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To my Uncle Bruce
Because you always treated me like an adult, whether I deserved it or not.
I love you.
Thank you.
Table of Contents
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Twenty-Four
Twenty-Five
Twenty-Six
Twenty-Seven
Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Nine
Thirty
Thirty-One
Thirty-Two
Thirty-Three
Thirty-Four
Thirty-Five
Thirty-Six
Thirty-Seven
Thirty-Eight
Other Stuff
Acknowledgements
About the Authors
The world was born in fire,
And so it will die.
A thousand deaths,
A thousand births,
Each painful and pointless.
Where he walks, all will burn.
Excerpt from “The Book of Endings”
One
The air was crisp and smelled of fall. Normally he would be down in the orchard bringing in the apples with the rest of the tribe. Instead he was lying in the soft grass, savoring the feeling of one of his mother’s sweet rolls dissolving on his tongue. On his right Sojun and Amorette wrestled playfully. He thought about joining in but found he wasn’t really in the mood. Today was special.
He sighed happily and finished off the last of his sweet roll. “The only thing better than good food is making love to a beautiful woman.”
The scuffling beside him stopped and Amorette’s soft features appeared over the top of the grass. Her hazel eyes narrowed even as her lips twisted into a smile. “Kaie, what are you talking about?”
His smile vanished and he set his jaw. The words were out before he thought about them but now he was stuck defending himself. Amorette took too much joy in making him feel foolish. He didn’t put up much of a fight most days, but he wasn’t going to give any ground today. It was his day. “You heard me.”
Sojun laughed loudly. The stocky boy sat up a minute later, brushing stray grass out of his light brown hair. “Yeah, we heard you Rosy. We just know better than to think you know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t be jealous, Jun. Maybe someday Amorette will grow tired of her chastity and take pity on you.” Sojun laughed so hard he started coughing, and fell backward, clutching at his side dramatically.
Amorette glared at them both. “I know you think you’re impressive, Kaie, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us buy into your bullshit.”
Both boys stopped laughing, staring at her. He was surprised by the venom in her voice. Kaie knew she didn’t like when he teased her about her relationship with Sojun but he thought he was being careful not to say anything to make her angry.
After a second Amorette dropped her scowl and rolled her eyes. Kaie let a small breath of relief slide out between his teeth as she let the friendly teasing continue. “No woman here is so devoid of morality that she’d bed a bratty virgin on the wrong side of his sixteenth year. And no woman here is so desperate that she’d take up with you, regardless.”
He was relieved and it made him a little reckless. Kaie scowled at her. “Just because you’re a cold, deprived shrew doesn’t mean the rest of the tribe suffers under the same affliction.”
That time he definitely went too far. The second the words were past his lips, he knew it. Her jaw clenched and Kaie was certain that this time there would be no eye roll signaling it was still all in fun. He did take a small amount of satisfaction from being the cause of the red creeping up into her lightly tanned cheeks but not nearly enough to make up for the tears that would come after her anger cooled.
Sojun’s hand dropped onto her shoulder. Its effect was instant and dramatic. All the fury leaked out of her eyes and the red retreated just as quickly as it arrived. “Don’t let him get you all worked up, Ams. We both know he heard his dad say it. Just like last time.”
Now it was Sojun’s turn to be on the receiving end of Kaie’s scowl. “Don’t make me regret rescuing you from harvest duty, Jun. I can always take it back.”
Amorette snorted. “Who else would you find to witness for you?”
Kaie tilted his chin up defiantly. “Esme and Miette.”
Her eyes widened and, by the way her jaw worked, the anger was threatening to come back. “My sisters?”
Sojun chuckled. “Good call. Those two might just be desperate enough for you, bratty virgin and all.”
Amorette made an odd squeaking noise and smacked Sojun’s arm hard enough to make Kaie flinch. It only made the bigger boy’s smile widen.
“Exactly,” Kaie agreed. The glare Jun got was different than the one he did. It was softer, more playful. He tried not to let it bother him. “Then you two would have to find some other time for your mating games.”
Sojun laughed again. “Now who’s jealous?”
There was no good answer to that question. Rather than try Kaie joined the laughter and dropped back into the grass, folding his arms behind his head. “I feel like I’ve been waiting for this day my entire life.”
“You have, idiot.” Amorette said with an eye roll. Her anger was gone again, no doubt because of Sojun’s hand on her knee.
“No, I mean…” He paused, trying to sort out some way to explain it.
Sojun scooted closer so that he could elbow Kaie lightly in the ribs. “I know what you mean.”
Amorette scowled again from above them but not with anger. “Is this some boy thing? Because I don’t get it. How could you not be waiting for any birthing day your whole life? Isn’t that the whole idea?”
Sojun shook his head and tugged her down. She resisted just enough that she ended up rolling over top of him, landing in between the two boys. Her head dropped softly onto his arms and her legs entwined with Sojun’s. Kaie’s smile grew. Things were changing. There was tension growing between them. More and more, she belonged to Sojun rather than to the both of them. He missed the days when he was allowed to touch her without things feeling awkward. He missed her. Just as much as he missed the days when Sojun was more concerned about making them both laugh than playing the peacemaker. It felt good to lie like this, the three of them pressed so close that not even the ants would bother trying to get between them. It wouldn’t be possible much longer.
“It’s not a boy thing,” Sojun explained, drawing him out of all the moments they were leaving behind and back to the current one. “It’s just hard to explain. Like the world is holding its breath and, once the moment comes, that air will come out i
n a great whoosh that will change everything. Good, bad, it makes no matter. Life will be different. And everything that came before that moment, it’s all just been getting you ready to stand against that gust of air and keep it from breaking you. Does that make sense?”
She shook her head and chuckled lowly. Kaie couldn’t help but notice how husky it was. He loved the sound of her laughter all the more for its rarity. He wished he could get it as easily as the anger. “No. But I’m used to it. Nothing you two idiots say makes much sense. Honestly, I don’t know why I bother hanging out with you.”
“Because no one else would tolerate such willfulness from a bratty virgin on the wrong side of her sixteenth year?” he teased. She elbowed him in the same place Sojun had the moment before.
“I was going to say that you enjoy the sense of superiority,” Sojun said amicably. “But I think Kaie’s answer is more entertaining.” Amorette snorted, apparently deciding that was response enough for the both of them.
“Do you wonder?” he asked, his attention drifting back to the ceremony that waited for him down in the valley. “What the Lemme’s seen for me?”
“No,” Amorette replied readily. “I know exactly what she’s seen.”