping her arms around herself, she started to shake. “I know what you’re thinking, that we’re some sluts or something. We’re not. You don’t know why we do that, or even what we’re doing.”
She was right. As she said that, in the back of our cab, a deep loneliness filtered inside of me. People judged me. They became scared of me because a part of me died after that letter. That damn letter.
My phone buzzed at that moment. It was a text from Jesse.
U at ur room? Sorry, took longer than I thought. Can I come over? Cord told me how to sneak in back.
I responded. Yes, will be there in twenty minutes.
K.
A shiver went through me, but it wasn’t from the coldness, or even the loneliness. I was sitting in the back of this cab, with someone I didn’t know, and I’d been scolded. I wasn’t a judgmental person, but I had been with her. I had been with her cousin. She was right. What they did was none of my business. It wasn’t until I grew to know them and understand their situations. Then it would come from caring and I didn’t care about them.
I held my phone tightly. I couldn’t let it go.
Someone that I thought had stopped caring still did. I was going to see him soon and like Beth’s sentiment, I hoped he didn’t judge me. He would learn, at some point, that my parents had abandoned me. They lost their son and I was no longer good enough for them. Instead of forgiving me and taking me as is they chose the decision to start a new life. There was no room for me in their new life.
I drew in a breath. Pain blasted me, tightening my chest.
I didn’t know what I would do if Jesse saw the same defect in me as my parents did, if he walked away as they had.
I sent a furtive look beside me. For some reason, the cab wasn’t as lonely as before.
I hadn’t been in my room long when I heard his knock.
A rush went through me. He was here. He was on the other side of the door. As I opened it, he ducked inside. There were rules against having boys in our rooms, but I didn’t care. Not at that moment, not as I was drinking him in.
Jesse flashed me a grin as he ran a hand through his hair.
I murmured, “You got it cut again.”
“Hmm, yeah.” He grimaced. “I was tired of the faux hawk. Told the girl to buzz it as close as she could before I’d go bald.”
“You look good.” And he did. It was a military-style haircut, but with his dark coloring and dark eyes, it made him leaner. But no. I chewed on my lip as I looked him up and down. He was leaner. Cord hadn’t been the only one working out. Jesse had muscles showing in places he hadn’t a year ago. Even as his wrist twitched, a small muscle stood out on his arm, one that I never would’ve known was there before now. His shoulders were more compact and his waist was trimmer.
He looked really good. I licked my lips. Damn good.
He smirked. “You checking me out, Connors?”
My chin went up and I narrowed my eyes at him. He was doing the same thing. Suddenly, I was glad that I had changed clothes. I hadn’t had the intention to dress for him, but I wore a tank top and lightweight scrub pants. They fell low on my hip and were tied in a loose knot. I became very aware that I wasn’t wearing a bra and my underwear’s strap was visible above my scrub’s waistband. Sexy wasn’t the vocabulary to describe me, but I knew I wasn’t ugly. My body was trimmed down, even more so since my friends had deserted me. I wasn’t an exercise person, but I had begun eating better. I might’ve hoped to become healthier, even though I knew that food wasn’t going to fix everything wrong on the inside. But it helped, a tiny bit.
“You approve?” I murmured, my voice husky with desire. It had been stirring since his text, simmering, but it was boiling as soon as I heard his knock on the door. It was a full fire when he stepped inside and it was only the two of us.
His eyes centered on my hand.
I lifted it and saw the small burn on the inside of my wrist. It was from that night when I lit my parent’s letter on fire. I hadn’t let go of the letter quick enough and I hadn’t fe
lt the pain so it went unhealed for a while. When I did notice it, it had already healed over. So I left it. No one had been around enough to notice it. As Jesse stepped close and touched my arm, he lifted it for inspection now.
I bit into the inside of my cheek. What would he think? I already knew I couldn’t give him the answers to any questions. I didn’t want him to know, not yet, not on the first night.
Slowly, I eased my arm out of his hold and crossed to my desk. “I met some of your friends today.”
His eyes narrowed and he shrugged.
My shoulders dropped. He had let it go. Relief had me sagging against my desk, but I got myself under control. A grin came over me, but I knew it was half of one. I was still reeling that he hadn’t asked about the burn. “Oh, come on. Chandra, Tiffany, Kara. I think I should nominate them for a Good Samaritan Award. Do you guys have that here?”
The corner of his mouth curved up. “Yeah, maybe Kara. Cord mentioned that you and Tiffany didn’t seem to care for each other.”
“Please tell me you’re not best friends with her or screwing her behind your buddy’s back. I don’t think I could look at you the same.” It came out as a joke, but I wasn’t teasing. I meant it.
The other corner of his mouth curved up now. “No, but she’s protective of me.”
“Great.”
He stepped towards me. His voice softened, “She’s not you, Alex. Cord’s not Ethan. Don’t get confused about that. No one can touch either of you guys.”
My chest swelled with emotion. I found myself blinking back tears. As he moved another step closer, my hand lifted to rest on his chest. His heart was pounding and his gaze seared into me. He was deadly serious. There was no humor, only dark promises swirling in his depths, mixed with the same lust that was pounding inside of me.
I asked, feeling raw, “You promise?”
His hand touched my pants. He tucked his thumb inside of them and pulled me against him. Closing my eyes, I felt him. I felt every inch of him. Then his thumb moved to the front of my pants and slipped farther inside. His entire hand went underneath my underwear until I felt him at my entrance. My legs wanted to press together, but I willed them to stay still. I didn’t move to give him better access. I couldn’t do anything except keep still and stop myself from launching into his arms. My heart was a continuous thunder now and I already knew I was wet for him.
His finger dipped inside. I gasped. My head hit his chest as I concentrated on breathing. In and out. In and out.
I clutched onto his shirt. My legs threatened to buckle, but I couldn’t do anything. Pleasure rippled through me from the sensations he was building. “Jesse.”
He ducked his head down to rest his forehead on my shoulder, then he turned and kissed my bare nape.
I shook my head, struggling to form a thought as a second finger slipped inside.
Kissing down the side of my neck, he nuzzled under my chin before he started up the other side. His other hand gripped my hip and he held me anchored against him.
The edge was nearing. He kept pumping faster, holding himself still against me. When he stopped kissing me, I felt his breathing grow labored as he continued to rest his forehead on my shoulder. My head fell back and my eyes were heavy-lidded, but I saw him from underneath my eyelids. He was watching us. He was watching as his hand moved against me and his fingers kept thrusting into me.
Then I felt myself hurdling over it and I exploded on him. As I trembled against him, he kept his fingers in me, but pressed his forehead against my neck. A sheen of perspiration had built up. I felt the moisture now and then his lips curved against my skin. He pressed them to me in a soft and lingering kiss as he withdrew his fingers.
Pressing my lips together, a moan escaped from between them. A flush of renewed heat flared through me and lit up my face. As he began to lift his hand, my legs squeezed together. I felt empty. I didn’t want him to leave, but he tilted my head to meet his gaze with his free hand. His eyes had darkened until they were black with lust.
Cupping my head with his hand, he ran his thumb over my lips. When it settled between them, my lips parted and my tongue darted out to brush against him.
His eyes fell to my mouth. As he watched my tongue sweep against him again and then tasted the end of his finger, he stepped closer. He crowded me against the door. We hit it with a thud, but it didn’t stop us. I scrambled to lift his shirt, which he yanked over his head then he shoved my pants down with one foot. When they were on the ground, he hoisted me up underneath my arms and carried me to the bed.
When he lowered me to it and held himself above me, he looked at me for a long moment. He seemed to be absorbing every inch of me. I felt ready to burst and reached for him to pull him down.
He blocked my hand and shook his head, a small grin appearing as he held it down on the bed. He positioned my other one above my head and I was now pinned beneath him.
He still continued to study every inch of me.
“Jesse,” I rasped out. I tried bucking my hips up to touch against his, but his grin only grew wider.
“It’s been too damn long, Alex. I’m going to make this last a long time.”
The throbbing burst inside of me again. I gasped out, huskily, “Touch me, dammit.”
Then he bent over me and I closed my eyes.
His lips were coming.
Knock, knock
“Jess-” I started again, but then the door started to open and I heard instead, “Alex, I thought I heard some-oh!” It was slammed shut. The sound echoed in my head. Everyone had heard. Everyone would wake up and come to see what had happened.
Then my eyelids lifted. What had just happened?
Jesse had frozen on top of me with his head turned to the door. In slow motion, he turned to look at me. “Some girl came in here.”
“Really?” I rolled my eyes, frustrated and pissed about the whole thing. “No shit, Jesse.” Shoving against his shoulders, I groaned, “Get off.”
He sat on the edge of the bed.
When he made no move to put his shirt back on, I scrambled off the bed and threw it to him. At the same time, I threw mine on and hopped around as I tried to pull my pants up, as quickly as possible. When I was covered, I checked one more time. Everything was good and then I bolted out of the door. They’d be milling around, looking for where that door slam had come from, but I came to a halt instead.
Nothing.
The lights were still low. The doors were all closed.
Then the bathroom door was opened and light flooded the hallway before it swung shut again.
Beth strolled back to me with a caddie in hand. She was in a robe and a towel. As she saw me, she grinned. “I thought you were in bed.”
I paused, was there something more in that question? Did I hear her insinuating that I’d been in bed?
I wanted to slap myself. Get it over with. “You saw?”
The grin widened and she nodded, a sparkle came to her eyes now. “Oh yeah. I saw. And I know who that is.”
“You can’t say anything.”
She snorted. “Like hell. You were with Jesse Hunt. Is he still in there? Does Kara know? Is that why she said we should be friends?”
My head dropped and I wanted to crumble to the floor. This couldn’t have started on a worse note. But she said not to judge. In the back of the cab, those were her exact words. Hope stirred in my gut again. “You can’t say anything. Please, Beth. That would be horrible for me.”