CHAPTER v.
A SUSPICION.
Cecilia was now left in a state of perturbation that was hardly to beendured. The contempt with which she had been treated during the wholevisit was nothing short of insult, but the accusations with which it wasconcluded did not more irritate than astonish her.
That some strange prejudice had been taken against her, even more thanbelonged to her connection with young Delvile, the message brought herby Dr Lyster had given her reason to suppose: what that prejudice wasshe now knew, though how excited she was still ignorant; but she foundMr Delvile had been informed she had taken up money of a Jew, withouthaving heard it was for Mr Harrel, and that he had been acquainted withher visits in Portland-street, without seeming to know Mr Belfield hada sister. Two charges such as these, so serious in their nature, and sodestructive of her character, filled her with horror and consternation,and even somewhat served to palliate his illiberal and injuriousbehaviour.
But how reports thus false and thus disgraceful should be raised, and bywhat dark work of slander and malignity they had been spread, remained adoubt inexplicable. They could not, she was certain, be the mere rumourof chance, since in both the assertions there was some foundation oftruth, however cruelly perverted, or basely over-charged.
This led her to consider how few people there were not only who hadinterest, but who had power to propagate such calumnies; even heracquaintance with the Belfields she remembered not ever mentioning,for she knew none of their friends, and none of her own knew them. How,then, should it be circulated, that she "visited often at the house?"however be invented that it was from her "attention to the young man?"Henrietta, she was sure, was too good and too innocent to be guilty ofsuch perfidy; and the young man himself had always shewn a modesty andpropriety that manifested his total freedom from the vanity of such asuspicion, and an elevation of sentiment that would have taught him toscorn the boast, even if he believed the partiality.
The mother, however, had neither been so modest nor so rational; she hadopenly avowed her opinion that Cecilia was in love with her son; and asthat son, by never offering himself, had never been refused, her opinionhad received no check of sufficient force, for a mind so gross andliteral, to change it.
This part, therefore, of the charge she gave to Mrs Belfield, whoseofficious and loquacious forwardness she concluded had induced her tonarrate her suspicions, till, step by step, they had reached Mr Delvile.
But though able, by the probability of this conjecture, to account forthe report concerning Belfield, the whole affair of the debt remained adifficulty not to be solved. Mr Harrel, his wife, Mr Arnott, the Jew andMr Monckton, were the only persons to whom the transaction was known;and though from five, a secret, in the course of so many months, mighteasily be supposed likely to transpire, those five were so particularlybound to silence, not only for her interest but their own, that it wasnot unreasonable to believe it as safe among them all, as if solelyconsigned to one. For herself, she had revealed it to no creature but MrMonckton; not even to Delvile; though, upon her consenting to marry him,he had an undoubted right to be acquainted with the true state ofher affairs; but such had been the hurry, distress, confusion andirresolution of her mind at that period, that this whole circumstancehad been driven from it entirely, and she had, since, frequentlyblamed herself for such want of recollection. Mr Harrel, for a thousandreasons, she was certain had never named it; and had the communicationcome from his widow or from Mr Arnott, the motives would have beenrelated as well as the debt, and she had been spared the reproach ofcontracting it for purposes of her own extravagance. The Jew, indeed,was, to her, under no obligation of secrecy, but he had an obligationfar more binding,--he was tied to himself.
A suspicion now arose in her mind which made it thrill with horror;"good God! she exclaimed, can Mr Monckton---"
She stopt, even to herself;--she checked the idea;--she drove it hastilyfrom her;--she was certain it was false and cruel,--she hated herselffor having started it.
"No," cried she, "he is my friend, the confirmed friend of many years,my well-wisher from childhood, my zealous counsellor and assistantalmost from my birth to this hour:--such perfidy from him would not evenbe human!"
Yet still her perplexity was undiminished; the affair was undoubtedlyknown, and it only could be known by the treachery of some one entrustedwith it: and however earnestly her generosity combated her risingsuspicions, she could not wholly quell them; and Mr Monckton's strangeaversion to the Delviles, his earnestness to break off her connexionwith them, occurred to her remembrance, and haunted her perforce withsurmises to his disadvantage.
That gentleman, when he came home, found her in this comfortless andfluctuating state, endeavouring to form conjectures upon what hadhappened, yet unable to succeed, but by suggestions which one momentexcited her abhorrence of him, and the next of herself.
He enquired, with his usual appearance of easy friendliness, into whathad passed with her two guardians, and how she had settled her affairs.She answered without hesitation all his questions, but her manner wascold and reserved, though her communication was frank.
This was not unheeded by Mr Monckton, who, after a short time, begged toknow if any thing had disturbed her.
Cecilia, ashamed of her doubts, though unable to get rid of them, thenendeavoured to brighten up, and changed the subject to the difficultiesshe had had to encounter from the obstinacy of Mr Briggs.
Mr Monckton for a while humoured this evasion; but when, by herown exertion, her solemnity began to wear off, he repeated hisinterrogatory, and would not be satisfied without an answer.
Cecilia, earnest that surmises so injurious should be removed, thenhonestly, but without comments, related the scene which had just pastbetween Mr Delvile and herself.
No comments were, however, wanting to explain to Mr Monckton the changeof her behaviour. "I see," he cried hastily, "what you cannot butsuspect; and I will go myself to Mr Delvile, and insist upon hisclearing me."
Cecilia, shocked to have thus betrayed what was passing within her,assured him his vindication required not such a step, and begged hewould counsel her how to discover this treachery, without drawing fromher concern at it a conclusion so offensive to himself.
He was evidently, however, and greatly disturbed; he declared his ownwonder equal to hers how the affair had been betrayed, expressed thewarmest indignation at the malevolent insinuations against her conduct,and lamented with mingled acrimony and grief, that there should existeven the possibility of casting the odium of such villainy upon himself.
Cecilia, distressed, perplexed, and ashamed at once, again endeavouredto appease him, and though a lurking doubt obstinately clung to herunderstanding, the purity of her own principles, and the softness of herheart, pleaded strongly for his innocence, and urged her to detest hersuspicion, though to conquer it they were unequal.
"It is true," said he, with an air ingenuous though mortified, "Idislike the Delviles, and have always disliked them; they appear to mea jealous, vindictive, and insolent race, and I should have thought Ibetrayed the faithful regard I professed for you, had I concealed myopinion when I saw you in danger of forming an alliance with them; Ispoke to you, therefore, with honest zeal, thoughtless of any enmity Imight draw upon myself; but though it was an interference from which Ihoped, by preventing the connection, to contribute to your happiness,it was not with a design to stop it at the expence of your character,--adesign black, horrible, and diabolic! a design which must be formed by aDaemon, but which even a Daemon could never, I think, execute!"
The candour of this speech, in which his aversion to the Delviles wasopenly acknowledged, and rationally justified, somewhat quieted thesuspicions of Cecilia, which far more anxiously sought to be confutedthan confirmed: she began, therefore, to conclude that some accident,inexplicable as unfortunate, had occasioned the partial discovery to MrDelvile, by which her own goodness proved the source of her defamation:and though something still hung upon her mind that destroyed tha
t firmconfidence she had hitherto felt in the friendship of Mr Monckton, sheheld it utterly unjust to condemn him without proof, which she was notmore unable to procure, than to satisfy herself with any reason why soperfidiously he should calumniate her.
Comfortless, however, and tormented with conjectures equally vague andafflicting, she could only clear him to be lost in perplexity, she couldonly accuse him to be penetrated with horror. She endeavoured to suspendher judgment till time should develop the mystery, and only for thepresent sought to finish her business and leave London.
She renewed, therefore, again, the subject of Mr Briggs, and told himhow vain had been her effort to settle with him. Mr Monckton instantlyoffered his services in assisting her, and the next morning they wenttogether to his house, where, after an obstinate battle, they gaineda complete victory: Mr Briggs gave up all his accounts, and, in a fewdays, by the active interference of Mr Monckton, her affairs were whollytaken out of his hands. He stormed, and prophesied all ill to Cecilia,but it was not to any purpose; he was so disagreeable to her, by hismanners, and so unintelligible to her in matters of business, thatshe was happy to have done with him; even though, upon inspecting hisaccounts, they were all found clear and exact, and his desire to retainhis power over her fortune, proved to have no other motive than a loveof money so potent, that to manage it, even for another, gave him asatisfaction he knew not how to relinquish.
Mr Monckton, who, though a man of pleasure, understood businessperfectly well, now instructed and directed her in making a generalarrangement of her affairs. The estate which devolved to her from heruncle, and which was all in landed property, she continued to commit tothe management of the steward who was employed in his life-time; andher own fortune from her father, which was all in the stocks, she nowdiminished to nothing by selling out to pay Mr Monckton the principaland interest which she owed him, and by settling with her Bookseller.
While these matters were transacting, which, notwithstanding hereagerness to leave town, could not be brought into such a train as topermit her absence in less than a week, she passed her time chieflyalone. Her wishes all inclined her to bestow it upon Henrietta, butthe late attack of Mr Delvile had frightened her from keeping upthat connection, since however carefully she might confine it to thedaughter, Mrs Belfield, she was certain, would impute it all to the son.
That attack rested upon her mind, in defiance of all her endeavoursto banish it; the contempt with which it was made seemed intentionallyoffensive, as if he had been happy to derive from her supposed illconduct, a right to triumph over as well as reject her. She concluded,also, that Delvile would be informed of these calumnies, yet she judgedhis generosity by her own, and was therefore convinced he would notcredit them: but what chiefly at this time encreased her sadness anduneasiness, was the mention of Mrs Delvile's broken constitutionand ruined health. She had always preserved for that lady the mostaffectionate respect, and could not consider herself as the cause of hersufferings, without feeling the utmost concern, however conscious shehad not wilfully occasioned them.
Nor was this scene the only one by which her efforts to forget thisfamily were defeated; her watchful monitor, Albany, failed not again toclaim her promise; and though Mr Monckton earnestly exhorted her not totrust herself out with him, she preferred a little risk to the keennessof his reproaches, and the weather being good on the morning that hecalled, she consented to accompany him in his rambles: only charging herfootman to follow where-ever they went, and not to fail enquiring forher if she stayed long out of his sight. These precautions were rathertaken to satisfy Mr Monckton than herself, who, having now procuredintelligence of the former disorder of his intellects, was fearful ofsome extravagance, and apprehensive for her safety.
He took her to a miserable house in a court leading into Piccadilly,where, up three pair of stairs, was a wretched woman ill in bed, while alarge family of children were playing in the room.
"See here," cried he, "what human nature can endure! look at that poorwretch, distracted with torture, yet lying in all this noise! unable tostir in her bed, yet without any assistant! suffering the pangs of acutedisease, yet wanting the necessaries of life!"
Cecilia went up to the bed-side, and enquired more particularly into thesituation of the invalid; but finding she could hardly speak from pain,she sent for the woman of the house, who kept a Green Grocer's shop onthe ground floor, and desired her to hire a nurse for her sick lodger,to call all the children down stairs, and to send for an apothecary,whose bill she promised to pay. She then gave her some money to get whatnecessaries might be wanted, and said she would come again in two daysto see how they went on.
Albany, who listened to these directions with silent, yet eagerattention, now clasped both his hands with a look of rapture, andexclaimed "Virtue yet lives,--and I have found her?"
Cecilia, proud of such praise, and ambitious to deserve it, chearfullysaid, "where, Sir, shall we go now?"
"Home;" answered he with an aspect the most benign; "I will not wear outthy pity by rendering woe familiar to it."
Cecilia, though at this moment more disposed for acts of charity thanfor business or for pleasure, remembered that her fortune however largewas not unlimited, and would not press any further bounty for objectsshe knew not, certain that occasions and claimants, far beyond herability of answering, would but too frequently arise among those withwhom she was more connected, she therefore yielded herself to hisdirection, and returned to Soho-Square.
Again, however, he failed not to call the time she had appointed forre-visiting the invalid, to whom, with much gladness, he conducted her.
The poor woman, whose disease was a rheumatic fever, was already muchbetter; she had been attended by an apothecary who had given her somealleviating medicine; she had a nurse at her bedside, and the room beingcleared of the children, she had had the refreshment of some sleep.
She was now able to raise her head, and make her acknowledgments to herbenefactress; but not a little was the surprise of Cecilia, when, uponlooking in her face, she said, "Ah, madam, I have seen you before!"
Cecilia, who had not the smallest recollection of her, in return desiredto know when, or where?
"When you were going to be married, madam, I was the Pew-Opener at ----Church."
Cecilia started with secret horror, and involuntarily retreated from thebed; while Albany with a look of astonishment exclaimed, "Married!--why,then, is it unknown?"
"Ask me not!" cried she, hastily; "it is all a mistake."
"Poor thing!" cried he, "this, then, is the string thy nerves endure notto have touched! sooner will I expire than a breath of mine shall makeit vibrate! Oh sacred be thy sorrow, for thou canst melt at that of theindigent!"
Cecilia then made a few general enquiries, and heard that the poorwoman, who was a widow, had been obliged to give up her office, fromthe frequent attacks which she suffered of the rheumatism; that she hadreceived much assistance both from the Rector and the Curate of ----Church, but her continual illness, with the largeness of her family,kept her distressed in spite of all help.
Cecilia promised to consider what she could do for her, and then givingher more money, returned to Lady Margaret's.
Albany, who found that the unfortunate recollection of the Pew-Openerhad awakened in his young pupil a melancholy train of reflections,seemed now to compassionate the sadness which hitherto he had reproved,and walking silently by her side till she came to Soho-Square, saidin accents of kindness, "Peace light upon thy head, and dissipate thywoes!" and left her.
"Ah when!" cried she to herself, "if thus they are to be revivedfor-ever!"
Mr Monckton, who observed that something had greatly affected her, nowexpostulated warmly against Albany and his wild schemes; "You triflewith your own happiness," he cried, "by witnessing these scenes ofdistress, and you will trifle away your fortune upon projects you cannever fulfil: the very air in those miserable houses is unwholesome foryou to breathe; you will soon be affected with some of the diseases tow
hich you so uncautiously expose yourself, and while not half you givein charity will answer the purpose you wish, you will be plundered bycheats and sharpers till you have nothing left to bestow. You must bemore considerate for yourself, and not thus governed by Albany, whoseinsanity is but partially cured, and whose projects are so boundless,that the whole capital of the East India Company would not suffice tofulfil them."
Cecilia, though she liked not the severity of this remonstrance,acknowledged there was some truth in it, and promised to be discreet,and take the reins into her own hands.
There remained for her, however, no other satisfaction; and the pathwhich had thus been pointed out to her, grew more and more alluringevery step. Her old friends, the poor Hills, now occurred to her memory,and she determined to see herself in what manner they went on.
The scene which this enquiry presented to her, was by no meanscalculated to strengthen Mr Monckton's doctrine, for the prosperity inwhich she found this little family, amply rewarded the liberality shehad shewn to it, and proved an irresistible encouragement to similaractions. Mrs Hill wept for joy in recounting how well she succeeded,and Cecilia, delighted by the power of giving such pleasure, forgot allcautions and promises in the generosity which she displayed. She paidMrs Roberts the arrears that were due to her, she discharged all thatwas owing for the children who had been put to school, desired theymight still be sent to it solely at her expense, and gave the mother asum of money to be laid out in presents for them all.
To perform her promise with the Pew Opener was however more difficult;her ill health, and the extreme youth of her children making her utterlyhelpless: but these were not considerations for Cecilia to desert her,but rather motives for regarding her as more peculiarly an objectof charity. She found she had once been a clear starcher, and was atolerable plain work-woman; she resolved, therefore, to send her intothe country, where she hoped to be able to get her some business, andknew that at least, she could help her, if unsuccessful, and see thather children were brought up to useful employments. The woman herselfwas enchanted at the plan, and firmly persuaded the country air wouldrestore her health. Cecilia told her only to wait till she was wellenough to travel, and promised, in the mean time, to look out somelittle habitation for her. She then gave her money to pay her bills, andfor her journey, and writing a full direction where she would hear ofher at Bury, took leave of her till that time.
These magnificent donations and designs, being communicated to Albany,seemed a renovation to him of youth, spirit, and joy! while their effectupon Mr Monckton resembled an annihilation of all three! to see moneythus sported away, which he had long considered as his own, to beholdthose sums which he had destined for his pleasures, thus lavishlybestowed upon beggars, excited a rage he could with difficulty conceal,and an uneasiness he could hardly endure; and he languished, he sickenedfor the time, when he might put a period to such romantic proceedings.
Such were the only occupations which interrupted the solitude ofCecilia, except those which were given to her by actual business; andthe moment her affairs were in so much forwardness that they could bemanaged by letters, she prepared for returning into the country. Sheacquainted Lady Margaret and Mr Monckton with her design, and gaveorders to her servants to be ready to set off the next day.
Mr Monckton made not any opposition, and refused himself thesatisfaction of accompanying her: and Lady Margaret, whose purpose wasnow answered, and who wished to be in the country herself, determined tofollow her.