I eventually fell asleep and had one stupid dream after another. I dreamt of running into walls and driving off piers. Rick didn’t call me back. Apparently, he got the message. I really didn’t want to talk about my blunder fest.
I couldn’t help but ask myself. Did I love him? Why would I slip up like that unless I did? Because I was tired and this morning I woke up in his bed. I didn’t have sex with just anyone. I was picky. I had to at least like the man I was sleeping with. You know, felt something for him. Otherwise, it was just meaningless sex. This explained why Aunt Mavis had more sex than I did. It had been…oh, good Lord, I couldn’t remember the last time I had sex. I started going out with Jesse in August and we didn’t have sex. I was pathetic. I hadn’t had sex in eight years. Rick was the first man I slept with since Johnny and what did I say? ‘Love you.’ He did call back and asked me to call him. But that still didn’t mean anything. Stop dwelling, get out of bed and talk to a nun. That was so wrong. I was thinking about sex and talking to a nun in the same sentence.
I showered, dressed and then ate a bowl of cereal and left. It was eleven. So I lied when I said I had to leave early. I would have left earlier if I had fallen asleep before three this morning.
I played the radio loud, hoping it would distract me. It didn’t work I couldn’t help but think about my foul up. I was driving to a nunnery; I shouldn’t use dirty words. Then why was I thinking about sleeping with Rick? The drive there took forever.