Part of him was sure that he should delete her number from his phone, while another part of him was holding on tight to the number. There were a few times he had been tempted to call it, but to do so required a moral leap that he wasn't prepared to take. He justified that if he didn't actually do anything, then it was OK. Yet, he felt guilty for the thoughts he was harboring.
Bob said, “That doesn't surprise me much. She is a girl that really cares about people, but the people she cares about in her job have needs much bigger than what she can supply.”
“Are you suggesting that it would be easier for her to care less?” asked Blake.
“It would be less emotionally taxing if she could do that, but I suspect that this is exactly what attracted her to critical care nursing, she wanted to help people that are in need. Her job allows her to do that, but it could also burn her out. Burn out is very common in 'helping others' occupations like nursing, teaching, social work, police and preaching. There is just so much need in this world and there are limits to what we can humanly do. Most people avoid burn-out by either stopping their caring or learn to rely on God as a source of strength.”
As Blake's mind raced around on a dozen different subjects, he suddenly blurted out, “So, what is it like, when God speaks to you?”
“Well,” answered Bob, “that is hard to say. God seems to have a variety of ways of talking to us. I have had dreams that I was sure were from God. I have experienced gentle nudgings that I couldn't really tell if they were God or something else. I have experienced times where He communicates as clearly as somebody sitting right across the table from me. There were times when I was absolutely positive I was hearing from the Lord, there have also been many cases in which I wasn't at all sure. When the Spirit of the Lord comes close, then the sensation is indescribable and glorious and distinctly Him. There have been times that what He had to say was very scary. There have also been times when His word has calmed and comforted me. Still other times, He had reprimanded me and made me feel guilty and pitiful.
“I don't think I answered your question, Blake, but I'm not sure I can. He's the God that made whales, bacteria and anteaters, He doesn't do things the same every time. Just as you and I can have very different experiences together, our experiences with Him are going to be different on different occasions.
“If that weren't vague enough an answer, I think different people perceive their experiences with the Lord very differently. Pat describes a couple of 'visions' the Lord has given her. I have never experienced anything like what she describes. You can't expect your God-experience to be like Elaine's experience, it just doesn't seem to work that way.”
Blake said, “Really? Knowing as much as I did about her relationship with the Lord, I had sort of assumed that I could use that as a goal or a model of what a good relationship looks like.”
“That's not exactly what I meant. Just as we can look at the relationships of the Bible heroes in order to know what is possible, we can do the same thing with some of the saints in our lives, like Elaine. But you cannot expect your experience to be the same as theirs. God created you as an individual. He approaches you differently than he does other people, he has different expectations for you, and you have different needs before you can grow into those expectations.”
“So you don't think I will grow into having conversations with God the way Elaine did?” asked Blake.
Bob answered, “I can't say what God has in mind for you. I believe you and God will communicate, but whether it will resemble how it was for Elaine, I couldn't say.”
“It is so easy,” said Blake, “to fall into the habit of thinking of God as a one-size-fits-all type being. The idea of Him treating every person as an individual is tough to hold onto.”
“We really expect Him to be human-like. Humans can't treat billions of people as individuals, so we have trouble imagining God doing it. We expect Him to be like TV, where everybody gets the same signal.”
Blake laughed, “That's a good analogy. That is exactly what I expect when I don't really stop and think about His nature.”