Grace blinked round at me. ‘What?’ she said. ‘Why?’
I told her what had just happened by the pool.
Grace blushed. ‘Oh, Riv . . .’ She stopped.
‘What?’
‘Well.’ Grace squirmed. ‘James did say something earlier . . . about Flynn getting into a fight at school yesterday afternoon. He pushed some boy into a hedge or something.’
I nodded. It wasn’t the first time Flynn had been in a fight. He’d never hurt me – or made me feel scared that he might – but I’d seen him fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. It was hard to predict when it was going to happen, so many things made him angry.
‘What was the fight about?’ I asked, still confused as to why either Flynn or Emmi would want to keep the details from me – and why, in particular, Alex mentioning it just now had stopped Flynn from hitting him.
Grace looked across the changing room. I got the strong impression she didn’t want to look me in the eyes, much like Emmi earlier. ‘Grace?’ I said.
‘Didn’t Flynn tell you any of this?’ Grace bit her lip. ‘God, James is gonna kill me.’
‘So what happened?’ I said, not knowing whether to feel more angry or bewildered. ‘Why the big secret?’
‘I don’t know the whole story.’ Grace took my hand. Hers felt warm. I realised I was shivering. ‘James just said the fight was over a girl.’
‘A girl?’ The words came out of me in a tiny voice. After all my suspicions at the end of last term, that Flynn really liked Emmi, I’d convinced myself he was totally into me. Okay, so we hadn’t gone as far as most of the couples I knew, but Flynn was cool with that. At least I thought he was.
‘James didn’t know the details,’ Grace went on. ‘It was . . . Flynn had upset someone’s girlfriend and the guy had a go at him. James didn’t think it was a big deal . . . Flynn’s always upsetting people. You know that.’
‘Upset her how?’ I asked.
‘I don’t know,’ Grace stammered.
‘Right.’ I felt numb. There could be loads of explanations for what Flynn had done. But why didn’t he want me to know about it? Why had Alex’s mention of it in front of me made him back away?
Grace turned her attention back to the mirror, applying a little eyeshadow and a dash of pale pink lipgloss. Unlike Emmi, who favoured dark, dramatic make-up, Grace usually went for a completely natural look.
‘That’s pretty,’ I said, indicating the lipgloss.
Grace glanced sideways and offered me a shy smile. ‘Thanks, Riv. Er, are you okay?’
‘Sure.’ I stroked mascara onto my eyelashes, trying to put what I’d just heard out of my head.
Grace shuffled from foot to foot.
‘I’ll see you outside,’ I said.
‘Okay.’ She sounded relieved.
Alone in the changing room, I took my time brushing my hair and putting on the rest of my make-up. Why did everything with Flynn always have to be so complicated?
I trusted him.
I loved him.
He barely had to touch me before I was off my head, totally overwhelmed with how much I wanted him back.
It was terrifying how much I felt for him.
Which of course was part of the problem. It all mattered so much – what he did, what he said, how he felt about me.
Somehow, when I was around Flynn, it was all too easy to lose myself: to feel that all I was, was reflected in his eyes. Like being with him was a brighter, sharper reality than everything else in my life.
By the time I got outside the swimming baths, everyone apart from Flynn was already halfway up the road. He smiled when he saw me, his breath misting into the chilly night air. Most of the snow from yesterday’s storm had melted now, but it was still really cold.
‘What were you doing in there?’ he said.
‘Thinking.’
Flynn hesitated. ‘Thinking that maybe we didn’t have to go for this stupid pizza with everyone?’
I stared at him. ‘It was only Alex being a jerk,’ I said.
Flynn rolled his eyes. ‘It’s Alex’s party.’
‘What happened yesterday?’ I said. Images were now flashing through my head: Flynn flirting with someone’s girlfriend . . . Flynn holding her by the waist, looking into her eyes, kissing her lips . . .
‘I told you – nothing,’ Flynn growled.
‘But it wasn’t nothing, was it?’ I said. ‘You got in a fight yesterday at school, during the snowstorm. You pushed some boy into a hedge because he was angry with you. That was what Alex was talking about before, wasn’t it?’
Flynn met my gaze. He said nothing, but the sullen look in his eyes told me that I was right.
‘The boy you pushed was mad with you over some girl?’ I said, anxiety now knotting my guts.
‘Who told you that?’ Flynn snapped.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ I said, tears threatening to well up. He wasn’t bothering to deny it. ‘Who was she? What had you done with her? Why don’t you want to tell me about it?’
‘It was nothing, nobody was hurt,’ Flynn insisted. ‘It was just a misunderstanding.’
‘Right.’ Angry, terrified misery filled me. I turned and stalked up the road after the others. I didn’t look round to see if Flynn was following me. What was the point? If he couldn’t trust me with whatever had happened, we didn’t have much of a relationship anyway.
Flynn caught up with me as I reached Amore Pizza. Everyone else was already inside the restaurant, taking off their coats and finding seats around the long table.
‘River?’ he said, touching my arm. ‘I just don’t want to talk about it, right now, okay?’
I shrugged and went inside, feeling hurt and angry. Okay, so Flynn didn’t want to talk. Maybe I was overreacting, but what with school and all his jobs, we had so little time together . . . so few opportunities to be close. And he was spoiling what should have been a really nice night.
I deliberately sat apart from him while we were having our pizza. He looked over at me a couple of times, but didn’t say anything. Later everyone started getting tanked up on beers and he pulled out some money – I knew it would be the exact money for what he’d eaten. As usual, he couldn’t afford to pay a split of the bill, and anyway – because of his da – Flynn never drank alcohol, so he’d have been paying for other people’s booze.
Despite the fact that it was fair, I knew that Flynn hated having to do it. I could see his eyes hardening as he left his cash with James. He looked over at me one last time – a long, resentful look. Then he got up and walked away from the table without saying goodbye.
My stomach twisted into knots as I watched him leave. I caught Grace’s eye. She was smiling at me sympathetically. Then I looked up the table to where a very drunken Alex was chewing Emmi’s face off.
It was crazy. Grace was fond of James. And Emmi certainly fancied Alex. But I was sure neither of them felt like Flynn and I did about each other. So why was it always so difficult with him? Why did he get so angry and moody about everything? Why did I get so upset?
I stood up and stomped out of the restaurant. Everyone would know I’d gone after Flynn, but I didn’t care. I wanted to tell him how furious I was. How stupid he was being.
Outside it was still bitterly cold. My breath whirled in front of my face as I glanced up and down the road.
Flynn was leaning against the wall of the bank next to the pizza restaurant looking across at me. His eyes glinted gold in the street lights as he pushed himself off the wall. Then he strolled lazily over, his hands in his pockets, a smile creeping round the edges of his mouth. How annoying! He’d known I would follow him outside. He was infuriatingly sure of himself.
And so unbearably sexy that I couldn’t look away.
He stopped just in front of me. ‘Thanks for coming out,’ he said.
‘Why are you being so horrible?’ I snapped, angry at him for being able to predict my behaviour like that.
Flynn raised his eyebrows.
‘I just said I didn’t want to talk right now which—’
‘I know what you said, but it’s not fair. Alex knows. Emmi knows. And it’s not my fault Alex wound you up about whatever it is.’ I paused. ‘The truth is you don’t trust me.’
Flynn blinked. He looked genuinely shocked.
‘It isn’t that, Riv, honest.’
‘Then tell me what happened rather than playing these stupid games – walking out and waiting for me to follow you.’ A gust of icy wind blew through my top. I shivered, wishing I’d worn a warmer jacket.
Flynn smiled. He put his hands on my arms, warming them. I was turned on. Really turned on. Just by standing next to him. Just by the feel of his hands.
This made me even angrier, mostly with myself.
‘I know Alex was an idiot earlier but you’re spoiling the whole evening,’ I said, shaking off his hands. ‘And for what? Why? What’s the matter with you?’
I turned away, intending to march back into the restaurant. Flynn grabbed my arm again.
‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry. I was going to tell you what happened, but I didn’t want to have to think about it and get cross all over again.’ He paused. ‘I was actually trying not to spoil everything tonight.’
I sighed, letting his words sink in, feeling my rage ebb away. This was so typical of my life with Flynn. One minute I’d be full of fury. The next, Flynn would do or say something that stood everything on its head and my anger would evaporate, as if it had never existed.
I let Flynn pull me round to face him. He slid his hands into mine.
‘The fight was about a girl, but not the way that sounds,’ he said in a low voice, his eyes burning into mine. ‘You know Café Yazmina?’
‘Of course.’ Café Yazmina was one of the places Flynn worked.
‘Well, one of Alex’s friends came in with his girlfriend when I was working there on Thursday night and apparently she lost her purse. The next day Alex and his friend accused me of stealing it. They were totally in my face and I got mad and pushed them away. It’s just so typical. Everyone at school always assumes I’m to blame when anything happens.’
‘They thought you stole a purse?’ I frowned. My head had been so full of images of Flynn making out with another girl that I hadn’t stopped to consider he might have got into a fight over something else. It didn’t fit with what I knew of him – Flynn might be mouthy and aggressive, but I couldn’t imagine him stealing anything.
‘It’s just an excuse . . . something to attack me with because I don’t fit in,’ Flynn said.
He sounded full of fight, but I could see the pain in his eyes.
‘Oh, Flynn,’ I said, moving closer to him. ‘They’ve got no proof. Nobody who knows you will listen to rubbish like that, it’s just gossip.’
Flynn made a face. ‘It’s not the first time I’ve been accused of stealing stuff. You know, things get lost and people at school go behind my back and tell the teachers it was probably me. After a while everyone starts to believe it, even though there’s no evidence. And I’ve been given millions of detentions for my attitude, whatever that means, and for fighting too.’ He hesitated. ‘After the fight yesterday they called in my mum and said I’d been in trouble too often. They . . . they gave me a one-day exclusion for Monday.’
‘No,’ I breathed.
Flynn shrugged. ‘I mean, I couldn’t care less about missing the lessons, but I have to get my A levels.’ His mouth trembled. ‘Otherwise staying on at school will have been a total waste of time.’
I nodded, understanding straight away. Unlike anyone else I knew, Flynn’s priority was to look after his mum. He was hoping to get to uni and become a lawyer . . . something that would make people respect him, he’d said, and that paid really well.
We stood looking at each other for a moment. It struck me I’d been silly to get so upset before. I mean, sure, Flynn could have told me all that stuff earlier, but I understood why he hadn’t wanted to go into it during the party and, anyway, he’d told me now. His life was so difficult . . . so full of problems I couldn’t begin to understand.
I lifted my face up a fraction and Flynn bent down to kiss me. A long, slow, lingering kiss. Goosebumps that had nothing to do with the cold air ridged along my arms.
‘So that’s why you stopped yourself from punching Alex, because you don’t want the school to have any more excuses to have a go at you?’
Flynn shrugged. ‘Partly,’ he said. ‘But also because you were there and I knew you’d hate it.’ He smiled, his whole face lighting up, and I felt a sudden rush of love for him. I hugged him hard.
‘D’you want to go back in?’ Flynn said, pointing through the window to the others inside the restaurant.
I followed his gaze. Emmi was standing by Alex’s chair. Two of his friends, clearly drunk, were hanging on her every word. Further down the table James and Grace were deep in conversation. Everyone was chatting and happy.
They didn’t need us. We didn’t need them.
‘No,’ I said. ‘Let’s go back to mine. Mum won’t be back till late.’
We walked along in silence. Flynn rested his arm across my shoulders. I wound mine round his lean, muscular back and put my head against his chest. I loved how we could walk along like that, fitting perfectly into each other, not needing to say anything.
Everything was perfect.
Well, what happened earlier hadn’t been perfect – Flynn had got into an argument at school and been suspended and his tussle with Alex made it harder than ever for all our friends to get on – but he hadn’t gone after any other girls.
He was mine.
Totally mine.
4
‘See you later, Mum,’ I yelled as I charged across the hall the following Saturday. I’d hoped to get away from the house before she stopped me, but she was out of the kitchen and into the hall before I’d even opened the front door.
‘Where are you going?’ Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. ‘I thought we could go out later – do some shopping, spend some time together. I never get to see you properly nowadays.’
‘Sorry, Mum.’ I shot her an apologetic smile. ‘I’m meeting Grace and Emmi,’ I lied. ‘I’m late, in fact.’ I pulled the front door open.
‘Well, when will you be back?’ Mum’s voice was plaintive. Typical. She sometimes spent whole weekends at stupid work conferences and yet as soon as she had a free Saturday, she expected me to drop everything and do stuff with her.
‘Later.’ I shot out the door before she could ask me any more questions. It’s not that Mum and I don’t get on at all, but she doesn’t like Flynn – she’s made it clear she thinks he is rude and aggressive – plus she has an annoying tendency to act as if I’m about nine years old.
I ran down the road, looking forward to meeting Flynn. He’d done an early shift at his car-wash place today so he was free to take his little sister, Caitlin, to some party at midday. She was going back to a friend’s afterwards. His mum and older sister, Siobhan, were working all day. We were going to spend the afternoon on our own at Flynn’s place.
There was nothing wrong with this, of course. But I knew if I’d told Mum she would have just made a fuss about how much time I spent with Flynn. She didn’t seem to appreciate that we went to different schools and, when you factored in all Flynn’s jobs and our homework, we had hardly any time to ourselves.
I reached the high street and strolled down to the post office. Flynn had said he was picking something up for his mum and that I should meet him and Caitlin there.
The queue for the counters was out the door when I arrived. I caught sight of Flynn immediately, about halfway down the line. I made my way past the other customers – mostly elderly men and women – to reach him. He saw me coming and smiled. His presence filled the room.
‘Hi,’ I said breathlessly.
‘Hi.’ Flynn pulled me close, fixing me with his eyes as he bent his face to mine.
A few months ago I would never have l
et anyone kiss me so publicly. Now I didn’t care. I only cared about being with him. I closed my eyes and let myself fall into the kiss. Falling was what our whole relationship felt like right now. Falling in love. Falling into each other. Like we were flying, floating down through endless air. The rest of the world rushing by, all we needed in our arms.
An elderly lady in the queue behind us tutted to her friend.
‘No shame, these kids,’ she muttered.
I smiled as I carried on kissing Flynn.
‘Oh don’t go on, Vi,’ her friend sighed. ‘Why shouldn’t they?’
I felt Flynn smiling back.
‘Cashier number four, please,’ boomed the electronic voice above our heads.
‘Cashier number four, please,’ mimicked a loud, giggling chorus of little girls’ voices.
Caitlin. I’d forgotten she was even going to be here. I pulled away from Flynn and opened my eyes. I saw Caitlin immediately. She was just around the corner, lounging against the far wall of the post office, her face, so like Flynn’s, wreathed in cheeky smiles. Two little blonde girls stood on either side of her. All three of them were doubled up with laughter.
‘Cashier number four, please,’ they repeated in even sillier voices, collapsing into more giggles.
I looked round at Flynn. He rolled his eyes. ‘They’re driving me mad,’ he said.
‘You taking all of them to this party?’ I asked, sliding my arm round his waist.
Flynn nodded, then leaned over the barrier that separated us and scowled at them. ‘You guys are total pains in the butt. You know that?’
The two little blonde girls giggled shyly up at him.
I nudged him. ‘Those two have such a crush on you,’ I whispered.
Flynn shook his head. ‘Doesn’t mean they take any notice of what I say,’ he said back.
I grinned at this new image of Flynn. Aggressive, hard-headed and terrifying – and floored by a couple of eight-year-olds.
‘Hi, River.’ Caitlin was smiling up at me.
‘Hi,’ I said. ‘I like your top.’