As Blake drove to work, he considered his accomplishment of the day. That morning he had finished reading the books of Acts. It had been several weeks since he had sat down in Elaine's chair to start having his almost-daily time with the Lord.
It seemed like ages since he had started with Matthew 1:1, a lot had happened since then. That had been when Beth had just gotten out of the hospital. By now, she was fully recovered, her doctor had given her a clean bill of health. Blake had never really understood what was on Beth's CT scan, but whenever any of the medical professionals saw it and heard the story of her recovery, they were always astonished.
That was also before Blake had gone back to work. While work was OK now, his return to work had triggered a couple of days of severe depression his first weekend after going back. Those were some tough days in which he hadn't wanted to do anything, he didn't do any housework, he didn't eat, he didn't read his Bible or pray and he didn't go to church. All he did for 2 days was feel sorry for himself and miss Elaine.
When Monday morning rolled around, Blake had forced himself to get up to go to work. As he trudged around his apartment getting ready, he had felt a powerful draw to go spend a few minutes in Elaine's prayer closet. He sat there and tried to pray. His prayer rapidly disintegrated into a self-pity filled rant against all the injustices of God taking Elaine from him and ruining his life. As his rant began to run out of steam, he recalled a wonderful trip he and Elaine had taken to the beach. Soon he found himself thanking God for the great times he had been allowed with Elaine and what a blessing she had been. That was definitely a turning point for his day.
Even though he was back in the work routine, he felt rather detached from the whole thing. While he used to be in the middle of the office banter, jokes and socialization, he now found himself more likely to hide in his office and work. It was almost as if he was at his job, but didn't belong. What he had previously considered to be the fun part of working in this office, now was more annoying than anything.
Over the weeks, he had talked to Nikki a several times. They tended to have long, rambling conversations. Although Blake had many friends, Nikki could better relate to what he was going through. She shared her interesting perspective on God – she saw God's hand in everything. She had shared about an ugly crisis that she was concerned about, she had a niece that was potentially being removed from her home due to the parents' drug abuse. Nikki was distressed as she saw this issue tearing her family apart. Blake and Nikki were praying together that God would intercede.
In this period of weeks that Blake had been seeking the Lord, he had seen some fruits from his efforts. He had gained a new awareness of the Lord. While he used to go from Sunday to Sunday with hardly a thought of the Lord, he now thought of the Lord many times through the day. He found himself thinking a quick prayer anytime he was about to give a tough answer or undertake a challenging task. He found that he could lean on the Lord for support when things got tough. In a sermon, his preacher had read a verse that spoke of “walking with the Lord”30. This image had stuck in Blake's mind as he considered how he was going through life with the Lord present in his mind and heart.
Even so, Blake felt spiritually incomplete. He strongly felt like his walk with the Lord still wasn't right, that there should still be more. The Jesus that he had in his life, still didn't resemble the miracle-working, compassionate and totally-in-control-of-all-situations, Jesus he read about in his Bible. As he read about the life in the early church in the book of Acts, he saw God working in their lives in a way that was so terribly different from what he saw today. Reading about how actively involved God was in their day-to-day activities fueled Blake's sense of dissatisfaction.
As he drove, thinking about these things, he pulled out his phone and made a call, “Hi, Mark, how are you doing this beautiful morning?”
Mark cheerfully replied, “Good morning, Blake! I am really blessed. How are you doing?”
“I'm doing really good.” said Blake. “How's that fine wife of yours?”
“She is having a good morning getting ready for her day.” said Mark.
Blake asked, “So, what would you say about getting together and hanging out this evening?”
“I dare say that would be good, all except I have a meeting with the pastor tonight. How would tomorrow work?”
Blake was a bit disappointed, but tried to hide it, “Sure, tomorrow would be great. Shall we plan on eating together?”
“That would be fine,” said Mark, “Why don't you give me a call when you get home from the office and we figure out when and where we'll meet?”
Blake acknowledged the plan and got off the phone. He had really hoped to talk to Mark about his feelings that his relationship with the Lord was still missing something. He just couldn't wrap himself around what was lacking.
CHAPTER 12
“...let us grow in every way into Him who is the head – Christ”