“That’s it, love…let it go. Let me make you forget all about him. Let me in, and I’ll make you forget all about everything.”
I looked away and over toward the window, out to the ocean. My mind drifted away from what was happening, and all I could think about was Scott. Then, I saw the moon in the sky, and I heard Scott’s voice.
I love you to the moon and back.
He’d said it to me all the time, and that was all I could hear now, over and over in my head.
I love you to the moon and back, Jessie—always.
No…no…something about this feels all wrong. I can’t do this. Stop! Please stop!
I looked back at Trey as he was sucking on one of my overly sensitive nipples. Jesus, it feels so good but so wrong at the same time.
I began pushing him away. “Stop. Please stop, Trey.”
He stopped moving his fingers and looked up at me. “Jessie…please let me do this for you.”
I shook my head, and I felt tears falling down my face. “I can’t do this. I need you to get off of me, please.”
Trey immediately jumped up and turned away. I quickly pulled my bra down and reached for my panties. I slipped them on, and then I began putting on my shorts and shirt as I looked at Trey pacing back and forth. He was breathing so heavily, and I knew what I had just done was such a shit-ass thing to do.
When I walked up and touched him on the shoulder, he jumped.
“Please don’t touch me. It’s taking everything I have not to try and convince you to let me make love to you, so please don’t touch me.”
“I’m so sorry, Trey. I thought I wanted to…but I can’t. It just feels so wrong. I still love him.”
Trey spun around and looked at me. “What? After you caught him fucking his ex, you can stand here and say you still love him?”
I nodded as tears began to fall harder. “I can’t help what my heart feels. I just…I love him so much, and I…I need more time.”
He ran his hands through his hair and let out a long, drawn-out sigh. “Jessie…I know you only want to be friends, and I’m trying…really, I’m trying, but I want to be honest with you. I think I’m falling for you, and I want to move this on to something other than friendship.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. “Trey…I just…I can’t—at least, not right now.”
He slowly smiled. “Well, I guess that’s better than a flat-out no.”
I tried to smile, but I could only manage a weak grin. “Yeah, I guess,” I said. I turned and looked down at the necklace Scott had given me right before all hell had broken loose. I reached down, picked it up, and held it in my hand.
“I’ll take it, and I’ll be patient, love. I’ll be content with being friends—for now.”
I turned and nodded. “I think I need to eat. I’m feeling a little dizzy again.”
Trey gave me a weak smile as he opened the door and waited for me to walk out.
As we made our way to the restaurant, neither one of us talked. I had the most uncontrollable urge to turn around and take a shower, so I could scrub every inch where Trey had touched me. I didn’t understand why I felt like I did because it wasn’t like I was cheating on anyone. I’d left Scott…because he had been with Chelsea. And now, I was…alone. What had happened between me and Trey still felt so wrong, and the feeling in my stomach only grew worse and worse as the night went on.
Oh, God…please forgive me. What did I just do?
I walked into the barn and nearly fell over. What in the hell?
“Um, Gramps…what are you doing?”
Gramps turned and looked at me. He smiled, and I couldn’t help but smile back. I silently said a prayer and thanked God for not taking him from us.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” he said as he turned back and adjusted the saddle on Big Roy.
I took a deep breath and pushed my hand through my hair. “It looks like you’re going for a ride. Can I join you?” I asked.
He turned and flashed me that smile of his. “I don’t know, son. Can you?”
I let out a laugh and shook my head as I reached for my saddle and walked up to Firelight. I gave her a few strokes and grabbed a handful of oats for her.
“May I join you?” I asked with a chuckle.
“Yes, I’d love to shoot the shit with you for a bit.”
Gramps and I rode in silence for a good fifteen minutes before he finally started talking.
“How’s Scott?”
I let out a sigh and thought back to last night when Scott had broken down. “Scott has been spending more and more time at our house. Last night, he and Ellie were sitting on the back porch, and he just lost it. I think what is killing him the most is not having a clue as to where in the hell she is.”
“And she hasn’t gotten in touch with her daddy? That doesn’t sound like Jessie,” Gramps said with a shake of his head.
“She called Amanda, but the connection was bad, and Amanda said Jessie was only getting every other word. Jessie said she’d be home by now, but…”
“You know, Gunner, women are a strange group.”
I let out a laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, they are, Gramps.”
“Here’s what I’m thinking—Jessie is so deeply hurt by what she thinks is a betrayal by Scott. For her, maybe the easiest thing to do is stay away, and by staying away and not talking to anyone, she can’t be reminded of that hurt. You and I both know that is not a good way of handling things, but right now, her heart is so broken that she doesn’t know what to do.”
“But, Gramps, if she would just fucking call someone, we could tell her the truth—that it wasn’t Scott she saw that night. How can we help her if she won’t let us?”
Gramps turned and looked at me. “That’s the problem—she doesn’t want help. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone—maybe for fear of asking how Scott is or of someone telling her that he’s with that bitch.”
I snapped my head over toward Gramps. “Damn, old man. Don’t hold back.”
“I never did like that girl. I’m not trying to be judgmental ’cause you know I ain’t that way, but there has always been something about her that I just never cared for. I saw the way she would look at you while she was on Scott’s arm. I never did care for those who carry a cheatin’ heart.”
I looked straight ahead and did what I’d been doing for the last couple of weeks. I tried to figure out how in the hell to find Jessie.
“How’s my granddaughter?”
I smiled, and my heart started beating harder. “She’s doing wonderful. She walked yesterday!”
“No!”
I threw my head back and let out a laugh. “Yep! Ells and I were sitting across from each other, and Alex just started walking toward me. It was one of the best moments of my life…and I’ve been having a lot of those lately.”
“Did you cry?”
I slowly looked at my grandfather. I tried to picture him during the first time his sons had taken steps. I would bet the ranch that he cried like a baby!
“Okay, I’ll be a man about it. Yes, I cried…a little.”
“Yeah, the first steps your father took were toward me. I cried like a dam had broken. Emma laughed and told me that was one of the reasons she would love me forever.” Gramps let out a chuckle.
I looked down and then back up at the clear blue sky. It was a beautiful Texas day in December. It couldn’t have been more than sixty-five degrees outside.
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath before slowly letting it out. “God, I love it out here. I never want to be anywhere but here,” I said.
“Drew…”
I opened my eyes and saw something I’d never seen in my grandfather’s eyes before—fear. “Gramps…are you okay?”
He smiled slightly and nodded. “I am, son. I truly am. It’s just…when the whole heart attack happened…well, I’ve never been so scared in my life.”
I nodded. “Yeah, me, too.”
He stopped Big Roy, so I did the same with F
irelight.
“It’s gonna happen someday though, son. I’m not a young stallion anymore,” he said with a grin.
My heart dropped to my stomach. Is something wrong? Oh god, please no…not with the new baby coming. Please…no.
“Jesus, Drew. Stop thinking so hard. I see your wheels spinning in that head of yours. Nothing is wrong. Matter of fact, I’m probably more fit now than I have been in a long time. The ticker is tickin’ just fine. It’s just…I was thinking this morning. Someday, I will be gone. I sure as hell hope I got at least another ten years or more, but—”
“Gramps, why are we even talking about this? I don’t want to talk about how you’re going to die someday. I know that.”
“Because I want you to know something. I want you to know that I couldn’t be more proud of you, son. You’ve done an amazing job, taking over the whole ranch with the help of Jeff and your father. To look out my window and see you and your father walking together with smiles on your faces…it makes my heart swell like you wouldn’t believe. If I had died—”
“But you didn’t!”
Gramps gave me a look. “Don’t interrupt your elder, boy. It’s rude.”
I tried to hold in the smile, but I couldn’t. “Yes, sir. I’m sorry.”
He nodded. “If I had died, I would have died as the happiest man on Earth. I have a woman who has loved me beyond my wildest dreams, two sons whom I’ve never been more proud of, and my grandchildren and great grandchildren…well, hell, they’re the best blessing of all. I just want you to know…I’ve lived a very good life.” He slowly smiled. “A very good life indeed.”
I smiled, knowing he was thinking of Grams. “Gramps, I bet your story with Grams is probably the best love story ever.”
He looked at me and raised his eyebrows. “It is. Someday, I’ll tell you how I had to fight like hell to win that woman’s heart.”
I laughed. “Really? I figured Grams just took one look into those baby blues, and that was it.”
“Shit, I wish. That woman made me work my ass off to win her love, but it’s been a forever love.”
I started laughing as I noticed my father quickly riding up.
“Hey, y’all,” he said as he stopped his horse on a damn dime.
I had yet to ever win a race with this man.
“Ells? Alex?” I asked, trying not to sound panicked.
“They’re fine, but I got a call from Jeff. He’s with Scott at the Wild Coyote Bar. Scott is pretty drunk, and Jeff said—and I quote—‘Tell Gunner to get here before I punch the living shit out of Scott.’ ”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Damn it.” I turned to Gramps and tried to give him a small smile.
“Go, Drew. Your friend needs you. Just be patient, and try to understand what it would be like if Ellie had left you and you had no idea where she was while she thought the worst of you.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. I’d rather die.
“Thanks, Gramps. Let’s do this again, okay?” I turned to my dad and smiled. “Thanks, Dad. You should finish out the ride with Gramps. He’s being all emotional and shit.” I turned to look at Gramps.
His face fell. “You little shit.”
I laughed as I gave Firelight a good kick, and she took off.
I walked into the Wild Coyote Bar as Miranda Lambert’s “Baggage Claim” was playing, and the first thing I noticed was Scott dancing. I had no clue who he was dancing with, but I could immediately tell that he was drunk off his ass. I looked around and saw Jeff sitting at the bar.
I walked up and slapped him on the back. “I heard there was a problem,” I said with a wink.
Jeff rolled his eyes. “That motherfucker is gonna kill me!”
I sat down and ordered a beer as I looked back out at Scott. He was all over the girl.
“What’s going on?” I took a sip of my beer.
“For the last hour, I’ve been fighting with that little ho-bag out there on the dance floor.” Jeff looked out at the girl dancing with Scott.
I couldn’t help but start laughing. “What’s she doing?”
“Trying to get Scott to leave with her. I won’t let him do it, Gunner. I don’t care how upset he is. He’s drunk, and he’s hurting, so I won’t let him be unfaithful to Jessie…even if she thinks he already has been. But the fucker is starting to piss me off. He just wants to leave with this girl.”
The song ended, and they both came walking up to the bar. I smiled when I got a better look at the girl.
“Lucy…I don’t think your husband would like knowing his wife is out trying to pick up men.”
Lucy was married to a friend of mine who was in the Army and just happened to be deployed. My heart instantly broke for him, and I made a mental note to let him know that his wife was at the bar today.
Scott spun around and looked at Lucy as she shot me a dirty look.
“Fuck off, Gunner,” Lucy said.
Scott instantly removed his arm from her shoulder. “You’re married?” He shook his head. “Fucking women—you’re nothing but a bunch of deceiving, lying bitches.”
Lucy gave Scott a good push, causing him to fall toward Jeff and me. We both reached out and grabbed Scott before he fell to the floor.
She threw her hands on her hips and gave Scott a dirty look. “Asshole. You just keep crying over the girl who walked out and left your ass. You probably deserved it.”
I grabbed Scott and made him sit down. “What in the hell are you doing, Scott? You can’t drink or fuck her out of your mind…or heart.”
“Ain’t that the truth? Been there and done that.” Jeff took a drink of his beer.
Scotty McCreery’s “The Trouble with Girls” started playing, and Scott put his head in his hands.
“Perfect-ass song. I can’t take it. I’m going crazy. I have to know where she is! What is she doing? Who is she with? What if she meets someone and falls in love with him? She obviously doesn’t give a fuck about me or anyone else back home.”
Jeff shook his head and put his hand on Scott’s shoulder. “Scott, she’s not going to fall in love with someone else in a little over a month. She told Amanda three weeks, so she’ll probably be here any day.”
Scott started shaking his head. “No, I feel her slipping further and further away. I can’t explain it. I just feel it in my heart. I sure hate my brother and Chelsea right now.”
“You don’t mean that, Scott,” Jeff said as he glanced over toward me.
“I do mean it. It’s because of them that I lost the only girl I’ve ever loved…the only girl I’ll ever love. I hate them both.”
I took a deep breath and pulled out my phone. Ellie had sent me a text, asking how Scott was. She also wanted me to stop and pick up Alex’s birthday cake.
“Scott, let’s get you to my house, so you can sleep this off. Stay with Ellie and me for a few days. You can help me get the house ready for Alex’s first birthday party. How does that sound?”
Scott looked up at me, and the tears in his eyes about gutted me.
I don’t ever want to know how he is feeling right now. My heart was physically hurting for him.
He slowly smiled and nodded. “I can’t believe Little Bear is going to be one. You’re so blessed, Gunner.” Scott snapped his head and looked at Jeff. “Both of you. You’re so damn blessed. Jeff, how is Grace?”
Jeff smiled the biggest smile I’d ever seen. He’d been on cloud nine since Grace was born.
“She’s growing fast. I do believe she’s already got me wrapped around her little finger—just like her mama.”
Scott let out a small chuckle. “Yeah, I bet. Listen, I’m sorry y’all had to come down here and deal with me. I’m not sure how I’m gonna drive home or get my truck back to my house.”
Jeff started laughing. “Dude, I drove. We came here together, you stupid fuckwad.”
“Oh…well, okay. I’m not feeling so well. Maybe I should head home. Bryce is there though, and I don’t really want to see him.”<
br />
I stood up and threw some money onto the bar. “Come on, Scott, let’s get you out of here.”
After getting Scott into the truck, I turned to Jeff and shook my head.
“Jesus H. Christ. Gunner, I’m really worried about him. I’ve pretty much been running his breeding business the last few weeks. He also just bought a Thoroughbred, sight unseen, for a small fortune. I’m praying to God that the damn horse is fast and can get him his money back. If Jessie would just fucking check in with someone…I mean, this is destroying him. I’ve never in my life seen anyone just give up like this.”
I looked around the parking lot and then back at Jeff. A part of me was so pissed-off at Jessie for doing this. It was hard to be mad at her because of what she thought she’d seen, but the fact that she’d just up and left with no word to anyone in the last few weeks just wasn’t like her.
“Dude, why are you looking around the parking lot like you’re fixin’ to say something top secret? Do you know where Jessie is?”
“What? No. Shit, I would never do that to Scott. I’ve been thinking though. Do you think she could have met someone?”
Jeff looked down at the ground and kicked a rock before glancing back at me. “I’ve already thought about that. It’s just weird that she would tell Amanda she was only going to be gone for three weeks, and it’s been almost five weeks now. Christmas is in a few days. Is she really not going to come home for Christmas? Or even call her dad? I get that she’s trying to just avoid it all, but this is just insane. If she were my daughter, I’d be losing my goddamn mind.”
I glanced back at Scott in the truck. He was passed out cold.
Turning back to Jeff, I said, “I don’t know, Jeff. I know Jessie has been in love with Scott since high school, and the same goes for his feelings for her. He hurt her so bad in high school though, and I know it was a huge leap of faith for her to trust him not to hurt her again. And now, in her mind, he did. I can’t even begin to imagine how she felt when she walked into that bedroom. I think she panicked more than anything. The only thing she knew to do was run away—just like she had done after high school when she’d left for college and avoided Scott like he was the plague. The only thing we can wish for is that she comes to her damn senses and comes home. I just can’t see Jessie not even calling her dad on Christmas. All we need is for someone to tell her what really happened.”