It’s been a while since I tended my cache. I miss my weapons, but I’m not willing to carry them. After today, I’d rather not carry the spear, but I won’t leave it lying around where someone else might find it, not even at the bookstore. Barrons despises the ancient Fae hallow because it could kill me. I like it for the same reason. A gun can kill you, too. You have to respect it.
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I break down my Glocks, PPQs, my Sig and my Kimber, clean, reload, and rack. I save my Nighthawk Custom Falcon Commander . 45 for last, because it’s my current favorite, then move on to my rifles. I line them up on the counter, admiring them. I enjoy handling the metal and plastic, the cool iron of the bullets Dani and I made. I practice throwing my switchblades at a Bob I set up in a back room. I even polish my spear, holding it carefully, practice trying to block the horrific images the Book throws at me.
Eventually I run out of idle tasks and begin to pace restlessly, wondering why Ryodan didn’t mention Dani tonight.
He must know she’s missing. Surely he’s looking for her. If she were here, she’d be arguing for a seat at our table. She’s always battled for Dublin, made it her first priority, even when Ro was alive, threatening her, controlling her sword, directing it.
I used Voice on Rowena after I stabbed her, and know she used her gift of mental coercion to force Dani to kill my sister, but I don’t know the details.
I thought I’d made peace with her part in my sister’s death. But it’s one thing to sit in my bookstore, telling myself I can forgive her, entirely another to look her in the face, feel that forgiveness in my heart and communicate it to my arm—as the night we met for the first time since I learned the truth had proven.
I’d lashed out. Barely managed to pull back. I’m just grateful I didn’t black out and lose complete control. I wonder why I didn’t, what was different about the night I drew my spear on Dani and this afternoon when I drew on the Gray Woman.
“Alina, Alina, Alina,” I whisper.
Sometimes I say her name in litany as if mere repetition might have the power to resurrect her from the dead. What no one tells you is that when someone you love dies, you lose them twice. Once to death, the second time to acceptance, and you don’t walk that long, dark passage between the two alone. Grief takes every shuffling, unwilling step with you, offering a seductive bouquet of memories that can only blossom south of sanity. You can stay there, nose buried in the petals of the past. But you’re never really alive again. Spend enough time with ghosts, you become one.
Still, I long for a summer day on the sand in Faery, a Corona in my hand with lime pulp dripping down the sides, near a volleyball net, even if only with the illusion of Alina.
Make it so, my hitchhiker purrs. We can.
“Been there, done that temptation,” I mutter. “Get a fresh idea. The answer is still no. ”
The bell suddenly flies off the top of the front door in an explosion of hardware and screeching metal, shoots straight up in the air then crashes to the floor, where it gives a final, defiant tinkle.
I glance from it to the open door that used to be locked, startled and offended. I loved that bell. “You could have knocked,” I say irritably to Ryodan, who’s standing in the entrance. “I would have unlocked it. ”
“I assume you have the spear,” he says.
“Of course I do. ” I hadn’t breathed easy until Barrons handed it back to me when our meeting ended.
He jerks his head toward the door. “We’ve got problems. At Chester’s. Now. ”
I’m not about to head off with the incessantly scrutinizing owner of Chester’s only to have my dark parade fall into step behind us, and get slapped on a slide beneath a microscope again. The meeting tonight was bad enough. “You told me I could never enter your club armed, and I’m not responsible for your—”
“Cut the bullshit. The rules have changed. I don’t care how many Unseelie follow you. I don’t even care why. You get a free pass tonight. Move. Now. ”
I bristle. I don’t take orders from anyone but Barrons, and I don’t even do that well. I lean back against the counter and cross my arms. “Not until you tell me what’s going on. ”
“We don’t have time for this. ”
“I let you goad me into action once. We killed Barrons. ” Another thing I find hard to forgive.
“It was necessary to save your ass. What wasn’t necessary was you waiting so long to obey me that you got me killed, too. Then you consorted with the enemy—”
And here we go. “Consorted? Really? What century do you and Barrons get stuck in sometimes? I did not have sex with Darroc. Furthermore, it’s none of your business who I have sex with. ”
“As long as you’re fucking Barrons it is. ”
Sarcastically, I retort, “I thought you killed each other’s women, not took an interest in their fidelity or lack thereof. Speaking of fidelity and lack thereof, just exactly what are you doing with Jo, Ryodan? What kind of screwed-up wolf ‘consorting’ with the lamb situation is that?”
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He makes a sound of impatience. “She wants. I give. ”
“I doubt it’s that simple for her. Last time I was in Chester’s—”
“Which was a month ago, and if you think that means I’m not aware you’ve become high priestess to the only caste of Unseelie that once attended the king in his private quarters, you’re wrong. ”
That was what they were? How did he know that? Best way to stay out from under a microscope is to keep turning it around on the person trying to view you through it. “I watched the two of you together, and it’s obvious she’s in love with you—”
“She’s a grown woman and understands what she can and can’t have. I’ve never—”
“You just keep smashing through life, wrecking everyone else’s to satisfy your own desires, don’t you?”
“—misrepresented my intentions. You should talk. And there are reasons for what I do. Christ, woman, do you ever shut up. ”
“If you’d start talking about things I want to hear I might. ”
“You’re pissing me off. ”
“You’d be surprised how easy it is for me to live with that. ”
He assesses me and I see him contemplating tossing me over his shoulder and loping away.
“I wouldn’t if I were you. I’m a wild card, remember?”
He snorts. My threat rolls right off him. But I see in his eyes the moment he decides I’m on a bitching bent and not about to stop, that humoring me will take less time and ensure more efficient cooperation. “There’s an Unseelie in my office. With Lor. ”
“So?”
“She’s a princess. ”
I frown. “I thought the king didn’t make any. ”
“You were wrong. ”
“Well, what’s the problem? Throw her out. ”
“He’s having sex with her. On my desk. ”
“Little confused here. What do you want me to do? Pop by with a fresh pack of Handi Wipes to tidy up your desk when they’re through?”
“He’s chained. Lor doesn’t get chained. He chains. ” He pauses and I can see how much his next words offend him. “There was a time no threats to us existed on this world. The Fae changed that. It appears she may have turned Lor Pri-ya. ”
My jaw drops in disbelief. Lor is Pri-ya? The thought boggles the mind. “But Fae magic doesn’t work on … whatever kind of things you are. ”
“He’s calling her ‘mistress. ’ Obeying commands. ”
“Lor is calling a woman mistress?” The ultimate caveman caved? Never. This could actually be a problem.
I lean back against the counter, study my cuticles, pretending to look bored, wondering what he wants from me and what he’s willing to trade for it.
I want a favor owed from one of the Nine and have been trying to figure out how to get it for a while. Some things about me haven’t changed in the least: all weapons—good.
There are numerous things I can imagine I might want at some point in the future that one of the Nine could easily accomplish. For now I’ll take a blank check: one big, fat, juicy “I Owe Mac. ” Ryodan might be ruthless and drive me batshit crazy for so many reasons I could write a book about it, but he honors his debts.
“You don’t want an Unseelie holding one of us Pri-ya. Besides, the bitch is in control of my office. Move. Now. ”
I still can’t fathom what he wants from me. “Why don’t you just kill her?” It’s not like he can’t. I know for a fact Barrons killed a Seelie Princess once. I was in his head, watching it happen. He shut me out before I figured out how he’d done it, what weapon he’d used.
He looks beyond me for a moment then cuts a hard look back to my face. “Until we know whether she can turn one of us Pri-ya, we’re not getting close to her. None of my men saw through her glamour. Lor didn’t know what she was until it was too late. There may be more of them walking around in my club right now. I need someone who can see what they are and has one of the weapons that kills them. ”
“Ask Dani. Doesn’t she work for you?” I fish. I want to know if Barrons told him what I did, if he’s hunting for her and how hard, if she’s back and hiding from me.
His eyes change and I catch my breath. Crimson glitters. Not because of the Unseelie Princesses at his club, but at the mere mention of Dani’s name. “I haven’t seen her in twenty-one bloody fucking days. Not since the night we put the ice monster down. I’ve torn this city apart looking for her. Searched and interrogated and—fuck. ” A muscle works in his jaw. “If she’s hiding from me, she’s gone deep. She thinks she’s invincible but she’s just a kid. You. ”
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I shake my head instantly, not about to confess my part in things with that glitter of crimson flashing. “We have to find her. ”
“I’m bloody well trying. At the moment we have a more pressing problem. ”
Time to negotiate. “What’s in it for me?”
He flashes a mocking smile, and I don’t know if he uses mystical powers of persuasion to pack his words with a little extra visual punch in my brain or if I’m just that visually motivated where certain things are concerned.
“Ah, Mac, consider what isn’t: Barrons chained to a desk. Or maybe a bed. Getting fucked senseless. ” He pauses to lend his next words greater emphasis but I’ve already figured out where he’s going and I don’t like it one bit. “Not by you. ”
I’m out the door before he even finishes speaking.
11
“Said he’d seen my enemy, said he looked just like me”
MAC
We step from the bookstore beneath a black velvet sky filled with stars and a three-quarter moon haloed in orchid. The Fae-kissed moonlight gilds the damp cobblestones an otherworldly silver and lavender.
New Dublin has skies so clear and pollution-free they compete with my rural hometown. Since the walls came down and Fae magic spilled into our world, things aren’t the same colors they used to be. Now, new moon to full, the halo around it alters from pale gold to turquoise, orchid, and finally to crimson at the lunar peak.
In the distance I hear an unexpected noise: people talking, laughing, the rhythmic beat of music. I wonder if Temple Bar reopened tonight and inhale deeply of night-blooming jasmine drifting down from planters on top of the bookstore, reveling in the knowledge that Dublin is also blossoming, growing beautiful, craic-filled, and strong again.
“Last time you saw Dani,” Ryodan says, as I climb into the passenger side of a black military Humvee. I have to shove two Unseelie that are blocking the opened door out of the way before I can close it. I hear thumps on the roof as they settle in.
Ryodan shoots a look of disgust upward then rakes it over me.
“Not my fault and I can’t help it. ”
“You stink, Mac. ”
I grit my teeth a moment then say, “You said you wouldn’t bring it up. Any facet of it. ” I used to be girly, pretty in pink, and smell good. I miss it sometimes. Especially the smelling good part.
“Dani. When. ”
“Thought you didn’t repeat yourself,” I say pissily.
He gives me a look.
“Not sure,” I say.
“You really need to get over what happened with your sister. ” He drops it so flat and cold, it takes my breath away.
“What do you mean?” I say warily. How much does he know?
“Dani’s involvement. ”
“How do you know about that? Did Barrons tell you? He shouldn’t have. It wasn’t his to tell. And if you ever tell anyone, I’ll deny it,” I say hotly.
I won’t let the world persecute her for it. I’ve never told Mom and Dad, and I never will. In my more rational moments—like when I’m not looking at her—I understand Dani was the weapon and you can’t blame the gun. Well, actually people can and do, which is why I’ll take this secret to the grave. It was Rowena who loaded the bullets, aimed, and pulled the trigger. In my more rational moments I see Dani’s pale face, eyes enormous, as she cries, “Well, why the feck not? I deserve to die!” And I want to take her in my arms and shake her, and tell her she doesn’t, and to never say that again.
“I knew when it happened. We were watching her. You tell anyone that, I’ll deny it. If you tell Dani, I’ll kill you myself. ”
Dark power surges to homicidal life inside me. A heavy, gilded book cover threatens to explode open. I drop down cross-legged on top of it, mentally muttering:
Open here I flung the shutter when, with many a flirt and flutter, in there stepped a Stately Raven of the saintly days of yore …
Five stanzas later I’m composed enough to say, “You watched Dani kill Alina and didn’t stop her?” Well, maybe I’m not so composed. I’m across the Humvee, half on his lap, and my hand is around Ryodan’s throat, squeezing.
His fingers band my wrist hard enough to bruise. His other hand closes on my throat and there’s about an inch between our noses.
Silver eyes stare coolly into mine. Being close to him is almost as disturbing as being near Barrons. He’s every bit as sexual, though more contained. You don’t feel like you’re getting squished when Ryodan walks into the room. More like all your atoms are being caressed with a sensual electrical charge.
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“Stop leaping to faulty conclusions, Mac. You’ll fall. And I’ll let you. I was watching Dani that night. She lost me. I didn’t find her again until it was too late. ”
“Impossible. Dani can’t outrun you. ” She was always bragging that one day, however, she would.
“She can give me a run for the money when she chooses. ”
“No, she can’t. She used to complain about it all the time. ”
“Get your fucking hand off my throat. ”
“You first. ”
We drop our hands at the same time and I recoil to my side of the Humvee. Belatedly, the full impact of what he just said sinks in. “Wait a minute, you knew since the day I got here who killed my sister and didn’t tell me?” I say incredulously. “You let me waste all that time, hunting others?”
“Dani didn’t kill Alina. ”
“She told me herself she did,” I refute instantly.
“It’s not what you think. ”
“What is it, then? Because the Unseelie that ate Alina sure thought so, too. They asked if Dani would bring them another ‘blondie’ like my sister. ” My hands fist at the memory, nails digging deep. I have Mick O’Leary’s blood on my hands. I may as well have my own.
I search his profile. A muscle ticks beneath his left eye. Both hands are on the steering wheel, knuckles white. For an instant I see Barrons in him, a violently passionate man who controls it flawlessly, so the world thinks him ice.
“Answer me,” I snap. “Did she or didn’t she kill my sister?”
His only response is a rattle deep in his chest, the
kind Barrons makes when he’s deeply disturbed.
“Have I fallen down a rabbit hole into an alternative reality where you actually have feelings?”
He gives me a feral look and I glimpse fangs. He closes his mouth swiftly, is motionless a moment, then says carefully, “I protect the best and brightest. ”
IYCGM, Barrons’s shorthand for If You Can’t Get Me, is a number I can call on my cell phone that Ryodan always answers, but it’s never proved useful. Eyes narrowed, I tell him that.
“Precisely. ”
“Do you sit around thinking up things to say to antagonize me?”
“Back at you, babe. When did you see her last. ”
Why doesn’t he want her to know he was there that night, following her? Why is he saying Dani didn’t do it? What does he mean by “It’s not what you think”?
Since he’s already refused to answer those questions, I try another. “Why would you deny it if I told her?” When he says nothing, I say, “Quid pro quo, Ryodan. Take it or leave it. ”
“There are things Dani doesn’t know about herself,” he says finally. “It’s a delicate situation. ”
I frown, not liking the sound of that. “What kind of things? What are you saying?”
“I answered your question. Answer mine. ”
I want to find Dani. Now doubly so. Is there something I don’t know about the night Alina died? Something that might change everything? I should have enlisted his help from the beginning. The man has his ways. I sigh. “The night I chased her through a portal into Faery. ”
He grits, “Talk. Now. ”
By the time we get to Chester’s, we’re not speaking. Hostility is a wall between us. He blames me for chasing her through. He says if she dies, it’s on my head. Like I don’t know that. He insists I go looking for her. I tell him Barrons vetoed that for good reason.
He gets on his cell phone, which shouldn’t work, and barks orders to his men. Says they’re better off in Faery right now than at the club and orders them to start searching for Dani.
Then he’s talking to Barrons and arranging for him to meet us at Chester’s. I don’t like that one bit. I have no doubt he’s putting Barrons in the presence of at least one, perhaps multiple Unseelie Princesses, to encourage me to deal with the situation swiftly. It’s one of his demands with which I intend to fully comply. I’m too starved for Barrons myself to tolerate the idea of another female touching him.