Chapter Five
“Can I help you?” asked the elderly woman behind the desk at Mountain Medical Center.
“Yeah, I’m Chase Walker. I’m here to volunteer for community service hours. The lady I talked to on the phone told me to check in here, and you would tell me where to go.”
“Alright, let’s see if we have you on the list,” she replied, reaching for a clipboard and running a gnarled finger down the paper. “Yes, here you are. It says you’re scheduled to assist in conference room B with the substance abuse group today. Go straight down this hall behind you, and make a turn at the second hallway to your right. The conference room will be there on your left.”
“Thanks,” I said, turning to follow her directions. Substance abuse. That’s just great, I thought, wondering if the fates were starting to conspire against me too after last night.
I’d changed my clothes and thrown them in the washer after I left the barn, then scoured the house for some drops to help my bloodshot eyes. After I took a shower, I went to chill on my bed, planning to listen to my iPod while I waited for my mom and grandma to get home. Apparently, my body had other plans, since I fell asleep and slept clear through the night.
When I woke, I found someone had covered me with a blanket, and there was a box of candy from the theater placed on the nightstand. That was when I noticed the clock and realized I was running way behind. I jumped out of bed and hurriedly got ready to drive to Cooley.
I located the conference room easily enough, pausing at the door before I walked in. The room was empty except for a large circle of chairs in the center, but I could hear the murmur of voices coming through a door toward the back.
A tall, professionally dressed woman with graying hair pulled up into a bun appeared and looked at me quizzically. “Are you here for the group?” she asked.
“No. I’m supposed to help here today for community service,” I replied.
“Ah, you’re Chase.” She smiled and stepped forward with an outstretched hand. “I’m Maggie Stafford. I’m the group therapist.”
“Nice to meet you,” I said politely.
“We’re starting a new group this morning, and there’s a massive amount of paperwork we pass out. You’ll be helping my assistant organize packets and staple them together. There’s a lot to do since we have exercises and journaling our participants are encouraged to do in their recovery therapy.”
She motioned for me to follow her into the next room. “Because our group is large, our meetings will last about two hours. So if you work the entire time, I’ll sign off on those for you.”
“Sounds good,” I replied, and she pointed me toward two long tables stretched out side by side. They were covered in massive stacks of paper.
I could hear other people entering the room we’d just left, and Maggie leaned forward to glance through the doorway. “I need to get out there. You can start by gathering the first five papers and stapling them together. My assistant will be back shortly to help you.”
“Okay.” I set my service paper down on a chair and got to work.
It wasn’t too long before I heard the hallway door open behind me.
“Here’s the fresh coffee, Maggie. Sorry it took so long.”
I stiffened and turned toward the voice.
“What are you doing here?” Nikki spoke, her eyes wide in surprise.
“I could ask you the same thing,” I replied, folding my arms and leaning against the table as I gave her the once over. Yep, her effect on me was unchanged. Damn.
“I work here. I’m Maggie’s assistant. Why are you here?” she asked again.
“You want to set the pot down? I don’t want you to burn yourself,” I replied, ignoring her question.
She seemed flustered for a moment, staring between the coffee and me before she carried it out to where the group was meeting.
I started stapling papers again, wondering why I was letting this stupid grin sit on my face. I reminded myself I’d decided to move on and forget about Nikki, but it didn’t seem to help me any. Community service was suddenly looking a lot more fun.
She came back into the room and closed the door. “Did you follow me to work?”
I snorted, glancing at her out of the corner of my eye. “I’m not that desperate.”
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“What are you doing here?” she asked, and I swore I saw her stomp her foot.
“I thought it was obvious. I’m stapling papers.” I gestured to the rising pile before me.
She made an irritated sound, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Did you just growl at me?” I raised an eyebrow as I stared at her.
“Quit evading the question, and answer me.” She was glaring now.
“I’m here to do court-mandated community service hours. It was part of my sentence after my arrest. I didn’t know you worked here. This is one of those awe inspiring cosmic coincidences.”
“Oh,” she said, suddenly looking down at the floor. “I forgot you said you’d been arrested.”
“You did?” I was surprised. Maybe there was hope for her after all. I was pretty sure everyone else imagined me wearing stripes everywhere I went. “People ask me about it so much I thought perhaps I had it stamped on my forehead.”
“If you do, it’s your own fault.” She moved over—close enough I could smell her softly-scented perfume—and started gathering a packet of papers.
“How do you figure?”
“You don’t let anyone forget it. You’re always talking to others about it.”
“I wouldn’t say always. Besides, I’m just being honest. Don’t want people to think I’m trying to hide who I really am.”
“Is that who you are, Chase? A convicted underage drinker?”
“You tell me. You’re the one who won’t go out with me because of my reputation.” I was beginning to feel a little angry. “Wait. I don’t even think it’s my reputation stopping you. It’s your ex-boyfriend’s, isn’t it? What was his name again . . . Jeremy Winters?”
“I don’t want to talk about him,” she replied shortly.
“Fine. When you’re ready to reveal everything about Mr. Winters, and why I must pay for his mistakes, then I’ll tell you who I really am.”
The only noises in the room were from both of us furiously grabbing papers and slamming them with the stapler. I was fuming, but I couldn’t exactly place my finger on why. I just knew this whole situation irritated me.
I’d seen Jeremy and his entourage floating around at the school. He was a pompous jerk as far as I was concerned, but I played it cool around him because I was easily fitting into his crowd, hanging with the football friends we had in common. He’d be graduating in a few weeks, and I’d be taking his place on the team if I had anything to say about it. I’d prove then how much better I was than him.
I heard Nikki make a strange sound, and I looked up to see thin, wet trails streaming down her face.
Oh no. Not tears, I thought. I don’t know what to do with this.
I stopped what I was doing and slipped my hand around her upper arm, directing her to the soft couch in the room. She sat, and I went to the cooler and got her a glass of water, snagging a box of tissues off the desk on my way past.
I handed her the items, and she took them without speaking.
“Spill it,” I said, flopping onto the couch next to her.
“Wh . . . What?” she stuttered, looking confused.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing, or you wouldn’t be crying. You can talk to me about it.”
“I can’t.”
“Listen, Nikki, there isn’t anything you can say to me that’ll make me think any less of you. I’ve been through it all—heck, I’ve done it all. I’m not the person who’s going to pass judgment on you. If you want to tell me to go to hell, then do it. I can take it. It won’t be the worst thing some
one has said to me.” I paused. “I’m sorry if I offended you, by the way.”
“I’m not mad at you.” She pulled a tissue from the box and wiped her eyes, smearing her mascara.
“Here, let me help.” I sat up and took a new tissue, dabbing at her face as I attempted to fix her makeup. The more I tried, the worse I seemed to make it, but it didn’t matter when I realized she was watching me with a look of wonder. I froze, looking back into her big brown eyes, unable to move. Wow . . . she was so beautiful. I wished I could lean over and kiss her, but she was too vulnerable right now.
My thumbs replaced the tissue, wiping away new tears that leaked from her eyes. “What’s wrong?” I encouraged her to talk again, loving the feel of her silky skin beneath my fingers.
She stared for several moments, struggling with whatever was bothering her. “He attacked me. I’ve never told anyone about it.”
Ice ran through my veins at her words, and I leaned back. “He what?”
“I caught him with a girl in his car. We had a big fight, and he tried to tell me she was just a fling—that he had needs. I told him to get lost, and I broke up with him. He followed me home and burst into the house. He threw me on the couch and he . . . he . . . he would’ve succeeded if he hadn’t heard the bus pull up to drop off my little brother and sister. He threatened me—said if I ever told he would come back and make sure to finish what he started. Then he ran out.”
“Where were your parents?” I asked, floored by what she’d revealed.
“My mom works. My dad died from cancer a few years ago.”
I silently kicked myself for adding to the burdens of this girl and the heartache she had been going through in her life.
“Nikki, I’m so sorry. You need to tell someone. This guy needs to pay for what he did to you. It’s illegal.”
“I won’t go through the humiliation of dealing with him again. I don’t know why I told you. You were being so nice, and all of a sudden I couldn’t hold it in anymore.”
I pulled her into my arms gently, hugging her. “I’m glad you told me. I promise I won’t let him ever hurt you.”
She gave a half chuckle against my shoulder. “I wasn’t asking you to be my white knight or anything. I just needed to tell someone. Have you ever had something you wished you could talk to someone about, but it’s buried so deep you’re almost afraid to give it a voice?”
I stared her in the face and nodded. “Every day, as a matter of fact. I understand completely. I really do.”
“You don’t have to share anything personal with me, because I did.” She stood and walked over to the table. “I guess we should get these packets made.”
I watched her as she started working again, quickly moving about her task. I didn’t want her to feel even more awkward around me now. That’s exactly what would happen if I didn’t tell her something about me too.
“My dad was killed in a plane crash last year,” I said as I joined her.
She glanced at me briefly and continued to work without speaking. I did the same, letting the silence hang in the air between us.
“Is that when you started acting out?” she asked after a few moments.
I laughed wryly. “If that’s what you want to call it. I didn’t do it on purpose. I only wanted to stop feeling what I was feeling.”
“How bad was it?”
“Bad. I was willing to do, or try, anything to escape it—sleeping, drinking, partying . . . girls.”
“Drugs?” she asked point blank.
I sighed. “Yes, those too.”
“What kinds?”
“Mostly smoking marijuana, but there were a few pills here and there. I never used those enough to become addicted though.”
She turned to face me. “When was the last time you used?”
I swallowed hard, gritting my teeth. I didn’t want to answer her. I wasn’t sure how I’d started pouring my guts out to her, but I was pretty sure I needed to stop. I wasn’t ready for this dam to break.
I continued my work, not answering. To her credit, she didn’t try to press, but I still felt like a jerk after what she’d revealed to me.
“Last night,” I finally replied. I felt a little sick. I could go to jail if she told anyone.
She was quiet for a couple of minutes before she spoke. “You would probably get more benefit from being in there with the group than being stuck here with me.”
I chuckled sarcastically. “You’re kidding, right? Nikki, you just got more out of me than I’ve been able to share with anyone in months. There’s no way I’m gonna go and blab about myself to a bunch of strangers. That’s not my style.”
“You might be surprised how much Maggie could help.”
“It isn’t going to happen, so drop it,” I snapped.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound pushy,” she said softly.
I exhaled loudly and leaned on the table, focusing on the stacks. “You aren’t pushy. I’m touchy about everything.” I didn’t know how to explain things.
“Well, I’m here. If you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask.”
I shoved away from the table and moved toward her. She took a couple of steps backward before standing firm.
“I did ask. I asked you to go out with me, and you said no. I understand why now, and you’re right. He’s a jerk, and I’m a player like he is, but I’ve never, ever forced myself on a girl, and I’m not about to start now. I can’t promise you I won’t do anything dumb, but I’ll promise to be honest with you if you’ll do the same with me.”
She heard me loud and clear, I knew she did, so I continued on. “So here is what I need to know, Nikki. Do you want to go out with me? Or are you saying no because you’re afraid?”
She looked like a cornered rabbit, and I felt horrible, but I wanted to know, once and for all.
“Why do you want to go out with me so badly? It doesn’t make any sense. I’m not the type of girl you’re used to being with.” She swallowed nervously.
“I want to date you because you’re the first person I’ve really noticed since my dad died. For the first time in a long time I want to do something besides get completely hammered. Is that so bad? It’s a date. One date. If you like it, we’ll have more. If you don’t, we won’t. I just want you to give me a chance before you decide I’m not worth it.”
She walked away from me to the desk, running her fingers across the smooth surface. “Will you let me pick the time and place?” she asked.
I grinned widely. “Girl, you can do whatever you want as long as you say yes.”
“Then yes. I’ll go out with you.” She smiled.
“Finally,” I said, looking toward the ceiling and mouthing a thank you. I glanced back at her, and we both started laughing.