CHAPTER viii. -- A CONFERENCE.
Early the next morning Cecilia had a visit from Lady Honoria, who cameto tell her story her own way, and laugh at the anxiety of Mrs Delvile,and the trouble she had taken; "for, after all," continued she, "whatdid the whole matter signify? and how could I possibly help the mistake?when I heard of his paying for a woman's board, what was so natural asto suppose she must be his mistress? especially as there was a childin the case. O how I wish you had been with us! you never saw such aridiculous sight in your life; away we went in the chaise full drive tothe cottage, frightening all the people almost into fits; out came thepoor woman, away ran the poor man,--both of them thought the end ofthe world at hand! The gipsey was best off, for she went to her oldbusiness, and began begging. I assure you, I believe she would be verypretty if she was not so ill, and so I dare say Mortimer thought too, orI fancy he would not have taken such care of her."
"Fie, fie, Lady Honoria! will nothing bring conviction to you?"
"Nay, you know, there's no harm in that, for why should not prettypeople live as well as ugly ones? There's no occasion to leave nothingin the world but frights. I looked hard at the baby, to see if it waslike Mortimer, but I could not make it out; those young things are likenothing. I tried if it would talk, for I wanted sadly to make it callMrs Delvile grandmama; however, the little urchin could say nothing tobe understood. O what a rage would Mrs Delvile have been in! I supposethis whole castle would hardly have been thought heavy enough to crushsuch an insolent brat, though it were to have fallen upon it all at ablow!"
Thus rattled this light-hearted lady till the family was assembled tobreakfast; and then Cecilia, softened towards Delvile by newly-excitedadmiration, as well as by the absence which would separate them thefollowing day, intended, by every little courteous office in her power,to make her peace with him before his departure; but she observed, withmuch chagrin, that Mrs Delvile never ceased to watch her, which, addedto an air of pride in the coldness of Delvile, that he had never beforeassumed, discouraged her from making the attempt, and compelled her toseem quiet and unconcerned.
As soon as breakfast was over, the gentlemen all rode or walked out;and when the ladies were by themselves, Lady Honoria suddenly exclaimed,"Mrs Delvile, I can't imagine for what reason you send Mr Mortimer toBristol."
"For a reason, Lady Honoria, that with all your wildness, I should bevery sorry you should know better by experience."
"Why then, ma'am; had we not better make a party, and all go? MissBeverley, should you like to join it? I am afraid it would be vastlydisagreeable to you."
Cecilia, now again was red and white, and white and red a dozen timesin a minute; and Mrs Delvile, rising and taking her hand, expressivelysaid, "Miss Beverley, you have a thousand times too much sensibility forthis mad-cap of a companion. I believe I shall punish her by taking youaway from her all this morning; will you come and sit with me in thedressing-room?"
Cecilia assented without daring to look at her, and followed intrembling, up stairs. Something of importance, she fancied, wouldensue, her secret she saw was revealed, and therefore she could form noconjecture but that Delvile would be the subject of their discourse yetwhether to explain his behaviour, or plead his cause, whether to expressher separate approbation, or communicate some intelligence from himself,she had neither time, opportunity nor clue to unravel. All that wasundoubted seemed the affection of Mrs Delvile, all that, on her ownpart, could be resolved, was to suppress her partiality till she knew ifit might properly be avowed.
Mrs Delvile, who saw her perturbation, led immediately to subjects ofindifference, and talked upon them so long, and with so much ease, thatCecilia, recovering her composure, began to think she had been mistaken,and that nothing was intended but a tranquil conversation.
As soon, however, as she had quieted her apprehensions, she sat silentherself, with a look that Cecilia easily construed into thoughtfulperplexity in what manner she should introduce what she meant tocommunicate.
This pause was succeeded by her speaking of Lady Honoria; "how wild, howcareless, how incorrigible she is! she lost her mother early; and theDuke, who idolizes her, and who, marrying very late, is already anold man, she rules entirely; with him, and a supple governess, who hasneither courage to oppose her, nor heart to wish well but to her owninterest, she has lived almost wholly. Lately, indeed, she has come moreinto the world, but without even a desire of improvement, and withno view and no thought but to gratify her idle humour by laughing atwhatever goes forward."
"She certainly neither wants parts nor discernment," said Cecilia; "and,when my mind is not occupied by other matters, I find her conversationentertaining and agreeable."
"Yes," said Mrs Delvile, "but that light sort of wit which attacks,with equal alacrity, what is serious or what is gay, is twenty timesoffensive, to once that it is exhilarating; since it shews that whileits only aim is self-diversion, it has the most insolent negligence withrespect to any pain it gives to others. The rank of Lady Honoria, thoughit has not rendered her proud, nor even made her conscious she has anydignity to support, has yet given her a saucy indifference whom shepleases or hurts, that borders upon what in a woman is of all things themost odious, a daring defiance of the world and its opinions."
Cecilia, never less disposed to enter upon her defence, made but littleanswer; and, soon after, Mrs Delvile added, "I heartily wish she wereproperly established; and yet, according to the pernicious manners andmaxims of the present age, she is perhaps more secure from misconductwhile single, than she will be when married. Her father, I fear, willleave her too much to herself, and in that case I scarce know what maybecome of her; she has neither judgment nor principle to direct herchoice, and therefore, in all probability, the same whim which one daywill guide it, will the next lead her to repent it."
Again they were both silent; and then Mrs Delvile, gravely, yet withenergy exclaimed, "How few are there, how very few, who marry atonce upon principles rational, and feelings pleasant! interest andinclination are eternally at strife, and where either is whollysacrificed, the other is inadequate to happiness. Yet how rarely do theydivide the attention! the young are rash, and the aged are mercenary;their deliberations are never in concert, their views are scarceever blended; one vanquishes, and the other submits; neither partytemporizes, and commonly each is unhappy."
"The time," she continued, "is now arrived when reflections of this sortcannot too seriously occupy me; the errors I have observed in others,I would fain avoid committing; yet such is the blindness of self-love,that perhaps, even at the moment I censure them, I am falling, withoutconsciousness, into the same! nothing, however, shall through negligencebe wrong; for where is the son who merits care and attention, ifMortimer from his parents deserves not to meet them?"
The expectations of Cecilia were now again awakened, and awakened withfresh terrors lest Mrs Delvile, from compassion, meant to offer herservices; vigorously, therefore, she determined to exert herself, andrather give up Mortimer and all thoughts of him for ever, than submit toreceive assistance in persuading him to the union.
"Mr Delvile," she continued, "is most earnest and impatient that somealliance should take place without further delay; and for myself, couldI see him with propriety and with happiness disposed of, what a weightof anxiety would be removed from my heart!"
Cecilia now made an effort to speak, attempting to say "Certainly, itis a matter of great consequence;" but so low was her voice, and soconfused her manner, that Mrs Delvile, though attentively listening,heard not a word. She forbore, however, to make her repeat what shesaid, and went on herself as if speaking in answer.
"Not only his own, but the peace of his whole family will depend uponhis election, since he is the last of his race. This castle and estate,and another in the north, were entailed upon him by the late LordDelvile, his grandfather, who, disobliged by his eldest son, the presentlord, left every thing he had power to dispose of to his second son,Mr Delvile, and at his death, to his grandson, M
ortimer. And even thepresent lord, though always at variance with his brother, is fond of hisnephew, and has declared him his heir. I, also, have one sister, who isrich, who has no children, and who has made the same declaration.Yet though with such high expectations, he must not connect himselfimprudently; for his paternal estate wants repair, and he is wellentitled with a wife to expect what it requires."
Most true! thought Cecilia, yet ashamed of her recent failure, sheapplied herself to her work, and would not again try to speak.
"He is amiable, accomplished, well educated, and well born; far may welook, and not meet with his equal; no woman need disdain, and few womenwould refuse him."
Cecilia blushed her concurrence; yet could well at that moment havespared hearing the eulogy.
"Yet how difficult," she continued, "to find a proper alliance!there are many who have some recommendations, but who is there whollyunexceptionable?"
This question seemed unanswerable; nor could Cecilia devise what itmeant.
"Girls of high family have but seldom large fortunes, since the heads oftheir house commonly require their whole wealth for the support oftheir own dignity; while on the other hand, girls of large fortune arefrequently ignorant, insolent, or low born; kept up by their friendslest they should fall a prey to adventurers, they have no acquaintancewith the world, and little enlargement from education; theirinstructions are limited to a few merely youthful accomplishments; thefirst notion they imbibe is of their own importance, the first lessonthey are taught is the value of riches, and even from their cradles,their little minds are narrowed, and their self-sufficiency is excited,by cautions to beware of fortune-hunters, and assurances that the wholeworld will be at their feet. Among such should we seek a companion forMortimer? surely not. Formed for domestic happiness, and delightingin elegant society, his mind would disdain an alliance in which itsaffections had no share."
Cecilia colouring and trembling, thought now the moment of her trial wasapproaching, and half mortified and half frightened prepared herself tosustain it with firmness.
"I venture, therefore, my dear Miss Beverley, to speak to you upon thissubject as a friend who will have patience to hear my perplexities; yousee upon what they hang,--where the birth is such as Mortimer Delvilemay claim, the fortune generally fails; and where the fortune isadequate to his expectations, the birth yet more frequently woulddisgrace us."
Cecilia, astonished by this speech, and quite off her guard frommomentary surprize, involuntarily raised her head to look at MrsDelvile, in whose countenance she observed the most anxious concern,though her manner of speaking had seemed placid and composed.
"Once," she continued, without appearing to remark the emotion ofher auditor, "Mr Delvile thought of uniting him with his cousin LadyHonoria; but he never could endure the proposal; and who shall blame hisrepugnance? her sister, indeed, Lady Euphrasia, is much preferable, hereducation has been better, and her fortune is much more considerable.At present, however, Mortimer seems greatly averse to her, and who has aright to be difficult, if we deny it to him?"
Wonder, uncertainty, expectation and suspence now all attacked Cecilia,and all harassed her with redoubled violence; why she was called to thisconference she knew not; the approbation she had thought so certain, shedoubted, and the proposal of assistance she had apprehended, she ceasedto think would be offered some fearful mystery, some cruel obscurity,still clouded all her prospects, and not merely obstructed her viewof the future, but made what was immediately before her gloomy andindistinct.
The state of her mind seemed read by Mrs Delvile, who examined her witheyes of such penetrating keenness, that they rather made discoveriesthan enquiries. She was silent some time, and looked irresolute how toproceed; but at length, she arose, and taking Cecilia by the hand, whoalmost drew it back from her dread of what would follow, she said "Iwill torment you no more, my sweet young friend, with perplexities whichyou cannot relieve; this only I will say, and then drop the subject forever; when my solicitude for Mortimer is removed, and he is establishedto the satisfaction of us all, no care will remain in the heart of hismother, half so fervent, so anxious and so sincere as the disposal ofmy amiable Cecilia, for whose welfare and happiness my wishes are evenmaternal."
She then kissed her glowing cheek, and perceiving her almost stupifiedwith astonishment, spared her any effort to speak, by hastily leavingher in possession of her room.
Undeceived in her expectations and chilled in her hopes, the heartof Cecilia no longer struggled to sustain its dignity, or conceal itstenderness; the conflict was at an end, Mrs Delvile had been open,though her son was mysterious; but, in removing her doubts, she hadbereft her of her peace. She now found her own mistake in building uponher approbation; she saw nothing was less in her intentions, and thateven when most ardent in affectionate regard, she separated herinterest from that of her son as if their union was a matter of utterimpossibility. "Yet why," cried Cecilia, "oh why is it deemed so! thatshe loves me, she is ever eager to proclaim, that my fortune would be,peculiarly useful, she makes not a secret, and that I, at least, shouldstart no insuperable objections, she has, alas! but too obviouslydiscovered! Has she doubts of her son?--no, she has too muchdiscernment; the father, then, the haughty, impracticable father,has destined him for some woman of rank, and will listen to no otheralliance."
This notion somewhat soothed her in the disappointment she suffered; yetto know herself betrayed to Mrs Delvile, and to see no other consequenceensue but that of exciting a tender compassion, which led her todiscourage, from benevolence, hopes too high to be indulged, was amortification so severe, that it caused her a deeper depression ofspirits than any occurrence of her life had yet occasioned.
"What Henrietta Belfield is to me," she cried, "I am to Mrs Delvile! butwhat in her is amiable and artless, in me is disgraceful and unworthy.And this is the situation which so long I have desired! This is thechange of habitation which I thought would make me so happy! oh who canchuse, who can judge for himself? who can point out the road to his ownfelicity, or decide upon the spot where his peace will be ensured!"
Still, however, she had something to do, some spirit to exert, and somefortitude to manifest; Mortimer, she was certain, suspected not his ownpower; his mother, she knew, was both too good and too wise to revealit to him, and she determined, by caution and firmness upon hisleave-taking and departure, to retrieve, if possible, that credit withMrs Delvile, which she feared her betrayed susceptibility had weakened.
As soon, therefore, as she recovered from her consternation, she quittedMrs Delvile's apartment, and seeking Lady Honoria herself, determinednot to spend even a moment alone, till Mortimer was gone; lest thesadness of her reflections should overpower her resolution, and give amelancholy to her air and manner which he might attribute, with but toomuch justice, to concern upon his own account.