For most of my adult life I’ve been seeking joy. I spent many years catching glimpses of it. Joy was there in touching moments with my family on a Christmas morning. Sometimes it would hang out with us for a whole week at Tahoe soaking up sun, water and sky. But true and lasting joy always seemed so fleeting and temporary. I was in constant wonder at its impermanence.
One day I found a book by Alice Walker called, “Possessing The Secret of Joy.” Wonderful! I read the book hoping to possess the secret. The book was about female circumcision and other horrors. In the end Ms. Walker proposes that, “Resistance is the secret of joy.” I believe that she meant that standing up in the face of wrongs and carrying on proudly and strongly despite injustices perpetrated on us is the secret to possessing joy. This spoke very loudly to me at that time in my life. I knew all about injustices because I was heavily involved in environmental and social justice causes. I felt that resistance was empowering and made me strong.
Over time I came to realize that resistance did not bring me joy. The more I resisted, the more things remained the same. For all my passion, I wasn’t affecting positive change and I became a hard kind of person. “Resist!” It was in my voice and my mannerisms. “Wrongs are being perpetuated. Stand up! Fight!” I seemed to say. Sometimes I even found myself cowering against imagined oppressors. I can imagine I wasn’t a very pleasant person to be around. Passionate? Yes. Fun and joyful? Not so much.
Then I went through a period in my life where I decided to look inside myself instead of outside to find my joy. I went on a self-discovery journey. Slowly, over time, circumstances were presented to me that made me question many of my long-held beliefs. True, I wanted to change, but to be honest I hadn’t intended to change my world-view at all. I thought that my view was right and good and virtuous.
It’s very interesting – when we begin to shift our focus and have a desire to come into awareness, many lessons and messages are presented to us. It was through a series of subtly amazing events that I came to realize that I had been very narrow minded in my views. In fact, I was horrified to find out that it was even worse than I had imagined – I discovered that I was … a “hater.”
Yes, I hated a whole host of characters. Mostly, I hated war, poverty and injustice. But I didn’t stop there. I hated every government, company, country or person who (in my mind) had anything to do with perpetuating war, poverty and injustice. This may have been all well and good, but in actuality this cast a very wide net of so-called “bad-guys.”
Very near the top of my list of social injustice perpetrators was Walmart. When it was time for me to change jobs, guess who offered me a good position? Yep, that’s right, Walmart. At first I had my normal reaction – resistance. I don’t want to work for the enemy. It’s a matter of principle. Their hiring practices are questionable. They put small stores out of business. They support slave labor and mass consumerism. I could actually recite a whole, long litany of offenses. Because no one else was offering me a job, and the circumstances at my current job situation had finally become unbearable, I went ahead and made the move. I was going over to “the dark side.”
Once I met the people behind the company and experienced their vision and values and learned of the company mission and personally felt how kindly everyone treated each other and their customers, I was completely won-over. It was incredibly humbling.
Here was a company I thought I knew and had judged incredibly harshly. Over the years people had tried to inform me of the error of my misperceptions. I wouldn’t listen. My heart and mind and ears were closed. I could not be convinced.
When I was actually confronted with the truth, with the real heart of the people behind the corporation, I was dumbfounded. If I was so wrong about this, what else was I missing while I was so busy resisting? I decided it was time to let go of my preconceived notions. About everything.
My foundations were completely dissolving. It was time to reassess. I looked at every area of my life – my relationships, my home environment, my finances, my career aspirations – everything! I can’t change all of this overnight, but I’m trying.
Through all of this I learned that there is good and bad in everything, including (and especially) in our selves. We’re part of this messy, wonderful world and are therefore part of everything in it. Until we learn to accept the world on its own terms we will forever be in a mode of resistance, which is ultimately, terribly unfulfilling.
Resistance is not the secret to joy, acceptance is – acceptance, surrender and letting go. The truth is: Walmart is not all good, but neither is it all bad. You and I and everything else are in exactly the same predicament. We are not completely good, nor are we entirely bad. Therefore, who are we to judge whether another person, company or country is good or evil?
My new motto is: Look for the good.
There is some kernel of good in everything. Sometimes it can be very hard to see, but it’s there somewhere. Look for it and give thanks for it. When you can finally see the good in every person, thing or situation, you will have found your joy.
I have a long way to go. Old habits are deeply ingrained and are slow to change, but I’m enjoying my new view on life. The truth is, resistance was completely exhausting. Acceptance is freeing and has another side benefit – the world is a much less threatening place now that I can see more of the good in it. I’m accepting life rather than resisting it and as a result my relationships are happier, my work life is more fulfilling, and yes, I can finally say, “I have truly found my joy.”