* * *
Four long and painful hours later, I had picked and poked through everything I knew to be true as it related to my family and President Barone. I'd worked myself up until I was buzzing with worry, anger, and fear, and I'd pledged a million times that I'd do whatever it took to get my family out of President Barone's crosshairs.
In that equation—because he meant so much to Tawney and Dad and in my opinion he deserved a lot more than beatings—Jayden was included in my umbrella of security.
Our circle of trust, love, and loyalty.
Without meaning to and before I could hold it back, a giant yawn made its way out of me. I was quite sure I might finally be able to sleep for a few hours (or a few days), but I still owed Jayden, so I stayed put.
My commitment didn't matter. Jayden had heard me and came crawling out of his tent seconds later. He stood and stretched with the grace of a cat. He was tall, lean, and sinuously muscular. No matter how big of an ass he could be or how tired I was, I had to admit that he put every other male figure in the world to shame.
He's just that beautiful, I thought as his shirt rode up over his hips and revealed abs that could've been sculpted in marble they were so perfect.
Seeing him and thinking such lusty thoughts—about Jayden St. Romaine of all people—woke me like I'd just had the caffeine from a triple shot espresso injected into my veins. Jayden never even glanced toward the tree where he'd told me to sit. He'd known all along I'd defied him. Something about that made me feel a little better because I suspected if it were a real problem, he'd have crawled out of his tent, threw me over his shoulder, and sat me on my ass exactly where he wanted me to be.
Yeah… he would have.
"Did you like what you saw?" Jayden said, raising his brows and effectively picking up our bickering where we left off before I spent an hour in his chest bawling like a baby.
My mouth snapped closed and the clamping of my teeth echoed through the forest. I was so embarrassed that I'd been caught appreciating Jayden that my face felt as if it had been doused with gas and lit on fire.
Jayden's only response was a low chuckle. Then he walked over to where I'd been quietly sitting, leaned his back against the tree, and slid down next to me.
"You're a real ass!" I spat, finding my voice and keeping my words as clean as possible in case Gran could hear us.
No matter what I said, Jayden knew what was going through my mind based on my glare, clenched fists, and gritting teeth. Obviously glad things between us had gotten back to normal, he chuckled again.
"Go get some rest. I got this," he whispered.
The last thing I wanted was to accept anything from him.
"I'm fine. You can get more sleep. My MicroPharm is working overtime," I said, turning away from him and studying the forest intently.
I acted as if guard duty was what I'd been doing for the last four hours, not wallowing in my problems.
"Yeah… I'm sure it is, but nothing will replace sleep, and that's exactly what you need so you won't slow us down today. We've got enough things working against us without me having to worry about you. Now, go," he ordered.
I shrugged. "I'd think you'd be happy to leave me behind. You could tell Mom and Dad you did everything you could, but in the end, you could only save Gran," I looked over my shoulder and gave him my own raised brow before dragging out the rest of my words in order to make sure he knew I saw what was going on between them. "And Tawney."
Something flashed across his face. Regret. Hurt. Anger. It happened too fast for me to know what had turned his brilliant jade eyes mossy.
"Are you jealous?"
A little too defensively, I scowled. "Why would I be? She's practically my sister. I want her to be happy. Nothing more."
"You were just looking at me like I was the last piece of chocolate cake in the world. That's not how a sister looks at a sister's boyfriend."
Damn him for taunting me. Damn him for remembering chocolate cake is my all-time favorite food in the world.
If I were Tawney, he and I would be able to laugh about my beloved birthday ritual. It had started with my fourth birthday, and every year since, my parents had begrudgingly conceded to my whim—I bequeathed chocolate cake the main course and demanded the sizes served be big enough to leave you bloated and full and unable to eat anything with the first ounce of nutritional value.
I snapped back to reality when he winked at me.
"You wish," I retorted.
"Yeah… I kind of do," he admitted before looking away and clearing his throat.
Speechless, I studied him and tried to figure out what game he was playing. First, he was flirting with Tawney. Now, he was saying things he shouldn't be saying to me.
"What are you doing? Even if I did like you—which I don't—I'll not betray Tawney. If she likes you, you're hers," I whispered so low that even if she happened to be awake, she'd never know what I'd just said.
As if egging me on were his goal in life, Jayden smirked and shrugged his shoulders before saying, "You of all people should know exactly what I'm doing. She needs something that will give her the motivation she needs to make it on her own to the safe house. I'm giving her what she's always wanted. A knight in shining armor. It's a harmless thing to do, and it will help her over the next few weeks."
My mouth dropped to my chest.
"Do you have any morals?"
"Carles, don't be jealous. I told you it's not real. You'll have me back as your very own pain in the ass soon enough."
I closed my eyes and shook my head. It took every ounce of restraint I had not to close the small distance between us, wrap my hands around his neck, and choke him until he understood what he was doing was wrong. His intentions might have been coming from the right place, but toying with Tawney's emotions wasn't something he should have been doing. Not now.
"If she finds out you're doing this out of pity, that alone will kill her. No girl wants a pity boyfriend. That's the worst thing ever."
With another shrug, he said, "Then it's your job to encourage her to keep up the pace so we're at the safe house as soon as possible. I'm putting you in charge of keeping her moving. If you fail, I'll intervene and do whatever I have to do."
The only person who knew better than me that all Tawney had ever wanted was a knight in shining armor was Jayden. We'd both watched as she'd spent years burying her nose books. All of them had the same theme: a man saved a woman just in time for them to pledge their eternal love to each other.
I'd actually seen her nearly swoon on at least one occasion when her all-time favorite male character finally and wholeheartedly admitted he loved her all-time favorite female character. Their happily ever ending was perfect, and it was the kind that had Tawney floating around the house for weeks after she finished the series.
She even took to following me around, demanding I read their story. She claimed if I read the book, I'd understand how important it was to have someone you could share everything with, including the most private and intimate pieces of yourself. Share my feelings with.
I'd ignored her and her lectures and avoided her whenever possible. Her nagging got so bad that if I'd had to listen to her tell me one more time that I needed a boyfriend or that my life would never be full without one, I might have resorted to drastic measures and cut off my ears.
I remembered the moment when I'd caved to her persuasion. It had been a Saturday, and we'd been enduring yet another weekend of survival training in the rain. I barely recalled the circumstances, but somehow I'd sprained my ankle while sparing with Jayden. I'd kicked out one leg. He'd grabbed it, and the next thing I knew, the ankle steadying me had given out. Before I could prevent it, I was face down in the muddy floor of the forest.
Under normal circumstances, Jayden would've laughed his ass off at me and made some comment about a female mudwrestling competition. My fall had not been a normal circumstance. The pain burning my ankle had been so bad that, screaming, I'd wondered if I'd broke
n something.
The MicroPharm had gone to work right away, alleviating the pain, and even though the throb had quickly dulled, Jayden hadn't been amused at all. He'd been so concern about me that he lifted me into his arms and carried me back to camp as fast as he could.
Jayden's normal reaction would have been anything but extreme concern. Animosity, irritation, and anger, yes. Concern, no. With him so out of sorts, I, in my drug addled state, understood that the ankle injury had been pretty severe. Before we made it to the camp, I blacked out, something Mom explained had been from the pain and not an accidental MicroPharm overdose.
When I'd awakened a few hours later, I was in Mom's tent and every pillow in camp had been shoved behind me to prop me up and every blanket in camp had been folded beneath my elevated leg to minimize the swelling.
On one side sat a guilt-ridden Jayden, a boy who looked like he'd just murdered someone. On the other side sat Tawney. Smiling, she'd held up her reader, where her favorite book was stored. I'd been trapped. My only option had been that of giving in.
I'd groaned internally and knew there was no getting away.
"Aunt Selma says you've been excused from training. You're on bed rest until further notice, which means you have plenty of time to fall deeply and madly in love with the dreamiest fallen angel to ever be written about," she'd cooed as if my injury had been the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
Even then, long before I'd known her fate, she'd been too excited and too sweet for me to utter the sarcastic retort that had been itching to claw its way out of my throat. Instead, I'd given in to her demands and bobbed my head. Delighted, she'd tucked her most prized possession under my hip and glided her way out of the tent, claiming she didn't want to be the one keeping me from beginning it right away.
After she'd gone, I noticed Jayden's smirk. It had been one he instantly wiped away when he'd seen my glare. He understood I'd rather be actively involved in hand-to-hand training than reading about Tawney's favorite book boyfriend, which meant his satisfied grin had been the last thing I wanted or needed.
"You did that on purpose," I'd seethed.
"I've never hurt you on purpose before. What would make you think I'd do that today?"
Because I'd not been able to tell Tawney off, I'd misplaced my ire and acted as if Jayden had been solely responsible for my having to read Tawney's stupid love story.
"Oh… I don't know. Maybe you did it so I'd finally have to give in to Tawney's demands. You'll do anything she asks, and you expect me to do the same," I'd grumped.
"Yeah. I made you sprain your ankle so you could fawn all over that damn fictional angel the way she does. That sounds just like something I'd do, Carles."
"At least you admit it," I'd said smugly, picking up the reader and completely ignoring Jayden.
It had taken a full thirty minutes before he'd left the tent, and during that entire time, he and I'd never said another word. Before nightfall, I'd finished Tawney's book and had fallen madly in love with an angel, one who when described in the book could have been Jayden's doppelgänger. I'd suspected since that day that Tawney had been secretly in love with our Surrogate Soldier for a long time.
I'd never been sure what the fact that I'd loved the book and its main character every bit as much as Tawney said about me, but I'd been sure it had something to do with the crush I'd had on him until I found out Dad made him spend time with me.
The memories of the fallen angel and Tawney's obsession with that book reminded me that Jayden wouldn't be able to toy with her emotions. He was right that her mood had lightened and she'd had a boost to her energy level, one that couldn't be engineered through the MicroPharm, after Jayden began flirting. Still, the short-term solution wouldn't be best for her in the long term.
I was almost begging when I said, "You can't make her think you like her just so she'll be able to make it through this trip?"
"Don't look at me like that. I'm not tricking Tawney. I love her. It's just that I love her more like a sister than anything else. Right now, I'm doing what I have to do to get her to the next safe house so she can be made comfortable," he admitted without one ounce of guilt.
"Jesus! You're a bigger bastard than I suspected," I fumed.
"There's always something that can keep people going when they think they can't take one more step. For Tawney, it's the promise of a great love story at the end," Jayden confided quietly.
My suspicions grew to an all-time high. "So… this is how you've been dealing with us for years. Complimenting and flirting with Tawney." I took a deep breath and widened my eyes in unfathomable realization. "And me. You've been taunting, criticizing, even challenging me, and now I know it was so you could get me to do what you wanted me to do," I angrily whisper-shouted.
When Gran's gentle snore hitched, Jayden put his fingers to his lips, reminding me they needed to stay asleep in order for everything to stay on track and for everyone to be as rested as possible. I couldn't help but stare back at him and wonder if he'd ever had a genuine moment in his life. Even right now, he was trying to create the perfect situation for our trek through these woods.
"You make me sick," I spat, getting up and taking the few stomps necessary to make it to my tent.
Without a backward glance and despite him saying, "Carlie… it's not like that," I dropped to my knees and crawled into my tent.
I'd always given in to Jayden's taunts. In some ways, they'd always been fun because he could give as well as he took, meaning I've never had to censor my words or my thoughts with him. The one thing that had never occurred to me was that he'd been doing all of it as a form of manipulation.
I was so angry, so hurt, so betrayed that I suspected I might never fall asleep. I couldn't have been more wrong. Within minutes, I was dead to the world, in the middle of the forest with an asshole Surrogate guarding my safety.
No matter how pissed I was, how much Tawney liked him, or how much I wanted to throat punch Jayden, I couldn't stop dreaming of his beautiful green eyes or the way I physically longed for him to kiss me.
And I wanted it in the worst way.