It was when Tessa started climbing into bed with me at night that I really wised up to what she was doing. The bitch was trying to get me to have sex with her. There was no way in hell that was happening. For one, I was too loyal to Jenna to do that to her. She loved Tessa, or so she said. Who knew, it could have been the drugs talking. Jenna was one of my closest friends and I would never hurt her like that.
For another, I didn’t like Tessa. Didn’t trust her and I sure as fuck didn’t want her. These days it was hard to respond to anyone in that department. I hadn’t even looked at another girl twice since Lucy had come back into my life. She just had that big a hold of me.
After the first night that I’d had to toss Tessa out of my room, I’d started locking my bedroom door. Now she was trying to seduce me anywhere she could and here she was at my office dressed like sex on legs.
Fuck my life.
“Go away, Tessa.” I tossed my pen on the desk and sat back in my chair, watching with disgust instead of the desire I was sure she’d been expecting me to watch her with as she walked across the office toward me. “I’m busy.”
She didn’t say a word, just smiled as she kept coming. I tensed the closer she got, hated the smell of her perfume as it filled the room. She was wearing Jenna’s perfume and I’d always kind of liked it. Now, on this bitch, I was beginning to get nauseated from the scent.
I reached for my phone, ready to call security to get her ass out if I had to when she pulled the receiver from my hand and tossed it aside. I glared up at her as she pushed me back against the chair and climbed onto my lap. I balled my hands into fists as she grinned down at me. I didn’t hurt females. My dad had drilled that into me from the time I was five. Girls were to be protected, not hurt.
I wondered if he would still say that if he knew how Tessa was. Probably. “Get. The. Fuck. Off,” I bit out, wanting to push her off but worried that I would hurt her in my desperation to get her as far away from me as humanly possible. This close I could see her eyes were bloodshot and her pupils crazy. She was high as a damn kite. Fuck, I felt dirty just being in the same room with her. Jenna deserved so much better than this conniving bitch.
“Hush, you know you want me,” she murmured in a voice I was sure she thought was seductive but only made my stomach turn. I’d known that Tessa was bi and not just a lesbian from the time she’d started seeing Jenna, but I’d never thought that she would do something like this. “Let me show you,” she whispered as she lowered her head.
I barely had time to close my mouth before she was practically attacking me. I sat still, not affected in the least little way as she tried to open my mouth with nibbles. There had never been a time in my life that having a girl kissing and touching me had made me feel like vomiting. I loved sex. But in that moment all I wanted to do was scrub myself clean and get as far away as I could.
I was so focused on how to get Tessa off me without hurting her that I didn’t hear the elevator. The sound of Lucy’s voice didn’t penetrate until she was only a few feet away and when it did I went a little insane.
Not caring if Tessa got hurt or not, I pushed her off. She landed on the floor hard and I scrubbed her lipstick off my mouth, wishing I had some bleach to rinse my mouth out with.
“You should put a sock or something on the door if you’re going to be busy in here.” Was that a hitch in her voice? Oh fuck. No. She was hurt. I could see it in her eyes.
Standing, I rounded the desk. “Lucy, this isn’t what you think.”
Her laugh was a little forced, but I could tell she was trying to play it off as nothing serious. Fuck. That wasn’t what I wanted. I hadn’t hooked up, hadn’t even looked at another chick since freaking September. All I wanted was for January 2nd to hurry the fuck up so that I could go after this beautiful girl with a clear conscious. “Okay, if you say so.” She wouldn’t meet my gaze, instead looking at Tessa who was slowly and ungracefully getting to her feet in her six-inch heels. “I’m going to go. I just wanted to tell you to leave Nate alone. He’s just teasing me and it’s making Lana laugh, so let us have some fun.”
“You’re Lucy Thornton,” Tessa muttered as she pulled her skirt down. Not that she had far to pull it. The damn thing just barely covered her ass.
Lucy stiffened and nodded. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
Tessa glared at her. “You’re the reason Jenna went away. If it weren’t for you Harris wouldn’t have made her go to stupid rehab.”
Black eyes widened as she took in the other chick. “I didn’t make anyone do anything. Jenna went to rehab because she needed help. And who the fuck are you? This isn’t any of your damn business.”
“I’m Tessa Conway. Jenna’s my girlfriend.”
The way Lucy’s eyes narrowed first on Tessa and then turned and met mine for the first time, full of disgust, made my stomach churn and my heart clench. Fuck. “What the fuck, Harris? How could you do this to Jenna? I thought you were her friend? Now you’re fucking her girlfriend while she’s trying to get clean?”
“No!” I didn’t mean to shout, but with her looking at me like she hated me and my own feelings of disgust and disloyalty eating up my soul I couldn’t control my voice. “I’m not fucking her. I’m not fucking anyone. And I sure as hell wouldn’t do that to Jenna. Tessa’s just…” I broke off, not wanting to tell Lucy how bad it had gotten at home yet. I needed to talk to Jenna first. “She’s just high and missing Jenna. This was a mistake.”
Lucy lifted her brows skeptically. Hands going to her sexy hips distracted me for a second and I lost my train of thought for a moment. Damn it. A month. Just one more month. I raked my hands over my face. “I swear to you that this was just a mistake. I wasn’t even kissing her back.”
“Whatever, Harris.” She shook her head, causing her crazy curly hair to fall into her face. I ached to push it behind her ear when she carelessly brushed it out of her eyes. “I’m going back upstairs. See you…whenever.”
No. No way. She was not going to walk away with that little threat hanging in the air. I reached out and grabbed her arm, not forcefully because I would never hurt Lucy. Never. That didn’t have to be drilled into my brain. It was tattooed on my damn soul. Lucy was too special, too fucking important. She was the type of girl you gave your life up to protect.
She stopped, still glaring up at me like I was the devil incarnate, but I ignored her as I turned my own killer glare on my temporary roommate. As soon as Jenna came home, this bitch was gone. “Get out before I have you tossed out by the cops. I’m sure they would love to know where you got the coke you’ve been snorting all night.”
Tessa didn’t look at me, but gave Lucy a nasty look and walked out of my office, slamming the door behind her. When she was gone I looked down at the girl I was holding onto like a fucking lifeline. I was. This girl was the link to everything good in my life. When we were kids, it had been something different than what I was feeling now, but no less intense. I needed her so fucking much.
That should have scared the shit out of me. Finding your soul mate was a life altering moment. For a guy my age, fresh out of college with a club that got him pussy every night, that could have been terrifying. The thought of giving it all up for a girl when I was this young could have sent me out, screwing her out of my head.
It didn’t. I wasn’t scared of anything but losing her, or worse… That she didn’t or wouldn’t ever love me the same way that I loved her. I was ready for her, felt like I’d been born ready for Lucy Thornton.
But she was only seventeen. Sure she was going to be eighteen in just a matter of weeks, but still she was so young. She had college to get through, a life she could lead without me. Being with me, having a serious relationship with me, it might not be something that she was ready for now. Maybe never would be.
Maybe I would only ever be her best friend.
Didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try, though. I wasn’t going to live with the regret of not fucking trying.
Lucy pulled away. “Wow.??
? She shook her head, a humorless laugh leaving her lips. “Just…wow.”
“I would never do something like that to Jenna!” I didn’t realize I was going to yell until the words were echoing off the walls of my office. Clenching my jaw, I struggled to lower my voice. “Tessa made a mistake and I didn’t want to hurt her. I was trying to get her off me without being forceful when you walked in.”
Nearly black eyes rolled and I had to remember that a month really wasn’t all that long to wait. When she rolled her eyes like that, I wanted to kiss the sass out of her until she was whimpering my name. “Keep telling yourself that, Harris. She was all over you. I didn’t see you pushing her away or even attempting to.”
There it was again. That small hitch, but this time it had a bite to it and I mentally pumped my fist in the air as a small grin lifted my lips. Well, shit. Lucy was jealous. That gave me a shot of hope that was just as powerful as pure adrenaline as it flooded through my veins.
I leaned back against my desk and watched her a little more closely. The way her jaw was slightly clamped, the way her hands kept clenching and unclenching, and there—yes, deep in those fucking amazing dark depths—was the hurt I finally recognized along with the jealousy.
My body, my entire being, reacted instinctively. It was like I had no control over it as I pushed away from the desk. I reached her in less than three steps and wrapped my arms around her waist. Lucy stiffened in my embrace, those eyes shooting fire up at me, but even with the foot separating our gazes I could see the same want and need that seemed to consume me shining back.
“I don’t fucking want Tessa,” I murmured as I slowly lowered my head. My nose skimmed over hers. Don’t kiss her, dumbass. Kissing will lead to something that will get you ugly dead. Jesse Thornton will gut you and bury your fucking body.
Lucy shivered as I lowered my head farther and rubbed my nose down her neck. Fucking hell. She smelled so damn good. I’d never smelled another chick that smelled as good as this one. It wasn’t her perfume. I bet a hundred girls could wear the same perfume and it still wouldn’t smell as good as it did on Lucy. It was something stronger, something more intoxicating. It whispered seductively to my soul. Mine. “That…wasn’t what it looked…like.”
“What it looks like and what it really is can be two separate things, Lu.” My hands moved as if they had a will of their own, skimming down her sides to her hips and carefully pulling her just a little closer to me. Her lower body pressed softly against mine and my body, which hadn’t even twitched when I’d had Tessa on my lap, woke up instantly.
She gasped softly when she felt me against her stomach, her hands reaching out to hold onto the belt loops on my jeans. “W-wh-what are…?” She shook her head as if to clear it. “Harris…”
The tip of her tongue snuck out and dampened her full bottom lip and I had to bite back a groan. No, dickhead. You can’t kiss her. Stop thinking about it. “What, Lu?”
“I can’t think when you d-do that,” she breathed, her voice hitching for an entirely different reason now. My body responded by flexing against her. Oh shit. I was losing control of this situation way too fast and fighting the will to care if the end result got my dead body tossed into a hole out in the middle of the desert.
Don’t kiss her. Make her understand that you would never hurt Jenna like that and then get her out of the office. The voice of reason was almost shouting at me but my body was starting to shut that part of my brain down. She smelled so good, felt so good. I needed to taste her so fucking badly.
Focus, Cutter. Focus.
“She was on your lap,” she murmured as if she was trying to remember what we’d been talking about just as much as I was. “That…girl.” That seemed to snap her out of the daze I was putting us both in and she jerked away from me. “She was on your damn lap, Harris. Jenna’s girlfriend was on your lap and you were letting her kiss you. Don’t you realize that something like that could set her recovery back?”
“Which is why I’ll tell her about it when she gets home in a few weeks,” I assured her, mentally willing my body to calm the fuck down. Jenna would be home by Christmas. Any longer than that and her family would start to question where she was. “I’m going to try my damnedest to get that bitch out of Jenna’s life. I should have way before now, but I didn’t really see what a conniving whore she was until recently.”
Lucy sighed. “You swear you weren’t hooking up with her?”
“I swear, baby.”
The anger in her eyes began to fade and she nodded. “Okay,” she muttered, finally believing me.
I smiled, thankful that our friendship was strong enough that she could trust me so wholeheartedly. “Still mad at me?”
“A little.” She was smiling though so I wasn’t worried about it. “Stop threating my friends with unemployment. It’s not nice.”
I shrugged. “I don’t like him flirting with you.” I didn’t like anyone flirting with her. Or looking at her. Fuck, I didn’t even like them breathing near her.
She took a small step closer, her dark eyes lightening just a little as she looked up at me. “I don’t like him like that,” she murmured. “I don’t like anyone like that…”
The way she said it, the look in her eyes told me that she’d left off the most important part. The ‘except you’ part. My body decided that my brain was too stupid to stay in charge and I was in front of her before I even realized I was moving.
Her lashes lowered, her mouth parted in a small gasp as I pulled her against me and slowly lowered my head.
Just one kiss, I promised myself. One little kiss.
Chapter 9
Lucy
What was I thinking?
I couldn’t believe I was doing this. Harris’s lips were on mine. His hot breath was breathing into me as he urged my lips apart. The taste of him was on my tongue. I could feel his body responding, hardening even more than it had when he’d just been pressed against me.
I was falling in over my head, the taste, smell, and feel of him dragging me under like a riptide. Drowning was scary, but it had never felt so good. My hands clung to him, wanting to be as closes as I possibly could. I’d been secretly dreaming of this moment, wanting him more and more with each passing day as our friendship had strengthened again.
Never would I have ever thought I’d get to actually experience this. To have the only guy I’d ever wanted to kiss me, touch me, to want me doing just that. This felt like a dream and I hoped that I never freaking woke up from it.
Big, strong hands cupped my ass, locking me against his big body. I felt him, the heat, the strength, the freaking power behind him there. His tongue skimmed across my bottom lip and when he lifted his head a fraction of an inch he was breathing just as raggedly as I was.
“I promised myself I wasn’t going to do that,” he murmured roughly as he pressed his forehead against mine.
“Why?” I whispered. “D-don’t you want me?”
Those big hands tightened on my ass. “Fuck, Lucy. I want you so damn bad I can’t think straight at times.” He pressed another quick hard kiss to my lips but didn’t linger. “I want you, and for the first time in my life I want so much more too. You are my best friend, but you’re my fucking soul, too.”
My heart clenched at his confession and I leaned into him, wanting his warmth to wrap around me and never let go. This was crazy. Here he was saying something that I felt, like my own soul had been trying to get me to understand for months. It felt surreal and if I hadn’t felt how hard he was against me, how hot his breath was on my cheek, I might have thought I was imagining all of this.
It wouldn’t have been the first time my imagination had gotten away from me like that.
“Let me kiss you one more time, Lucy. Just once more before I have to stop.” He brushed his lips over my cheek to my jaw. “I’m trying to be good here, sweetheart. But that is almost impossible with how good you feel against me.”
When his lips touched my ear I couldn’t help but shi
ver. Damn, he was driving me crazy. I was quickly losing control over all cognitive decision-making but for once in my life I didn’t care. Harris wanted me like I wanted him. That was terrifying yet thrilling all at the same time.
His mouth skimmed over mine, his tongue caressing over my top lip. I lifted up onto my tiptoes, silently begging him to deepen the kiss. With a deep growl he thrust his tongue back into my mouth, his hands tightening almost painfully on my ass. I held onto him just as tightly, not afraid that I would fall, but that he might disappear if I didn’t hold on.
The kiss could have lasted all night and I would have thought that it was over far too soon, so when he lifted his head after only a few seconds I whimpered in protest. Harris buried his face in my neck. His entire body seemed to hum with an energy that was invading my own.
“Fuck, babe.” His hands clenched and unclenched on my ass as if he were fighting with himself. “I have to let you go now or I’m not going to be able to walk straight for a week.”
“I don’t want you to let go,” I murmured honestly. “This feels too good. It feels right.”
“It does. It is.” I felt his tongue on my shoulder and my body decided it was going to take over. I felt my panties growing damp and my nipples hardening even more than they already had been.
Harris pulled back and put two steps between us. His chest was heaving with each breath he took, as if putting the distance between us physically exerted him. “But we can’t do this. Not here and not now.”
Everything inside of me that had been on fire just seconds before, turned to ice. I should have known this was too good to be real. What was this? Had he been playing a game to see if I wanted him just like every other chick in the world? I wanted to laugh and cry and smack his too handsome face.
Damn him.
And damn me, too.
As if he could read everything that was going through my head, Harris grabbed hold of my hands and jerked me against him again. “No,” he growled. “Fuck no, Lu. I’m stopping this before it gets out of hand, not because I don’t want you. We just need to wait, baby. I can’t do this with you when you’re only seventeen. It’s not right.”