CHAPTER XIII.
Mr. Grimes Gets His Odd Money.
The handmaiden at George Vavasor's lodgings announced "another gent,"and then Mr. Scruby entered the room in which were seated George, andMr. Grimes the publican from the "Handsome Man" on the Brompton Road.Mr. Scruby was an attorney from Great Marlborough Street, supposed tobe very knowing in the ways of metropolitan elections; and he had nowstepped round, as he called it, with the object of saying a few wordsto Mr. Grimes, partly on the subject of the forthcoming contest atChelsea, and partly on that of the contest last past. These wordswere to be said in the presence of Mr. Vavasor, the person interested.That some other words had been spoken between Mr. Scruby and Mr. Grimeson the same subjects behind Mr. Vavasor's back I think very probable.But even though this might have been so I am not prepared to say thatMr. Vavasor had been deceived by their combinations.
The two men were very civil to each other in their salutations, theattorney assuming an air of patronizing condescension, always callingthe other Grimes; whereas Mr. Scruby was treated with considerabledeference by the publican, and was always called Mr. Scruby. "Businessis business," said the publican as soon as these salutations wereover; "isn't it now, Mr. Scruby?"
"And I suppose Grimes thinks Sunday morning a particularly good timefor business," said the attorney, laughing.
"It's quiet, you know," said Grimes. "But it warn't me as namedSunday morning. It was Mr. Vavasor here. But it is quiet; ain't it,Mr. Scruby?"
Mr. Scruby acknowledged that it was quiet, especially looking outover the river, and then they proceeded to business. "We must pullthe governor through better next time than we did last," said theattorney.
"Of course we must, Mr. Scruby; but, Lord love you, Mr. Vavasor,whose fault was it? What notice did I get,--just tell me that? Why,Travers's name was up on the liberal interest ever so long before thegovernor had ever thought about it."
"Nobody is blaming you, Mr. Grimes," said George.
"And nobody can't, Mr. Vavasor. I done my work true as steel, andthere ain't another man about the place as could have done halfas much. You ask Mr. Scruby else. Mr. Scruby knows, if ere a man inLondon does. I tell you what it is, Mr. Vavasor, them Chelsea fellows,who lives mostly down by the river, ain't like your Maryboners orFinsburyites. It wants something of a man to manage them. Don't it Mr.Scruby?"
"It wants something of a man to manage any of them as far as myexperience goes," said Mr. Scruby.
"Of course it do; and there ain't one in London knows so much aboutit as you do, Mr. Scruby. I will say that for you. But the long andthe short of it is this;--business is business, and money is money."
"Money is money, certainly," said Mr. Scruby. "There's no doubt in theworld about that, Grimes;--and a deal of it you had out of the lastelection."
"No, I hadn't; begging your pardon, Mr. Scruby, for making so free.What I had to my own cheek wasn't nothing to speak of. I wasn't paidfor my time; that's what I wasn't. You look how a publican's businessgets cut up at them elections;--and then the state of the houseafterwards! What would the governor say to me if I was to put downpainting inside and out in my little bill?"
"It doesn't seem to make much difference how you put it down," saidVavasor. "The total is what I look at."
"Just so, Mr. Vavasor; just so. The total is what I looks at too. AndI has to look at it a deuced long time before I gets it. I ain't agot it yet; have I, Mr. Vavasor?"
"Well; if you ask me I should say you had," said George. "I know Ipaid Mr. Scruby three hundred pounds on your account."
"And I got every shilling of it, Mr. Vavasor. I'm not a going to denythe money, Mr. Vavasor. You'll never find me doing that. I'm as roundas your hat, and as square as your elbow,--I am. Mr. Scruby knows me;don't you, Mr. Scruby?"
"Perhaps I know you too well, Grimes."
"No you don't, Mr. Scruby; not a bit too well. Nor I don't know youtoo well, either. I respect you, Mr. Scruby, because you're a man asunderstands your business. But as I was saying, what's three hundredpounds when a man's bill is three hundred and ninety-two thirteen andfourpence?"
"I thought that was all settled, Mr. Scruby," said Vavasor.
"Why you see, Mr. Vavasor, it's very hard to settle these things. Ifyou ask me whether Mr. Grimes here can sue you for the balance, I tellyou very plainly that he can't. We were a little short of money whenwe came to a settlement, as is generally the case at such times, andso we took Mr. Grimes' receipt for three hundred pounds."
"Of course you did, Mr. Scruby."
"Not on account, but in full of all demands."
"Now Mr. Scruby!" and the publican as he made this appeal looked atthe attorney with an expression of countenance which was absolutelyeloquent. "Are you going to put me off with such an excuse as that?"so the look spoke plainly enough. "Are you going to bring up my ownsignature against me, when you know very well that I shouldn't havegot a shilling at all for the next twelve months if I hadn't givenit? Oh Mr. Scruby!" That's what Mr. Grimes' look said, and both Mr.Scruby and Mr. Vavasor understood it perfectly.
"In full of all demands," said Mr. Scruby, with a slight tone oftriumph in his voice, as though to show that Grimes' appeal had noeffect at all upon his conscience. "If you were to go into a courtof law, Grimes, you wouldn't have a leg to stand upon."
"A court of law? Who's a going to law with the governor, I shouldlike to know? not I; not if he didn't pay me them ninety-two poundsthirteen and fourpence for the next five years."
"Five years or fifteen would make no difference," said Scruby. "Youcouldn't do it."
"And I ain't a going to try. That's not the ticket I've come hereabout, Mr. Vavasor, this blessed Sunday morning. Going to law, indeed!But Mr. Scruby, I've got a family."
"Not in the vale of Taunton, I hope," said George.
"They is at the 'Handsome Man' in the Brompton Road, Mr. Vavasor; andI always feels that I owes my first duty to them. If a man don't workfor his family, what do he work for?"
"Come, come, Grimes," said Mr. Scruby. "What is it you're at? Out withit, and don't keep us here all day."
"What is it I'm at, Mr. Scruby? As if you didn't know very wellwhat I'm at. There's my house;--in all them Chelsea districts it'sthe most convenientest of any public as is open for all manner ofelection purposes. That's given up to it."
"And what next?" said Scruby.
"The next is, I myself. There isn't one of the lot of 'em can workthem Chelsea fellows down along the river unless it is me. Mr. Scrubyknows that. Why I've been a getting of them up with a view to thisvery job ever since;--why ever since they was a talking of theChelsea districts. When Lord Robert was a coming in for the countyon the religious dodge, he couldn't have worked them fellows anyhow,only for me. Mr. Scruby knows that."
"Let's take it all for granted, Mr. Grimes," said Vavasor. "What comesnext?"
"Well;--them Bunratty people; it is they as has come next. They knowwhich side their bread is likely to be buttered; they do. They're abidding for the 'Handsome Man' already; they are."
"And you'd let your house to the Tory party, Grimes!" said Mr. Scruby,in a tone in which disgust and anger were blended.
"Who said anything of my letting my house to the Tory party, Mr.Scruby? I'm as round as your hat, Mr. Scruby, and as square as yourelbow; I am. But suppose as all the liberal gents as employs you,Mr. Scruby, was to turn again you and not pay you your little bills,wouldn't you have your eyes open for customers of another kind? Comenow, Mr. Scruby?"
"I'm as round as your hat, and as square as yourelbow; I am."]
"You won't make much of that game, Grimes."
"Perhaps not; perhaps not. There's a risk in all these things; isn'tthere, Mr. Vavasor? I should like to see you a Parliament gent; Ishould indeed. You'd be a credit to the districts; I really think youwould."
"I'm much obliged by your good opinion, Mr. Grimes," said George.
"When I sees a gent coming forward I knows whether he's fit forParliament, or whether he ain't. I says you
are fit. But Lord loveyou, Mr. Vavasor; it's a thing a gentleman always has to pay for."
"That's true enough; a deal more than it's worth, generally."
"A thing's worth what it fetches. I'm worth what I'll fetch; that'sthe long and the short of it. I want to have my balance, that's thetruth. It's the odd money in a man's bill as always carries theprofit. You ask Mr. Scruby else;--only with a lawyer it's all profit Ibelieve."
"That's what you know about it," said Scruby.
"If you cut off a man's odd money," continued the publican, "youbreak his heart. He'd almost sooner have that and leave the otherstanding. He'd call the hundreds capital, and if he lost them atlast, why he'd put it down as being in the way of trade. But the oddmoney;--he looks at that, Mr. Vavasor, as in a manner the very sweatof his brow, the work of his own hand; that's what goes to hisfamily, and keeps the pot a boiling down-stairs. Never stop a man'sodd money, Mr. Vavasor; that is, unless he comes it very strongindeed."
"And what is it you want now?" said Scruby.
"I wants ninety-two pounds thirteen and fourpence, Mr. Scruby, andthen we'll go to work for the new fight with contented hearts. Ifwe're to begin at all, it's quite time; it is indeed, Mr. Vavasor."
"And what you mean us to understand is, that you won't begin at allwithout your money," said the lawyer.
"That's about it, Mr. Scruby."
"Take a fifty-pound note, Grimes," said the lawyer.
"Fifty-pound notes are not so ready," said George.
"Oh, he'll be only too happy to have your acceptance; won't you,Grimes."
"Not for fifty pounds, Mr. Scruby. It's the odd money that I wants.I don't mind the thirteen and four, because that's neither here northere among friends, but if I didn't get all them ninety-two poundsI should be a broken-hearted man; I should indeed, Mr. Vavasor. Icouldn't go about your work for next year so as to do you justiceamong the electors. I couldn't indeed."
"You'd better give him a bill for ninety pounds at three months, Mr.Vavasor. I have no doubt he has got a stamp in his pocket."
"That I have, Mr. Scruby; there ain't no mistake about that. A billstamp is a thing that often turns up convenient with gents as meanbusiness like Mr. Vavasor and you. But you must make it ninety-two;you must indeed, Mr. Vavasor. And do make it two months if you can,Mr. Vavasor; they do charge so unconscionable on ninety days at thembranch banks; they do indeed."
George Vavasor and Mr. Scruby, between them, yielded at last, so faras to allow the bill to be drawn for ninety-two pounds, but they werestanch as to the time. "If it must be, it must," said the publican,with a deep sigh, as he folded up the paper and put it into thepocket of a huge case which he carried. "And now, gents, I'll tellyou what it is. We'll make safe work of this here next election. Weknow what's to be our little game in time, and if we don't go in andwin, my name ain't Jacob Grimes, and I ain't the landlord of the'Handsome Man.' As you gents has perhaps got something to say amongyourselves, I'll make so bold as to wish you good morning." So, withthat, Mr. Grimes lifted his hat from the floor, and bowed himself outof the room.
"You couldn't have done it cheaper; you couldn't, indeed," said thelawyer, as soon as the sound of the closing front door had beenheard.
"Perhaps not; but what a thief the man is! I remember your telling methat the bill was about the most preposterous you had ever seen."
"So it was, and if we hadn't wanted him again of course we shouldn'thave paid him. But we'll have it all off his next account, Mr.Vavasor,--every shilling of it, It's only lent; that's all;--it'sonly lent."
"But one doesn't want to lend such a man money, if one could helpit."
"That's true. If you look at it in that light, it's quite true. Butyou see we cannot do without him. If he hadn't got your bill, he'dhave gone over to the other fellows before the week was over; and theworst of it would have been that he knows our hand. Looking at it allround you've got him cheap, Mr. Vavasor;--you have, indeed."
"Looking at it all round is just what I don't like, Mr. Scruby, But ifa man will have a whistle, he must pay for it."
"You can't do it cheap for any of these metropolitan seats; youcan't, indeed, Mr. Vavasor. That is, a new man can't. When you'vebeen in four or five times, like old Duncombe, why then, of course,you may snap your fingers at such men as Grimes. But the Chelseadistricts ain't dear. I don't call them by any means dear. NowMarylebone is dear,--and so is Southwark. It's dear, and nasty;that's what the borough is. Only that I never tell tales, I couldtell you a tale, Mr. Vavasor, that'd make your hair stand on end; Icould indeed."
"Ah! the game is hardly worth the candle, I believe."
"That depends on what way you choose to look at it. A seat inParliament is a great thing to a man who wants to make his way;--avery great thing;--specially when a man's young, like you, Mr.Vavasor."
"Young!" said George. "Sometimes it seems to me as though I've beenliving for a hundred years. But I won't trouble you with that, Mr.Scruby, and I believe I needn't keep you any longer." With that, hegot up and bowed the attorney out of the room, with just a littlemore ceremony than he had shown to the publican.
"Young!" said Vavasor to himself, when he was left alone. "There'smy uncle, or the old squire,--they're both younger men than I am.One cares for his dinner, and the other for his bullocks and histrees. But what is there that I care for, unless it is not gettingamong the sheriff's officers for debt?" Then he took out a littlememorandum-book from his breast-pocket, and having made in it anentry as to the amount and date of that bill which he had justaccepted on the publican's behalf, he conned over the particulars ofits pages. "Very blue; very blue, indeed," he said to himself when hehad completed the study. "But nobody shall say I hadn't the courageto play the game out, and that old fellow must die some day, onesupposes. If I were not a fool, I should make it up with him beforehe went; but I am a fool, and shall remain so to the last." Soonafter that he dressed himself slowly, reading a little every now andthen as he did so. When his toilet was completed, and his Sundaynewspapers sufficiently perused, he took up his hat and umbrella andsauntered out.