On our first day back to school, I was nervous. My palms were sweaty, and I felt sort of excited and nauseous. Kyle didn’t show up to walk to school with Megan and me like he usually did. Things were not looking good.
“I can’t believe Kyle ditched us,” Megan said for the hundredth time as we walked Kyle-less to school. “What’s up with him?”
The thing is, I never told her about Kyle’s kiss. I don’t know why exactly, I usually tell her everything. But I didn’t tell her this. And now, walking to school, I still couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I mean, what could I say? “I’m a dork”? I was literally unable to choke the words out. It hurt too much. The thought was just too brutal. Instead I tried to concentrate on the new school year. New classes. New friends. New opportunities. I tried to think, You never know, things can turn out great.
When we got to school, we found Kyle at his locker, talking with Courtney. Seeing them together was like a punch in the stomach. Extreme pain. Before I could stop her, Megan marched over to Kyle.
“We waited for you this morning. What happened?”
“He walked with me,” Courtney informed us with a smile, looking smug.
The bell rang, and I headed for homeroom feeling like the world’s biggest jerk. I’d thought about Kyle all summer long. Thought about his kiss. But obviously, Kyle didn’t waste his time thinking about me, because over the summer he got what he wanted. COURTNEY. Trauma, trauma, trauma.
I crept into fourth period just as the tardy bell rang. It was the class I’d been dreading all day because it was band, and I knew I’d have to face Kyle. I avoided his gaze as I slipped into the seat. Actually, I avoided his gaze all during class. But I was unable to avoid him once class was over. He was beside me before I had a chance to dart away.
“Look, let’s talk a minute, okay?”
“No. Not now. I’m late.” I tried to rush off, before I cried or something. But he grabbed my arm, making me stay.
“Just for a minute,” he said calmly. I glared up at him, trying to keep my tears back. “I’m sorry I didn’t show this morning. Courtney came by, and . . . I don’t know, I’ve been afraid things might be weird between us—between you and me.”
I looked away from him, muttering, “You should have called.”
“Yeah. I know. I’m sorry.”
“Whatever.” I wiggled free of his hold and headed for the door. “See ya.”
At lunch, I told Megan what Kyle had said. She was more understanding than I had been.
“Well, Courtney went to his house—not the other way around,” she reasoned. “I guess that’s not his fault. Besides, he’s had a crush on her forever. Give him a break.”
“Well, he should have called,” I sulked, still feeling a knife in my back.
“Face it,” Megan said, “guys are spazzes when they like a girl.”
Moments later, Kyle walked by with Courtney and a group of her friends. I slunk down in my seat, my heart sinking at the sight of them. I hated this new school year. I wished everything could go back to the way things were last year, when Kyle just drooled over Courtney from a distance. Those were the good old days. Feeling gloomy, I was surprised to see Kyle leave Courtney and her followers to come sit across from Megan and me.
“Are you still mad?” he asked.
I looked down at the table, not wanting to answer. How could I possibly answer?
“I’m not mad at you, Kyle,” Megan piped in. “I’m not. I totally understand. So, don’t think I’m storming away.” We watched Megan skip off in silence. Then Kyle turned to me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t show up today. Seriously. I was afraid to face you. But I thought about you all summer.”
“Right,” I scoffed. “While you were getting together with Courtney.” He shook his head in disbelief.
“We’re not together. Seriously. All summer long, all I could think about was you. About all the fun we used to have—at least until I kissed you. I really blew it, huh?” I dropped my jaw.
“You didn’t blow it.”
“But the way you acted. . . .”
“I didn’t know how to act. I was surprised.”
He grinned. “You screamed!”
My face reddened. “I didn’t scream! I yelped!”
Then I looked at Kyle’s grinning face, and I knew it was all okay.
And so that’s my story. My first kiss—my first day back to school. MY FIRST BOYFRIEND!!! Good story, huh?
Melanie Marks
A “Bite” of All Right!
Life’s under no obligation to give us what we expect.
Margaret Mitchell
At eleven years old, I had already had boyfriends. I had even held hands with a couple of them and kissed one on the lips. It all seemed very exciting. Then . . . I met Ben.
No one else saw Ben the way I did. To others, he was arrogant and mischievous—even if that was true, he made my tummy wobble every time I saw him.
He was in my class, which meant I got to sit and gaze at him during lessons, although this got me into trouble on a couple of occasions for not concentrating; I was concentrating, but on Ben—not the lesson.
All my friends thought I was crazy, but I didn’t care. I wanted Ben to be my boyfriend. So, I got my friends to find out if he liked me, and in turn, his friends were doing the same—to see if I liked him. There were messages going in all directions. It was like torture, not knowing for sure if he liked me or not, and I was too shy to just ask him.
As I walked down the hallway one morning before class, Ben suddenly stopped dead right in front of me. My heart was racing; I didn’t know whether to smile, speak or giggle. “Will you go out with me?” he said with no warning. I wasn’t sure if he was just joking, but he looked serious.
“Yes,” I mumbled, embarrassed.
“Good,” he replied, and that was that. We were the newest couple in school.
We had a “normal” relationship for a couple of weeks. Every few days I would dump him, or he would dump me, then our friends would pass messages, and we would get back together again.
Then one day he said we should kiss. But we have kissed, I thought. On the lips! But he meant a “real” kiss, a “mouth-open kiss” he told me. Not wanting to seem immature, I agreed—but I was terrified. I didn’t really know what he meant.
We met that evening, and with a group of friends, we went up the road from our house. There was a house there that was empty, and Ben had said we could go round to the back of the house. The others waited at the front of the house.
When we got to the back of the house, my heart was pounding. I just didn’t want to mess it up. I would have to follow his lead. “Don’t worry,” he said quietly, “just close your eyes and open your mouth a little.” How difficult could that be? I could feel his breath on my face as we got closer, and then his open mouth gently touched against my lips. Then without a warning, he slipped his tongue into my mouth—it was slimy and disgusting, and without a second thought, I clamped my mouth shut!
“Ouch!” he yelled. “You bit me!”
The other kids laughed a lot, and for a few days it was the gossip around the school. Even the teachers looked like they were grinning at me. But they soon forgot about it and moved on to laugh at someone else who had done something embarrassing.
For me, however, I will never forget my first “real” kiss.
Paula Goldsmith
Never Should Have
Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.
Victoria Holt
On June 13th, my friend C. J. had an end-of-the-school-year party. Naturally, I went with my friends Kalah and Ashley. We were having the time of our lives! Then I noticed him as he was walking through the door. I knew who he was—his name was Greg and he had been in my health class. I had sat by him a few times, and we had talked a little, but I never thought he would be the guy I would end up crushing on.
I told Ashley and Kalah, “Let’s go sit on the
trampoline with Greg.” They were wondering why, but they sat with him anyways. There were tons of girls on the trampoline, and Greg was basically in the middle. I was next to him on his left. I knew in that instant that I liked him. We both laughed. We didn’t talk much more except that he said that I was the only hot girl on the trampoline. I smiled and blushed. We all went back inside C. J.’s house and waited while everyone’s parents came to pick them up. Greg, Kalah, Ashley and I were the last to leave, so we got to hang out for awhile longer.
Ashley had asked Kalah and me if we wanted to stay overnight with her, and the three of us sat up all night talking about how much fun the party was! Then I finally ’fessed up to them about liking Greg. Kalah ran into the kitchen to get the phone book. We looked and looked for his number and finally found it! I was overjoyed, and we agreed to call him the next day. Kalah’s mom picked her up in the morning, but I got to stay at Ashley’s longer.
Ashley and I went to this little concert at the park. We walked down the sidewalk for a bit until we found a bench by the docks. It was time. I get nervous asking guys out, so Ashley called Greg for me.
“Do you like Kristen?” she demanded. He replied, “Yes . . . yes, I do. She is really nice.” He fidgeted and said, “Uhh . . . does she . . . umm . . . like me, too?” Ashley told him to hold on, and she asked me.
I said, “DUH! I told you last night!” Greg was happy to hear that I liked him, and Ashley asked him out for me. He said yes!! I felt like the happiest girl on earth. We talked for about thirty minutes on my cell phone and found out loads of things about each other. We were really a good couple.
A few days later, I asked my mom if I could go see a movie with Greg, and she said it was fine. I called Greg and asked him. He said he really wanted to see me but he couldn’t go. I said it was okay, and I would just talk to him later on the computer. It ended up being like that a lot. It was like he couldn’t see me that much because he was either grounded, riding his dirt bike or going to church. I wanted to see him so bad, and I would be going away to camp for a week.
Right before I went away to camp, I got onto the computer and told Greg that I would miss him and asked him to write to me. He sent me one letter, and I wrote him back a letter. I told him bye when I had to leave, and he said bye, too, and promised to write to me. I cried when I left home, although I told my mom it was just because I would miss her and my sister and my dogs.
After I had been at camp for a couple of days, I wrote Greg a letter. I told him about the hiking, dances, lunch/ dinner/breakfast food, I told him everything—even about the dance. At my camp, when someone asks you to dance, you HAVE to do it. At the first dance we had, this boy named Trevor asked me to dance a lot! I didn’t mind too much because he was a nice guy. From then on, I noticed that every activity I did, he did as well. I asked him about it, and he confessed that he liked me. I told him I already had a boyfriend, but he said he didn’t care about my boyfriend. For a while, it annoyed me and bugged me that he was always around, but then at the last dance, I danced with him again. When the song came on, he SANG IT to me! I was so touched. That’s when I realized that I kind of liked him. I told him that I was tired, and he offered to carry me to my cabin. I laughed and said, “It’s okay, you don’t need to.”
The next day it was time to go home. I realized that I was going to miss being at camp. I really did, and I still do. When I got home, I explained all the fun I had had at camp to my mom, my sitter and her boyfriend. They were glad I was back, and so was I in a way. I was looking forward to being able to see Greg and talk to him and stuff like that. But somehow I was missing Trevor. I was so confused. I finally came to the worst decision of my life—I was going to break up with Greg.
When I took my overnight bag into my bedroom, I looked on my bed and there was an envelope. I recognized the address—it was from Greg. I jumped on my bed and ripped it open. It said: “Dear Kristen, I have missed you so much and I am glad to hear you’ve been having fun. That whole dance thing—it doesn’t bug me because I know you are true to me. I have been really bored because I haven’t been talking to you! I cannot wait to see your screen name on my buddy list again or your phone number on my caller ID. I miss you a lot. Hurry home. Love, Greg.”
I just couldn’t believe it! I started crying, but I decided that I still wanted to go through with breaking up with him. I went to my computer and signed on. I wasn’t surprised to see that he was online. He instant messaged me and said, “WELCOME BACK! I MISSED YOU A LOT!” I said, “Thanks, I missed you, too.” Then he told me that he wanted to tell me something very important that he had wanted to say for a while. I thought he wanted to break up, but that wasn’t it. Then he said it—the three words that mean the most—I love you. I told him to not say that because of what I was about to do to him. He didn’t say anything back, so I asked him if he was there. Then he answered me, “I think I know what you are going to say.”
I said, “What am I about to say?”
“WHY is all I want to know!”
I didn’t have to say a word, and he already knew. When I told him about Trevor, he was, like, “Oh. . . . We are still friends though, right?”
“Yes, of course,” I replied.
He said okay and left. I signed off and ran to my room and lay on my bed, stuffing my face into my pillow. I thought about it over and over again, and then I came to this conclusion—I shouldn’t have dumped him for a guy who lives over two hours away from me. It was such a stupid idea and a stupid thing to do. But I couldn’t ask Greg out again because I figured after I had hurt him he wouldn’t want me back.
Trevor and I won’t see each other for another year, and I do not even know if he is going back to camp again. It was a terrible mistake to break up with Greg. I should have stayed true to him and not allowed myself to feel anything except for friendship toward Trevor. That way I wouldn’t have hurt Greg.
These days, Greg and I still talk with each other on the computer. He has a girlfriend now, and she is a nice person. Even though I am friends with her, sometimes it still hurts me. I think he knows how I still feel about him. He doesn’t forgive me for what I did, and I do not blame him. But he still talks to me. At least I have that.
Kristen Weil, 13
My First Kiss
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
Judy Garland
Sunsets and sunrises,
This moment locked in time
My breath stops, our eyes lock
Your heart beats next to mine
The ground shakes, my body shivers
It feels like total bliss
I have allover tingles
This is my first kiss.
Khristine J. Quibilan
NO RODEO ®
NO RODEO. © Robert Berardi. Used by permission.
Secret Crush
A crush is the path to a secret heartache.
Gina Romanello
Jason. He was the boy of my dreams. He started coming to my school when I was in the second grade, but he was in a different class than me, so I barely caught a glimpse of him. In the third grade he wasn’t in my class either, but then came fourth grade. That was the first year we had the same teacher, and the first time I really got to see him, hear him, watch him, . . . I fell madly in love with him.
His blond hair was always cut just so, and his bangs hung straight down on his forehead. His blue eyes were the bluest of blues, and when he smiled . . . oh, that smile. His entire face lit up. He had the straightest, whitest teeth I’d ever seen. He was a dream. I was obsessed with him, and it was the beginning of a secret crush that I’d hold onto for years.
In fifth and sixth grade, Jason and I ended up having different teachers so I didn’t see him as much, but he was on my mind and in my heart just the same. During lunch or recess, I’d steal glimpses of him. I couldn’t erase his blue eyes out of my heart.
When sixth grade came to an end, we were
off to junior high school. I knew I’d be meeting new boys, and Jason would be meeting new girls. I was excited and nervous. For three years, I secretly loved him, dreamed about him and never shared that with anyone.
Finally the first day of junior high school came. I hardly slept at all that night, I was so scared and nervous and anxious all at the same time.
When the bus arrived at our new school, I went to my first class and then my second—and there was no Jason. I went to my third class, then finally my fourth. I walked in the classroom and there he was, sitting alone at a desk. He gave me a huge grin as if he was so relieved to see a familiar face—mine! I sat right next to him, and we talked. We talked and talked and talked. It was different this time, we were in junior high, and we didn’t know anyone else in the class except each other. We talked until the class started and then we talked at the end of class, and we walked out together! Except, I wasn’t walking at all—I was floating!
That’s how it was every day in fourth period during those first few weeks. Jason and I sat next to each other and talked. We became fast friends, more than we’d ever been before. Then one day, my heart almost exploded.
“I have an idea of what you can do today when you get home,” Jason said to me as we walked out of the classroom.