CHAPTER ix.
A SHOCK.
Cecelia passed the rest of the day in fanciful projects of beneficence;she determined to wander with her romantic new ally whither-so-everhe would lead her, and to spare neither fortune, time, nor trouble, inseeking and relieving the distressed. Not all her attempted philosophyhad calmed her mind like this plan; in merely refusing indulgenceto grief, she had only locked it up in her heart, where eternallystruggling for vent, she was almost overpowered by restraining it; butnow her affliction had no longer her whole faculties to itself; the hopeof doing good, the pleasure of easing pain, the intention of devotingher time to the service of the unhappy, once more delighted herimagination,--that source of promissory enjoyment, which though oftenobstructed, is never, in youth, exhausted.
She would not give Mrs Charlton the unnecessary pain of hearing theletter with which she had been so, much affected, but she told her ofthe visit of Albany, and pleased her with the account of their scheme.
At night, with less sadness than usual, she retired to rest. In hersleep she bestowed riches, and poured plenty upon the land; shehumbled the oppressor, she exalted the oppressed; slaves were raised todignities, captives restored to liberty; beggars saw smiling abundance,and wretchedness was banished the world. From a cloud in which she wassupported by angels, Cecilia beheld these wonders, and while enjoyingthe glorious illusion, she was awakened by her maid, with news that MrsCharlton was dying!
She started up, and, undressed, was running to her apartment,--when themaid, calling to stop her, confessed she was already dead!
She had made her exit in the night, but the time was not exactly known;her own maid, who slept in the room with her, going early to her bedsideto enquire how she did, found her cold and motionless, and could onlyconclude that a paralytic stroke had taken her off.
Happily and in good time had Cecilia been somewhat recruited by onenight of refreshing slumbers and flattering dreams, for the shock shenow received promised her not soon another.
She lost in Mrs Charlton a friend, whom nearly from her infancy shehad considered as a mother, and by whom she had been cherished withtenderness almost unequalled. She was not a woman of bright parts, ormuch cultivation, but her heart was excellent, and her disposition wasamiable. Cecilia had known her longer than her memory could look back,though the earliest circumstances she could trace were kindnessesreceived from her. Since she had entered into life, and found thedifficulty of the part she had to act, to this worthy old lady alone hadshe unbosomed her secret cares. Though little assisted by her counsel,she was always certain of her sympathy; and while her own superiorjudgment directed her conduct, she had the relief of communicating herschemes, and weighing her perplexities, with a friend to whom nothingthat concerned her was indifferent, and whose greatest wish and chiefpleasure was the enjoyment of her conversation.
If left to herself, in the present period of her life, Mrs Charlton hadcertainly not been the friend of her choice. The delicacy of her mind,and the refinement of her ideas, had now rendered her fastidious,and she would have looked out for elegancies and talents to which MrsCharlton had no pretensions: but those who live in the country havelittle power of selection; confined to a small circle, they must becontent with what it offers; and however they may idolize extraordinarymerit when they meet with it, they must not regard it as essential tofriendship, for in their circumscribed rotation, whatever may be theirdiscontent, they can make but little change.
Such had been the situation to which Mrs Charlton and Mrs Harrel owedthe friendship of Cecilia. Greatly their superior in understanding andintelligence, had the candidates for her favour been more numerous, theelection had not fallen upon either of them. But she became known toboth before discrimination made her difficult, and when her enlightenedmind discerned their deficiencies, they had already an interest in heraffections, which made her see them with lenity: and though sometimes,perhaps, conscious she should not have chosen them from many, sheadhered to them with sincerity, and would have changed them for none.
Mrs Harrel, however, too weak for similar sentiments, forgot herwhen out of sight, and by the time they met again, was insensible toeverything but shew and dissipation. Cecilia, shocked and surprised,first grieved from disappointed affection, and then lost that affectionin angry contempt. But her fondness for Mrs Charlton had never knownabatement, as the kindness which had excited it had never knownallay. She had loved her first from childish gratitude; but that love,strengthened and confirmed by confidential intercourse, was now assincere and affectionate as if it had originated from sympatheticadmiration. Her loss, therefore, was felt with the utmost severity, andneither seeing nor knowing any means of replacing it, she considered itas irreparable, and mourned it with bitterness.
When the first surprize of this cruel stroke was somewhat lessened, shesent an express to Mr Monckton with the news, and entreated to see himimmediately. He came without delay, and she begged his counsel what stepshe ought herself to take in consequence of this event. Her own housewas still unprepared for her; she had of late neglected to hasten theworkmen, and almost forgotten her intention of entering it. It wasnecessary, however, to change her abode immediately; she was nolonger in the house of Mrs Charlton, but of her grand-daughters andco-heiresses, each of whom she disliked, and upon neither of whom shehad any claim.
Mr Monckton then, with the quickness of a man who utters a thought atthe very moment of its projection, mentioned a scheme upon whichduring his whole ride he had been ruminating; which was that she wouldinstantly remove to his house, and remain there till settled to hersatisfaction.
Cecilia objected her little right of surprising Lady Margaret; but,without waiting to discuss it, lest new objections should arise, hequitted her, to fetch himself from her ladyship an invitation he meantto insist upon her sending.
Cecilia, though heartily disliking this plan, knew not at present whatbetter to adopt, and thought anything preferable to going again toMrs Harrel, since that only could be done by feeding the anxiety of MrArnott.
Mr Monckton soon returned with a message of his own fabrication; forhis lady, though obliged to receive whom he pleased, took care to guardinviolate the independence of speech, sullenly persevering in refusingto say anything, or perversely saying only what he least wished to hear.
Cecilia then took a hasty leave of Miss Charltons, who, little affectedby what they had lost, and eager to examine what they had gained, partedfrom her gladly, and, with a heavy heart and weeping eyes, borrowed forthe last time the carriage of her late worthy old friend, and for-everquitting her hospitable house, sorrowfully set out for the Grove.
BOOK IX.