CHAPTER ii
A SYMPATHY.
The next day Cecilia had appointed to spend in St James'-square; andshe knew by experience that in its course, she should in all probabilityfind some opportunity of speaking with Delvile alone.
This accordingly happened; for in the evening Mrs Delvile quitted theroom for a few moments to answer a letter. Cecilia then, left withher son, said, after a little hesitation, "Will you not think me verystrange if I should take the liberty to consult you upon some business?"
"I already think you very strange," answered he; "so strange that I knownot any one who at all resembles you. But what is this consultation inwhich you will permit me to have a voice?"
"You are acquainted, I believe, with the distress of Mr Belfield?"
"I am; and I think his situation the most melancholy that can beimagined. I pity him with my whole soul, and nothing would give megreater joy than an opportunity of serving him."
"He is, indeed, much to be compassionated," returned Cecilia; "and ifsomething is not speedily done for him, I fear he will be utterly lost.The agitation of his mind baffles all the power of medicine, andtill that is relieved, his health can never be restored. His, spirit,probably always too high for his rank in life, now struggles againstevery attack of sickness and of poverty, in preference to yielding tohis fate, and applying to his friends for their interest and assistance.I mean not to vindicate his obduracy, yet I wish it were possible itcould be surmounted. Indeed I dread to think what may become of him!feeling at present nothing but wretchedness and pain, looking forward infuture to nothing but ruin and despair!"
"There is no man," cried young Delvile, with emotion, "who might notrather envy than pity sufferings which give rise to such compassion!"
"Pecuniary assistance he will not accept," she continued, "and, indeed,his mind is superior to receiving consolation from such temporaryrelief; I wish him, therefore, to be put into some way of life by whichhis own talents, which have long enough amused the world, may at lengthbecome serviceable to himself. Do you think, Sir, this is possible?"
"How do I rejoice," cried Delvile, colouring with pleasure while hespoke, "in this flattering concurrence of our opinions! see, madam,"taking from his pocket a letter, "how I have been this very morningoccupied, in endeavouring to procure for Mr Belfield some employment bywhich his education might be rendered useful, and his parts redound tohis own credit and advantage."
He then broke the seal, and put into her hand a letter to a nobleman,whose son was soon going abroad, strongly recommending Belfield to himin capacity of a tutor.
A sympathy of sentiment so striking impressed them at the same momentwith surprise and esteem; Delvile earnestly regarded her with eyes ofspeaking admiration, while the occasion of his notice rendered it toopleasant to distress her, and filled her with an inward satisfactionwhich brightened her whole countenance.
She had only time, in a manner that strongly marked her approbation, toreturn the letter, before Mrs Delvile again made her appearance.
During the rest of the evening but little was said; Cecilia was nottalkative, and young Delvile was so absent, that three times his motherreminded him of an engagement to meet his father, who that night wasexpected at the Duke of Derwent's house in town, before he heard thatshe spoke to him, and three times more before, when he had heard, heobeyed.
Cecilia, when she came back to Mr Harrel's, found the house full ofcompany. She went into the drawing-room, but did not remain therelong: she was grave and thoughtful, she wished to be alone, and by theearliest opportunity, stole away to her own apartment.
Her mind was now occupied by new ideas, and her fancy was busied in thedelineation of new prospects. She had been struck from her firstmeeting young Delvile with an involuntary admiration of his manners andconversation; she had found upon every succeeding interview somethingfurther to approve, and felt for him a rising partiality which made heralways see him with pleasure, and never part from him without a wish tosee him again. Yet, as she was not of that inflammable nature which isalways ready to take fire, as her passions were under the controul ofher reason, and she suffered not her affections to triumph over herprinciples, she started at her danger the moment she perceived it, andinstantly determined to give no weak encouragement to a prepossessionwhich neither time nor intimacy had justified. She denied herself thedeluding satisfaction of dwelling upon the supposition of his worth, wasunusually assiduous to occupy all her time, that her heart might haveless leisure for imagination; and had she found that his characterdegenerated from the promise of his appearance, the well regulatedpurity of her mind would soon have enabled her to have driven him whollyfrom her thoughts.
Such was her situation when the circumstances of her affairs occasionedher becoming an inmate of his house; and here she grew less guarded,because less clear-sighted to the danger of negligence, for thefrequency of their conversation allowed her little time to considertheir effects. If at first she had been pleased with his deportment andelegance, upon intimacy she was charmed with his disposition and hisbehaviour; she found him manly, generous, open-hearted and amiable, fondof literature, delighting in knowledge, kind in his temper, and spiritedin his actions.
Qualities such as these, when recommended by high birth, a strikingfigure, and polished manners, formed but a dangerous companion for ayoung woman, who, without the guard of any former prepossession, wasso fervent an admirer of excellence as Cecilia. Her heart made noresistance, for the attack was too gentle and too gradual to alarm hervigilance, and therefore, though always sensible of the pleasureshe received from his society, it was not till she returned toPortman-square, after having lived under the same roof with him for afortnight, that she was conscious her happiness was no longer in her ownpower.
Mr Harrel's house, which had never pleased her, now became utterlydisgustful; she was wearied and uncomfortable, yet, willing to attributeher uneasiness to any other than the true cause, she fancied the houseitself was changed, and that all its inhabitants and visitors were morethan unusually disagreeable: but this idle error was of short duration,the moment of self-conviction was at hand, and when Delvile presentedher the letter he had written for Mr Belfield, it flashed in her eyes!
This detection of the altered state of her mind opened to her views andher hopes a scene entirely new, for neither the exertion of the mostactive benevolence, nor the steady course of the most virtuous conduct,sufficed any longer to wholly engage her thoughts, or constituteher felicity; she had purposes that came nearer home, and cares thatthreatened to absorb in themselves that heart and those faculties whichhitherto had only seemed animated for the service of others.
Yet this loss of mental freedom gave her not much uneasiness, since thechoice of her heart, though involuntary, was approved by her principles,and confirmed by her judgment. Young Delvile's situation in life wasjust what she wished, more elevated than her own, yet not so exaltedas to humble her with a sense of inferiority; his connections werehonourable, his mother appeared to her the first of women, his characterand disposition seemed formed to make her happy, and her own fortune wasso large, that to the state of his she was indifferent.
Delighted with so flattering a union of inclination with propriety,she now began to cherish the partiality she at first had repressed,and thinking the future destination of her life already settled, lookedforward with grateful joy to the prospect of ending her days with theman she thought most worthy to be entrusted with the disposal of herfortune.
She had not, indeed, any certainty that the regard of young Delvile wasreciprocal, but she had every reason to believe he greatly admired her,and to suspect that his mistaken notion of her prior engagement, firstwith Mr Belfield, and afterwards with Sir Robert Floyer, made him atpresent check those sentiments in her favour which, when that error wasremoved, she hoped to see I encouraged.
Her purpose, therefore, was quietly to wait an explanation, which sherather wished retarded than forwarded, that her leisure and opportunitymight be more for inv
estigating his character, and saving herself fromrepentance.