When it’s cold and raining,
You are more beautiful.
And the snow brings me
even closer to Your Lips.
The Inner Secret, that which was never born,
You are that freshness, and I am with You now.
Christ initiated another version of the path in his supreme teaching, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” Jesus always spoke of God as a loving father. The Christian version of the path is therefore a relationship not so much between lovers as between parent and child or a shepherd and his flock (we shouldn’t forget, though, the image of Christ as bridegroom and the worshiper’s soul as the bride).
So it isn’t the tradition that is lacking. One might more fairly say that in most religions the teaching of love, as originally presented, seems to have faded, to become more an ideal than a practical reality. But amidst all the confusion and breakdown of traditional teaching, there is still the spark of love that brings two people together, and out of that a path can be made.
Like the tiny spark of fire that consumes a forest, the spark of love is all you need to experience love in its full power and glory, in all its aspects, earthly and divine. Love is spirit, and all experiences of love, however insignificant they seem, are actually invitations to the cosmic dance. Within every love story hides the wooing of the gods and goddesses.
In a different age the most fleeting of infatuations had spiritual meaning; the nearness of God in the beloved was taken seriously. Since the advent of Freud, however, psychologists have assured us that falling in love is illusory; the sense of ecstasy that is part of falling in love is illusory; the sense of ecstasy that is part of falling in love isn’t realistic. We must learn to accept the temporary nature of romance and disregard the “projected fantasy” that we might be as immortal and invulnerable as passionate lovers feel. We would therefore have to be skeptical of Walt Whitman when he rapturously declares,
I am the mate and companion of people, all just as immortal and fathomless as myself, (They do not know how immortal, but I know.)
~Deepak Chopra, MD
Love: The One Creative Force
Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor... Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.
~Mother Teresa
A college professor had his sociology class go into the Baltimore slums to get case histories of 200 young boys. They were asked to write an evaluation of each boy’s future. In every case the students wrote, “He hasn’t got a chance.” Twenty-five years later another sociology professor came across the earlier study. He had his students follow up on the project to see what had happened to these boys. With the exception of 20 boys who had moved away or died, the students learned that 176 of the remaining 180 had achieved more than ordinary success as lawyers, doctors and businessmen.
The professor was astounded and decided to pursue the matter further. Fortunately, all the men were in the area and he was able to ask each one, “How do you account for your success?” In each case the reply came with feeling, “There was a teacher.”
The teacher was still alive, so he sought her out and asked the old but still alert lady what magic formula she had used to pull these boys out of the slums into successful achievement.
The teacher’s eyes sparkled and her lips broke into a gentle smile. “It’s really very simple,” she said. “I loved those boys.”
~Eric Butterworth
All I Remember
There is a comfort in the strength of love;
’Twill make a thing endurable, which else
Would overset the brain, or break the heart.
~William Wordsworth
When my father spoke to me, he always began the conversation with “Have I told you yet today how much I adore you?” The expression of love was reciprocated and, in his later years, as his life began to visibly ebb, we grew even closer... if that were possible.
At 82 he was ready to die, and I was ready to let him go so that his suffering would end. We laughed and cried and held hands and told each other of our love and agreed that it was time. I said, “Dad, after you’ve gone I want a sign from you that you’re fine.” He laughed at the absurdity of that; Dad didn’t believe in reincarnation. I wasn’t positive I did either, but I had had many experiences that convinced me I could get some signal “from the other side.”
My father and I were so deeply connected I felt his heart attack in my chest at the moment he died. Later I mourned that the hospital staff, in their sterile wisdom, had not let me hold his hand as he had slipped away.
Day after day I prayed to hear from him, but nothing happened. Night after night I asked for a dream before I fell asleep. And yet four long months passed and I heard and felt nothing but grief at his loss. Mother had died five years before of Alzheimer’s, and, though I had grown daughters of my own, I felt like a lost child.
One day, while I was lying on a massage table in a dark quiet room waiting for my appointment, a wave of longing for my father swept over me. I began to wonder if I had been too demanding in asking for a sign from him. I noticed that my mind was in a hyper acute state. I experienced an unfamiliar clarity in which I could have added long columns of figures in my head. I checked to make sure I was awake and not dreaming, and I saw that I was as far removed from a dreamy state as one could possibly be. Each thought I had was like a drop of water disturbing a still pond, and I marveled at the peacefulness of each passing moment. Then I thought, “I’ve been trying to control the messages from the other side; I will stop that now.”
Suddenly my mother’s face appeared — my mother, as she had been before Alzheimer’s disease had stripped her of her mind, her humanity and 50 pounds. Her magnificent silver hair crowned her sweet face. She was so real and so close I felt I could reach out and touch her. She looked as she had a dozen years ago, before the wasting away had begun. I even smelled the fragrance of Joy, her favorite perfume. She seemed to be waiting and did not speak. I wondered how it could happen that I was thinking of my father and my mother appeared, and I felt a little guilty that I had not asked for her as well.
I said, “Oh, Mother, I’m so sorry that you had to suffer with that horrible disease.”
She tipped her head slightly to one side, as though to acknowledge what I had said about her suffering. Then she smiled—a beautiful smile— and said very distinctly, “But all I remember is love.” And she disappeared.
I began to shiver in a room suddenly gone cold, and I knew in my bones that the love we give and receive is all that matters and all that is remembered. Suffering disappears; love remains.
Her words are the most important I have ever heard, and that moment is forever engraved on my heart.
I have not yet seen or heard from my father, but I have no doubt that someday, when I least expect it, he will appear and say, “Have I told you yet today that I love you?”
~Bobbie Probstein
Heart Song
To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter.
~Euripides
Once upon a time there was a great man who married the woman of his dreams. With their love, they created a little girl. She was a bright and cheerful little girl and the great man loved her very much.
When she was very little, he would pick her up, hum a tune and dance with her around the room, and he would tell her, “I love you, little girl.”
When the little girl was growing up, the great man would hug her and tell her, “I love you, little girl.” The little girl would pout and say, “I’m not a little girl anymore.” Then the man would laugh and say, “But to me, you’ll always be my little girl.”
The little girl who-was-not-little-anymore left her home and went into the world. As she learned more about herself, she learned m
ore about the man. She saw that he truly was great and strong, for now she recognized his strengths. One of his strengths was his ability to express his love to his family. It didn’t matter where she went in the world, the man would call her and say, “I love you, little girl.”
The day came when the little girl who-was-not-little-anymore received a phone call. The great man was damaged. He had had a stroke. He was aphasic, they explained to the girl. He couldn’t talk
anymore and they weren’t sure that he could understand the words spoken to him. He could no longer smile, laugh, walk, hug, dance or tell the little girl who-was-not-little-anymore that he loved her.
And so she went to the side of the great man. When she walked into the room and saw him, he looked small and not strong at all. He looked at her and tried to speak, but he could not.
The little girl did the only thing she could do. She climbed up on the bed next to the great man. Tears ran from both of their eyes and she drew her arms around the useless shoulders of her father.
Her head on his chest, she thought of many things. She remembered the wonderful times together and how she had always felt protected and cherished by the great man. She felt grief for the loss she was to endure, the words of love that had comforted her.
And then she heard from within the man, the beat of his heart. The heart where the music and the words had always lived. The heart beat on, steadily unconcerned about the damage to the rest of the body. And while she rested there, the magic happened. She heard what she needed to hear.
His heart beat out the words that his mouth could no longer say...I love you I love you I love you Little girl Little girl Little girl. And she was comforted.
~Patty Hansen
True Love
Beauty without grace is a hook without a bait.
~Ninon de l’Enclos
Moses Mendelssohn, the grandfather of the well-known German composer, was far from handsome. Along with a rather short stature, he had a grotesque hunchback.
One day he visited a merchant in Hamburg who had a lovely daughter named Frumtje. Moses fell hopelessly in love with her. But Frumtje was repulsed by his misshapen appearance.
When it was time for him to leave, Moses gathered his courage and climbed the stairs to her room to take one last opportunity to speak with her. She was a vision of heavenly beauty, but caused him deep sadness by her refusal to look at him. After several attempts at conversation, Moses shyly asked, “Do you believe marriages are made in heaven?”
“Yes,” she answered, still looking at the floor. “And do you?”
“Yes I do,” he replied. “You see, in heaven at the birth of each boy, the Lord announces which girl he will marry. When I was born, my future bride was pointed out to me. Then the Lord added, ‘But your wife will be humpbacked.’
“Right then and there I called out, ‘Oh Lord, a humpbacked woman would be a tragedy. Please, Lord, give me the hump and let her be beautiful.’”
Then Frumtje looked up into his eyes and was stirred by some deep memory She reached out and gave Mendelssohn her hand and later became his devoted wife.
~Barry and Joyce Vissell
The Hugging Judge
Don’t bug me! Hug me!
~Bumper Sticker
Lee Shapiro is a retired judge. He is also one of the most genuinely loving people we know. At one point in his career, Lee realized that love is the greatest power there is. As a result, Lee became a hugger. He began offering everybody a hug. His colleagues dubbed him “the hugging judge” (as opposed to the hanging judge, we suppose). The bumper sticker on his car reads, “Don’t bug me! Hug me!”
About six years ago Lee created what he calls his Hugger Kit. On the outside it reads “A heart for a hug.” The inside contains 30 little red embroidered hearts with stickums on the back. Lee will take out his Hugger Kit, go around to people and offer them a little red heart in exchange for a hug.
Lee has become so well known for this that he is often invited to keynote conferences and conventions, where he shares his message of unconditional love. At a conference in San Francisco, the local news media challenged him by saying, “It is easy to give out hugs here in the conference to people who self-selected to be here. But this would never work in the real world.”
They challenged Lee to give away some hugs on the streets of San Francisco. Followed by a television crew from the local news station, Lee went out onto the street. First he approached a woman walking by. “Hi, I’m Lee Shapiro, the hugging judge. I’m giving out these hearts in exchange for a hug.” “Sure,” she replied. “Too easy,” challenged the local commentator. Lee looked around. He saw a meter maid who was being given a hard time by the owner of a BMW to whom she was giving a ticket. He marched up to her, camera crew in tow, and said, “You look like you could use a hug. I’m the hugging judge and I’m offering you one.” She accepted.
The television commentator threw down one final challenge. “Look, here comes a bus. San Francisco bus drivers are the toughest people in the whole town. Let’s see you get him to hug you.” Lee took the challenge.
As the bus pulled up to the curb, Lee said, “Hi, I’m Lee Shapiro, the hugging judge. This has got to be one of the most stressful jobs in the whole world. I’m offering hugs to people today to lighten the load a little. Would you like one?” The six-foot-two, 230-pound bus driver got out of his seat, stepped down and said, “Why not?”
Lee hugged him, gave him a heart and waved goodbye as the bus pulled out. The TV crew was speechless. Finally, the commentator said, “I have to admit, I’m very impressed.”
One day, Lee’s friend Nancy Johnston showed up on his doorstep. Nancy is a professional clown and she was wearing her clown costume, make-up and all. “Lee, grab a bunch of your Hugger Kits and let’s go out to the home for the disabled.”
When they arrived at the home, they started giving out balloon hats, hearts and hugs to the patients. Lee was uncomfortable. He had never before hugged people who were terminally ill, severely retarded or quadriplegic. It was definitely a stretch. But after a while it became easier, with Nancy and Lee acquiring an entourage of doctors, nurses and orderlies who followed them from ward to ward.
After several hours they entered the last ward. These were 34 of the worst cases Lee had seen in his life. The feeling was so grim it took his heart away. But because of their commitment to share their love and to make a difference, Nancy and Lee started working their way around the room followed by the entourage of medical staff, all of whom by now had hearts on their collars and balloon hats on their heads.
Finally, Lee came to the last person, Leonard. Leonard was wearing a big white bib, which he was drooling on. Lee looked at Leonard dribbling onto his bib and said, “Let’s go, Nancy. There’s no way we can get through to this person.” Nancy replied, “C’mon, Lee. He’s a fellow human being, too, isn’t he?” Then she placed a funny balloon hat on his head. Lee took one of his little red hearts and placed it on Leonard’s bib. He took a deep breath, leaned down and gave Leonard a hug.
All of a sudden Leonard began to squeal, “Eeeeehh! Eeeeeehh!” Some of the other patients in the room began to clang things together. Lee turned to the staff for some sort of explanation only to find that every doctor, nurse and orderly was crying. Lee asked the head nurse, “What’s going on?”
Lee will never forget what she said: “This is the first time in 23 years we’ve seen Leonard smile.”
How simple it is to make a difference in the lives of others.
~Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
©1984 United Feature Syndicate, Inc. PEANUTS reprinted by permission of United Feature Syndicate, Inc.
It Can’t Happen Here?
We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.
~Virginia Satir
We always teach people to hug each other in our workshops and seminars. Most people respond by saying, “You could never hug people where I work.” Are
you sure?
Here is a letter from a graduate of one of our seminars.
Dear Jack,
I started out this day in rather a bleak mood. My friend Rosalind stopped over and asked me if I was giving hugs today. I just grumbled something but then I began to think about hugs and everything during the week. I would look at the sheet you gave us on “How to Keep the Seminar Alive” and I would cringe when I got to the part about giving and getting hugs because I couldn’t imagine giving hugs to the people at work.
Well, I decided to make it “hugs day” and I started giving hugs to the customers who came to my counter. It was great to see how people just brightened up. An MBA student jumped up on top of the counter and did a dance. Some people actually came back and asked for more. These two Xerox repair guys,
who were kind of just walking along not really talking to each other, were so surprised, they just woke up and suddenly were talking and laughing down the hall.
It feels like I hugged everybody in the Wharton Business School, plus whatever was wrong with me this morning, which included some physical pain, is all gone. I’m sorry that this letter is so long but I’m just really excited. The neatest thing was, at one point there were about 10 people all hugging each other out in front of my counter. I couldn’t believe this was happening.
Love,