Boris Bye. Hello. What’s going on?
Yelena I’ve no idea.
Boris The town’s going bonkers.
Yelena As well?
Boris Where’s Liza?
Yelena In her room?
Boris No. I have her drops.
Yelena You should ask her to marry you.
Boris What do you mean?
Yelena I think she needs someone. Someone who appreciates her and can soothe her. Pavel and I were talking about it.
Boris Both of you? Oh God, Are you joking? I love you. I love here. I love the world. What a day.
Yelena Well, you should ask her / first …
Boris I ask her every day, but now I have new ammunition, I have God on my side. Now there’s a real chance. And for that I love you all.
Yelena I think so, yes. But take off your tie. She hates red.
Boris I wore it especially to get on her nerves. But now? This is the best possible. It’s coming off. Fabulous.
He is about to go. Yegor hurries in.
Yegor – my friend. Sorry about all the … you / know. Sorry.
Yelena Yegor. Great. Nanny / was …
Yegor She’s very sick.
Yelena / What?
Boris Did you bash her? Did you?
Yegor No. She begged me to come.
Yelena What’s / wrong with her?
Yegor She’s been vomiting all morning. Nazar has said it’s my fault, but there wasn’t enough copper there. It’s not my fault people are dying. Children are dying. I didn’t make the poison. It’s poison in there, and the vat has cracked. I didn’t make it in the first place.
Yelena Take me to her.
Boris There’s cholera in town.
Yegor It’s not cholera. It’s poison.
Boris Call a doctor, / Yelena.
Yegor Please, no doctors. Doctors are the problem, experimenting on us all.
Yelena Let’s go.
Protasov pops out.
Protasov I thought I heard you. / Now, what it is …
Yelena Pavel. No. His wife is very sick.
Protasov I told you not to / bash her.
Yelena I have to go. His wife is / begging for me.
Boris It could be cholera. There’s cholera / in town.
Protasov Cholera? Lena? You can’t …
Yelena She’s asking / for help.
Yegor Can’t what? Help? Let her die? Is that / all we’re worth?
Yelena Yegor, don’t. Pavel, really?
Protasov Yelena, you can’t. / Yelena? It’s very dangerous. She’s not a doctor.
Yegor Yelena Nikolayevna, please. And what about my wife? Her danger?
Yelena Pavel, one of us has to go. We have to do what we can. I will get Roman and Nazar to help. Come on, Yegor.
Protasov I’ll come, then.
Boris You / can’t go.
Yelena You stay here. I’m going. / Call a doctor.
Boris You can’t / go.
Protasov This is ridiculous, she shouldn’t go. You go.
Boris You go and calm them down. You stay and call a doctor. I’ll find Liza and propose to her.
He goes. Roman stomps through.
Protasov Where’s the telephone been left? What’s …? FEEMA!
Melaniya enters.
Ah. You. Yes. Today? Yelena’s gone into town.
Melaniya There’s cholera in the / town. They are all crazy with it.
Protasov I know. I know. I need to call a doctor. Where’s the telephone?
Melaniya Why did she go there?
Protasov I don’t know.
Melaniya Why did you let her?
Protasov I …? I couldn’t stop her. I’ve got to call a doctor.
He takes the phone into his room
Operator can you connect / me to Dr Lyubov? 268. Yes.
Melaniya You can have all my money. You can have everything.
Protasov It’s ringing.
Melaniya Your work is more important than human lives. What are you doing on the phone? You should be working and thinking / and unravelling the universe. You should not be wasting your time on the phone like some … lackey.
Protasov No answer. I’ll try again then. Just. I need to. I said I would. It’s not that. It’s not.
I’ll try again.
Melaniya I have been thinking about the cosmos ever since you told me about it. The size of your thoughts. The huge size is breathtaking. / How proud and tall you stand above us all. Like a … centaur of thought. A raging. Centaur.
Protasov Yes, operator. Yes. Dr Lyubov. 268, yes. Not there. OK. Um. Just a sec. Dr Kandinsky. Yes. Yes, I’ll wait.
Trying another. Look, I’d love to be a centre of great / change in thinking. Sorry. Yes, really? Hang on, Melaniya. Are you sure?
Melaniya You will be. You can be. I can make you. I can make you.
Quiet, He hangs up.
Protasov No doctors, anywhere.
Melaniya Who cares? It’s all insignificant in the face of the universe. Isn’t it?
Protasov Well, yes, in / theory …
Melaniya Exactly. See? What matters. Is you. Your work. You can have all my money.
You can build a laboratory and become the greatest scientist of our time. Of all time. And space.
Quiet.
Protasov A laboratory …?
Melaniya Yes. You said yourself … These conditions. This household. These people and their constant interruptions, their petty squabbles and their tawdry love affairs. You must be raised above all that. You must stand tall and proud above me like a great, throbbing beacon. Lighting the path to the future. Like a glowing … tower. Of skin and bone and … intelligence. Human, God-like human.
Protasov A fully equipped laboratory …?
Melaniya Whatever you want.
Protasov You would build me that?
Melaniya With my bare hands. On my knees.
Protasov No, no, no. Just. / Just, just. I appreciate this dedication to.
Melaniya You. You must seize this opportunity. This is your chance. I am your / chance for greatness. Me. Here. Look at me, here for you.
Protasov Just. My mind is racing. Just hang on a tick.
Melaniya I know why you let her go into town.
Protasov What …?
Melaniya And I still love you. I have a confession, too.
Protasov Too …?
Melaniya I didn’t read your books. I licked them, I rubbed them all over my naked body and licked them.
Protasov This mouth thing. Why don’t / you try smoking?
Melaniya I’d put you in my mouth, all of you.
Protasov Now listen …
Melaniya I’m not worthy. I will be silent.
The skin can be flayed from me, I will wait in silence at your feet. I will stuff your clothes in my mouth and wait. Gagged / and silent.
Protasov I’m married.
Melaniya She knows.
Protasov What?
Melaniya That you don’t love her. I told her.
Protasov Now / hang on, right there.
Melaniya Shh, it’s my brother. Shh. Be quiet.
Boris and Liza wander through, dark in thought.
Protasov Just out for a walk, are / you? Tea?
Boris Walking right now.
Quiet. They have passed through.
Protasov Listen here. You have no right. And / you wouldn’t even know. What is going on? I don’t … You know what? I’m busy.
Melaniya I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. It’s simple, I love you.
He goes.
Feema has snuck in.
Feema Melaniya. Melaniya, ma’am.
Melaniya What were you doing?
Feema Ma’am.
Melaniya What do you want?
Feema I need help. You’re the only one who understands me. We understand each other, we are the same. All I think about is money. I am so greedy. Money, it’s all I care about and I will sell anything for it. Anything. So it is b
etter to sell yourself to one man than a hundred, isn’t it? That’s what you did and to let him. Do. It is better to / do one old man than a hundred, isn’t it, madam?
Melaniya How would I …? What are you saying …? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Get out of here.
Feema I need help. I need to / know. Only you can understand.
Melaniya Get out of here now. I don’t know who you are.
Feema Help me. You owe me.
Melaniya I paid you. Now GET OUT OF HERE NOW.
Protasov returns.
Protasov I don’t know what you were saying earlier. Feema …? I need some boiling water.
Feema goes.
She’s overdressed. Look, I don’t know what you / were saying.
Melaniya I overreacted. I am …
I.
I think I … misunderstood and I am sorry.
Protasov Right. What an awful day. I haven’t got a thing done.
Melaniya Yes.
Protasov And then with town and the cholera.
Melaniya Yes.
Protasov My fridge is broken.
Melaniya Pavel Fyodorovich. Forgive me. I am sorry. Everything I said. Is. Garbage, and I am sorry for being such a disgraceful embarrassment.
Protasov It’s fine.
Melaniya I am disgusted by myself / and my stupidity. My callous. Awful …
Protasov Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more. Great. Great. Great.
Melaniya I don’t deserve to even look at you.
Protasov You know what? Let’s forget all that superstitious sort of thinking. Deserving, / not deserving. All that.
Melaniya My whole life, I lived among traders. I was brought up by cloth merchants. My grandparents in Yaroslav. Buying and selling. Buying and selling. My husband traded meat. Where everything could be bought and sold and had for a price. And I thought that that would be the way to have you. To buy you.
Protasov I think it’ll be all right.
Melaniya I want to be better than that. I will do whatever it takes.
She leaves. Quiet.
Protasov I probably won’t get as much done as I thought today.
He goes. Nanny is on.
Nanny What has happened here? The whole place is a disaster area. There’s no order in life. I’d rather tend a graveyard. That’s nice and quiet and orderly. The dead. (Calling.) Liza! Your drops!
Liza enters.
Liza Shut up.
Nanny I beg your pardon? There. Ungrateful …
Nanny goes as Liza takes her drops. Boris is in the doorway.
Boris So there’s absolutely / no chance …
Liza Everybody shut up. I said.
Boris I think you’re making a / mistake.
Liza I don’t care what you think. I know. The mistake? Would be to have children and give them what? This?
They have no say. My only thing I would leave them is to be like this? Me?
Vageen makes his way into the house.
And don’t wear red again. It’s vulgar. I hate red and yellow. You look like a fucking clown.
Boris I am. A fucking clown.
Vageen Well, what a day. I woke up this morning, I couldn’t believe it. A day in paradise.
Liza Perhaps you should move.
Boris Perhaps.
Silence.
Liza Where would you go?
Boris Join the circus.
Liza What’s that meant to mean? You wouldn’t do that. Try and be serious. Do something serious.
Vageen Lot of call for a vet in the circus.
Nanny Tea’s ready. Liza, come and help me.
She joins Nanny.
Vageen She needs a good tease. All this self-pity, it’s unhealthy.
Boris And so inconvenient. How’s your painting? / To the sun?
Vageen Which one? Oh yes … Well, I need you to model for that one.
Boris Me? I doubt I’d be allowed on such an illustrious vessel.
Silence.
There are cars everywhere these days. I saw three on the weekend. Soon people will start crashing into each other. They’ll live in them, like snails. You won’t be able to breathe. Or walk. No one’ll walk. Horses will only be seen occasionally. Hardly at all. They’ll die out.
I like the way you tie your tie.
Vageen Thanks.
Protasov enters.
Protasov Lena’s not back?
Vageen It’s nearly lunch.
Protasov Liza, have you had your drops?
Vageen I could eat a horse.
Quiet. Liza brings on a tray of tea and pours.
Liza Tea!
Boris No horses left.
Liza Boris? Tea!
Boris just looks at her. She gives the tea to Vageen and goes.
Vageen Cheers.
Protasov goes.
You heading off?
Boris Off with his head. Do it, England.
‘To umbrella or not to umbrella?’ Hamlet’s most pressing question. In Denmark it’s the weather that’s really / rotten.
Vageen You are giving off a lot of … oomph today. I can really see you.
Boris In the nick of time.
Vageen I want to paint the epitome of love and I see it here, now. You.
Boris I am not the epitome of love, I am its epitaph.
Vageen Tell me about love?
Boris Love?
Vageen Just talk about love, but stay still while you do it.
Boris When I was a student I fell in love with my landlady. Does that count? She was a widow. Fifty years, fifty-five years old.
Vageen Beautiful?
Boris No. But very … earthy. And a well of loneliness. / Bottomless.
Vageen How did it turn out?
Boris I told her. I came home from lessons early one afternoon. I’d been thinking about her all day, wringing out my shirts in the courtyard. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I skipped anatomy. Raced home. Confessed my undying adoration and respect.
Vageen And?
Boris She increased my rent by three roubles.
Vageen I knew it.
Boris Story of my life. Not to umbrella.
Vageen Hang on, I haven’t finished.
Boris I have.
Boris leaves.
Vageen Pavel!
Protasov Yes.
Pavel enters.
Vageen Just stand there. You are a smug prick. I want to talk to you.
Protasov Not about art, today, / Dimitri.
Vageen Stand still.
Protasov Can I drink my tea?
Vageen I love Yelena Nikolayevna.
Protasov Join the queue.
Vageen You bloodless. God. Stand still. I need that insipid, bloodless look.
Protasov Finished?
Vageen I am painting you as the antithesis of this great lover.
Protasov Boris.
Vageen The epitome and the epitaph. Tilt your head down a bit. I love your wife in the way that a man loves a woman.
Sexually.
Protasov What are you going on about?
Vageen I can hardly breathe with the desire that snags in my throat when I look at Yelena Nikolayevna. I can hardly think, with the rage and the fury I feel for the neglect and the waste and the disgraceful. Look at you, you bloodless twerp – you are just a floppy, useless. / You’re a handkerchief of a person.