Third Brother tried to comfort me. ‘It won’t be like this forever. Suan le! () Let it be! Things are bound to get better. You’ll see. Sometimes I can’t wait to grow up so I can find out what we’ll all become in twenty years’ time.’
‘Thanks for attending PLT’s funeral so early in the morning,’ I murmured as I looked down at the bandage on my left wrist. So much had happened since Jackie bit me yesterday. ‘It’s Sunday and everyone in the house is still sleeping. I don’t know why, but I feel as if it’s the two of us against the world. Whatever happens, we must never let them win.’
Chapter Twelve
Big Sister’s Wedding
Father and Niang continued to travel to Tianjin on business. Sometimes they took Big Sister out of school to accompany them. Everyone wondered why. Did Father need Big Sister’s translation skills? It soon turned out Niang had other ideas.
During the Chinese New Year holidays in 1948, Niang’s plans came to light. On Sunday afternoon, Big Sister came into my room after lunch. Aunt Baba, Ye Ye and I were playing cards. She sat down on Aunt Baba’s bed and told us that Father and Niang were lunching at the posh Cathay Hotel with guests from Tianjin. Dr Sung was Nai Nai’s doctor and used to live next door to us. His son, Samuel, had recently returned from America and was looking for a job. Big Sister wouldn’t play with us but kept doodling Chinese and English words on a sheet of paper. I leaned over and saw that she had scribbled Mrs Samuel Sung (in English and Chinese) over and over about thirty times. Then she told us Father and Niang had introduced Samuel to her, and she had agreed to marry him. She was smiling as she related this and appeared quite pleased, but I felt sad and frightened for her.
I thought to myself, Big Sister is only seventeen years old and Samuel is already thirty‐one, almost twice her age. When I get to be seventeen, I sure don’t want to be taken out of school to marry someone I’ve just met! Especially when he is so much older!
How can Big Sister remain so cheerful when her life is about to take such a ghastly turn? To be taken out of school and thrust into the arms of a stranger! No more classes! No more schoolmates! No possibility of ever going to college! Not even a high‐school diploma! How devastating! What did Niang say to induce Big Sister to agree to such a fate? Why is she going along with it?
Is this going to happen to me too? I’ll simply have to run away from home if Niang ever threatens to force me into an arranged marriage. But where can I go? Who will take me in? There must be millions of unwanted Chinese girls like me in Shanghai!
I imagined Niang introducing me to a strange man and ordering me to marry him. The thought filled me with horror and fear.
Weeks before Big Sister’s wedding, gifts started arriving at our house. Niang carefully sorted them out and kept the best ones for herself.
Three days before the wedding, Grand Aunt personally entrusted a special small package wrapped in gold foil for Aunt Baba to hand to Big Sister. On opening the elegant leather case in Aunt Baba’s room, Big Sister found a lovely pendant made of antique imperial green jade hanging from a heavy gold chain. She immediately put it on and gasped with pleasure while she admired herself in the mirror. Then she begged Aunt Baba and me not to mention Grand Aunt’s gift to a soul, obviously intending to keep the pendant without telling Niang.
The wedding was a formal and brilliant affair with a banquet for five hundred in the grand ballroom on the ninth floor of the Cathay Hotel, situated at the junction of the Bund and fashionable Nanjing Lu and overlooking the Huangpu River. The room was filled with masses of fresh flowers, and the Chinese character for double happiness was outlined in red blooms against the wall. Big Sister was elegantly dressed in a beautiful pink qipao and silver shoes while Samuel wore a tuxedo. Two professional radio comedians acted as masters of ceremonies.
I had nothing to wear but an old pink qipao that had been handed down by Big Sister when she grew out of it. Though I didn’t look particularly nice, at least I didn’t stand out and no one noticed me. My three older brothers, however, were having a horrible time. For this special occasion, Father ordered them to have fresh hair‐cuts. My brothers’ heads were shaved cleanly so not a trace of hair remained. They were wearing identical, dark‐blue, traditional, long Chinese robes with high collars and cloth buttons. As soon as they stepped into the foyer, I saw some boys their age pointing at them and snickering behind their backs. When they entered the main ballroom, one of the boy‐guests who recognised them from St John’s immediately called out to another across the room. ‘Hey! It’s kind of dark in here. Thank goodness three light bulbs have just walked in. With them around, there’s no need for lamps.’
‘Naw! Those aren’t light bulbs! They are enlightened, that’s all! Those are three new monks who have seen the light! They’ve taken the vow of chastity and abstinence. From now on, they’ll eat tofu only.’
Everyone doubled up with laughter. I cringed on behalf of my brothers.
Their dilemma was compounded because all the other guests were so fashionably dressed. Men and boys wore dark, Western suits. Women were bejewelled and in silk qipaos or formal Western gowns. Fourth Brother had his hair cut in the latest page‐boy manner. He looked very smart in a brand‐new navy jacket with sharply creased matching trousers, white shirt and neck tie. Little Sister wore a frilly red‐satin dress with ribbons in her hair and jade bracelets on her wrists.
Towards the end of the banquet, I went to the toilets. While I was inside one of the cubicles, I heard one woman remark to another about the different treatment received by Father’s two sets of children from his two wives. Immediately afterwards, two other women entered. They were chatting and laughing and I recognised Grand Aunt’s distinct Ningpo accent. I was about to emerge and greet her when I heard the other woman answer. It was Niang.
A chill went down my spine. I felt guilty though I had done nothing. I kept as still as a mouse and dared not move. The longer I stayed, the more impossible it became to come out.
Grand Aunt was complimenting Niang on her jade ring, telling her it had the same translucency as the jade pendant she had asked Aunt Baba to hand to Big Sister as a wedding present. In a few sentences, Niang had already found out everything without revealing she had been kept in the dark about the gift. Hearing this, I was more nervous than ever and stayed motionless in my stall until long after they had left.
I knew my sister would get into big trouble if I didn’t warn her, so I waited until I saw her going by herself into her dressing‐room, which was a storeroom emptied out and set aside for her to change her clothes. I told her of the conversation I had overheard between Grand Aunt and Niang. Tears came to her eyes and she patted me fondly on my head. ‘I’ll never forget this kindness on your part. Thanks for the tip‐off. You’re the best sister in the world and I’ll always be indebted to you.’
For the first time she was kind to me and I felt very close to her. Later, I saw Big Sister and Niang walking towards the balcony and talking privately just before she and Samuel left for their honeymoon. Was she able to explain it all away? I hoped so. I only wished I could have helped her more.
Next morning, Third Brother told me he was playing hide‐and‐seek on the balcony of the Cathay Hotel after the wedding banquet when he overheard Big Sister and Niang talking. He was hiding behind a large potted plant and could hear them very plainly.
In a tone full of regret and self‐reproach, Big Sister was confessing about ‘something on her conscience’ which did not permit her to remain silent any longer. Although Aunt Baba had sworn her to secrecy and advised her not to reveal to Niang Grand Aunt’s wedding gift of a jade pendant, she had decided to ignore Baba’s instruction because our aunt was being selfish and dishonest. Besides, the piece of jade would be a perfect match for Niang’s favourite jade ring and she begged Niang to accept it. In one stroke, Big Sister had endeared herself to Niang while simultaneously denouncing Aunt Baba.
Touched by Big Sister’s honesty and generosity, Niang immediately allowed her
to keep the jade pendant. Promising to be forever loyal to Niang regardless of Baba’s sedition, Big Sister swore Niang to secrecy, thus remaining in the good graces of both while driving the wedge ever deeper between Niang and Aunt Baba. She then left on her honeymoon in an excellent mood, wearing her beautiful jade with a clear conscience.
Chapter Thirteen
A Birthday Party
As soon as we went back to school after the summer holidays in September 1948, Wu Chun‐mei began begging me to go to her house to celebrate her birthday.
‘Remember the duckling you used to have a long time ago which we nicknamed PLT?’ she reminded me. ‘Whatever happened to it?’
‘She died,’ I said rather brusquely. PLT’s tragic fate was a secret locked in my heart, together with all the other unspeakable stuff I hated to think about. It was certainly not something I wished to share, let alone with someone as nice as Wu Chun‐mei. She would never be able to understand. I thought of Big Sister’s jade pendant and her lies about Aunt Baba, and longed to disclose to my friend all that was buried within. What if I were to suddenly blurt out, ‘Should my stepmother force me into an arranged marriage like my sister’s and I run away from home, will you take me in?’ Would she be shocked?
Meanwhile Wu Chun‐mei was saying, ‘No wonder you don’t speak of PLT any more. Well, for my birthday, my parents said they’d give me a pet of my very own if I promised to take care of it. They took me to the pet shop last week and I saw the most adorable puppy . . .’
‘For me, no other pet can ever replace PLT . . .’ I interrupted rudely because, for a moment, I thought I was going to cry. ‘Besides,’ I continued with a shrug as if I had not a care in the world, ‘I’m scared of dogs. They bite!’
‘This one won’t! It’s a little pug with big eyes and a tail which stands up. Oh, do come and see it! Mama says you can come any time that’s convenient to you. It doesn’t have to be on the day of my birthday. Just give her a few days’ notice. You’ve never been to my house before and I have so many dolls and books to show you. Please say you’ll come!’
I couldn’t very well tell her I was forbidden to visit any of my friends, ever. For a whole week, I kept making all sorts of excuses but she was persistent. It became increasingly difficult because, inside, I was simply dying to go.
Suddenly, Teacher Wong informed us that next Tuesday would be a special school holiday because it was the name day of our new Mother Superior. She said we were lucky because all the other school children in Shanghai would still have to go to school that day. At first I was disappointed because I’d much rather go to school than stay home. Then Wu Chun‐mei asked me again at recess to go play at her house. On a whim I said, ‘How about next Tuesday? Instead of going to school, I’ll go to your house and celebrate your birthday!’
As soon as I said this, I felt scared and wanted to back out; but Wu Chun‐mei was already jumping up and down with glee. The next day, it became even more impossible to change my mind, because her birthday party had grown to include six other girls. ‘They’re all coming because you said you’d be there,’ Wu Chun‐mei exclaimed. ‘It’s going to be a very special occasion starting from 8.30 and ending at 3.30. My mama says she’ll get out of the house so we can play in the living‐room by ourselves! I can’t wait to show you my new puppy and my doll collection! Papa bought me a doll at every city he visited when he was studying in America.’
The eight of us held a council, and carefully made our plans. We’d all dress in our school uniforms and gather in front of our school at eight. Wu Chun‐mei’s driver would meet us there and take us to her home. We felt very grown‐up and conspiratorial.
I could hardly sleep the night before the party. On Tuesday morning, I put the silver dollar Aunt Baba had given me (for topping my class the previous term) in my pocket and walked to school with my book bag as quickly as possible. Wu Chun‐mei’s chauffeur was already there. We piled into Dr Wu’s big American car, giggling all the way, and spent a wonderful morning playing with dolls, admiring Wu Chun‐mei’s puppy, eating watermelon seeds, skipping, and shooting basketballs into a hoop erected by Dr Wu in his garden.
I was watching Wu Chun‐mei dribble the ball and admiring her shot sailing through the air into the net when her maid came out to summon us for lunch. It was twelve o’clock. I remembered with a sudden lurch who I was and where I was. For a few hours I had been a normal little girl attending a birthday party at her classmate’s house. This was strictly prohibited and I had broken Niang’s rules. If she found out, the consequences would be disastrous.
We walked towards the dining‐room and everyone rushed off to the bathroom. I placed a restraining hand on Wu Chun‐mei’s arm and whispered, ‘I have to go home for lunch. They’re expecting me. I’ll be right back.’
‘Look what Mama has ordered the cook to make! You can’t go now!’ Wu Chun‐mei said. Laid out on the dining‐table were steaming baskets of meat‐filled dumplings and bowls of noodles topped with barbecued pork and scallions. In the centre was an enormous birthday cake, colourfully decorated and piled high with whipped cream and eleven red candles.
‘I really can’t stay but I’ll be back as soon as I can.’
‘All right! What’s your phone number?’
Without thinking, I replied, ‘79281. Don’t look so disappointed. I’ll be back before you cut your cake.’
‘We’ll wait for you!’
I ran home as fast as I could. The hall clock showed 12.09 as I dashed upstairs to use the bathroom. Normally, I would have arrived home at around 12.30. Wu Chun‐mei’s house was much closer than my school and I had overestimated the time. Never mind, better too early than too late. It just meant I’d have some time afterwards to buy her a birthday present with my silver dollar.
Bursting into my room in the highest spirits, I came face to face with Niang. She was standing by my desk in the bright sunshine, sleek and flawless in a brown dress covered with black spots. Her appearance reminded me of a leopard lying in wait.
My heart was pounding and blood was rushing into my temples and ears, beating over me in waves. A voice inside my head kept repeating, ‘Be careful! Be careful!’
‘Good afternoon, Niang!’ I greeted her tremulously, fingering the silver coin in my pocket and wondering where to hide it. My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth and I could hardly swallow.
‘Why are you home so early?’ she asked suspiciously.
‘They let us out a little early,’ I answered. She said nothing but continued to look at me unblinkingly, obviously expecting more of an explanation. ‘From school, I mean,’ I added stupidly, flipping the coin from one side to the other in my sweaty palm.
‘What’s that in your pocket?’ she demanded, as if she could see through my uniform.
‘Nothing!’ I lied, squirming like a worm and wishing I could disappear.
‘Come here!’ she commanded. I approached her slowly, shaking like a leaf. She patted my body to search me, put her hand in my pocket and extracted the silver coin.
‘Who gave you this?’
There was a prolonged silence. As I desperately searched for a plausible reply, all I heard was the buzz of a fly banging persistently against a window‐pane.
‘I am asking you a question!’ she reminded me angrily. ‘Where does this come from? I order you to answer me now!’
My brain was whirring but nothing came to mind. I looked dumbly at her cold, beautiful face. What could I tell her without implicating my aunt? I felt as trapped as the bluebottle whizzing around from pane to pane.
‘Why are you home so early, you sneaky little liar? And where did you get this money?’
My silence was infuriating her. She took it as a personal insult, as if I was trying to provoke her. Her face suffused with rage, she slapped me. I felt dizzy and my ears hummed but I continued to stare at her in petrified silence.
‘Until you give me a true explanation of what is going on,’ she commanded, ‘you will have nothing to eat or dr
ink. I always knew no good would come of you!’
I opened my mouth. ‘I . . . uh . . . I found the coin somewhere . . .’ I lied vaguely, squirming around and hating myself. Inside, I was in complete turmoil with but one thought. I must not betray Aunt Baba.
‘Did you steal something from the house and pawn it, you little thief?’
I was considering admitting to theft as a way out when we both noticed the new maid, Ah Sun, standing timidly at the door.
‘Excuse me, Yen tai tai.’ She cleared her throat nervously. ‘There is a telephone call.’ She nodded in my direction. ‘For her.’
A new chasm had opened and I felt faint. I knew at once that Wu Chun‐mei must have become tired of waiting for me to cut her cake. I kicked myself for carelessly giving out my telephone number.
Niang hurried down to answer the phone in the stairway landing. With a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach, I heard her voice, now utterly transformed.
‘My daughter is busy right now. This is her mother speaking. Who is calling please and can I give her a message?’
There was a short pause.
‘Waiting for her to cut your birthday cake! How nice! Where is this celebration taking place?’
Another pause.
‘But don’t all of you have to be at school today?. . . Oh, I see! . . . A special holiday! . . . How splendid for you! . . . I’m afraid my daughter will not be returning to your party this afternoon. Don’t wait any more!’
She came back and glared at me with scathing contempt. ‘Not only are you a liar and a thief but you are manipulative as well. Nothing will ever come of you. The problem is that you have bad blood from your mother. You don’t deserve to be housed and fed here. Girls like you should be sent away. You don’t belong in this house!’