“It’s been great. I’ve been having a great time.”
“Glad to hear it,” Johnson replied. “I actually wanted to invite you to come participate in a special All American Quarterback Challenge we are having tonight. Are you interested?”
Hell yeah, I thought wishing I could high five him. “That would be great!” I answered, groaning internally and wondering how many times I’d used the word “great” in the past two minutes. The guy was going to think I was illiterate or something.
“Awesome! We’re looking forward to seeing what you can do.”
“Yes, sir. Thank you for the invite.”
I watched him walk away and my fist twitched at my side as I revisited the urge to do a fist pump. This camp was going so well I could almost taste success and see the ink drying on the contract I was about to sign. I couldn’t wait to text Brittney and let her know how things were going. Life was damn near perfect. All our dreams were within easy reach.
Chapter Two
The play was called and I stepped back, my eyes darting about as I searched for a receiver. I spotted an open man right as one of the defensive players broke through the line and barreled toward me. Rolling to my left, I broke away, continuing to look for a receiver down field. I took a step back and prepared to throw, but I felt my heel slide too deep in the grass. Quickly, I shifted my weight, trying to keep my knee from hyperextending, but everything happened too fast. I felt a crack resonate through my body as I collapsed to the ground in a shock of searing pain.
A whistle blew as I struggled to my feet, attempting to walk back to my spot; but I couldn’t control my knee correctly and I went down again. Scouts and players rushed toward me and I could hear someone calling for a trainer. Everyone gathered around shouting questions, but my mind was a complete blur and I couldn’t understand a word they were saying.
“I’ll be fine,” I finally muttered. “Just give me a few seconds.”
A couple of guys grabbed my arms and helped to pull me to my feet. I gingerly tested the weight on my leg to see if it would hold me. It did; and I felt a huge sigh of relief course through me. I gingerly took a step forward. There was still pain, but not so much that I couldn’t take it.
“I think I better sit the rest of this one out,” I said to one of the trainers. “It’s still a little tender.”
He nodded his head. “Probably just hyperextended that ligament. Give it a night of rest and you’ll feel better in the morning.”
“That’s what I’m thinking too,” I replied, turning toward the bench, moving slowly. I sat down next to another player who was resting there. “Where’s the dorm from here?”
“Two miles down the road that way.” He nodded his head in the direction of the road I’d driven in on.
“Thanks, man,” I responded as I began pulling my pads off. I hobbled to my truck, only to discover it was locked and realized I’d left my keys in the duffle bag that I’d thrown against the fence. Glancing to the sideline, I saw that the bags were missing—already taken to the dorms. I let out a heavy sigh of defeat as I turned and began slowly walking in the direction of the dorms. I knew I couldn’t leave my pads in the back of the truck—they wouldn’t be safe there—so I adjusted them as best I could to carry them with me.
I was determined to get myself to my room and hoped the exercise would help to work out some of the pain I was experiencing. That idea proved to be futile; and by the time I reached my assigned dorm, I felt like someone had driven a blazing, white-hot, fire poker through my knee.
Stumbling into my room, I tossed my gear on the floor and stripped down to my underwear. I carefully inspected my knee, gingerly poking and prodding around the kneecap, but couldn’t discern anything other than it looked a bit swollen and red.
I collapsed back onto the bed, too tired to even care about a shower. I stared at the ceiling, as if searching for some sort of answer there. This had to be a nightmare because there was no way in hell it could be my reality. I was here, living the moment—the things other guys only fantasize about—my lifelong dream so close I could feel it.
Leaning over, I dug through the bag that had been brought to my room until I located my phone. I quickly texted Brittney.
Hey babe. Rough day. Pretty exhausted. Going straight 2 bed. Call U in the morning. Love U.
I turned my phone off and dropped it on the nightstand.
I couldn’t sleep at all, my mind a jumble of confused emotions. I kept telling myself over and over I would heal and be ready for tomorrow. I had to be ready for tomorrow!
Barney came in sometime later and I held still, pretending to be asleep, until I heard him start snoring. I shifted around a lot after that, unable to get comfortable and unable to keep the worried thoughts from racing through my head. When the alarm rang first thing in the morning, I had no need for it. I was still awake.
I turned it off and slid to the edge of the bed, carefully moving to stand; but my knee started shaking and I couldn’t hold my weight. I had to immediately sit back down.
Anger steamed through me fast and furious, and I punched the mattress with my fist as I swore loudly.
“Not better, bro?” Barney’s voice broke into the moment.
“I can’t stand.” My voice sounded scared.
Barney looked me up and down, concern written on his face. “Man, you need to get into a doctor. A real doctor; not one of these trainers here, who just want you to keep playing.”
I didn’t reply. To me, going to the doctor was the same as admitting defeat. It was saying there was actually a problem—a need. Closing my eyes, I wondered if it would do any good to pray—immediately questioning if there was even actually a God out there to hear my prayer. If there was, He certainly hadn’t listened to me when I begged him not to take Nikki. Couldn’t He give me a break, now? He owed me, didn’t He? He’d taken away the girl I loved. Couldn’t I keep this one thing that made me happy? Why did He have to take away the game I loved too?
There was no reason for me to stay at the camp, but I found myself reluctant to tell Brittney about what was going on. I called her brother and my best friend, Brett, instead, and he answered on the second ring.
“Hey, dude! What’s up? How’s your camp going? Brittney’s been talking Tana’s ear off with excitement. She’s certain you’re gonna be signed.”
I ran a hand through my hair in a frustrated gesture before replying, “I’m having to leave early, but I don’t want to talk about it on the phone. Is it okay with you if I come there? I need some advice.”
Brett’s voice immediately took on a solemn tone. “Sure, sure. You know you’re always welcome.”
“Brett? Don’t tell Brittney anything,” I added.
There was silence on the other end.
“I mean it. Don’t tell her I’m coming home. I need to talk to you first.” I ended the call.
***
Brett set across from me, staring at the crutches leaning against the couch beside me. I had them, thanks to Barney. He’d gone to a drugstore and bought them for me before he went off to drills. I loathed that I needed them, but there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t walk right. He’d also helped me to get my things packed and went and got my truck from the field parking lot, so I could begin the long and irritating drive back to Arizona, quickly becoming accustomed to driving with my left foot.
Brett sat scowling as he stared at them. “Chase, you have to let Brittney know what’s going on.” He glanced back to me, his expression serious.
“I can’t tell her about this!” I dragged a hand over my face in a frustrated gesture. “What do I say, bro? How do I tell her that everything we’ve hoped for is gone? I missed the rest of camp, Brett. Do you understand what that means? I’m done. There isn’t a second chance.”
“Well, you can’t just show up on crutches and not expect her to freak out. We both know my sister. She’s gonna be upset that you didn’t tell her. How many times have you talked to her since the accident?”
“None,” I answered guiltily. “I sent her a text about being tired and then I turned my phone off. It hasn’t been back on since. It’s out with the stuff I packed this morning, in my truck.”
Brett stood, pulled his phone out and tossed it to me. “Call her, Chase. She’s gonna be pissed. I’ll give the two of you a little privacy.”
He left the room and I stared blankly at the recliner where he’d been. I didn’t want to call her. Sure, I missed her and wanted her with me. I loved her—desperately. But I couldn’t bear to see the look in her eyes, or hear the disappointment in her voice, when she realized I’d ruined everything. She’d been counting on this just as much as I had.
I dialed her number.
“Hey, Brett,” she answered on the second ring. Her voice sounded tired.
“It’s Chase,” I replied.
“Chase!” she practically screamed. “Oh my gosh! I’ve been so worried! I haven’t heard from you for two days—not since your text. I’ve been calling and calling and leaving messages for you. I didn’t know who else to get hold of.”
“I’m sorry.” I felt like the biggest jerk on the planet.
“Why do you have Brett’s phone? What’s happened?” she demanded.
This was it. “Well, baby,” I paused, not knowing how to break it easily to her. “Uh, well, there’s been an accident,” I continued in a serious tone, not knowing what to expect.
“What happened? Are you okay?” Within an instant she went from angry to worried.
“I’m not sure, but we’ll talk about it when I get home, okay? I love you,” I added, at a loss for words, trying to hold back tears.
“Chase, don’t you dare leave me hanging like this!”
I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out.
“Chase?” she questioned again. “Chase, talk to me, dammit.”
A feeling of despair washed over me and I hung up. I didn’t know how to tell her.
How could it end this way? I just couldn’t understand.
Chapter Three
I was kidding myself if I really thought Brittney was going to wait for me to get home. She’d probably gone straight to her boss as soon as I’d hung up and told him there was some sort of family emergency. So, it wasn’t really a surprise when the front door slammed and she suddenly appeared from around the corner.
“Chase, what happened?” she demanded, her gaze washing over me as she took in my appearance.
I knew I looked rough—I hadn’t shaved in days and was getting scruffy, not to mention I was in pretty desperate need of a shower. I hadn’t been able manage one on my own. I felt like a friggin’ invalid.
I self-consciously adjusted the blanket Tana had given me over my shorts, making sure she couldn’t see my leg.
“Hey, babe. How’ve you been?” I asked, trying to avoid the obvious and hoping to calm her down a bit.
“Don’t even try to play games with me. What’s wrong?” She pursed her lips as she stared hard at me.
I knew there was no way out. A billion thoughts raced through my head as I tried to figure out how to answer. I felt my face getting hot and my skin flushed anew with anger over the whole situation. We’d planned our whole future on me being able to play at the next level.
I sighed. “Would you still love me if my dreams changed?” I asked, hearing the shame and heartache in my own voice.
Her face softened and she stepped toward me, moving to sit on the edge of the coffee table in front of me. “I’ll always love you, Chase, no matter what. Please tell me what’s going on. I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.”
I couldn’t stop thinking about all the pain in my knee. “Well . . . I think my future may have changed,” I said. I wasn’t sure how to finish, so I reached down and pulled the blanket off.
Her eyes flickered over me, resting on my grossly distorted leg—so red and swollen that it looked completely deformed. “Oh my . . . ” Her hands floated up to cover her gaping mouth. Her eyes instantly filled with tears that dripped over the edges and down her face. “What happened?”
She looked as devastated as I had feared she would, and I rushed to reassure her. “It’s probably just a minor injury, Britt. You know these kinds of things always look worse in the beginning than they really are. Once the swelling goes down, I’ll be as good as new. I’m sure of it,” I lied through my teeth. “I’ve already got an appointment with the doctor—tomorrow at three—a precaution really, to make sure everything is fine.”
Her hands dropped into her lap and she continued to stare at my knee. “This is not fine, Chase.” She searched out my eyes, pity written clearly in hers. “I don’t understand. Why you?”
That was the question I’d been trying to answer for myself. “I don’t know. I just don’t know.” I was at a complete loss for words.
She slipped to her knees beside me and wrapped her arms around my neck, laying her face against mine. “I’m so sorry, honey.”
I blinked back my own tears as I wrapped my arms around her, inhaling the scent of her hair and soft perfume, letting her fill my lungs. I had no idea what the future held for us.
***
The trip to the doctor’s office seemed as though it took forever. I continually had to adjust to operate the truck with my left foot. Since Brittney and Brett both had work, I was forced to fend for myself.
Driving had always been a way for me to relax and think things through. I’d gone on countless drives after I’d lost Nikki to a blood clot following her car accident, and had pretty much reconstructed my whole life through my thoughts during that time. This time was no different. I found my mind wandering over all the events in my life and the decisions I’d made.
Images of my mom flashed through my mind. She’d always been there for me, strong and supportive, even when I was a terror and going through my self-destructive stage. I was embarrassed by the trouble I’d caused her—embarrassed that I’d been disrespectful to the woman who’d brought me into this world. Ironically, I wished she was with me right now. She always seemed to know exactly what to do. I hadn’t told her about my accident yet.
A car honked loudly, bringing me out of my reverie and to the realization I was driving much slower than the speed limit. I noticed many cars whizzing by, eager to get around me. The image hit me hard as I related it to my life, imagining those cars were the other quarterbacks I’d competed against the last four years, passing me up like I was standing still.
I felt a salty tear hit the corner of my mouth. I was crying and I hadn’t even noticed. Ashamed, I told myself I would never cry again– even as I wondered, for the billionth time, why this was happening to me.
I pulled into the parking lot of the clinic and turned off my truck. Sitting there, I stared out at the building, still holding on to a small bud of hope inside that maybe things weren’t as bad as I thought, knowing that soon I’d find out the truth. Sure, I’d missed my chance at the camp, but maybe all I needed was a little healing time before I’d be as good as new. Surely my career, prior to this, would still count for something. My stats spoke loudly as to my athletic ability. Someone should still recognize that. This could be just a small setback.
Grabbing my crutches, I got out and hobbled inside. I signed in at the desk and found a chair in the lobby. Reaching for a magazine on the table next to me, I saw my own face staring back at me from the cover of one of the college sports magazines. Walker’s Football Career… a Shining Success Story, the headline proclaimed.
I returned the magazine to the table, sliding it under the others, making sure it was on the bottom where I couldn’t see it.
“Chase Walker, you’re up,” a nurse said from the doorway, several minutes later.
I stood and crutched over toward her.
“How are you, hun?” she asked. I didn’t miss her appreciative glance over me. I was used to women hitting on me everywhere I went and had learned to shrug it off. It had no affect on me, but I knew it drove Brittney crazy.
“We’ll see in about twenty minutes,” I replied curtly, hoping I didn’t sound too rude.
She took me to the back first, for my scheduled x-ray and MRI that had been ordered after a brief phone consult with the physician’s assistant. The x-ray was over in a matter of seconds, but the MRI scan seemed like it took forever. I found myself dozing on and off in the machine.
“Chase? Chase, wake up.” The nurse was back, speaking softly, but loudly enough to awaken me without startling me. She was smiling sweetly and I was pretty sure she thought I was hot, but was trying not to be too obvious about it. “Follow me and we will get you set up in a room for your consult with the doctor.” She took another long, appreciative glance up and down my body as she watched me get up. She was definitely into me.
I was deposited in a small room with an examination table, but chose to sit in one of the chairs against the wall where I could check out the random medical graphs and charts around the walls.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I dug it out.
How’s it going? Brittney texted.
Tests R done. Just waiting 4 results, I replied.
Call me when U R done.
K.
Love U. She added.
Love U 2.
I slipped the phone back into my pocket as the door opened.
“Hello, Chase. How are you?” The doctor spoke in a booming voice. He held my file in one hand as he flipped his white medical jacket out of the way and took a seat on the rolling stool across the room from me. “I’m Dr. Price and I’m going to do everything I can to get you back on the football field.”
My first thought was that this guy was a lying suck up who just wanted to get deep in my pockets for some money. He didn’t know anything about me—why would he want to help me so badly?
“Yeah, I’m hoping all of this is minor,” I replied, trying to act as if my confidence in my knee was strong. “I’m here mostly to err on the side of caution.”
“Well, we all hope for the best, son,” he announced, his voice seeming to get deeper. He glanced down to where my knee was exposed beneath my athletic shorts.