~Chapter 2~
Meet Big Sal
"Who's, running this?er...ah?here prison? Me or that numskull...son of mine... Black Jack Tilly?" screamed out Big Sal as she slapped Cool Joe Biggs on the back of his baldhead, causing a large red welt to appear.
"Well you are?Big Sal!" cried out Cool Joe as he rubbed the back of his head.
"You're-a, darned right it's me!"
"Ya'll get caught for the tenth time, and this time by those little kids from Centerville. Then I gotta come all the way-a down here to break you outta of prison again. And then, ah you think your-a gonna be?ah?running the joint. I just don't see that-a happening!" said Big Sal, as she took a deep long drawn-out puff off of her filthy cigar.
Big Sally was the biggest, smelliest, ugliest excuse for a woman that ever walked the face of the earth.
She had two large, oversized, and very flabby arms that hung off her exceptional rotund body. At the end of the arms found in the same proportions were two very fat hands that looked like someone had smashed them with a large sledgehammer, sometime earlier in her life. They had swelled up to enormous proportions then they never returned, back to a normal size.
The cracked, and splintered fingernails at the ends of her dirty fingers were, long, un-kept, and curled inwards towards the tips of her fingers. This of course made it very hard for her to pick her nose, which bothered her to no end. She had to have a very good friend do this for her, but in times of great need, she always managed to scare one of her family of crooks, into taking up the foul task.
Her fat, droopy face was widespread, and it must have been over three feet across between her outsized ears. A very noticeable, thin black mustache could be seen above her crusty lips. Nevertheless, the mustache was well trimmed. Her so-called one good eye was steely black, a bit crossed-eyed, and had the same evil look in them, as Squint-Eye Pete's, steely and cold.
This was Big Sal Rossi?Squint-Eye Pete's...mom.
Hung all around Sal's round body, and covering most of the layers of flab was a gray and blue, tattered prison uniform. It fit tightly across the middle, covering only three of the six layers of fat that hung down, to almost below her swollen knees.
Big Sal stood almost six foot four inches tall just like her mangy son, and with the tall, tattered, stovepipe black hat she uses to cover her balding head, it made her appearance, even that much more imposing.
A few ragged tassels of gray and silver dirty hair, hung down off the back of her large head, almost down to her shoulders, which gave her some resemblance of a woman, but only ever so slightly.
Well-stuffed were her feet into her crunchy ripped-up socks, inside of her old black leather jackboots. With each step she took her fat would ooze out at the large rips in the leather, found around her toes. This made her feet look very much like a caterpillar trying to shed its cocoon in the springtime.
And oh, man, the smell of her feet, was just plain awful!
Sal thought she was just adorable looking in her ugliness and sloth. She wore it well, and in some terrible way, the ugliness was actually attractive. Her husband, Hunch-Back Pete Rossi must have thought so. How else could Ole' Squint-Eye Pete have been born?
The mostly, and the most defined feature on Big Sal was her large leather eye patch found covering her left eye. For Big Sal was the bearer of the only other evil eye in the world (Squint-Eye Pete, owned the other).
Believed it was that the two evil eyes were matching in their sinful powers, and when, or if ever the two would be brought together, the power of their wickedness could not be stopped. No one knew this to be true or not, but it was always thought that the wearer of the two evil eyes could overcome all true good in the world.
Of course, Big Sal and Squint-Eye Pete were still alive so how would anyone know this for sure. Squint-Eye oftentimes wondered about this, and pondered over the extraordinary powers, it might bring him, if only she were not alive.
After another long drag on her cigar, and a large exhale of swirling smoke out of her lungs, Big Sal spoke yet again.
"Now-a?you, idiots listen up. I took over this prison here. I ran off those cowardly prison guards. And I put Warden Sergeant Pettigrew...into one of his own cells. So any of you-a...that...ah...doesn't like the scam?then they may as well just-a scram back under the rock you climbed out from under. Now listen up?my son is gonna be here in a few weeks. I just l...o...v...e...my Pete. He's such-a...a good boy. Now I sent him up to the North Pole to see what was-a goin on... and he is expected back...with a few answers and soo?lutions. Then were gonna expand this...here-a operation, and make some real money again."
Cool Joe Biggs grinned widely, showing his horrible teeth, at this proclamation by Big Sal.
"Ice! I just love ice", mumbled Cool Joe "and I love dirty money!"
Black Jack Tilly stumbled to the front of the room. He began to talk.
"Now Sal I did ah?what ya told me. I went up there to that North Pole with your grandkids Big-Belly Bill, and Sleaze-Ball Tom and two Rats. We tried the best we could to take over the North Pole, and we did for...ah...ah...awhile. We made those bad toys?just like ya said. We got some of em out to the kid's hands around the world, and they are playing with them as we speak. I tell ya...Sal things ain't as bad as you think. We still are gonna be...ah...running the toy market, and getting those kids to be real bad. They will turn to a life of crime, and then you'll have your followers. It's all just a matter of time."
"Well we'll see-a about that soon enough. We'll give em some more time to start playing with those toys, and we should be getting into their heads?real soon now. Maybe you are-a...right, but the job ain't done just-a yet. Remember now, those three kids; Louis, Hot Tamale Molly, and Chug, and those fancy horses, and them there elves, they shut us down in the North Pole.
We are gonna have-ta start up operations here...in this jail, and work from here for a while. As soon as my boy gets back with what I sent him up there to git, then we'll be back in business. Now Sleazy, you still got that extra key to the Great Wrapping-Machine, right?"
"Yeah, I still got it Sal. It's hanging around my neck on a string. I ain't gonna lose it, no way...no how."
"Good. We'll all git back to business later...now Cool Joe git over here and help me with my wheelbarrow cause, I gotta go get a couple of poached chickens, mashed potatoes and gravy to eat in the commissary. I'm-a starving!"
"Sure Sal, I'll help ya with that big belly of yours."
"What belly?"
"Aw...er...Sal...I did'nt say nothin..."
"Ya better not say nothing about my belly...ya got it Joe, or I'll be saying something about those horrible choppers of yours, and give you a good slapping?"
"Yep...your right Sal we both ain't that cute...I knows that..."
"Wha-t?..."
"Ah..."
"Never mind now...I'm hungry over here like I said before, now git me to that there-a kitchen."
After a few troublesome minutes of trying to stand up, Sal finally made it to her feet. Cool Joe managed to get the affable-sized wheelbarrow under Sal's huge belly. She took both of her hands and grabbed underneath, and around her blubbery belly, then quickly, and with great efficiency, she plopped her well-stuffed belly into the center of the metal body, slightly bending the lower support frame, then off she trundled with her hands firmly placed around both wooden handles.
With toes smashing out of her shoes, a reeking smell followed her down the hallway pass the iron bars of the prisoner's cells, as she went towards the kitchen, and back into the comfort and delight of food.
A good grazing was in order.
The devouring of a few apple pies here, a few (twenty) servings of hot-buttered corn, large helpings of black-eyed peas, and of course a few boiled chickens, and Sal was ready for dinner to be served.