CHAPTER iv.
A DELIBERATION.
It was necessary, however, not to moralize, but to act; Cecilia hadundertaken to give her answer in a week, and the artful attorney haddrawn from her an acknowledgment of her situation, by which he mightclaim it yet sooner.
The law-suit with which she was threatened for the arrears of eightmonths, alarmed her not, though it shocked her, as she was certain shecould prove her marriage so much later.
It was easy to perceive that this man had been sent with a view ofworking from her a confession, and terrifying from her some money;the confession, indeed, in conscience and honesty she could not whollyelude, but she had suffered too often by a facility in parting withmoney to be there easily duped.
Nothing, however, was more true, than that she now lived upon an estateof which she no longer was the owner, and that all she either spent orreceived was to be accounted for and returned, since by the will of heruncle, unless her husband took her name, her estate on the very day ofher marriage was to be forfeited, and entered upon by the Egglestons.Delvile's plan and hope of secresy had made them little weigh thismatter, though this premature discovery so unexpectedly exposed her totheir power.
The first thought that occurred to her, was to send an express toDelvile, and desire his instructions how to proceed; but she dreaded hisimpetuosity of temper, and was almost certain that the instant he shouldhear she was in any uneasiness or perplexity, he would return to her, atall hazards, even though Mr Monckton were dead, and his mother herselfdying. This step, therefore, she did not dare risk, preferring anypersonal hardship, to endangering the already precarious life of MrsDelvile, or to hastening her son home while Mr Monckton was in sodesperate a situation.
But though what to avoid was easy to settle, what to seek was difficultto devise. She bad now no Mrs Charlton to receive her, not a creature inwhom she could confide. To continue her present way of living was deeplyinvolving Delvile in debt, a circumstance she had never considered, inthe confusion and hurry attending all their plans and conversations, anda circumstance which, though to him it might have occurred, he could notin common delicacy mention.
Yet to have quitted her house, and retrenched her expences, would haveraised suspicions that must have anticipated the discovery she so muchwished to have delayed. That wish, by the present danger of its failure,was but more ardent; to have her affairs and situation becomepublicly known at the present period, she felt would half distracther.--Privately married, parted from her husband at the very moment oftheir union, a husband by whose hand the apparent friend of her earliestyouth was all but killed, whose father had execrated the match, whosemother was now falling a sacrifice to the vehemence with which she hadopposed it, and who himself, little short of an exile, knew not yetif, with personal safety, he might return to his native land! Tocircumstances so dreadful, she had now the additional shock of beinguncertain whether her own house might not be seized, before any othercould be prepared for her reception!
Yet still whither to go, what to do, or what to resolve, she was whollyunable to determine; and after meditating almost to madness in thesearch of some plan or expedient, she was obliged to give over theattempt, and be satisfied with remaining quietly where she was, till shehad better news from Delvile of his mother, or better news to send himof Mr Monckton; carefully, mean time, in all her letters avoiding toalarm him by any hint of her distress.
Yet was she not idle, either from despair or helplessness: she found herdifficulties encreased, and she called forth more resolution to combatthem: she animated herself by the promise she had made Delvile, andrecovering from the sadness to which she had at first given way, she nowexerted herself with vigour to perform it as she ought.
She began by making an immediate inspection into her affairs, andendeavouring, where expence seemed unnecessary, to lessen it. She gaveHenrietta to understand she feared they must soon part; and so afflictedwas the unhappy girl at the news, that she found it the most crueloffice she had to execute. The same intimation she gave to Mrs Harrel,who repined at it more openly, but with a selfishness so evident that itblunted the edge of pity. She then announced to Albany her inability topursue, at present, their extensive schemes of benevolence; and thoughhe instantly left her, to carry on his laborious plan elsewhere, thereverence she had now excited in him of her character, made him leaveher with no sensation but of regret, and readily promise to return whenher affairs were settled, or her mind more composed.
These little preparations, which were all she could make, with enquiriesafter Mr Monckton, and writing to Delvile, sufficiently filled up hertime, though her thoughts were by no means confined to them. Day afterday passed, and Mr Monckton continued to linger rather than live; theletters of Delvile, still only dated from Ostend, contained the mostmelancholy complaints of the illness of his mother; and the timeadvanced when her answer would be claimed by the attorney.
The thought of such another visit was almost intolerable; and within twodays of the time that she expected it, she resolved to endeavour herselfto prevail with Mr Eggleston to wait longer.
Mr Eggleston was a gentleman whom she knew little more than by sight; hewas no relation to her family, nor had any connection with the Dean,but by being a cousin to a lady he had married, and who had left himno children. The dean had no particular regard for him, and had rathermentioned him in his will as the successor of Cecilia, in case she diedunmarried or changed her name, as a mark that he approved of her doingneither, than as a matter he thought probable, if even possible, to turnout in his favour.
He was a man of a large family, the sons of which, who were extravagantand dissipated, had much impaired his fortune by prevailing with him topay their debts, and much distressed him in his affairs by successfullyteasing him for money.
Cecilia, acquainted with these circumstances, knew but too well withwhat avidity her estate would be seized by them, and how little the sonswould endure delay, even if the father consented to it. Yet since thesacrifice to which she had agreed must soon make it indisputablytheir own, she determined to deal with them openly; and acknowledged,therefore, in her letter, her marriage without disguise, but beggedtheir patience and secresy, and promised, in a short time, the mosthonourable retribution and satisfaction.
She sent this letter by a man and horse, Mr Eggleston's habitation beingwithin fifteen miles of her own.
The answer was from his eldest son, who acquainted her that his fatherwas very ill, and had put all his affairs into the hands of Mr Carn, hisattorney, who was a man of great credit, and would see justice done onall sides.
If this answer, which she broke open the instant she took it intoher hand, was in itself a cruel disappointment to her, how was thatdisappointment embittered by shame and terror, when, upon again foldingit up, she saw it was directed to Mrs Mortimer Delvile!
This was a decisive stroke; what they wrote to her, she was sure theywould mention to all others; she saw they were too impatient for herestate to be moved by any representations to a delay, and that theireagerness to publish their right, took from them all consideration ofwhat they might make her suffer. Mr Eggleston, she found, permittedhimself to be wholly governed by his son; his son was a needy andprofligate spendthrift, and by throwing the management of the affairinto the hands of an attorney, craftily meant to shield himself from thefuture resentment of Delvile, to whom, hereafter, he might affect, athis convenience, to disapprove Mr Carn's behaviour, while Mr Carn wasalways secure, by averring he only exerted himself for the interest ofhis client.
The discerning Cecilia, though but little experienced in business, andwholly unsuspicious by nature, yet saw into this management, and doubtednot these excuses were already arranged. She had only, therefore, tosave herself an actual ejectment, by quitting a house in which she wasexposed to such a disgrace.
But still whither to go she knew not! One only attempt seemed in herpower for an honourable asylum, and that was more irksomely painful toher than seeking shelter in the meanest retreat:
it was applying to MrDelvile senior.
The action of leaving her house, whether quietly or forcibly, could notbut instantly authenticate the reports spread by the Egglestons of hermarriage: to hope therefore for secresy any longer would be folly, andMr Delvile's rage at such intelligence might be still greater to hearit by chance than from herself. She now lamented that Delvile had notat once told the tale, but, little foreseeing such a discovery as thepresent, they had mutually concluded to defer the communication till hisreturn.
Her own anger at the contemptuous ill treatment she had repeatedly metfrom him, she was now content not merely to suppress but to dismiss,since, as the wife of his son without his consent, she consideredherself no longer as wholly innocent of incurring it. Yet, such was herdread of his austerity and the arrogance of his reproaches, that, bychoice, she would have preferred an habitation with her own pensioner,the pew-opener, to the grandest apartment in Delvile Castle while hecontinued its lord.
In her present situation, however, her choice was little to beconsulted: the honour of Delvile was concerned in her escaping eventemporary disgrace, and nothing, she knew, would so much gratify him, asany attention from her to his father. She wrote to him, therefore, thefollowing letter, which she sent by an express.
_To the Hon. Compton Delvile.
April 29th_, 1780.
SIR,--I should not, even by letter, presume thus to force myself uponyour remembrance, did I not think it a duty I now owe your son, both torisk and to bear the displeasure it may unhappily occasion. Aftersuch an acknowledgment, all other confession would be superfluous; anduncertain as I am if you will ever deign to own me, more words than arenecessary would be merely impertinent.
It was the intention of your son, Sir, when he left the kingdom, tosubmit wholly to your arbitration, at his return, which should beresigned, his own name or my fortune: but his request for your decision,and his supplication for your forgiveness, are both, most unfortunately,prevented, by a premature and unforeseen discovery of our situation,which renders an immediate determination absolutely unavoidable.
At this distance from him, I cannot, in time, receive his directionsupon the measures I have to take; pardon me then, Sir, if well knowingmy reference to him will not be more implicit than his own to you, Iventure, in the present important crisis of my affairs, to entreat thosecommands instantly, by which I am certain of being guided ultimately.
I would commend myself to your favour but that I dread exciting yourresentment. I will detain you, therefore, only to add, that the fatherof Mr Mortimer Delvile, will ever meet the most profound respect fromher who, without his permission, dare sign no name to the honour she nowhas in declaring herself his most humble, and most obedient servant.
* * * * *
Her mind was somewhat easier when this letter was written, because shethought it a duty, yet felt reluctance in performing it. She wished tohave represented to him strongly the danger of Delvile's hearing herdistress, but she knew so well his inordinate self-sufficiency, shefeared a hint of that sort might be construed into an insult, andconcluded her only chance that he would do any thing, was by leavingwholly to his own suggestions the weighing and settling what.
But though nothing was more uncertain than whether she should bereceived at Delvile Castle, nothing was more fixed than that she mustquit her own house, since the pride of Mr Delvile left not even a chancethat his interest would conquer it. She deferred not, therefore, anylonger making preparations for her removal, though wholly unsettledwhither.
Her first, which was also her most painful task, was to acquaintHenrietta with her situation: she sent, therefore, to desire to speakwith her, but the countenance of Henrietta shewed her communicationwould not surprise her.
"What is the matter with my dear Henrietta?" cried Cecilia; "who isit has already afflicted that kind heart which I am now compelled toafflict for myself?"
Henrietta, in whom anger appeared to be struggling with sorrow,answered, "No, madam, not afflicted for _you_! it would be strange if Iwere, thinking as I think!"
"I am glad," said Cecilia, calmly, "if you are not, for I would give toyou, were it possible, nothing but pleasure and joy."
"Ah madam!" cried Henrietta, bursting into tears, "why will you say sowhen you don't care what becomes of me! when you are going to cast meoff!--and when you will soon be too happy ever to think of me more!"
"If I am never happy till then," said Cecilia, "sad, indeed, will bemy life! no, my gentlest friend, you will always have your share inmy heart; and always, to me, would have been the welcomest guest in myhouse, but for those unhappy circumstances which make our separatinginevitable."
"Yet you suffered me, madam, to hear from any body that you was marriedand going away; and all the common servants in the house knew it beforeme."
"I am amazed!" said Cecilia; "how and which way can they have heard it?"
"The man that went to Mr Eggleston brought the first news of it, forhe said all the servants there talked of nothing else, and that theirmaster was to come and take possession here next Thursday."
Cecilia started at this most unwelcome intelligence; "Yet you envyme," she cried, "Henrietta, though I am forced from my house! though inquitting it, I am unprovided with any other, and though him for whomI relinquish it, is far off, without means of protecting, or power ofreturning to me!"
"But you are married to him, madam!" cried she, expressively.
"True, my love; but, also, I am parted from him!"
"Oh how differently," exclaimed Henrietta, "do the great think fromthe little! were _I_ married,--and _so_ married, I should want neitherhouse, nor fine cloaths, nor riches, nor any thing;--I should not carewhere I lived,--every place would be paradise! I would walk to himbarefoot if he were a thousand miles off, and I should mind nobody elsein the world while I had him to take care of me!"
Ah Delvile! thought Cecilia, what powers of fascination are yours!should I be tempted to repine at what I have to bear, I will think ofthis heroick girl and blush!
Mrs Harrel now broke in upon them, eager to be informed of the truth orfalsehood of the reports which were buzzed throughout the house.Cecilia briefly related to them both the state of her affairs, earnestlyexpressing her concern at the abrupt separation which must take place,and for which she had been unable to prepare them, as the circumstanceswhich led to it had been wholly unforeseen by herself.
Mrs Harrel listened to the account with much curiosity and surprize; butHenrietta wept incessantly in hearing it: the object of a passion ardentas it was romantic, lost to her past recovery; torn herself, probablyfor ever, from the best friend she had in the world; and obliged toreturn thus suddenly to an home she detested,--Henrietta possessed notthe fortitude to hear evils such as these, which, to her inexperiencedheart, appeared the severest that could be inflicted.
This conversation over, Cecilia sent for her Steward, and desired him,with the utmost expedition, to call in all her bills, and instantly togo round to her tenants within twenty miles, and gather in, from thosewho were able to pay, the arrears now due to her; charging him, however,upon no account, to be urgent with such as seemed distressed.
The bills she had to pay were collected without difficulty; she neverowed much, and creditors are seldom hard of access; but the money shehoped to receive fell very short of her expectations, for the indulgenceshe had shewn to her tenants had ill prepared them for so sudden ademand.